Trader Grey Productions Proudly Presents
_DANCING ON THE DARKSIDE_ -- The Candia Harcourt Songbook
Mrs Candia Harcourt (aka Candy of Swevyn, Candie HarDDD) belongs to the
ever-expanding complex of adwc Muses and their families. Specifically,
she is the younger sister of Gray Woodland's AI Muse Carrie -- and is
currently Musing on her own account for Gray's vile Darkside counterpart
Bathory "Bray" Imre the Grey Stewite.
There, in the shaded confines of that Baphometian bar, that cruel
counter-TTR known in dread whispers as Some Other Time Round, her
nymphomaniacal sadomasochistic manic-depressive hard-boiled ultra-
violent substance-abusing duodecadent bolshy schmaltzy pulpy high-
concept-romantic soul finds its dearest expression in ways seldom muchly
involving, far less say acceptable to, the good Doctor. The number of
_caveat lectors_ implied thereby is left as an exercise for the reader
who gives a toss.
To those who delight in following the metafictional doings of adwc's
Authors, Author-Avatars, Muses and so forth... read on, and may pleasure
be your portion!
Inquiring minds may fairly want to know precisely why they are being
regaled with a tolerance-bustin' total filk of Bruce Springsteen's now
iconic _Born in the USA_ album. Further, upon noting the authorship and
allusively autobiographical nature of this barghest, several such minds
may beg further room for marvel, inasmuch as Carrie's Darkside sister
has hitherto displayed a chainsaw-chuckin' bad aversion to discussing
the Stygian mirks of her origins and history. In partial clarification
of these mysteries, two telling points must and shall be urged:
1) Subsequent to the chain of events running from her adwcly debut in
_Sweet as You Are_ to her singular adventures in last year's Quadrille,
the Singer of the Spam's never-stable personality has undergone several
quite significant developments. Our Candy is no longer, in several
respects, altogether as she once was.
2) There appears to have been a bet at a certain Darkside Karaoke
Killathon at Some Other Time Round. Cryptical hints in the nameable and
unreadable _Book of Dyzan_ suggest the promised involvement of Polish
rocket fuel, cuddly toys in silver lamé pyjamas, ten-kilo bags of
Colombian flea powder, and fifty-three New York cabbies in crotchless
Womble suits. Those who have followed Candy's extraordinarily
exploitative exploits to date will have no trouble understanding that
the lady will be seriously playing to win. Clearly, she is not quite as
not as she once was as all that!
Besides, our antiheroine is a rabid Bruce Springsteen fan, and her
notoriously imitative nature probably rendered this whole enterprise
as inevitable as a hangover the morning after the aforementioned Polish
You will laugh! You will cry! You *will* run three times round the
houses singing "Gabriel Blow Your Horn", take a cold shower whilst
scrubbing yourself compulsively with a nailbrush, and then collapse in a
hopelessly conflicted and confused heap! Or whatever else rings your
But we bet you a very large bet, not involving New York cabbies in any
way shape or form, that you will never ever look at the world --
especially those parts of it featuring Candy, the Stewite, Doris Day,
and/or Linux penguins -- in quite the same way again...
 Candy is a compulsive margin-jotter.
 "& I had dearly trowed that of my art/ Great _Ariosto_ sorely was y-
ript!" -- Sir Edmund Spenser, reviewing Mrs C Harcourt's _Queyntabarey
Tales of a Tubby the Tumescento, Oyez Oyez Oyez!_.
And now, at your very urgent demand, not to mention that of the high-
heeled round-everythinged Chick in Chainmail (with Chainsaws) who is
currently bouncing up and down in explosive impatience behind our chair,
we will hand you over to that Sibyl of the Sensual -- that Vixen of the
Vicious -- that all-cheating, all-fair, debauchee of depravedest depths
and houri of heartbreakingest heights -- the one and only MRS CANDIA
Because she is, after all, the Boss...
"She does not get eaten by the sharks at this time."
- William Goldman, _The Princess Bride_.