Story Time - The Princess Bride

Part Four

CUT TO: Ext., Hovel, Dusk.

[LEE, SSARD and FITZ's corpse approach the hovel's door.

[LEE knocks.

[From inside the hovel comes a little old man's voice]

OLD MAN: Go away!

[LEE knocks again]

OLD MAN: [opening a small window in the door] What? What?

LEE: Are you the Miracle Imran who worked for the King all those years?

NARRATOR (v.o.): Hold it. Miracle Imran? What is this, the obligatory avatar-insertion part of the fic?

IMRAN: Hi, Anji. Couldn't think of anyone else who fit the story and the characters, so I, um, inserted myself.

NARRATOR (v.o.): [sighs] Sheesh. All right, all right, let's get this over with...

IMRAN: [ahem] The King's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed!

[He shuts the window. LEE raps on the door again]

IMRAN: [opens the window] Beat it or I call the Brute Squad.

SSARD: I am on the Brute Squad.

IMRAN: [taking him in] You _are_ the Brute Squad.

SSARD: And you are an Author. I know which of us is the more dangerous.

LEE: Listen, we need a miracle - it's important.

IMRAN: Look, I'm retired. And besides, why would you want someone the King's stinking son fired? I might kill whoever you wanted me to miracle.

SSARD: As if you haven't tried it before.

LEE: He's already dead.

IMRAN: [ignoring SSARD] He is? I'll take a look. Bring him in.

[He unlocks the door and lets them in]


CUT TO: Int., Miracle Imran's Hovel.

[MIRACLE IMRAN is revealed to be a little old man with pale brown skin, brown eyes, and short white hair, in white robes.

[LEE and SSARD hurry in, SSARD carrying FITZ's stiffening body.

[SSARD places FITZ's body on a bench near the fireplace, picks up FITZ's stiffening arm, and lets it fall back down, limp]

IMRAN: I've seen worse.

SSARD: I wouldn't be surprised.

[IMRAN ignores him, studying FITZ's body, giving it the once-over]

LEE: Er... 'scuse me?

IMRAN: Yeah?

LEE: We're kinda in a hurry.

IMRAN: Don't rush me. You rush me, you get rotten miracles.

SSARD: As if we needed proof.

IMRAN: [ignoring him] You got any money?

LEE: Sixty-five.

IMRAN: Sheesh! I never worked for sixty-five, 'cept once, and that was a noble cause. [does his best to look noble]

SSARD: Oras preserve us from authors who think they can act.

LEE: This _is_ a noble cause. [points at FITZ] His wife's crippled. His children are gonna starve.

IMRAN: You're a terrible liar, you know that?

LEE: I need him to help avenge my father, who was murdered ten years ago.

IMRAN: I preferred your first story. More angst. [looks around] Where's that bellows? [spots it] Ah. I'll just ask _him_ 'bout this... hold on a moment... [goes to get the bellows]

LEE: He's dead. He can't talk.

IMRAN: Where've you been- no, don't answer that. It just so happens your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Open his mouth, please.

[LEE does so. IMRAN shoves the bellows in FITZ's mouth and begins to pump]

IMRAN: Now, mostly dead is slightly alive. Now, all dead...well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do.

LEE: What's that?

IMRAN: [stops pumping] Dump the corpse and pretend you were nowhere near. [starts pumping] Hey, hello in there! What's so important? What've you got that's worth living for? [presses lightly on FITZ's chest]

FITZ: oooowwwwt...

[The other three stare at FITZ]

LEE: ...What'd he say?

IMRAN: [draws himself up] Getting ow. Obviously, your friend is some form of masochist - and yeah, nothing wrong with that, long as you know your limits - and this poor bastard obviously went too far-

WOMAN'S VOICE: [shrieking] - Sadist! - SADIST!!

[ALLIE, an ancient little fury, storms out of the back room, long white hair flying behind her as she heads for IMRAN]

IMRAN: ...eep.

