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I said there was a story about Polly in here somewhere... THis Time Round / Then Do That Over Polly's Guide To the Rules (aka The Perils of Polly) by V. Jewitt TTR/TDTO: Polly’s Guide to the Rules Polly’s the most popular girl in the school, but she’d rather be Dodo… *** 10. Being the Most Popular Girl in the School takes dedication, effort and not always doing the things one wants to. And brushing one’s hair a lot. * Polly sat on the nearest table and made a face. It was a Monday. Mondays meant English, Maths and nothing in between. People who knew Polly well would have trouble believing it but it was the gap in the middle that was causing her trouble. “I don’t see what the problem is,” Patrick Doctor said as he crossed to her side. Polly glanced across at him with a small smile on her face. “No, I don’t suppose you do,” she returned. “It’s just that – well, you know how things have been lately.” “Ah,” he said heavily. “The school does seem to be even more in a state of flux than usual.” She propped her elbows on the table and rested her head in her hands. “And suddenly I’ve got all this responsibility.” “What?” Polly grimaced. “Oh, most popular girl in the school and that sort of thing. We’re the oldest class, so it has to be one of us. But it’s all such a nuisance.” “I’d have thought it was a compliment.” She sighed. “I suppose it is rather. It’s just that if a popular girl takes something from an unpopular girl – well, that’s plain mean, isn’t it?” “I’m sorry,” said Patrick, “but you’ve lost me there, Polly.” * 9. Never steal your best friend’s boyfriend. It had been all very well three years back – even if it seemed more like aeons ago now – when Polly had been running after boys in the year above. I mean, why would she have taken any notice of annoying and short Ben Jackson taking up with her best friend Dodo? She’d thought it was sweet at the time. Now, she didn’t. She really didn’t. And there weren’t any older boys any more. Everything had gone wrong and it was terribly hard to put one’s finger on how or why it had happened. “Is that all?” said Pat, on hearing her explanation. He clapped his hands together cheerfully. “Well, in that case, all you need to do is tell Ben and I’m sure it’ll all work out.” Polly grabbed him by the arm. “Oh, but you mustn’t! Promise me. You see, I can’t do anything – it’d be unfair. There are rules, you know.” “I know, but I didn’t think you had any problems breaking them,” he said with a grin at her. She laughed. “Some rules, no. But stealing your best friend’s boyfriend? That’s a no-no. Climbing over the wall to run away from Maths? That’s different.” “Oh,” said Pat and thought about it. His face brightened again. “Of course! We don’t have to tell anyone. Jamie and I will come up with a plan and we’ll break them up for you.” Polly faced him sternly. “No. That’s as bad. I’d know. I’d feel guilty. It wouldn’t be right.” “Well, what are you going to do then?” he responded, slightly sulkily. She put on a determined look. “The only thing I can. I’m going to concentrate on my work and wait till this silliness goes away.” “Oh,” he said and edged towards the door. Polly glanced after him, knowing him well. “And, Pat – if any mysterious things start happening to Dodo and Ben, I *will* know who to blame and I *will* come up with something nasty to deal with you and Jamie!” He acknowledged that. It didn’t do to push Polly too hard. When forced, she could come up with uses for nail-polish remover that would have every Cyberman in the vicinity fleeing for their lives. * “Look, Polly and Patrick seem to be planning something,” observed Vicky nosily as she and Susan wandered past the classroom, engaged on their own secret business. By the time Year 7 arrived in the classroom for their lesson, it was all over school that Polly and Patrick were going out and Miss Wright had caught them kissing and given them detention and two hundred lines each. * “Jamie,” said Patrick, running after him down the corridor. “Oh, there you are. We need to help Polly, but she’s not making it easy for us.” He stuffed half a sandwich in his mouth. “Umm hmm?” “Oh, really, Jamie,” said Pat, ducking to avoid crumbs. “She needs help, but she says that we’re not to try and interfere under any circumstances.” He swallowed the rest of the sandwich hastily and started choking. “We’ll have to be subtle,” mused his friend thoughtfully. “It could be difficult.” Jamie, turning red in the face, spat his mouthful onto the floor and coughed heavily. “Really, Jamie,” said Zoe, who was passing by at that moment, “that’s disgusting!” He protested incoherently, but she was already marching off towards the library with her faithful shadow Gwendoline trailing behind her. “Jamie,” said Patrick reproachfully, “I don’t think you’re listening to me, are you?” * 8. Be nice to everyone (unless they are trying to take over the universe). Polly settled down in her niche in the library and opened her book. She had only read two lines when she was joined by Zoe. “I am rather busy,” she said. The other girl took no notice. “I’ve just sent Gwendoline to look for a book, but I needed to