Forgotten Masters "So, *why* were we left out?" The Keeper of Traken Master looked round. He and the Deadly Assassin Master had been trapped in a corner of This Time Round by four figures in black, three of whom wore familiar black goatees. They were so obscure it took him a moment to recognise them, beyond the obvious fact they were the Master. "Firstly, none of you were in the TV series, and are semi- canonical at best. Secondly, at least our other TV incarnations gave *some* hope they could prove their evil." As explanations went, this one didn't go down very well at all. "Excuse me?" said the comic strip Master, "I stood at the heart of the Omniverse, I almost seized the power of the Glory." "But you didn't," hissed the Deadly Assassin Master. "No, I didn't, but that was because of overweening arrogance and self-absorption. It wasn't because I wasn't *evil*!" "Perhaps, but since you only got one story, and were clearly mentally unstable by *our* standards, you were deemed unsuitable for the contest. We almost disqualified Bruce on that count. As for you..." he turned to the next figure. "Yes?" prompted the NA Master, "I don't think you could deny that in my three appearances in Virgin books I was the very epitome of suavely sophisticated evil." "But could you deny that you spent your only appearance in fanfic being suave and sophisticated, but *not* doing anything evil?" "That's hardly my fault..." "Oh, yes, it's very easy to blame the writers, but if we let that be an excuse, where will it end? And as for you..." The Shalka Master (who was standing in the doorway of the TARDIS) held up his hands, "I know," he said, "I'm preprogrammed by the Doctor *not* to be evil, and I'm unable to leave the TARDIS in any event. I concede." "What about me?" demanded the last figure, whose false goatee was wobbling precariously, "Surely *I'm* evil? EVIL!! Mahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!" "Ah, yes," sighed the Keeper of Traken Master. "The Curse of the Fatal Death Master. You are, quite literally, a *joke*." -- Dave Official Absentee of EU Skiffeysoc http://sesoc.eusa.ed.ac.uk/ "There *is* no Niels, the Bouncing Cat! He's gone! Now, there is only ... P-Cat, the Penitent Puss!"