"There you are," Izzy said. "I want a word with you."

The Delgado Master set down his glass of absinthe and raised his eyebrows. "Really? In respect of what?"

"You know perfectly well. You haven't been back to the crêche for days and I've got a gang of fractious toddlers demanding to hear the rest of your story."

"Correct."

"So get round there and tell it. This afternoon will do. I'm busy enough as it is and I could do with the break."

"And why should I? What possible inducement could you hold out to me to comply with your demands?"

"That's quite a change in attitude from when you started," Izzy said. "You sneaked in and set this thing off all by yourself. What's the matter? Toddlers getting too much for you? I wouldn't have thought a supervillain like you would balk at them. Particularly when I don't have the slightest difficulty controlling them."

"If you think I haven't noticed that you're crossing your fingers behind your back, you're mistaken. But in view of your heartfelt plea for assistance, maybe I shall call round this afternoon. If you kneel before me and beg."

Izzy raised her drink, about to hurl it into his grinning face. But if she did that, it might relieve her feelings, but she could kiss goodbye to any chance of the Master finishing his story. And the children were almost on the point of mutiny as it was.

"I just hope Fey never finds out about this," she muttered, dropping to her knees with bad grace.

[The Palace Hotel. Agnes, still dripping wet from her ducking in the canal, is being escorted in by Lord Montbarry.]

Nyssa / Ella [hurrying to meet them] :
So this is how you look after my governess. You can't even keep her dry. You know what you are? You're a complete waste of space.

Adric / Lord Montbarry :
It wasn't my fault...

Nyssa / Ella :
Anyway, good news. The widow in room 13A has agreed to swap with Agnes, so we can all be together. And I hardly had to threaten her at all. Come on.

[They go upstairs. As they depart, François enters, followed by Treader 27 and Luna.]

François :
Treader, crazy guests swapping rooms again. Please to take all belongings of Mrs James from room 13A, and exchange with property of Miss Lockwood.

Treader 27 :
As You Command.

François :
Funny thing. Miss Lockwood soaking wet. Mrs James soaking wet. Is raining?

Luna :
No.

François :
Strange coincidence, then.

Master / Narrator [vo] :
Agnes went up to her room and changed for dinner. On her way back to the drawing room she was approached by a chambermaid.

[Outside Room 13A]

Luna :
Give me your key.

Ace / Agnes :
Why?

Luna :
Make the bed up.

Ace / Agnes :
Oh, fair enough. Here you go.

Master / Narrator [vo] :
While the chambermaid was working, the Countess waited for a moment when she wasn't looking, and then crept in and hid in the wardrobe. Meanwhile, downstairs, the Montbarrys were having dinner.

[The dining room. Henry Westwick joins the group.]

Harry / Henry :
So, here you all are. Agnes, you look div— ouch!

Ace / Agnes :
Soppy stuff. Forget it, clamboy.

Harry / Henry :
Oh. Then let me tell you about Francis and his negotiations.

[A theatre at Milan. Jago / Francis is holding one of Tallulah's arms. Litefoot is holding the other. They appear to be engaged in a tug of war.]

Harry / Henry [vo] :
It got so bad that the police had to be called.

[Inspector Mackenzie bursts in, a half-eaten sandwich in one hand, followed by police autons.]

Harry / Henry [vo] :
In the end, Francis won his point, but he had to go back to London right away.

[Jago and Tallulah are seen running for the station. Litefoot is in hot pursuit, a pistol in each hand. These he occasionally fires in random directions, ala Yosemite Sam. In turn, he is being chased by Mackenzie and the police.]

Adric / Lord Montbarry [vo] :
What about our sister?

Harry / Henry [vo] :
At her age, she's not too keen on foreign travel. So she took the opportunity to go back with Francis.

[The station at Milan. Sara is leaning out of the back door of the slowly accelerating train, her blaster in hand, firing shots at Litefoot and the autons and then ducking back inside as they return fire.]

Master / Narrator [vo] :
By now, it was getting late, and time to put the children to bed.

[The corridor outside Number 13A. The party enter: Agnes, the three little girls, Lord Montbarry, Ella and Henry.]

Harry / Henry :
Marian, what part of the hotel are you going to sleep in?

"Marian?" little Liz asked indignantly. "Since when was she called Marian? Her name's Lucy."

"I thought it was Dumpling," baby Dodo said.

"No, it's Lucy," Mel said. "She said, quote, 'My name isn't Dumpling. It's supposed to be Lucy.'"

"Perhaps it's one of the uvver girls, then?"

"They're called Clara and Blanche. And anyway bofe times they say it's the oldest one."

"Maybe there's two of them," Vicki said. "Because of rules about child actors. And one of them's called Marian and one's called Lucy."

"I'm sure Dumpling was one of them," Dodo said, looking confused.

"Perhaps her real name's Marian but they all call her Lucy because when she was little she couldn't say 'Marian'?" the baby Fifth Doctor suggested.

"Nice try," the Master said. "For an encore, you can work out UNIT dating while I get on with the story."

Little Girl :
I'm sleeping in this room with Aunt Agnes. She's going to teach me how to make lentonite.

Harry / Henry :
Oh? I thought there was a widow in this room and you had to sleep on the second floor.

Ace / Agnes :
Apparently she wanted to swap. I'm not complaining. Come on, Dumpling.

"There you are!" Dodo said triumphantly. "I said one of them was called Dumpling."

