This trip had better be over soon. Couldn’t sleep between dreaming
about horrific ghost stories and worrying about David when I woke up.
Think I’m going soft in the head. He’s as big a pain as John.
Whole campsite woken up by Jackie screaming about Martha wetting the
bed. Martha obviously in tears. Turns out that the tent was leaking,
Got up. Got washed. Feel half dead.
Breakfast. Everyone teasing Martha about bed-wetting incident. More
tears. First years.
David missing. Again. Why am I still sounding shocked? Checked John
just in case, but he’s still under the Brig’s strict supervision.
I am not going out looking for him. He always turns up where you left
Out in the woods, looking for David. Have so far found a patch of
nettles and a startled rabbit.
Taking down tents. Miss Wright asked me why I’d made such a terrible
noise in the night and why was it I couldn’t keep a proper eye on one
small ten year-old? Managed not to take a leaf out of John’s book and
whack her with a tent pole. Worse luck, she’d found David, who’d been
in the wash block trying to work out how to kill yourself by sticking
your head down the toilet. Marched him back there and ordered him to
shower, just in case, and told him that Jack talks a load of rubbish.
No self-respecting ghost would be caught dead hanging round a
Headed off on traditional last day walk to the lake, where the coach
will pick us up. Hah. It is of course tipping it down. Miss Wright
stayed behind to clear up mess on campsite and will join us with the
More insane stories circling the group. Said lake was called Dead
Man’s Mere and lurid explanations (largely revolving around something
happening to a previous H G Wells science teacher, Mr Chesterton)
include: dying while saving a drowning Dalek (Rose); brutal random
murder (Owen); being eaten by sea monster (Chris). Kids are just
morbid, if you ask me.
Watched David closely. If he tries anything between now and getting
on the coach, will drown him personally.
Arrived at lake. Rose fell in. Jackie started hysterical screaming
that she was dead and wouldn’t stop sobbing even after Rose had been
back on dry land for ten minutes. Now everyone’s refusing to sit next
to Rose on the coach on the way back because she’s wet and she
smells. Chris dragged her out so he’s dripping as well. Of course,
it’s at this moment that the Brig returns from the old-fashioned shop
with his third of the group, all pristine and dry, to see mine
standing round in a bad tempered, tearful, dripping, hiccupping huddle
by the lakeside. Get another ear-bashing.
Coaches arrived. Am overjoyed. Cannot wait to be back home,
completely free of ten or eleven year olds and sleep in an actual bed
again instead of most uncomfortable camp bed ever constructed.
Owen dared Jack to run in front one of the coaches. Coach driver now
too traumatised to drive. Miss Maclay has gone to get him hot cup of
tea from the café. Jack has returned to life again, but his clothes
are a mess.
Just put my foot right in it.
After the incident with Jack, Chris kept claiming it was the Curse of
the Lake – cue further graphic tales. Everyone already looking
spooked out as it was, so went to ask Miss Wright for the truth and
put a stop to idiot stories all the way home.
She glared at me. Said nothing ever happened at the lake and the
reason why everyone’s so shy of First Year Camp is because of what
happened to my predecessor Chris Cwej in the woods two years ago.
Asked what did happen to Chesterton, just to shut them all up, but she
clamped up and went to see how coach driver was.
All on coach. Fingers crossed.
The Brig is driving our coach. Demand exceeds supply of brown paper
bags. Have employed any I can find from gift shop etc. Tempers
frayed, tears frequent. Not long now.
Asked Miss Maclay about the lake, Cwej and Chesterton. Said nobody
but Maxil and Miss Wright know exactly what happened to Mr Chesterton,
but must have been something horrible as neither will talk about it
and by the way not to mention it to Miss Wright under any
circumstances. Thanked her for the belated advice. As for Chris
Cwej, said if people did keep leaving Daleks on the campsite,
something like that was bound to happen sometime and they heard he’d
recovered the power of speech recently, so she was sure it was nothing
to worry about.
Hah. Easy for her to say. She’s not the current expendable male PE
teacher with no actual teaching skills, is she? And have still got to
listen to horrific stories all the way home.
Miss Maclay moved David back next to me. Only one thing to do -.
The Coach On the Way Home by David Doctor.