ALLIE: Excuse me? If anyone's enjoying the pain around here, it's _you_, putting them all through this. We all _know_ you're going to give in so Fitz and the others can get out of the story... _right?_

IMRAN: ...Um, Allie?

ALLIE: _Yes?_

IMRAN: There needs to be an IC reason for Miracle Imran to save him. I mean, I _could_ do it... but I've kinda set up the Miracle Imran role in-story, and I've got to play it through...

ALLIE: [sighs] All right, all right... [turns to SSARD and LEE, crosses arms] He's afraid. Ever since Zagreus fired him, his confidence's been shattered.

SSARD: [looks at IMRAN] ...Right.

IMRAN: [winces] You _had_ to say that name - you promised you'd never say that name-

ALLIE: What, Zagreus? [grins evilly] Zagreus. Zagreus. Oooo, Zagreus-

IMRAN: [claps hands over ears, starts singing] I'm not list-en-ing...

ALLIE: There's a man _dying on our bench_ and you don't even have the decency to say why you won't help!

IMRAN: I don't hear anything. Do you?

ALLIE: Zagreus sits inside your head.
Zagreus lives among the dead.
Zagreus sees you in your bed-

LEE: -Look, Zagreus was the one who had this guy killed. You bring him back, he'll stop the wedding.

ALLIE: -And eats you when you're sleeping.

IMRAN: Will everyone shut *up*-[to LEE] Wait, I make him better, Zagreus suffers?

LEE: Uh-huh. A crapload of humilation.

IMRAN: ...That's a noble cause. Give me the money, I'm on the job- [off ALLIE's look] What? It's in-character!

[ALLIE sighs]


CUT TO: Int., Miracle Imran's Hovel, sometime later.

[IMRAN and ALLIE are looking at a small lump rather less than the size of a tennis ball with expressions of extreme satisfaction, ALLIE ladling some chocolate over it.

[LEE and SSARD are looking at the lump rather more uncertainly]

LEE: ...That's a miracle pill?

[IMRAN nods]

ALLIE: The chocolate coating makes it go down easier. However, you have to wait fifteen minutes for full potency, and you definitely shouldn't go swimming for at least an hour afterwards.

IMRAN: Yep, an hour.

[LEE takes the pill, as SSARD takes FITZ, by now so stiff you could lay him down and use him as a bridge]

LEE: [heading out the door, SSARD close behind] Hey, thanks for everything.

IMRAN: No problem.


IMRAN: Have fun storming the castle!

ALLIE: [to IMRAN] So are they going to get out of this?

IMRAN: ...Er, I don't know. [to SSARD and LEE] Bye!

ALLIE: ...You don't know?! [to SSARD and LEE] Bye! [to IMRAN] I should have known. You haven't even planned *this* far ahead!

IMRAN: Um...


CUT TO: Ext., Castle Outer Wall.

[LEE, SSARD and FITZ are crouched down on top of the wall. Below them, sixty Brutes are visible, guarding the front gate]

SSARD: ...Hm. Sixty of them.

[LEE's trying to prop FITZ up against the wall]

LEE: Yeah? We can take them. [indicates FITZ] We've got him. Need your help. We're gonna have to force the pill down.

SSARD: Has it been long enough? [casually bending FITZ into a sitting position]

LEE: Can't wait - wedding's in half an hour, and we've gotta hit while they're still gettin' ready. [brings out the pill and gives it to SSARD] Right. When I say-

[SSARD nods]

LEE: Okay. [tilts FITZ's head back and opens his mouth] Now.

SSARD: [dropping pill in] We should have remembered to ask how long it took.

LEE: [shrugs] Hey, your guess's good as mine.

FITZ: ...Jeez, not you two again.

SSARD: Apparently, not very long.

[LEE doubletakes]

FITZ: [doing his best mannequin impression] Er... I probably don't wanna hear this, but why aren't my arms moving?

