FORGET SOMETHING? 1/1 TTR, TDF, the author's Peri arc by Paul Gadzikowski DOCTOR WHO series characters and concepts copyright BBC tv THIS TIME ROUND concept by Tyler Dion, after Kielle TO DIE FOR cycle fostered primarily by DBKillings and BKWillis "Penny for your thoughts," said Sarah Jane, after a moment's hesitation to remember that Americans have coins called pennies too. Peri turned back toward the This Time Round bar, where she and Sarah Jane sat in their accustomed seats. She had been gazing dreamily at the table where the Doctors always sat, watching them argue the topic of the day, which from what Sarah Jane could overhear was either the viability of terraforming Pluto or the political undertones of Sleeping Beauty. "I was thinking of something the Doctor said to me." "Last night, when you and Doctor One saw 'Meet the Parents'? Or the day before when you and Doctor Four fed ducks in the park?" "No, at that party in Doctor Five's TARDIS the other week." When Peri neglected to continue for several moments, Sarah Jane prompted, "Well?" Peri flushed. "Well ... we were talking about adult fanfiction, and I said something stupid and got him mad at me." "What did you say?" "I called Doctor Six 'fat'." "Ah," said Sarah Jane. "Tactless Yank. You should have said 'burly'." "No, but, it's the context, you see," said Peri. When Peri had been drinking, her stuttering often went right for the hills and the words couldn't get out fast enough. On the other hand, she'd been drinking a lot less lately, and Sarah Jane thought she knew why. She just didn't think Peri knew. "What was the context?" "I'd just been making my usual complaints about how fanfiction only wants me for my body, and then I said that thing about Doctor Six, and Doctor Five kinda tore into me for judging by appearances just like the fans I was complaining about." "Do you do that?" "I hope not," said Peri. She glanced back at the Doctors. "In fact I was just thinking ... just kinda noticing ... with all the variety of body types he has ... even the older ones ... He's all just - *got* something, you know?" "I know," said Sarah Jane, recognizing the moment for action. "I was in love with him, too, when I traveled in the TARDIS. Both of him I knew." "'In love'?" Peri repeated incredulously, in the delayed-reaction, subconscious-mind-knows-that's-right-but-still-consciously-in-denial manner which Sarah Jane had half-expected. (The other half-expectation had been oh- my-god-that's-why-I've-been-feeling-and-acting-so-weird-lately, but - given the natural human aversion to admission of vulnerability - Sarah Jane had believed it less likely. Perhaps it would be more accurate to designate them a 70%-expectation and a 30%-expectation respectively.) "That's ridiculous. That's asinine. He's so ... I dunno, asexual. Unsexual. Not-like-that." "That's an utter contradiction of what you just said." Peri had turned bright red. "Even if I am - if I was, I mean - nothing could come of it." "Peri," said Sarah Jane, "the Doctor has been dating you." "What? Nooo. What?" "Really. Doctor Five invited you to that party in the TARDIS instants after Doctor Thirteen grilled every other woman here for dating tips [http://members.iglou.com/scarfman/round33.htm] and I told him kids usually start in innocuous groups. He sure learned fast, though - ducks, movies, sushi ... And people besides me are starting to notice." Peri looked at Sarah Jane with skepticism borne of fear of dashed hope. "You can't be serious." "He's like eight schoolboys when he's around you. Haven't you noticed?" "Well ... I thought it was a little odd when Doctor Three took me to Estarcion and insisted on killing me a yak for my supper ..." "See? You're good to go." Sarah Jane gave Peri an encouraging squeeze to her shoulder. "He knows how he feels, you know how you feel and you know how he feels. All that's left is that he doesn't know how you feel. That's the only obstacle left between you." At that moment the entrance to This Time Round slammed open. Everyone present turned to look. A huge warrior king was preceded through the door by a huge warrior beard. Jingling medals and decorations, a black helmet with a brim sticking out like wings to the back and sides and what looked like a tuning fork attached to the front, and large white teeth surveyed the tavern until wide eyes alighted on Peri at the bar. "Ha!" came what sounded like a bellow but which those present acquainted with the new party knew to be normal speaking tone. "So this is where you disappear to every night, my little battle dumplings!" It must now be explained that some effort was made among her fellow patrons at This Time Round to make Nyssa honor the spirit as well as the letter of her agreement not to wage her vendetta on Adric during his shifts as bartender. Care had to be taken that no means be at her disposal for the indulgence of her murderous pasttime during the few minutes before his actual assumption of duty during which Adric was present so that he might relieve his predecessor promptly. When Nyssa was in This Time Round at such times, she was made to submit - reluctantly - to such indignities as body searches and passes with metal detectors. In fact she was present now, and had already been cleared, once upon her arrival and once slightly in advance of Adric's. But no one had anticipated the arrival of this particular personage, nor that Nyssa should have been seated at the table near the door when he did arrive. And the time was three minutes twenty-seven seconds before Mel's shift was done. From the new arrival's clothing Nyssa instantly plucked the three Krontep Royal Infantry Unit Commendations For Making Unnecessarily Bloody Messes Of Things During Battle, which naturally have razor-sharp edges for use as shuriken. She spun them in rapid succession at high velocity across the tavern toward the bar. The first one sliced through Adric's jugular vein, spraying Alzarian blood across Mel's white trousers. The second buried itself in Adric's heart, continuing momentarily to spin like a buzzsaw with its momentum, spraying bits of that organ likewise all over Mel's slacks. The third one neatly trimmed his bangs so that they were no longer hanging in his eyes. Yrcanos hissed enthusiastically through madly grinning teeth. He grabbed Nyssa by the elbows and lifted her off the ground and said, "I'm going to like it in this place!" For her part Nyssa seemed pleased to have met a kindred soul despite the galeforce wind striking her face when he spoke. "Then you can clean up, and take the next bar shift," said Mel. "I'm bloody well not." "You're not well bloody," Ace said. Mel always tended bar in the outfit she'd worn on Lacaertia, which as Ace observed still maintained its inexplicable ability to remain pristinely clean. Sarah Jane looked over at Peri. Peri, her hand over her mouth in horror, was looking over at the Doctors. Sarah Jane turned that way too. From the horrified expression on his faces she realized that what the Doctors were seeing, in the middle of their mind, ... far away from everything else in their mind, ... in parentheses, ... capital letters, ... quotated, was the single word everyone seemed to have overlooked so far: "(HUSBAND)" FIN Summary for archivist: Humor; TTR, TDF, the author's Peri arc Peri, Sarah Jane, the Doctors; Nyssa, Adric, Mel, Yrcanos Timing is everything. -- Paul Gadzikowski http://members.iglou.com/scarfman: King Arthur in Time and Space - The Daily Cartoons - DOCTOR WHO, STAR TREK, scarfman@iglou.com BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, M*A*S*H - Archy the Cockroach - New cartoons weekly