Next's Time Round [Warning: Doctor Who content very low. More messing about with the very concept of the 'Round, I'm afraid] Looking around the town of Nameless, I was struck as to how... ordinary it looked. Undefined, sure, but I was getting used to that. I'd been half expecting it to look as if it were made of pixels or something. The most defined building in the place was, of course, the pub, This Time Round. Out of curiosity, I went inside. Inside, it looked like a typical pub. Far more like a typical pub, in fact, than any pub I've ever seen. Nothing about the decor, however, actually impinged on my consciousness sufficiently for me to describe it. I was still pondering this when I got tapped on the shoulder. I turned, and saw a woman I assumed must be Polly. She looked a *bit* like Anekke Wills, but not as much as you'd expect. More idealised, I guess. "Excuse me," she said, "but you can't come in here unless you've appeared in a peice of Doctor Who fanfiction." I hesitated. "And it's no good coming back in a different story, and claiming *this* as your crossover, because I'm fed up of that one!" "Look," I said, deciding enough was enough. "I'm not a fictional character. I'm..." She stared at me. "Yes, you *are*. I've been doing this job long enough to know a fictional character when I see one." "Well, you obviously don't," I retorted, "because you aren't seeing one now." Who are you then, an author avatar?" "No," I tried to explain, "I'm with..." "Er, maybe I can help." said a new voice. Approaching us was a man in his mid twenties, with thick glasses and dark hair tied back in a ponytail. The sort of ponytail that isn't trying to be cool, but just keep your hair out of your eyes, if I was any judge. He had a rather nervous manner, but clearly felt he needed to explain. His explanation came as something of a surprise to me. "Um, you see, *yes*, Ms Next *is* a fictitious character, but she doesn't *know* that." My immediate reaction to this revelation was to dismiss it out of hand. On the other hand the guy knew my name, and had called me "Ms Next", not "Miss", suggesting he hadn't been affected by Landen's eradication. I was still sceptical, though. So was Polly. "Why not?" she asked. Ponytail swallowed. Clearly whatever explanation he had was one he'd prefer not to try and explain. "Because, from her point of view, she's, well, she's inside her continuity." He braced himself, apparently convinced that Polly would regard this as unbelievable as I did the idea of being fictional. He was right. "She's *what*?" Polly exclaimed. "Daibhid, how can the 'Round be *inside* someone *else's* continiuty?" "Um, well, this is Thursday Next. In her novels she works for Jurisfiction, a sort of police force inside literature. She can enter any work of fiction, including unpublished works and, presumably, fanfic. Naturally, this means lots of crossovers, and she usually enters after the story's finished, so as not to change things. In other words, being outside an established continuity is actually a standard part of her stories." He thought for a moment. "If it helps, I think she met the Daleks in a villain pub in the Well of Lost Plots." Polly turned to me. "Is this true?" she demanded. I shrugged. "It's true I work for Jurisfiction." I said, showing her my badge. "As far as the rest of it goes, I've no idea. I've certainly never *thought* of myself as fictional." Well, not often, I added silently. "And I did meet a Dalek once, but it wasn't in the Slaughtered Lamb." "Wasn't it?" asked the guy Polly had called Daibhid, in some surprise. Reaching into a green and navy rucksack at his feet he pulled out a book and started flicking through it. With a slight sensation of vertigo, I noticed the title was "The Well Of Lost Plots". Polly, meanwhile, looked lost. "So this means what? The 'Round is *part* of this woman's continuity?" "Depends how you look at it." replied Daibhid, without looking from the book. "Would you describe 'Dracula' as part of 'League of Extraordinary Gentlemen' continuity?" He looked up, as a thought struck him. "Anyway, if we *were* in the Nextiverse, you'd have recognised Jurisfiction, and Thursday wouldn't be fictional. I'm betting it's just a weird glitch." "Sorry for the confusion." I said. "I was actually just looking for a shortcut between the Whoniverse and Callahan's Cross-Time Saloon, and this looked like the best bet." "Not a problem." said Polly graciously. She glared at Daibhid. "This isn't likely to happen again, is it?" "Shouldn't think so," he said cheerfully, "The glitch depends on having characters who move through fictional worlds, but don't know they themselves are fictional. And since the Master of the Land of Fiction is one of ours anyway, I don't see who else can use it." At that point the pub door was pushed open by a small boy with a shock of blond hair. The gargoyle on his shoulder commented, "Meep!" "You're right, Twoflower," said the boy. "This would appear to be licenced premises, and I am underage. And you have to respect the rules when your a Heroic Assistant Librarian." He smiled at Polly. "Danny Nod, at your service. And this is my trusty assistant, Iolaus." Polly's glare had increased into the terawatt range. Daibhid avoided eye-contact with her. "Um, Thursday? Danny?" he asked tentatively, "Could you help me and Bob the Muse to fix the glitch? Before Polly kills me?" "Of course, Mr Author Avatar," said ther boy, "It's all in a day's work for a Heroic Assistant Librarian, isn't it, Milhouse?" The gargoyle nodded. "Sure," I said, "why not?" "See? This'll all be sorted out in no time at all," said Daibhid. "Hmph," was Polly's only response. The large man I assumed to be Bob the Muse muttered, just too low for Polly to hear, "Until they actually *are* outside continuity, o'course." I decided not to even *think* about that just now. [Summary: There are new faces at the 'Round, but where did they come from... and how?] Disclaimers: Polly is the only Doctor Who character in this, and belongs to the Beeb. "This Time Round" created by Tyler Dion. Thursday Next created by Jasper Fforde in the Thursday Next novels, which everyone should read right now. Danny Nod created by Bill Willingham in DC Comics' "The Dreaming". "Callahan's Cross-time Saloon" created by Spider Robinson. Again, sorry about this. I've just been reading the Thursday Next books, and started thinking about how different concepts of "outside continuity" might overlap... or collide. -- Dave The Official Absentee of EU Skiffeysoc http://www.eusa.ed.ac.uk/societies/sesoc Joe: What do you think *you* can do? The Doctor: Resist them. Surprise them. Oh, and possibly perform a few show tunes. -Doctor Who: Scream of the Shalka