LEE: You've been mostly dead most of the day.

SSARD: Miracle Imran made a pill to bring you back to life.

FITZ: Miracle... aw hell, not him. We're screwed. [sighs] ...Okay. Whaddya want, where's Tr-I mean, Buttercup, and why the hell are we on this wall?

LEE: Okay-[pauses] Nah, gonna take too long. Okay. Buttercup's marrying Zagreus in half an hour, so we've gotta get in, stop the wedding, rescue Buttercup, and get away right after I kill Kastchei.

FITZ: [absorbs this] Huh. Guess we shouldn't be sitting 'round here, then. [one finger twitches]

SSARD: Progress.

FITZ: Yeah, always been a quick healer. [to LEE] What've they got?

LEE: One gate and sixty Brutes.

[SSARD raises FITZ so he can see for himself]

FITZ: And we've got...

LEE: You, me, and Ssard.

FITZ: [absorbs this] Uh-huh. The three of us 'gainst the sixty of them. Are you out of your mind?! We are _screwed_. Utterly and completely screwed! We're up the creek without a paddle, and we're sinking! Cruk. Don't we have _anything_ else?

SSARD: We have a wheelbarrow.

LEE: [blinks] We do? Where?

SSARD: We left it over the shadowman.

[LEE ohs]

FITZ: The three of us and a wheelbarrow. And we're gonna storm a castle. [slumps back] We're screwed.

SSARD: Ahem. I was also about to mention we have a holocaust cloak. [produces it]

LEE: [stares] Where the hell'd you get that?

SSARD: Miracle Imran's. Allie gave it to me because, and I quote, "he's got you in enough trouble as it is, so I figure you could use a little help".

FITZ: Huh. 'Kay, help me up. [they do so] Right. 'Kay. Think I've got this worked out...

LEE: ...Okay. How do I find Kastchei? How do I find you again? How do we escape?

FITZ: [winces] Could you keep it down on the questions? Got a stinking headache...

LEE: ...Sorry.


CUT TO: Int., Castle Bedroom.

[TRIX is standing there in her bridal gown. She looks absolutely gorgeous, and absolutely tranquil.

[ZAGREUS is fastening a pearl necklace around her neck]

ZAGREUS: ...You do not seem excited.

TRIX: Should I be?

ZAGREUS: Brides often are, I am told.

TRIX: I will not marry tonight. [serene] My Westley will save me.


CUT TO: Ext., Castle Outer Wall, a little later.

[FITZ, LEE and SSARD look down on the front gate, and the sixty Brutes in front of it]

FITZ: ...We're screwed.

LEE: Hey, y'never know, it might work.

FITZ: [considers] We're screwed.


CUT TO: Int., Castle Chapel.

[The FIRST DOCTOR, a distinguished elderly man with shoulder-length white hair and a sharp intelligence glinting in his eyes, in clergyman's robes, stands at the front of the chapel, while TRIX and ZAGREUS kneel before him.

[Behind them sit the FOURTH DOCTOR and ROMANA, and standing in the back is KASTCHEI. Four Ogrons are in position by the chapel doors]

FIRST DOCTOR: [clears throat] Ahem. Marriage... mmm... Marriage is that- Marriage is what, mm, brings us together today. Marriage, mmm, that blasted- blessed sacrifice - blessed _sacrament_, that dream, mm, within a dream...

[A disturbance can be heard from outside the castle]

VALEYARD: [out of sight] Stand your ground, damn you! Stand your ground!


CUT TO: Ext., Castle's Front Gate.

[The Brutes are in an uproar]

VALEYARD: Stand your ground!

[And they're right to be scared - an Ice Warrior is floating towards them from out of the darkness, an Ice Warrior in an ominous cloak, with a voice that could shake mountains]


[What the Brutes can't see is that LEE's straining as he pushes the wheelbarrow carrying SSARD, as well as supporting FITZ]

LEE: Now?

