(Inspired by the recent reposting of the Peri arc...)
PERI BROWN AND THE CHAMBER OF SUCRETS 1/1 TTR, TDTO, Peri arc IViii
by Paul Gadzikowski
Bits of this work may derive from properties owned by the BBC, Paramount,
Fox, etc., but it's not-for-profit and doesn't intrude on their markets.
THIS TIME ROUND created by Tyler Dion, after Kielle.
THEN DO THAT OVER (H.G. Wells Memorial High School) created by Paul
Gadzikowski, after Imran, after Tyler, after Kielle.
KING ARTHUR IN TIME AND SPACE is mine.
Previously in the author's Outside-Continuity: Peri married all eight Doctors
in a ceremony at the tavern outside continuity, This Time Round. The two
(nine) of them enjoy frequent extracontinuity quests to hunt down the
identity of Peri's father, so that she can eventually pick the scenario she
likes best. The Valeyard and his reflection from KING ARTHUR IN TIME AND
SPACE, Merlin's evil amalgam Taliesin, teamed up as villains of this subarc.
Rather than villainizing the usual adult Peri, however, they elected for the
present to set their sights on teenage Peri who attends the high school
outside continuity H.G. Wells Memorial. Taliesin posed as the school's new
headmaster, while "Lord Val de Yard" remained a disembodied voice "until I've
regained my full strength." But the school's librarian - the Wells
manifestation of Space Merlin - delayed young Peri from her after-school
appointment with Tailesin to present her with "philosopher-prisoner's chamber
goblet", a mystical object on which lettering appears when it's thrust into a
"Nine fellows of the goblet," declared Merlin, "to counter the nine
riders of Lord Val de Yard."
Colin Doctor and his seven brothers eyed the goblet in Peri's hands. "If
our first encounter is with a castle of Frenchmen who claim they've got their
own, I'm packing it in."
"Brave heart, Col," sighed Peter.
"She's *your* girlfriend," said Paul gracelessly.
Peri was little more enthused with the mission charged them by the
librarian than the boys were. "Where do we take it?"
"Goodness, how should I know?" said Mr. Merlin. "It's the headmaster
told you he knew your father, isn't it? I know all about that - he asked me
to see you were provisioned for a magical quest. Go on, he's expecting you."
"I still don't see what you need us for," Paddy complained as the long
line of everybody filed out of the school library down the corridor. "Stupid
"I'd say that diverting the Doctor brothers away from a combined
investigation in the chemistry section is pretty smart," Peri snorted. "What
do you mean to do to the Masters *now*?"
"Haven't decided quite," said Tom, cheerfully ignoring his brothers'
disingenuously innocent expressions. "We were looking for inspiration."
"What have *they* done to *you* this time?"
"Tony hit me in the face with a spectrox pie," Peter grumbled. "This
school uniform's ruined."
Peri had noticed the stained lapel. "He's just sore because he started
in your class and has been let back to Sly's."
"That's true enough," said Jon, "though Roger's been very out of sorts
lately too." But they'd arrived at the headmaster's office and bundled
through the door.
"Name?" demanded Mr. Popplewick.
"Peri Brown," Peri said, rolling her eyes. "The headmaster's expecting
Mr. Popplewick looked at the headmaster's appointment book, and his face
went that shade of sour reserved for when he wasn't going to get to tell
someone 'no'. "Go on in," he told her. When the boys made to follow her,
though, he perked up considerably. "Names?!"
"Doctor," they said simultaneously. "You know our names," Colin said
"We're with her," said Bill.
"I don't see you in the appointment book," said Mr. Popplewick with glee
manifested as officiousness. The brothers started arguing with him, and Peri
entered the headmaster's office and left them to it.
"Peri!" The headmaster smiled and came around his desk to seat her, then
resumed his chair behind his desk. "Thank you for coming."
"Well, I couldn't not come," said Peri. "What's this about my father
being a wizard? And who'd Lord Val de Yard?"
"Well, let me start at the beginning," said the headmaster. "I think I
mentioned to you the philospher-prisoner's chamber goblet -"
"Yeah, here it is," said Peri, placing Mr. Merlin's cup on the desk.
She was a little confused that he hadn't seemed to notice it in her
hands before. Now it became evident that the reason he'd ignored it was
because he didn't believe it was what it was. "Where did you get this?"
"Mr. Merlin knew you were sending me on a quest and thought I could use
some magical protection. He had this lying around."
The headmaster stared at it a moment. "*This* is the PPCG?"
"When you subject it to heat -"
Peri turned the cup on its side, base toward him, so he could see the
still glowing letters that had appeared under the ministrations of the
librarian's propane torch, reading THIS SIDE DOWN DURING USE.
"That's it all right," said the headmaster. Peri had never seen him not
"Too easy," came a disembodied voice.
"What was that?" Peri squeaked.
"You're right," the headmaster answered the voice. "We're going to need
"Tell her everything," said the voice.
"Listen, Peri," said the headmaster, leaning forward earnestly ...
"You know," said Colin, "I'll bet there's a world of righteous
indignation ready to spill out of Mr. Popplewick's mouth right now."
"Duct tape *does* hold the world together," Sly grinned.
The eight brothers, having saved the universe - well, themselves - from
oppression once again, proceeded into the headmaster's office after Peri,
"That's Taliesin!" Peter exploded.
"I know," said Peri.
"The amalgamation of all of Merlin's evil!" Bill explained.
"He told me," said Peri.
"The KING ARTHUR IN TIME AND SPACE analog of the Valeyard!" Jon
"He's here, too," said Peri. "Sort of."
"Hello, boys," said the disembodied voice.
"We're talking *adult*, Pipandjanely motivationless,
drinks-at-the-'Round evil from the dawn of Season 23, Peri! Two of them!"
Colin emphasized. "What do you think you're doing here?"
"We're joining forces against a greater threat," said Peri.
Summary for archivist:
Humor; THIS TIME ROUND, THEN DO THIS OVER, Peri arc IV
teenage Peri, teenage Doctors; the Valeyard, Space Taliesin, TDTO Space
The evil headmaster and the adolescent Peri.
Paul Gadzikowski, email@example.com since 1995
"What makes the muskrat guard his musk?"