Trader Grey Productions Proudly Presents _DANCING ON THE DARKSIDE_ -- The Candia Harcourt Songbook *Content Advisory* Mrs Candia Harcourt (aka Candy of Swevyn, Candie HarDDD) belongs to the ever-expanding complex of adwc Muses and their families. Specifically, she is the younger sister of Gray Woodland's AI Muse Carrie -- and is currently Musing on her own account for Gray's vile Darkside counterpart Bathory "Bray" Imre the Grey Stewite. There, in the shaded confines of that Baphometian bar, that cruel counter-TTR known in dread whispers as Some Other Time Round, her nymphomaniacal sadomasochistic manic-depressive hard-boiled ultra- violent substance-abusing duodecadent bolshy schmaltzy pulpy high- concept-romantic soul finds its dearest expression in ways seldom muchly involving, far less say acceptable to, the good Doctor. The number of _caveat lectors_ implied thereby is left as an exercise for the reader who gives a toss. To those who delight in following the metafictional doings of adwc's Authors, Author-Avatars, Muses and so forth... read on, and may pleasure be your portion! *Publisher's Notes* Inquiring minds may fairly want to know precisely why they are being regaled with a tolerance-bustin' total filk of Bruce Springsteen's now iconic _Born in the USA_ album. Further, upon noting the authorship and allusively autobiographical nature of this barghest, several such minds may beg further room for marvel, inasmuch as Carrie's Darkside sister has hitherto displayed a chainsaw-chuckin' bad aversion to discussing the Stygian mirks of her origins and history. In partial clarification of these mysteries, two telling points must and shall be urged: 1) Subsequent to the chain of events running from her adwcly debut in _Sweet as You Are_ to her singular adventures in last year's Quadrille, the Singer of the Spam's never-stable personality has undergone several quite significant developments. Our Candy is no longer, in several respects, altogether as she once was. 2) There appears to have been a bet at a certain Darkside Karaoke Killathon at Some Other Time Round. Cryptical hints in the nameable and unreadable _Book of Dyzan_[1] suggest the promised involvement of Polish rocket fuel, cuddly toys in silver lamé pyjamas, ten-kilo bags of Colombian flea powder, and fifty-three New York cabbies in crotchless Womble suits. Those who have followed Candy's extraordinarily exploitative exploits to date will have no trouble understanding that the lady will be seriously playing to win. Clearly, she is not quite as not as she once was as all that![2] Besides, our antiheroine is a rabid Bruce Springsteen fan, and her notoriously imitative nature[3] probably rendered this whole enterprise as inevitable as a hangover the morning after the aforementioned Polish rocket fuel. You will laugh! You will cry! You *will* run three times round the houses singing "Gabriel Blow Your Horn", take a cold shower whilst scrubbing yourself compulsively with a nailbrush, and then collapse in a hopelessly conflicted and confused heap! Or whatever else rings your particular bell!!! But we bet you a very large bet, not involving New York cabbies in any way shape or form, that you will never ever look at the world -- especially those parts of it featuring Candy, the Stewite, Doris Day, and/or Linux penguins -- in quite the same way again... === [1] Candy is a compulsive margin-jotter. [2] Wibble! [3] "& I had dearly trowed that of my art/ Great _Ariosto_ sorely was y- ript!" -- Sir Edmund Spenser, reviewing Mrs C Harcourt's _Queyntabarey Tales of a Tubby the Tumescento, Oyez Oyez Oyez!_. === And now, at your very urgent demand, not to mention that of the high- heeled round-everythinged Chick in Chainmail (with Chainsaws) who is currently bouncing up and down in explosive impatience behind our chair, we will hand you over to that Sibyl of the Sensual -- that Vixen of the Vicious -- that all-cheating, all-fair, debauchee of depravedest depths and houri of heartbreakingest heights -- the one and only MRS CANDIA HARCOURT!!! Because she is, after all, the Boss... Cheers, -- Gray http://www.quilpole.demon.co.uk "She does not get eaten by the sharks at this time." - William Goldman, _The Princess Bride_.