[Warning: Dialogue-only silly smutfic ahead. Any resemblance to continuity with any of my other stories is entirely coincidental.]

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"Mmmm... oh _yeah_, that was good..."

"Now that's what I call a _party_."

"Has anyone seen my handcuffs?"

"Fitz, did you get chocolate sauce on the bed?"

"I thought that was Destrii."

"Uh-uh. I brought the strawberry jelly, the butterscotch whip and the porn vids.No chocolate sauce."

"Sam?"

"Yes?"

"Yes?"

"...Sam?!"

"...Oh no. Compassion?"

"That's Laura Tobin to-"

"What is it, Anji- /Laura?/"

"Compassion?"

"Laura?"

"/Both/ of them? Just when it couldn't get any weirder..."

"Say one word - *one word* - about 'ginger whingers', and you'll be in a time loop so fast-"

"Um, let me guess. You're Samantha Jones?"

"Uh-huh. You too?"

"Mm-hmm. ...I like what you've done with your hair."

"You too. The blonde look really works on you, you know?"

"I don't know... Brunette looks pretty good."

"It's not all it's cracked up to be, believe me."

"So did either of /you/ get chocolate sauce on the bed?"

"...Never mind the chocolate sauce, could you just get _off_ of me?"

"...Sorry, C'rizz. Um... I didn't know you could turn that colour..."

"...Neither did I..."

"Ssard, would you kindly remove your arm?"

"...That is not my arm, Charley. Or any other part of me."

"Then who...?"

"Fitz Kreiner Version 1 at your service, Miss Pollard. But in deference to Version 2 over there, you can call me Father Kreiner."

"...You know, you'd have thought we'd have noticed his armour."

"Then again, maybe we're just used to Ssard's."

"Mm-hmm. There was this time on our honeymoon... Ow! What...?! Oh. Um, Fey, I think I'm wearing your utility belt."

"Ah. Thank you, Stacy. Lee, is this _your_ motorcycle helmet?"

"Uh-huh... Oh my God, Grace?! What are you doing here?"

"...Well, Compassion turned up at my house last night and said she was taking me to last night's party, whether I liked it or not."

"...That's pretty nice for Cam. What's the catch?"

"It was tomorrow evening when she showed up."

"*Cam...*"

"Hey, Trix, I think this Richard Nixon mask's yours."

"Thanks."

"And this... Tony Blair mask... and suddenly I don't wanna know any more."

"Your loss."

"Um... who's got my bikini?"

"...I think it's... _ah_, there we are. Here you go, Izzy."

"Could you just hang on to it for a moment? I've got to clean the butterscotch whip off first."

"Man, this was a good party. Hey, anyone remember who brought the traffic cone?"

"No-one ever remembers that. Fundamental law of the Universe."

"Oh, right. Uh... Doctor?"

"...Not the one you're thinking of. I think you usually call me the Infinity Doctor."

"Oh right. So did you bring the one-armed guy?"

"Ahem."

"The other one-armed guy."

"Grandfather Paradox? No, I think he invited himself. He usually does."

"Yeah. Remember that time on Gallifrey? Made a right arse of things..."

"Good morning, Compassion."

"Mother? Mother, what are you _doing_ here?"

"...Oh, bloody Hell. _Blue?!_"

"Well, you can call me that if you want. Or 'old girl' - the Doctor always likes that one..."

"*MOTHER!!*"

"...We didn't. Did we?"

"I really, really hope we didn't. If the Doctor finds out we did it with the anthropomorphic personification of his TARDIS... no offence, Blue..."

"Oh, don't worry about the Doctor. He just needs to get out and live a little."

+Tell me about it.+

"...You okay over there, Zaggie?"

+Fine, fine. And it's Zagreus.+

"We're not missing anyone, are we?"

"How's Shayde doing, Fey?"

"I think we exhausted him, to be honest. Just not used to this sort of thing."

"Not surprising, especially with that bit with the fireman's helmet and the inflatable swimming pool..."

"Was that the bit before or after we started singing 'We Are The Champions'?"

"Can't remember. Last thing I remember was the pissing contest with Davros and the Special Weapons Dalek."

+Who won?+

"...I think it was the Special Weapons Dalek."

"I thought Compassion was dimensionally transcendental?"

"Don't go there."

"He cheated."

"How could he cheat? He's a Dalek and Cam's a TARDIS!"

"Well, he has got that massive-"

"*Don't go there.*"

"Where do you suggest we go?"

"Got me. Just not there."

"Y'know, we could always stay here..."

"...We don't have to save the Omniverse today, do we?"

"The Doctor can handle it without us, can't he?"

"Yeah. I mean, that's what he's there for."

"I think I've just worked out why we're the supporting characters."

"Uh-huh. Best just to let him get on with it."

"Mm-hmm. So where were we?"

"Hm. I think the fireman's helmet goes _here_..."

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End

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Featuring, in no particular order...

The Infinity Doctor (The Infinity Doctors), Zagreus (Neverland), and the 'Eighth Doctor' Grandfather Paradox (The Ancestor Cell)...

Sam Jones (The Eight Doctors to Interference, missing Legacy of the Daleks), and her alternate-timeline counterpart 'dark' Sam (Alien Bodies, Unnatural History); Compassion (Interference to The Ancestor Cell), and her original, Laura Tobin (Interference); Fitz Kreiner Version 1, aka Father Kreiner (The Taint to Interference, The Ancestor Cell), and Fitz Kreiner Version 2 (Interference to The Ancestor Cell, Escape Velocity onwards); Anji Kapoor (Escape Velocity to Timeless), and Trix MacMillan (Time Zero, The Domino Effect onwards)...

Izzy S (End Game to Oblivion), Fey Truscott-Sade (Tooth and Claw to Wormwood, Me And My Shadow to Oblivion), and Destriianatos (Ophidius, Uroboros and Oblivion)...

Charley Pollard (Storm Warning onwards) and C'rizz (The Creed of the Kromon onwards)...

Stacy Townsend (Dreadnaught to Coda, Placebo Effect) and Ssard (Ascendance to Coda, Placebo Effect)...

Chang Lee (the TVM) and Grace Holloway (the TVM, The Fallen)...

...and finally, Blue (Frontier Worlds).

Disclaimer: The BBC, Universal, Marvel, and Big Finish own 'em, not me.

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Copyright 2003 Imran Inayat.