WARNING: If you haven't seen the last couple of episodes, contains spoilers! Plus, it's a very silly story. (In Plot and Loophole I most unfairly accused the Master of not being as evil as he seemed and some of his incarnations are determined to set the record straight...) Part One: Library Liberation Front by V. Jewitt In which the Delgado and Jacobi Masters set out to restore their properly evil reputation from rumours going round the Round... (It's harder than it seems.) (Er. I don't think Nameless had a library, but it does now. Or might do, if it survives this. It has at least two librarians, though, so it's about time.) The original Master sighed as he walked down Nameless. He resented the interference of his later selves. Was he about to take orders from two future insane and decaying future incarnations of himself? "It seems I am," he reflected aloud. After all, what use was the Doctor's ultimate nemesis if no one believed his threats? Having had his patronage of the new Nameless library revealed, he supposed the easiest thing to do was to counter that with its destruction. It was inconvenient, since he despised most of the Round's inhabitants and without a book handy might have to talk to the tin pepperpots, idiots and incompetents who surrounded him. He searched his pockets and found a box of matches. With that in hand, he walked up to the library door, only to be nearly knocked over as the core UNIT team ran out, closely followed by the Second Doctor and an agitated orang-utan, who often ran the Nameless library as light relief from his more trying post at the Unseen University (where the books were that much more likely to attack their readers). "Get back!" roared the Brigadier, as Benton and Yates tried to wedge the doors shut. The Master turned to the Doctor. "Shouldn't the Third Doctor be here?" "He's busy. In some fan fiction," the Second explained. "I thought I'd come along. I've got experience of this kind of thing." "What kind of thing?" He paused and considered. "Well, it is a little different, but apparently bringing books into a place Outside continuity with all the reality problems that accompanies it has... How can I put this?" The Brigadier joined them. "All the book characters are trying to get out, even the non-fiction. If they reach the main street and the Round it'll be cross-over chaos and the place will never recover. Besides as fictional characters in a place outside Reality, they look rather like ghosts." "Basically, there'll be trouble," summarised the Doctor. "Probably with explosions and PLOT holes and Death, and Polly getting terribly cross." The Master thought and then offered them his matches. "Oh, good!" said the Doctor. "I think the Brigadier brought some dynamite with him. We can blow up the library!" He caught himself guiltily and added, "Although, of course, we _should_ try and think of something else first." The Brigadier didn't see anything to complain of in this solution either, but Benton coughed. "Have you got a cold, Benton?" demanded his commanding officer. The Sergeant pointed him in the direction of the Librarian. "I don't think the monkey's too keen on that idea. Sir!" The Librarian weighed up his intervention against the 'monkey', but decided that the former was more important in this moment of crisis. "OOK!" "Ah," said the Brigadier. "I suppose he has got a point. Any ideas?" Giles arrived at this point and spent a moment in consultation with the Librarian, before turning to the Brigadier. "Blow up the library? That's your solution, is it? Oh, very intelligent!" The Second Doctor gave him a reproachful look. "I hear you did it more than once yourself..." "These fictional characters," began the Master, who had been thinking. "Could we reason with them? Are they intelligent?" The Second Doctor shared a look with the Brigadier. "Well, let's put it this way: some of them are extremely intelligent and some of them are barely coherent." "Besides," added the Brigadier, "who's going to volunteer to negotiate with Dracula?" "Dracula?" He faced the Master. "Yes. He appears to be leading the rebellion. Well, one faction of it, at any rate. I wouldn't want you to imagine there's any kind of actual organisation in there." "Hmm," said the villain. "I do remember requesting that particular book." The Brigadier glowered. "I might have known you'd have a hand in it!" "I may need to quote you on that," responded the Master. He glanced from one to the other and a small smile crossed his face. "Gentlemen, I believe I may be just what you needed!" Benton coughed at the Brigadier again, who frowned, but waited for him to speak. "Are you going to trust _him_, sir?" Meanwhile, the Master explained to the Doctor. "As a black-hearted villain myself, I may have influence that you lack." "Ook ook OOK," said the Librarian. "Ook?" Giles thought about it. "I can't imagine it would really make much difference." "Ook?" "Well, I know, but how exactly were you planning to put them in Dewey Decimal order?" "OOK!" He folded his arms. "I'm not insulting your knowledge of cataloguing and classification, but if there are hundreds of escaped book characters in there, it could be difficult!" "Ook?" Giles sighed. "No, Library of Congress certainly wouldn't be any easier." The Master approached the bulging library door. "Let me in! I demand to speak with Dracula!" "And who are you?" demanded a muffled voice from the other side. He dusted an invisible speck from his black tunic. "Well, for one thing, I'm a founder of this library. You owe your existence here to me. And for another - I am the Master and you will obey me!" The door opened and he passed on through. The Brigadier, Benton and the Doctor watched. The Brigadier was having misgivings. "He was on his way here and he's behind the foundation of this library. We might have known he was up to something." The Second Doctor said, "Now, Alistair, I think we should give him the benefit of the doubt this once." "I'm having that dynamite put in place," said the Brigadier. "I don't trust the chap one iota!" Benton said, "Yes, sir!" He then paused to add, "You do know he's taken the matches with him, don't you?" The Master entered and surveyed the chaotic, ghostly crowd of book characters that surrounded him. One thing he didn't see was a certain Transylvanian count. "Where is Dracula?" A nearby elf pointed to the window and the shaft of sunlight that lay in front of them. "Ah," said the Master. "How unfortunate. Well, let us begin the negotiations." Oliver Twist stepped forward. "We want more, sir!" "Yes," asserted Jane Eyre. "Everyone else here