FITZ: Uh-uh.

[SSARD floats closer]


[The VALEYARD's trying to keep the Brutes together, shouting orders, commands, instructions, and it's working-]

LEE: Now?

FITZ: Do it.

[SSARD bursts into flames]



CUT TO: Int., Castle Chapel.

FIRST DOCTOR: ...When true, true love, will, mm, follow you forever...

[ZAGREUS turns, nods to KASTCHEI, who hurries out of the chapel, the four Ogrons in tow]


CUT TO: Ext., Castle's Front Gate.


[The Brutes look at each other, and take off]

VALEYARD: [furious] Stay where you are! Stay where you are!


CUT TO: Int., Castle Chapel.

FIRST DOCTOR: treasure, mm, your love...

ZAGREUS: Go to the end.

FIRST DOCTOR: Do you have, mm, the ring?

[ZAGREUS pulls out the ring. The screams from outside are very loud]

TRIX: [tinysmile] Here comes my Westley now.


CUT TO: Ext., Castle's Front Gate.

[SSARD pulls off the holocaust cloak]

SSARD: That was entirely too warm for my liking.

FITZ: Ssard! Get the portcullis!

[SSARD storms forward and grabs the descending portcullis, halting it in its tracks - then pushes it back _up_]


CUT TO: Int., Castle Chapel.

[ZAGREUS shoves the ring on TRIX's finger]

ZAGREUS: Your Westley is dead.

[TRIX smiles, shakes her head]

ZAGREUS: If he is not now, he will be.

TRIX: Are you sure?

ZAGREUS: We shall see.


CUT TO: Ext., Castle's Front Gate.

[The VALEYARD is pressed against the gate as FITZ, LEE and SSARD close in]

FITZ: Key.

VALEYARD: I have no key.

LEE: Ssard? Mind giving it a try?

[SSARD looms over the VALEYARD]

VALEYARD: Oh, _this_ key... [pulls out the gate key and hands it to SSARD]


CUT TO: Int., Castle Chapel.

FIRST DOCTOR: And do you, mm, Princess Butterbeer- Buttercup...

ZAGREUS: "Man and wife".

FIRST DOCTOR: Man and, mm, wife.

ZAGREUS: [rounds on FOURTH DOCTOR and ROMANA] Escort her to the Honeymoon Suite. I will be there shortly.

[He dashes off]

TRIX: [tinysmiles] He's coming. Good luck.


CUT TO: Int. Castle Corridors.

[KASTCHEI and the Ogrons are racing through the castle.

[As they reach a point where several of the corridors intersect, KASTCHEI pauses, as he sees-

[FITZ, LEE, and SSARD coming towards them - well, LEE and SSARD are; SSARD is dragging FITZ, who's dragging the VALEYARD's sword along with him - he just doesn't have the energy to lift it]

KASTCHEI: Kill the Ice Warrior and the Chinese brat, but leave the third for questioning.

[The four Ogrons attack - and LEE explodes in a flurry of action, because KASTCHEI is here now, KASTCHEI is here, and LEE will not be stopped, and the fourth Ogron is dead before the first even hits the floor]

LEE: [calmly] Hello. My name is Chang Lee. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

[KASTCHEI does something completely unexpected; he turns and runs.

[LEE's taken by surprise for a moment, then rushes off after him, leaving FITZ and SSARD to exchange looks]

FITZ: Is he gonna be alright?

SSARD: [considers] Probably.


CUT TO: Int., Another Castle Corridor.

[ROMANA is several paces ahead, while TRIX keeps pace with the FOURTH DOCTOR]

FOURTH DOCTOR: Strange wedding.

ROMANA: Yes, a very strange wedding. Come along.

[TRIX leans up and places a kiss on the FOURTH DOCTOR's cheek]

FOURTH DOCTOR: [rubbing his cheek] What was that for?