Mr Kreiner is really funny. He thinks I stuck my head down the
toilet. I’m not that stupid. Rose and Chris are all wet and smelly.
They went in the Dead Man’s Lake. Urgh. I can hear John, he is near
Derek and Chantho singing Derek and Chantho up a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G.
and saying Derek’s got a girlfriend. I wish I was nearer and I could
watch Chantho turn purple. It’s cool. Now he’s stopped. Mr Kreiner
let me write again. He said anything that keeps me this quiet and
sitting where he can see me is fine by him. This camp has been the
best fun yet. Last night I think I saw an owl when the Brigadier made
me go back to my tent. Why couldn’t I share with John? Leo snores
and Sec wiggles his tentacles in the night. Which is sort of cool. I
think we left some Daleks behind at Castle Spellerous.
I just said that to Mr Kreiner and he told me to be quiet and keep
writing. The Brigadier is driving the coach because the driver is
shaking and sitting at the front with Miss Maclay. He ran Jack over
because he jumped out in front of him. Blood went spurting
everywhere. It was brilliant, but we are not really supposed to play
Killing Jack as Somebody Might Get Hurt. Mr Kreiner just looked at
what I wrote and said that my handwriting is awful and blood did not
spurt anywhere. Rose told me that they had to get buckets of water
from the lake to wash it all off the windscreen before we could go
anywhere so Mr Kreiner is just trying not to upset me. He looked
again and said, Yeah right Tadpole. He is funny. Martha wet the bed
last night. She is getting teased about it. I had a scary nightmare
about getting drowned in a toilet. I think Mr Kreiner is right about
Jack. He tells some whopping lies sometimes. And I don’t think it’s
possible anyway. Martha is sitting across the aisle and she asked
what I was writing and was it a story. When I said what I was doing
she told me to make sure I put down that the tent was leaking in the
night and Jackie doesn’t have any brains at all. Jackie is sitting
behind her and she went Oh! like she was really cross. Martha is
nice. I believe her. I wish she didn’t pat me on the head and say I
was cute. Lots of the girls do and it is really really annoying. I
was going to tell her about the owl I saw but she started reading her
book again. Why does camp have to end?
All back at school, tired and slightly damp, but all just about in one
piece. Nearly got down on my knees on the school drive and thanked
God for it, but managed to remain standing.
When we got back in the building, Miss Noble sniffed and said
something about people having three days off school. Swallowed. Miss
Maclay passed by us at that point. Think that had something to do
with the bottle of ink that fell on the school secretary. Three days
off school. Like to see her try it.
Mr Maxil came downstairs from the head’s office, wanting to know why
we hadn’t lost any of them. Said he’d been counting on us at least
dumping those pests John and David. Proof that this experience has
damaged my brain – got unreasonably defensive about the tadpole and
said that he might be a pain but he shouldn’t lump him in with that
psycho John Master. Brigadier turned up then and said that was no way
to talk about a ten year old boy. Said John had his own difficulties,
one of which was having been followed about all his life by David
incessantly wanting to be friends. Was not convinced. Not sure the
Brig is, either.
Dr Smythe is still hanging around. Caught sight of the Brig and
inexplicably went, “Hah! Hastings, Agincourt, Waterloo, Sebastopol!
Honestly. Men!” Wonder if she was really off on an archaeological
dig? Beginning to suspect mental breakdown and she had returned to
school too soon.
Cheered Maxil up by telling him that we had left four Daleks behind.
Am beginning to understand why there are not many of them in any year.
All over. Thank whatever heavens might be out there.
Chris came back to say that when their Dad came to pick them up, David
was missing. Looked taken aback when I screamed at him. Maxil
Checked the boot, under the coach, on the coach, but realised he could
be anywhere in the whole school grounds. Told Chris to find him
himself when David dropped out of a tree and they told me it was a
joke. Forced a hollow laugh and left them standing them in the drive
before I did something that would get me the sack.
Maxil disappointed all over again when I reported back. OK. That is
it. End of log.
And for the record, I am NOT doing this again next year.
I am not.
Well, not unless they absolutely promise the woods are now safe for PE
Doctor Who is copyright of the BBC and BBC Wales.
TTR was created by Tyler Dion; Then Do That Over by Paul Gadzikowski