She looked about her as if expecting a round of applause for her perspicacity, but none was forthcoming.

[Agnes leads the little girl into the room.]

Harry / Henry :
Hmm. Stephen, let's go outside and smoke.

Adric / Lord Montbarry :
I don't smoke. And I'm sure you don't, either.

Harry / Henry [trying to look subtle, and failing] :
Then let's take a walk. Outside. Now.

Adric / Lord Montbarry :
Oh. Um. Of course. Darling, will you keep an eye on the children again?

Nyssa / Ella [looking daggers at him] :
Of course, my cherub.

[Henry and Lord Montbarry depart. A moment later, the little girl runs out of the room, pursued by Agnes.]

Ace / Agnes :
Oi! Come back here!

Little girl :
There's blood on the ceiling! I'm not going in there again!

Nyssa / Ella :
Blood on the ceiling?

Ace / Agnes :
That's what she says. I don't get it. I mean, if I'd blown someone up in there, that'd be different, but I haven't even started making the stuff.

Little girl :
I'm not going back in there, ever.

Nyssa / Ella :
Fine. Fine. Share with your sisters. See if I care.

Ace / Agnes :
Looks like I'm on my own, then.

Nyssa / Ella :
Sweet dreams.[She turns to the children.] Right, you lot. With me. Now.

Master / Narrator [vo] :
Meanwhile, Henry told Lord Montbarry his suspicions.

[Outside the hotel.]

Henry / Harry :
Anyway, the Countess has been going around calling herself Mrs James and claiming to be a widow. Well, she is a widow. But I think she's behind all this room-swapping. And Francis says he thinks she's losing her mind. She might be trying to get at Agnes.

Adric / Lord Montbarry :
Ella's already reminded Agnes to lock her doors. Anyway, she can look after herself.

Henry / Harry :
I just hope you're right.

[Agnes's room. Ace / Agnes is asleep in the bed.]

Master / Narrator [vo] :
Agnes took a long time to get to sleep, but she did in the end. She never knew how long she'd slept, but suddenly she woke and found she wasn't alone in the room.

[Agnes wakes, and lights a candle. She looks round, and to her amazement sees a woman sitting in the chair beside her bed. It is, of course, Countess Narona, and she appears to be asleep or in a coma.]

Ace / Agnes [shaking her] :
You! What are you doing in my bedroom? How did you even get in here?

[No answer.]

Ace / Agnes :
Well, this time I'm ready for you.

[She reaches under the covers and produces her trusty baseball bat.]

Ace / Agnes :
Kiss goodbye to your teeth, 'cos I'm gonna knock them out.

Master / Narrator [vo] :
At the same instant, she stopped and looked upward.

[Ace looks up. Her jaw drops.]

Master / Narrator [vo] :
Midway between her face and the ceiling, there hovered a human head — severed at the neck, like a head struck from the body by the guillotine.

"Cool!" chorused most of the children.

[The head of Rassilon, as in 'The Five Doctors', is hovering in midair. It slowly descends.]

Rassilon / The Head :
Who dares to disturb the slumber of Rassilon?

Ace / Agnes :
Oi! Santa! You're not exactly doing wonders for my slumber here. And there's no need to shout.

Master / Narrator [vo] :
Or talk at all, come to that.

Rassilon / The Head :
I am Rassilon. I do not answer to the likes of you.

Ace / Agnes :
Oh, shove it, Santa. I'm fed up with people treating my bedroom like an episode of This Is Your Life. Can't you get rid of her? [She indicates the Countess.] She's stalking me and it's getting annoying.

Rassilon / The Head :
Silence.

[He turns to face the Countess. His eyes narrow briefly. The Countess shudders, and a ghastly pallor spreads across her face. And then her hair, and her dress...]

Ace / Agnes :
Oh no. Tell me she isn't— [She touches the Countess's arm.] She is.

Rassilon / The Head [turning back to face Ace] :
I have bestowed upon her the gift of immortality.

Ace / Agnes :
She's sodding marble! And look at her eyes!

[Sure enough, the Countess is now a statue, made of the finest Carrara marble. Except for the faintly glowing red eyes, which are constantly moving, this way and that.]

Ace / Agnes :
You reckon I'm going to sleep with that by my bed? I think I'd throw up.

Rassilon / The Head :
You will sleep, child.

[He narrows his eyes again; Agnes collapses onto the bed, like a puppet whose strings have been cut.]

Rassilon / The Head :
Thus justice is done.

Master / Narrator [vo] :
That was most unhelpful of you. The Countess is supposed to have several more scenes before she dies.

Rassilon / The Head :
Do not question the wisdom of Rassilon.

[He fades slowly away.]

Master / Narrator [vo] :
When I see any wisdom from you, then I'll consider not questioning it. Not before.

"That's what a fairytale should be like," baby Steven said firmly. "Magic and ghosts and bad people getting killed."

"Aye," Jamie added. "What story are we having next time?"

The Master narrowed his eyes. "This one isn't finished yet."

"But we all know the baddie was yon Countess, and now she's been turned tae stone. What can she do after that?"

"P'raps someone else shows up," Jo suggested. "A witch or a dragon or somefing and they've got to fight that."

"Can someone get married?" Victoria asked. "I missed the last wedding and it isn't fair."

The Master rose to his feet. "You'll all have to wait and see," he said.