is a fictional character, but we are less, having had our books themselves brought in like this. We want existence and freedom from the book covers." The Master stared back at them coldly and lit a match. "I want an end to this nonsense and the lot of you back between your covers! Or I'll burn this place to the ground and that will be an end to it!" Everyone shrunk back nervously. "Don't!" begged a talking mouse. The Master held on to the lit match. "Then let's see if we can come to some more profitable agreement, shall we?" "Excuse me, Brigadier." He turned impatiently. "What is it, Mr Giles?" "I think the Librarian has done something reckless..." The Jacobi Master was not any better pleased than the original. Considering that it was the behaviour of two of his earlier selves that had led to the rumours, he could not see why he had to justify himself and he determined on a token act of villainy that would not occupy too much of his morning, before he could retire to the Doctor's stolen TARDIS and build something ingenious out of the cardboard boxes he had been collecting. The simplest thing to do, he decided, was to find one of the Doctor's many companions and put them in danger. He might even allow himself an evil chuckle afterwards. That ought to do it and then he could get on with something a little more interesting. When the Librarian reached the Master, he was alone, aside from Noddy and the White Witch. "Ook?" The Master blew out his second match. "Yes, I've dealt with the crisis. Of course, if you want to ensure they are in Dewey Decimal order, or alphabetical or whatever takes your fancy, I'm sure these two library assistants will be happy to help." "OOK?" He smiled at the orang-utan. "It's perfectly simple. All it takes is a little logical thought and everyone's happy. Well, happy enough for the moment." "Ook... Ook?" "I'm not 'supposed' to be evil, you miserable ape! I _am_ evil!" The Librarian looked at him. "It doesn't mean," said the Master coolly, "that I can't use my own particular skills to save the library if I choose..." The two decaying Masters had assigned qualified observers to watch the progress of their other selves - qualified in this case meaning thoroughly evil and corrupt - and while Davros was watching the Delgado Master from the shadows (becoming irritable and bored with the lack of events), the Rani had tracked the Jacobi Master to a siding off the main train line into Nameless. "Help!" shrieked Mel. He glared at her. "Stop that noise!" She looked back crossly as he finished tying her to the tracks. "You do know this is about the most unoriginal thing that's ever happened to me, don't you?" "I'm merely trying to do my bad deed for the day," he returned without interest. "Nobody told me I had to be inventive." Mel sighed. "Well, do you mind thinking of something else? I could be here a long while before somebody finds me!" "That, my dear girl, is the idea!" She said, "Yes, but I don't think you realise -." Suddenly, he stopped and stared back at her in confusion. "Oh, dear. What's happening? Did I do this to you?" Mel watched him with suspicion. "Er. Yes." He hastily set about untying her. "My poor child. I'm so embarrassed. What could have come over me?" He frowned. "Are you sure you're the Master and not Dr Jekyll or someone?" she asked as he untied her ankles. "I did hear there was some trouble at the library." He stared at her. "The Master? I don't think I would go that far..." They both stopped as first of all, the use of that name had its effect on Yana, that particular Master's alter ego, and secondly, as a fuming Rani appeared on the scene. "Oh, no, not _you_!" said Mel. The Rani ignored her and turned to the Master. "I was supposed to merely watch your activities, but I thought I might as well put you out of your misery and tell you that you've failed!" "You are accusing me of failure?" he said. "I should point out that I have survived where you fell with the rest of our kind!" She shrugged. "I'm not interested in that nonsense. Would you like to hear your scores?" "If you must, then get it over with!" Everyone else wanted to know what the Master had done. He folded his arms and dragged out their suspense for as long as possible. "I know," guessed the Doctor, "of course, you did something terribly clever with the date stamps!" "Doctor, you never fail to amuse me! I simply used my natural charm!" The Brigadier was annoyed. "Look, just tell us what you did, or we'll arrest you!" "Very well," said the Master. "Any fool could have done the same, however. I merely threatened to burn the library down if they didn't stop their nonsense. And then as a concession, they are to be allowed free rein inside the library after closing hours. Two of them - one good, one evil - will act as library assistants the rest of them time, taking it in turns, of course. If any of them try anything, I promised to leave the matches with the Librarian here." They all searched for something to say in return, but no one could find any flaw in his actions. The Master smiled. "Oh, and I'd have Sergeant Benton clear up that pile of dust if I were you." "Pile of dust?" echoed the Brigadier. "Yes," he returned, as he headed for the door. "It belongs in Mr Stoker's book." "Abducting a companion and placing her in mortal peril," reported the Rani. "5 points. However, since tying Mel to the tracks is practically a public service, 3 points deducted. 5 more deducted for switching back to that professor persona and untying her, plus 4 more deducted for tying her to the tracks of a long-disused siding!" "Minus 7," calculated Mel. "You might as well finish untying me. I did try to tell you about the railway." The Rani stepped in. "Leave her where she is. Finish untying the girl and your final score will be minus 20." "What do I care for your scores?" spat back the Master and untied Mel purely because the Rani had told him not to. "Thank you!" said Mel, and ran for it. The original Master strolled away from the library, feeling pleased with himself, having bested the Doctor for once. It only then occurred to him that saving the library from destruction and acting as peacemaker in the crisis, might not impress his later selves. His expression darkened, but then, was he about to be dictated to by that pair of blundering idiots? And in a nearby alleyway, Davros totted up his scores to an impressive minus 40. Prelude - Part Two - Part Three - Coda
Back to M
This Time Round was created by Tyler Dion. All characters are copyright of the BBC and BBC Wales, except for those copyright of Terry Pratchett and WB / Fox. |