THIS TIME ROUND: CHARMS TO SOOTHE 1/1 by Paul Gadzikowski DOCTOR WHO series characters and concepts copyright BBC tv STAR TREK series characters and concepts copyright Paramount Studios "This Time Round" concept by Tyler Dion, after Kielle This Time Round had music tonight. When the Doctor and Ace entered with all four STAR TREK captains in tow, Kamelion was laying down the riff from CCR's "Heard It Through the Grapevine" on an electric lute, while a bear improvised on alto sax At the end of the bar there was a group of fans playing some sort of word game. "A previous regenerative cycle!" "Extrapolated future faces!" "The other guy was losing and didn't realize!" "TV producers!" This last contribution seemed to constitute a foul. "Six Romulan ales," the Doctor called as he led his party to the largest of the round tables. "I'll have six Romulan ales too," said Ace. Just before landfall they were cut off by the Master. "What are *they* doing here?" he said, with what he probably thought was a subtle jerk of his head to the starship captains. "I've been working with them for six weeks," said the Doctor mildly, "while Gadzikowski serialized his latest story, and never got them into the same room together. Now it's over I'm going to play poker with them." "They're not what this place is for," the Master growled from the next table. "You're just jealous cos no one will play with you but your other selves," said Ace, pointing to the table the Master had left. "Pah!" said the Master. "Bad enough I have to be the villain in real stories - I won't do it here, on my own time." He went back to his game. Benton brought the round of drinks. The Doctor didn't know how long Kamelion and the bear had been playing before they arrived, but it went on for twenty more minutes, through a round of five card draw and a round of seven card stud high-low. By then even the wordgamers at the bar had been keeping the beat. "I say," said the Doctor, dealing the next round, as the bear, exhausted, retired to applause, "do you know what this place needs? A jukebox." "Yeah?" said Ace. "What would you put on it?" "'Time in a Bottle'," said Sisko deadpan. "'Doctor My Eyes'," said Janeway. "'Too Much Time On My Hands'," said Kirk. "'Time Is On My Side'," said Picard. "'They Call Me Doctor Love'," said Ace. Benton came over with another round of drinks. "There's that line in 'Kashmere': 'I am a traveler in both time and space'." "If you're reaching that far," called the Meddling Monk from the other poker game, "there's the line in 'Hotel California': 'In the Master's chambers they gather for the feast'." Doctor Four stood from a seat at the bar. "Here's one for your jukebox. May I?" He took from Kamelion his regular lute and moved to the makeshift stage area (that is, the place where the tables had been shoved out of the way). He began picking out Eric Clapton's unplugged version of "Layla", but when he got to the vocal he deviated from Clapton's lyrics somewhat. "I thought I told you not to touch that Now we'll end up who knows when Just follow me, the people will be friendly That is, in nine times out of ten "Leela You've got me on my knees, Leela Put the knife down please, Leela Savage, won't you ease my ride through Time "Tried to give you education Tried to teach you right from wrong But like a fool, I grew too fond of you You girls just stay with me too long "Leela I'm on dilemma's horns, Leela No more Janis thorns, Leela Savage, won't you ease my ride through Time "Thought you might tarry with a Time Lord Then we went home to Gallifree And glory be, my dreams they did come true The problem is it wasn't me "Leela I'll leave the dog with you, Leela I'll miss you, savage, too, Leela Darling won't you ease my ride through Time." THE END