talk to you. She will keep having these ridiculous crushes on all sorts of people, but now – well.” “Now what?” She pulled her chair across. “Now she’s got a crush on Pat. And you know what he’s like. He won’t even notice.” “I don’t see what the problem is, then,” said Polly. “She’ll move on to someone else and it won’t bother him.” This sort of thing had happened several times before, as Pat was quite good-looking and he was the best archer in the school. If it weren’t for his dress-sense, someone could possibly describe him as dashing. But most admirers were put off by the practical jokes even before they realised that anything romantic would need to be spelt out in very large letters before he noticed. Like everyone except Gemma Corwin, Gwendoline would learn that for herself. Zoe put her head in her hands. “Yes,” she agreed. “I suppose I’m a bit fed up with her. She’s so useless and she keeps complaining and she falls for every single practical joke that Pat and Jamie come up with and-. Oh. Hello Gwendoline!” “Hello.” She passed Zoe the heavy book and then sat down, opened up her notebook and started doodling hearts. *You see* mouthed Zoe to Polly. Polly closed her own book carefully, aware of not entirely dissimilar doodles. See? She told herself. Everyone has crushes. It’s all nonsense and it doesn’t mean a thing. * “Polly, my dear,” said Bill. “You haven’t seen Susan or Vicki, have you?” She shook her head. “Not lately, although Steven seems to think they might be up to something.” He considered this. “Hmm. That was what I thought. I’d better find them before Barbara or Ian discover whatever it is they’re up to.” “I’ll let them know if I see them,” she told him. Barbara and Ian were head girl and head boy respectively and they would certainly have something to say about sixth formers setting a bad example to the rest of the school if they found Susan and Vicki getting into mischief. * 7. Jealousy isn’t pretty, so don’t let it show. It was odd, but Dodo at eighteen looked a lot younger than she had at fifteen or sixteen year, Polly reflected as she brought her tray across to her friend’s table. Dodo had sandwiches as usual. “What is it today?” Polly asked politely. Dodo swallowed hastily. “Marmite.” “Lovely,” said Polly and then surveyed her School Dinner with mistrust. Chips, disturbingly bright green mushy peas and a fishcake followed by a donut with a blob of something green on top that looked like washing-up liquid. Miss Tyler the dinner lady had glared at her so hard she’d thought she was going to attack her with her ladle when she’d asked hopefully for a salad. “You ask me for a salad *every single day*,” Miss Tyler had said darkly. “Every single flipping day. And has there ever been one? Has there ever been anything except chips and stuff?” Polly had shaken her head. “I think there was a chicken pie once. Maybe tomorrow?” She reflected that Miss Tyler seemed an unlikely sort of dinner lady – much too young and attractive and bright to be dishing up unappetising school meals. Not of course, she amended, not wanting to be unpleasant even inwardly, that she was implying that dinner ladies were old or stupid or ugly. Oh -. She sighed and ate a chip. “What did you think of that English question?” asked Dodo. “I thought it was a bit of a stinker, but Ben helped me with it.” Polly widened her eyes in surprise. “He did? But he doesn’t even take English.” “Yes, but it’s always useful to have someone to talk to,” she said cheerily. Polly thought she sounded smug, but then she was biased. “Was Patrick helping you?” “In a way.” Dodo coughed. “Polly, you’re not going out with him, are you? Because everyone keeps asking me today -.” “Of course not!” she said. Her friend looked relieved. “Oh, good. I mean, I know you two are friends and all that, but you’d never know whether he was going to kiss you or throw disappearing ink down your top.” “Knowing Pat,” said Polly, “it’d probably be something worse than disappearing ink.” * But she did have an idea. One of her philosophies in life was when in trouble, try flirting your way out. It worked surprisingly often. And she had a perfect victim already lined up. (Not, of course, *the* Perfect Victim, because she thought he was distinctly sexist and slightly creepy with it). Then she saw Ben coming, so she hastily ate another chip and then muttered something about needing the library. If she had to sit opposite Dodo and Ben *and* eat school dinners, she would probably throw up and nobody ever appreciated that sort of thing. * Rose Tyler glared at the smaller version of herself, who was being picky about which chips she wanted and refusing to have any mushy peas. Great. Absolutely great. The one thing she never wanted to have to do again and here she was, stuck with it, day in day out. And since when had she been such a brat? She wondered if she could complain to someone about misrepresentation outside of reality, but doubted it. “Miss Tyler,” said Susan, pushing in gently. “I’m so sorry to bother you, but we need some more pepper for our table.” Little Rose glowered at her. “I was here first.” “Here,” said Miss Tyler quickly and passed her the pepper. “Right, now