TRIX: Think of it as a "thank you" kiss. Oh, and as an apology.

FOURTH DOCTOR: [smiles] That's nice. [calls to ROMANA] She kissed me!

[ROMANA rolls her eyes]


CUT TO: Int. Castle Corridors.

[KASTCHEI's running, racing through the corridors.

[LEE's coming up behind him, hard on his heels-

[-and KASTCHEI's out of a room, down a staircase, picking up the pace.

[He pulls out a wicked-looking dagger, honed to a sharp point, and hurries on-

[LEE's catching up, coming closer, closer, down the stairs, into a dining hall-

[-and KASTCHEI throws the dagger, which impales itself deep in LEE's stomach, sending him staggering back against the dining room's wall, blood seeping from the knife-]

LEE: ...'m sorry, Dad... tried... I tried...

[KASTCHEI looks across the room at LEE, staring at his face, then touches at his own chest in memory]

KASTCHEI: You must be the Asian child I taught that lesson to all those years ago. [shakes head] Incredible. Simply incredible. Have you been chasing me your whole life only to fail now? I think that's the worst thing I ever heard. How marvellous.

[LEE sags]


CUT TO: Int., Honeymoon Suite.

[TRIX shuts the door to the suite behind her, and walks quietly over to the window, where she looks outside]

FITZ: ...Man, those're some great tits you've got there.

[TRIX tinysmiles, and turns to see FITZ, lying on the bed, the VALEYARD's sword beside him]

TRIX: Do you always compliment women's breasts in situations like this?

FITZ: Eh. Got into the habit, don't wanna give it up.

TRIX: [sighs] I'm sorry, Fitz. Perhaps you should have known what would happen in the Pit - but then again, anticipation is a torture all its own.

FITZ: ...You knew. You knew what was gonna happen.

TRIX: [nods] Anji and I both knew. If you hadn't experienced the Machine - and if you hadn't died - Lee and Ssard wouldn't have found you alone, you wouldn't have got the holocaust cloak, and you wouldn't have been able to storm the castle. Another way... and Zagreus could have won.

FITZ: [lies back] ...You can be a cold-hearted bitch, you know that?

TRIX: I've had a lot of practice. We're only a few pages from the end, now...

FITZ: [completes the sentence] But that doesn't mean we're home free.


CUT TO: Int., Dining Room.

KASTCHEI: [raises an eyebrow] Still trying to win?

[LEE's struggling to pull the dagger from his stomach, his left hand trying to cover his wound.

[KASTCHEI's moving in for the kill]

KASTCHEI: [conversationally] You've got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. It's going to get you into trouble one of these days.

[He flicks the sword towards LEE's heart, intending to end it quickly, and all LEE can do is try to parry with his own sword, knocking KASTCHEI's sword just off enough that it sinks into LEE's shoulder. LEE doesn't appear to feel it.

[KASTCHEI steps back, readies himself again.

[LEE's trying to use the wall for support, trying to hold himself up, and it's nearly enough, it's almost enough.

[Again he manages to parry KASTCHEI's thrust, and this time the sword goes into his right arm, and again, he doesn't seem to feel it.

[KASTCHEI steps back again, watches as LEE pushes himself to his feet, then, just as KASTCHEI's about to attack again, LEE manages a flick of his own, and KASTCHEI holds himself out of range-

[-and LEE pushes himself away from the wall]

LEE: [barely audible] Hello, my name is Chang Lee. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

[KASTCHEI attacks again, easily pushing LEE back against the wall - but none of his blows hit home, none of them can get past LEE's defence.

[KASTCHEI steps back-]

LEE: [a little louder] Hello. My name is Chang Lee. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

[KASTCHEI launches another attack, an impressive series of slashes, but again, none of them can get past LEE - and slowly, LEE moves forward]

LEE: [louder still] Hello. My name is Chang Lee. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

KASTCHEI: [frustrated] Don't _say_ that!

