Furzeday Night is Filk Night at This Time Round *****or***** Ring-Ding-Diddle-Liddle-I-Dee-Oh-My-Giddy-Aunt by Erin Tumilty "Now," said Sanki, climbing up onto the pub's small stage, "before we kick off the very first night devoted to filks, there are a few announcements that need to be made." The Earth Reptile paused to pull a sheaf of papers from a hidden pocket. "First, the management would like to thank Lister for writing up the lovely announcements for tonight now posted all over alt.sex.gerbil, alt.sex.hamster, alt.sex.rodent, and alt.sex.rodent.curry. The stoning will be held right before closing time, with the Pakhars getting first go by special request." "Do I still get to play my guitar?" called a voice from the curry bar. Sanki's answer was drowned out as the pub's population rose as one. "NO!" "Just asking..." "Secondly, any seventh Doctor suspected of trying to smuggle spoons onto the stage will be subjected to a rigorous search in the backroom. Trinalin, Suki, and Erin have graciously volunteered for this job, so consider yourselves warned. Finally, I have here a signed and notarised agreement from Leslie Fish XII promising to never, ever sing 'Banned on Argolis' at This Time Round. Now if you can all stop cheering for a second, I would like to announce our first singer-- Erin Tumilty!" A rather tall, dark blonde woman stepped on to the stage as Sanki left for his barstool. "You didn't have to stop cheering quite so soon, you know," she said as she adjusted the microphone. "This song is called 'The Scotsman' and it's a fairly well- known tune. I've just made a few selective adjustments. Feel free to join in on the 'ring-ding-diddle' bits as then I won't have to bother. "Oh, a Scotsman clad in kilt left this bar one evening fair And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet And he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street Ring-ding-diddle-liddle-i-dee-oh, ring-di- diddly-i-oh He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by One says to the other with a twinkle in her eye 'See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and hand- some built, I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt? Ring-ding-diddle-liddle-i-dee-oh, ring-di- diddly-i-oh I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt?' They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see When suddenly they heard a voice behind them call their names 'Oh, Victoria and Zoe go back to the pub, for shame! Ring-ding-diddle-liddle-i-dee-oh, ring-di- diddly-i-oh Victoria and Zoe go back to the pub, for shame!' And so the girls went giggling along their merry way Slowly so that they might hear what the Doctor had to say And as he helped the scottish lad a'blushing to his feet He said, 'Jamie, that's the fifth time that you've pulled that stunt this week Ring-ding-diddle-liddle-i-dee-oh, ring-di- diddly-i-oh Oh, Jamie that the fifth time that you've pulled that stunt this week!' In the second before the singer disappeared beneath a pile of projectile peanuts a voice was heard to say, "Och, lass! Nae it will never work!" ~fin~ Failure to comment will result in finding certain pictures of Adric, Mel, and a bag of carrots superglued to your bedroom ceiling. Tumilty@worldnet.att.net