|
This Time Round: Karaoke Night (c) Susannah Tiller 1998 (except the bits copyright to the BBC) This Time Round created by Tyler Dion. It was karaoke night at This Time Round, and a good crowd had gathered. There was a tiny stage in one corner, and the TARDIS, currently being used as a dressing room, was parked left of it. Various performers in costume were sitting around the booths and tables, including several Ice Warriors in tutus and a penguin wearing tapshoes. Onstage, K9 and a Dalek were singing a duet. 'I'm going to spend my Christmas with a Dalek,' K9 sung tunelessly. 'And put him underneath the mistletoe.' He wagged his tail at the Dalek. The Dalek glided towards K9, attempting to convey affection. 'And if I'm ve-ry nice, he'll feed me sug-ar spice...' They stood together in the middle of the stage for the last line. 'And hang a stocking from his big left toe.' K9 finished a little ahead of the Dalek, but that didn't matter. Most of the song had been drowned out by the cheers and catcalls from the UNIT crew, dressed as the Village People. Mike Yates was the noisiest of the lot. 'Exterminate me!' he called out to the Dalek. 'Yoo-hoo, I know what you can do with that plunger.' The Dalek fired. There were screams as people ducked for cover under tables, behind the bar, or behind the Sixth Doctor. 'Missed me,' Yates grinned, waving his police hat. The MC walked onto the stage, and frowned. 'Right, you're out. You know the rules. No exterminating the audience.' 'It's the Valeyard!' the Sixth Doctor shouted, jumping to his feet. The Valeyard, wearing his ceremonial hat and a multi-coloured fright wig, glared back. 'Of course it is. I was unanimously elected' 'Oh. Right.' The Sixth Doctor sat down again, nearly squashing Adric. K9 and the Dalek trudged offstage, tail and plungers dropping. The Valeyard watched them go, then turned back to the audience. 'Well, onto our next foolhardy - I mean, brave competitors. They're out last competitors for the night, but by no means our least. Give a big hand to the Ka Faraq Gatri and the Space Girls!!!' The crowd applauded. The TARDIS door opened, and the Seventh Doctor walked up onto the stage, followed by Roz, Mel, Benny, Ace and Chris. There was silence for a moment, then there were roars of laughter and a few wolf-whistles. Roz's hair had been teased to within an inch of her life, and she stood uncomfortably in a clinging leopard skin jumpsuit. Mel had pulled her hair back into a ponytail, and was wearing a Union Jack minidress that left little to the imagination. In the front row, Harry Sullivan looked the wrong way, and fainted. Benny was waving to the crowd with one hand. With the other, she was trying not to spill wine on her little Gucci dress. She was grinning from ear to ear. Ace looked the most comfortable, in a designer tracksuit and running shoes. There were several nitro-shaped bulges in the jacket. It was Chris who was attracting most of the attention. He was wearing a blonde wig with two pigtails, six-inch platform shoes, and a little pink dress. The crowd was going wild, and he was turning pinker and pinker by the minute. Soon his face matched his dress. The Doctor pulled a pair of spoons from his pocket, and tapped them together. 'One, two three...' They took a deep breath, and began singing. 'If you're feeling sad and low, we will take you where you want to go...' For the next few minutes, the regulars on This Time Round were treated to a performance they'd never forget. The barman blocked his ears, and leaned back against the fridge. The UNIT boys jumped up and started dancing. So did Adric. The First Doctor frowned. The TARDIS light began flashing on and off, in time with the music. Several New Adventures writers took notes. When it was all over, Chris led the charge back into the TARDIS. The Doctor stayed to accept the meat tray and bottle of bourbon. Long, long ago in a multi-dimensional pub. Regards, Susannah :-) P.S. Sorry!!!!!! :-) |