tell me again. You want some of the thin chips, no peas and you don’t like fishcake?” “And what’s that supposed to be on top of the donut?” asked Jackie. “Looks like washing up liquid to me. Urgh.” The word spread down the queue that Miss Tyler had gone mad and put washing-up liquid on the donuts to poison them all. Everyone refused to have any pudding and Mickey started crying. Miss Tyler silently prayed for aliens to come and devour the lot of them. * 6. Don’t flirt or tease. It’s not kind. “Algy,” said Polly, batting her long, dark eyelashes. “You will sit next to me in history, won’t you, Algy *darling*?” Algernon ffinch swallowed. “Er – um -.” “I promise I’ll protect you from Jamie,” she added. That sounded like a bargain. “Oh, very well. Not, of course, that I am afraid of the ignorant Highlander.” “I don’t think you should call him that,” she said carefully. “He seems to be doing better in history than you.” “That’s a lie. I fell asleep during the last test we had -.” She took his hand. “Well, never mind, Algy *dearest*. It’ll be a good opportunity for you to ask me to the dance.” “Dance?” he said in some alarm. Polly shrugged. “I’m going to be arranging one soon. Something modern and with-it. My friend Kitty will sort it out for me.” “You did say Kitty and not Kirsty, didn’t you?” he asked nervously. “I’m not coming if she is there.” She shook her head at him in mock-amusement. “You can’t fool me, Algy ffinch. I know you’re as brave as a lion!” * After she had gone he heaved a gloomy sigh and thought about running away. * 5. Trying to fight stories gets you nowhere. There were rules they lived by and breaking the one about how to behave to one’s best friend would relegate Polly to being a Bad Character. It might start with being mean to Dodo, but it would probably end up with being some sort of evil empress trying to rule the galaxy. Which might be fun, she thought wistfully, but she knew it wasn’t for her. No, decided Polly, flirting with the unfortunate Algernon ffinch was as far as she was going. If it got her even the smallest, tiniest bit of attention that might be construed as jealousy from Ben, then she might have consider whether there was anything that could be done and if it didn’t, she would have to get on with her work and stop being foolish. And she would not, whatever else she did, give in to her sudden desire to hit Dodo with one of her history books. She *would not*. It would be unkind and unfair. * “So," said Pat, “what have we come up with so far?” Jamie thought. “I’ll steal Dodo from Ben and -.” “That’s no good,” his friend said. “I told you, Polly will do something horrible if she finds either of us getting directly involved. We’ve got to be sneaky and subtle.” He took this in. “Aye. Subtle. If I steal Dodo from Ben when Polly isn’t looking -?” Patrick sighed. “Jamie, do we have to go back over the meaning of ‘subtle’?” “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” “Hmm,” he reflected. “That *is* true. All the same -.” Jamie continued. “We could drop something heavy on Dodo. That should do it.” “That’s *not* subtle,” Patrick protested. “It’s not terribly nice, either. Besides, most of the really heavy bits and pieces are fixed to the floor. I can’t imagine why…” Jamie frowned, thinking it over hard. “Maybe we’ll have to let her sort this one out herself,” Pat concluded. Jamie shook his head and smiled at him. “No. I know exactly what we should do.” “Now, Jamie -.” He told him his idea. Jamie,” said Patrick in surprise and glee, “I do believe you’ve hit upon the very thing!” * “Polly,” said a plaintive voice from somewhere above her as she entered the girls’ dormitory. That came as a slight surprise, because she’d been at a sixth form college at the beginning of the morning, but this sort of thing did happen from time to time. “Polly, please help me!” Pushing minor existential worries about boarding schools aside, she stared about the room, eventually finding Vicki on top of the wardrobe. “What are you doing up there?” Vicki made a face. “Trying to get down, but I seem to have caught my dress on something. I’m well and truly hooked.” Polly pulled a chair over and, mounting it, set about freeing her unfortunate classmate. “Thank you,” said Vicki brightly and slipped down nimbly. “That’s the last time I try that game of getting around the room without touching the floor.” It was only after the other girl had left that Polly realised that that was no explanation at all. No one played that game alone. Bill was right – Vicki and Susan were up to something. * Jamie explained everything to Zoe, who was frowning. “Why are you telling me this?” He said innocently, “Pat said that you should know, but o’course, you’re not to do *anything at all* to interfere. We wouldn’t want that, would we?” “He said that?” she asked, her eyes darkening. “Why does he think I would interfere?” “No, no, he said you’re *not* to…” She had gone. Jamie grinned widely to himself and strode off in the opposite direction. Sometimes he could be subtle. If the school offered courses in How to Annoy Girls, he’d be the best student in the class. Part Two
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