Ever Have One Of Those Days?

/ / marks represent authorial interjection.


[Interior, Fantasy Island Hotel Dining Room.

Our regular cast of characters is there, looking _very, very_ unhappy...]


[Skuld] Oh, great.

[Ryouga] [mutter mumble]

[Fitz] It's only 6 am!

[Ukyou] What the hell kind of author makes his characters get up at 6 am? I'm gonna complain to my agent...

[Urd] Author, _hell_...

[Ryoko] Who's he think he is, anyway?

/I'm the author.

And you _all_ agreed to this, remember?/

[Izzy] Only 'cause we wanted a _holiday_...

[quiet voice] I'm calling my lawyer...

/All right, who said that?/


/Come on, who said that?/

More silence.

/Okay, okay....

...I'm sorry./

[Urd] Soft touch.

/Yeah. But given _some_ of the things you guys have been put through, I figure... what the hell?/

/Besides, if you get _too_ out of hand, there's always...

...the Continuity Shuffle./

[Ayeka] You wouldn't *dare*...

/Oh? I notice one or two other authors've been playing with it.

And it hasn't been criminalised... yet./

[Anji] All right, all right...

/Anyway. I've set you guys up...

...Sorry, just a mo.

Lessee... Izzy, Stacy, Ssard, Fey, Compassion, Charley, Anji, Sam, Fitz.../

[Sam] Oh, cruk...

[Ryoko] Y'mean...?

[Keiichi] Yep. He's only gone and forgotten who he put in...

/...Washu, Sasami, Ryoko, Ayeka, Mihoshi, Tenchi.../

[Urd] [sigh] This is gonna take a while... Anyone for a game of poker?

[Mihoshi] What's poker?

/...Urd, Bell, Skuld, Keiichi.../

[Stacy] Cards?

[Urd] Sure. My own personal deck.


[Urd] All right, all right...

/...Ukyou, Ryouga, Kuno, the Principal and Sasuke.


Of course, we've got a couple of other wildcards floating around...

...and one or two yet to turn up.../

[Tenchi] Oh _good_. This _will_ be fun...

/You haven't seen the story arc yet.../

[chorus] This is a *story arc*?!

[Urd] Urd Bolt STRIKE!

[Bell] Holy Wind Press!

[Skuld] SKULD BOMB!!!

[Tenchi] Lighthawk Wings!

[Fey] Psychic bullets, bullets...

[Fitz] Where'd I put the Om-Tsor...?

[Kuno] Foul, depraved fiend! Taste the Fury of Furinkan High's bokken master!

[Ukyou] Spatula, spatula...

[Ryouga] Shibiki-Hokken-Dan!

[Sasami] Onee-sama!! Help!




[Author falls over]

[Skuld] Right. Now... anyone up for ice cream?

/...I hate Tuesdays.../



/Oyyy... Where's the antiseptic?/

/Hmph. Gotta be something I can.../

/Heh. I know.../

/You want revenge? You've got revenge./


'Hi there! Look Who's Talking, the day care centre outside continuity! How may I help?!'

/[blink blink] Huh? Who are _you?_/

'Listen, you. The name's Kiyone. Galaxy Police Officer Kiyone to you. And *this* is the only place I could get away from that damn Mihoshi. Honestly. A police officer of my calibre...'

/Okay, okay... Sheesh./

'Now, how may I - [retching sounds] - Listen, you little brat, you're under arrest. What's your name?'

[giggling] 'Green-haired lady nice... Me Mihoshi-chan.'


/Is this a bad time?/

[muffled explosion]

'Green-haired lady take nap now...'

/Um... Hi there. Listen, I was wondering.../

[giggles] 'Okay, author-san. Miho-chan tell them...'


'...jus' as soon as Miho-chan get up...'



[Interior, Hotel Dining Room]

[Ryoko] Hey, did you feel that?

[Urd] What, that sense of impending doom and danger following behind us like an ominous black cloud?

[Ryoko] Yeah.

[Urd] Nope. Not yet.

[Ryoko] Oh.

[Urd] [puts her cards on the table] [smirks] Full house.

[Ryoko] [smirking even more] Royal flush.


Somewhere, on a deserted beach...


A dripping wet teenage boy has just pulled himself out of the ocean.

He pauses.

'Wait just a moment...'

He sniffs the air.

'Girls. Beautiful girls. Non-jealous non-oni girls...'

'A whole _harem_ of girls...'



[Interior, Hotel Dining Room. The boys are still playing poker.]

[Keiichi] Hey, Tenchi?

[Tenchi] Yeah, Keiichi?

[Keiichi] Did you just get... [struggles for words] ...an overwhelming feeling of jealousy, protectiveness, outrage, and a desire to pound any nearby lechers into the ground?

[Fitz] Now you mention it...

[Keiichi] Fitz? You too?

[Ryouga as P-chan] BWEE! BWEE!

[Fitz] [looks at Ssard's face] Uh-oh...

[The boys look at each other]

[chorus] Oh, crap...

[Tenchi] Hey, where'd these toddler- AKK!


/What the...?/

/Okay, who let Ataru Moroboshi in here?/


[Interior. Hotel Dining Room.

Swarming with toddlers.

All of whom look... disturbingly familiar...]

[Baby Mihoshi] Hi there!

[Izzy] EEP!

[Washu] AAKKK!!!

[Urd] [muffled] Will someone get these blasted toddlers OFFA ME?!

[Baby Urd] Will sommone get this Adult OFF ME?!?!?! [looks inside nappy] Um... and a clean nappy, if it's not too much trouble.

[Baby Ayeka and Ryoko are chasing after the grownup Tenchi, who looks _distinctly_ scared]

[Baby Fitz is trying to look down the adult Sam's jeans]

[Adult Keiichi is quite simply _boggling_ at the baby Goddesses]


[Baby Kuno] O Beautiful Pigtailed One! Kuno declares his-

[Compassion] GET OFF ME! @$@%@% TODDLERS!!

[Baby Mihoshi] You shouldn't say that. It's not nice...


[Skuld] [looking embarrassed, and holding baby Bell] Umm...


[Baby Washu] Hmm. Interdimensional parallels... [she calls up her floating My First Computer] [examines crayonned notes] Now, let me see...

[Kuno] Baby Jackson-san! I desire the honour of your autograph!

[Baby Ssard, disguised as baby Samuel L. Jackson] [don't ask] [clobbers Kuno with model brick] Shut up...

[Charley] [looks at the confusion around her] Is this what they mean by a revengefic?

[Compassion] *This* isn't a revengefic. [pulls out sheaf of paper] THIS is a revengefic... [she smirks] Or at least, where our revengefic _starts._


[Interior. The Starship Enterprise, NCC-1701-D]

[Baby Ryouga] Hey, guys, where are you?!

[Picard] Number One, _what_ is this toddler doing on my chair?

[Riker] [straightfaced] Dripping.

[Picard] You're on report, Number One... And can someone _please_ get a blasted cushion?



The author picked up his mail.

'Bill. Bill. Emotional letter from Mum. Bill... what?'

He tore open the letter, and read, his eyes widening with every sentence.

'What the... Contract to write...'


'This signature's a forgery!'

' "We'll see you in court". ' the letter said.

'I'd like to see you try...' the author muttered.

' "Wait until you see the football match?" '

'You _bastards!_ I _hate_ football!' the author screamed.

' "We know. That's why we're doing it... Don't forget now, you're under contract..." '

The author folded the piece of paper.

He smiled dangerously.

'Be careful what you wish for, guys. You just might get it...'




Copyright 2001 Imran Inayat