[LEE drives for KASTCHEI's left shoulder, hits where KASTCHEI hit him. He strikes again, hits KASTCHEI's right shoulder, matching their wounds]



LEE: Gimme money-

[LEE's sword strikes, leaving a diagonal slash across KASTCHEI's chest]


LEE: -power too - gimme that-

KASTCHEI: -I could give you the world-

[LEE's sword flashes again, leaving a second slash on KASTCHEI's chest]

LEE: -gimme anything I ask for-

KASTCHEI: -Anything you want-


[LEE's sword strikes home one last time-

[KASTCHEI's mouth opens as the sword hits dead centre-

[-the sword's gone straight through him-

[The world seems almost to pause-

[-then LEE pulls out his sword.

[KASTCHEI collapses to the ground, dead, blood spilling from the cuts in his chest, sunglasses slipped down revealing green snakes' eyes.

[LEE stares at the body -

[-and smiles, finally satisfied]


CUT TO: Int., Honeymoon Suite.

TRIX: [examining the ring on her finger] Hm. Wonder if this means we're married?

FITZ: [shudders] Believe me, Zagreus isn't the sorta guy you want as a husband. [pauses] How far did you get?

TRIX: We skipped the "I do's". And I'm sure, even if it had any legality, the Doctor would have it nullified. [considers] Even so... "Queen Beatrix of Florin" has a nice ring to it, wouldn't you say?


TRIX: [shrugs] Ah well. Easy come, easy go.

[ZAGREUS enters]

ZAGREUS: I sincerely doubt that. [takes in both TRIX and FITZ] Hm. Yes. [unsheaths his sword]

FITZ: Hoi!

ZAGREUS: I wouldn't bother. As it is, you will not - cannot - hurt me, nor even threaten me. [tightsmile] I doubt you could even try.

FITZ: Yeah? You wanna try that?

ZAGREUS: [tightsmile] Why? I know you well enough... anything you might try, I would not believe. Either of you.

FITZ: ...Cruk.

ZAGREUS: [steps forward] And as it is, this _will_ disrupt the Web of Time.

TRIX: Why?

ZAGREUS: [tightsmile] If either of you die here, now... that becomes the new story. The new ending. An alteration in the Web. And even the smallest change can become something much, much bigger. [turns to FITZ] You, I think. She does not yet know of my time, of the End... but she shall.

That I promise.

FITZ: Yeah? So why don't you get on with it?

ZAGREUS: I thought you'd never ask. [raises the sword]

FITZ: [throws his sword at TRIX] Catch!

[But he's still too weak, he fumbles the throw-

[-and for the brief moment ZAGREUS is distracted, TRIX lunges for the sword, picks it up and aims it at ZAGREUS]

ZAGREUS: [looking down at the sword, then up at TRIX] You're holding that the wrong way round.

TRIX: [drives the sword-hilt into ZAGREUS's chest] That's the point. [follows up by clubbing ZAGREUS over the head with the sword.

[ZAGREUS falls to the ground, unconscious]

FITZ: [winces] The Doctor's gonna have a stinking headache when he gets out of this.

TRIX: It was either that, or have Zagreus kill us - and somehow, I don't think dying at the Doctor's hands is on our agendas for a very, very long time.

FITZ: [stares down at ZAGREUS's body] ...Once was enough, thanks.

[LEE enters]

LEE: Where's Ssard?

FITZ: [airily waves hand] Oh, I asked if he'd mind getting the horses for us.

LEE: [looks down at ZAGREUS] Want me to take care of him for you?

[FITZ and TRIX shake their heads]

TRIX: Leave him. [looks down at ZAGREUS, then dismisses him] He's an empty little thing, a hollow little man - leave him alone with that. [then] Help me with Westley.

LEE: 'Kay.

[They help FITZ stand]


[FITZ, LEE and TRIX look at each other, then hurry as best they can to the balcony - although this does take a while.

