MSTed: SELA 0/4
by PAUL GADZIKOWSKI
MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATRE 3000 series characters and concepts copyright Best
STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION series characters and concepts copyright
DOCTOR WHO series characters and concepts copyright BBC tv
THIS TIME ROUND conceived by Tyler Dion, after Kielle
SHOCK VALUE characters by BKWillis
BOOK OF TALIESIN by Helen Fayle
KING ARTHUR IN TIME AND SPACE is mine.
[SCENE: This Time Round. ADRIC is behind the bar. It is a slow night
and there are only a few patrons, all lined up at the bar: DOCTOR THREE;
PERI; Space KING ARTHUR at about fifty in sort-of Captain Kirk's movie
uniform; Space KING ARTHUR at about twenty in sort-of Captain Archer's
uniform; the Bradleyard's sidekick LYDIA; and VIVIENNE of the Book of
[As the scene starts VIVIENNE sits straighter suddenly, as if poked or
having heard a loud noise.]
DOCTOR THREE Something wrong, Sarah Jane?
VIVIENNE I've asked you not to call me that ...
DOCTOR THREE Sorry.
VIVIENNE Nothing's wrong. The crossover guy's writing again.
YOUNG ARTHUR Is that how you people think of him?
ADRIC For the most part, I guess.
YOUNG ARTHUR To me he's - well, I don't know. It's not like he's the only
author I've ever had. There are hundreds or thousands of Arthur
Pendragons in the world right now.
[Old ARTHUR raises his hand.]
PERI To me this guy's Aphrodite. Or Yenta the matchmaker.
LYDIA [to young ARTHUR] He's crossover guy to you too. *You're* a crossover.
The stories you're in are just part of his WHO/TREK crossover series,
further crossed over with Malory and Tennyson. A crossover crossover.
DOCTOR THREE I've been watching him since he first started posting to the
newsgroup. Working with him too - sometimes; the disadvantage of being
Jeri Massi's favorite is that other authors can be afraid they won't
LYDIA [Flatly] All due sympathy, I'm sure.
DOCTOR THREE Those WHO/TREK crossovers were his first big splash here, you
YOUNG ARTHUR I've never seen one.
OLD ARTHUR [to ADRIC] Pick one that hasn't been reposted recently and pull it
ADRIC [to the others] Any objections?
VIVIENNE Somehow it seems inevitable.
[ADRIC inputs some commands to a keyboard beneath the bar; and on the
big screen nearby the bar, the sort where most taverns feature the
televising of sporting events, text appears:]
> SELA 0/4
> by PAUL GADZIKOWSKI
> STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION series characters and concepts copyright
> Paramount Pictures
> DOCTOR WHO series characters and concepts copyright BBC tv
> It was a day after the abortion of
LYDIA Wesley Crusher.
> the invasion of Vulcan before
> Commander Sela thought to review her automatic security tapes.
DOCTOR THREE It seems Romulans have the same intelligence review procedures
as the CIA and FBI.
> Picard, Spock
> and the android had been locked in her office for some
PERI Hot monkey love.
YOUNG ARTHUR I thought this guy didn't write slash.
OLD ARTHUR You and I had better hope so.
> time before they
> escaped. If they had said anything useful it might go better for her at the
> trial - which is to say she might survive, perhaps even with her family name
VIVIENNE But not her acting career.
> To Sela's disconcert, she found that - once the android had set to
> work on the holoemitter - she herself was the subject of discussion.
> She learned that Picard had accepted her contention that her existence
> was his responsibility, though she hadn't told him the whole story.
YOUNG ARTHUR What whole story? "I hadn't worked since I ditched TNG in its
first season except for the alernate timeline story in the third season!
Please please please take me baaack!"
OLD ARTHUR Spoken like a true expert in alternate timeline stories.
> But he
> hadn't done so on *her* word. Sela wondered who this Guinan was,
> to have
> such influence over Picard (and over Spock too when Picard had repeated
> Guinan's opinion), and yet be unknown to Sela. She also wondered how Guinan
> came by the information, since he or she obviously hadn't told Picard any
> more than Sela had. That suggested Guinan didn't know the whole story - but
> then how did Guinan know as much as *was* said?
DOCTOR THREE Extrasensory perception?
LYDIA Pandimensional chronoanaphasia?
PERI Fortune cookie?
> Picard and Spock spoke of pursuing the matter as a temporal
> investigation led by, of all people, Picard's chief medical officer.
DOCTOR THREE 'Temporal'! At last some sign that this is a DOCTOR WHO
> the android announced the completion of his sabotage, and the Federation
> officers' conversation ceased as they assumed their holographic hiding
PERI [Romulans] ... ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred. Ready or not!
> Sela switched the recording off, having no care to live through the
> subsequent events another time.
LYDIA I wasn't paying attention the first time.
> What would that hag Pulaski know about temporal mechanics? No, she was
> back at Starfleet Medical now, and Crusher was back on the Enterprise.
ADRIC Oh yes, way back in the third season, and this is the fifth if it's
just after 'Unification'. Way to keep up with your intelligence briefs,
> more unlikely.
> Wait - Picard had said it'd been since before the House of Duras debacle
> that he'd met with with the doctor he and Spock had discussed but not named.
DOCTOR THREE Thar she blows!
> Could they have been referring to - what was his name - McCoy, who'd served
> with Spock?
OLD ARTHUR And a swing and a miss.
> Simple longevity didn't itself confer expertise in time travel,
> though with the experiences rumored of these two while they served under
> Kirk ...
LYDIA I wouldn't mind serving under Kirk.
PERI I don't mean to brag -
LYDIA Yeah right.
PERI - but http://www.sff.net/people/scarfman/dailies.htm#wpd
VIVIENNE Or, http://www.sff.net/people/scarfman/pp3b.htm
LYDIA And all he borrows me for is a MSTing.
> Of course the Federationese title "doctor" was applied most commonly
> to medical professionals, but not exclusively. It could signify an excess of
> education in any field.
OLD ARTHUR Oh, 'excess of education', signifying the POV character comes from
a society that undervalues education! Haha!
> Spock held the equivalent of many "doctrates" though
> he had never formalized any.
OLD ARTHUR Oh, then he'd be Dr. Spock! Haha!
YOUNG ARTHUR Bootlicker.
> So. An engineer or scientist, a specialist in temporal mechanics. Not
> serving the Federation in any official capacity. Contact with Starfleet or
> the Enterprise infrequent, apparently unpredictable and uncontrollable.
> Known to both Spock and Picard; so well known that his or her proper name
> need not be mentioned between them. ... Or whose proper name was *not* known.
> At that thought Sela's heart seemed to stop.
LYDIA Oh, if only it actually had. Then the story'd be over.
VIVIENNE You know, she never appeared in the screen canon again after this.
> Learned scientist. Name not known.
> Time travel.
> Could it be that the Alchemist was known to these Federation men?
OLD ARTHUR Oh, so to the Romulans the Doctor is -
OTHERS [to old ARTHUR] Shut up.
> END OF PROLOGUE
Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four