[SSARD is standing below the balcony, leading four great white horses, which are a little spooked by his presence]

SSARD: Well?

LEE: [breaks into a smile] Ssard, you're incredible.

FITZ: [to TRIX] After you, milady.

TRIX: As you wish.

[FITZ doubletakes.

[TRIX jumps out of the window, seeming almost to float down, until she lands in SSARD's arms, and he sets her down.

[She murmurs something to SSARD, who nods, and then she hurries off.

[FITZ and LEE watch her go]

LEE: ...Y'know something?

FITZ: What?

LEE: Well, now I'm outta the revenge business... thing is, I've been in it so long, I dunno what to do next.

FITZ: [pauses] Ever thought 'bout piracy? You'd make a great Dread Pirate Bond.

LEE: [considers, then shakes his head] ...Not for me, thanks. I've seen the kinda cruk you haveta put up with.

FITZ: [sighs] Worth a shot.

[TRIX comes back into view, carrying a hefty bag]

FITZ: What's that?

TRIX: [sighs] Oh, come on. You didn't think I'd let myself get stuck round here without trying to make a little profit, did you?

[FITZ gawps]

FITZ: ...You didn't.

LEE: ...Didn't what?

FITZ: Robbed the castle. She's only gone and robbed the castle.

LEE: [considers, then grins, clapping FITZ on the back] You two're gonna make a wonderful couple.

FITZ: [looks up at the sky] Kill me now.

[The four white horses and their riders set off into the night]


NARRATOR (v.o.): They rode to freedom. And as dawn arose, Westley and Buttercup knew they were safe.

[FITZ and TRIX stop their horses]

NARRATOR (v.o.): [ahems] Er, Fitz, I don't think you're going to like this next bit.

FITZ: Let's just get it over with, shall we?

NARRATOR (v.o.): Okay. A wave of love swept over them, and as they reached for each other... Suffice it to say that since the kiss was invented, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.

[FITZ and TRIX begin their ultimate kiss - except this time, FITZ doesn't look so reluctant]

NARRATOR (v.o.): The end.


CUT TO: Int., Bedroom.

ANJI: [sighs] Now... I think it's time you were getting to sleep.

CHLOE: Okay, Mum.

[ANJI leans forward and kisses CHLOE on the forehead; CHLOE looks surprised, but pleased]

ANJI: Okay. See you tomorrow, sweetheart. [she gets up to go]

CHLOE: ...Mum?

[ANJI stops]

CHLOE: [hesitates] ...Could you save it for special occasions? You know, for the big things?

ANJI: [pauses, then tinysmiles] As you wish...

[She steps out the door, and on that-]

The End

The Cast:

Kid: Chloe
Mother/Narrator: Anji
Buttercup: Trix
Westley: Fitz
Fezzik: Ssard
Inigo Montoya: Chang Lee
Vizzini: Sabbath
Prince Humperdinck: Zagreus
Count Rugen: Kastchei
Albino: Shayde
Old woman: Evelyn
Miracle Max: Imran
Valerie: Allie
Clergyman: First Doctor
King: Fourth Doctor
Queen: Romana
Assistant Brute: Sontaran
Yellin: The Valeyard

Disclaimer: 'Doctor Who', the Doctors, Anji, Chloe, Jamais, Trix, Fitz, Ssard, Sabbath, Romana, the Valeyard and the Ogrons are the BBC's.

Zagreus and Evelyn are Big Finish's.

Shayde is Marvel's.

Chang Lee is the BBC's/Universal's.

The Sontarans were created by Robert Holmes.

Kastchei is Helen Fayle's creation; I've messed with the idea some.

Allie and Imran are mine.

"The Princess Bride", and all associated characters, are William Goldman's.

Summary: When Chloe gets sick, Anji decides to tell her a story. Except she's pretty sure it didn't go like this...

Part One - Part Two - Part Three

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Copyright 2003 Imran Inayat.