INTRODUCTION: The Scene opens on the set of PBS' Mystery. Adric and Nyssa sit next to each other in plush chairs. Diana Rigg is tied up behind them struggling against her ropes and gag. "Good evening." Begins Nyssa sweetly, "Welcome to PBS's Mystery. Tonight we have an extra special treat for you. They were going to bring you a quaint, touching and exciting Miss Marple, full of sugary coppers, determined do-gooders, and naughty villains. A show of bloodless murder and victimless crimes. " "But we thought something different should be in order." says Adric. "So, tonight we bring you a Psycho Nyssa murder mystery! Psycho Nyssa and myself are now traveling with the Fourth Doctor and land at a seaside resort in the early twentieth century west coast of AmericaÉ" "Don't tell them everything worm!" screeches Psycho Nyssa, taking out a power drill with a corkscrew drill bit. Turning toward camera she says "So, sit back, and enjoy.. Psycho Nyssa investigates!" As the picture fades out, she attacks a screaming defenseless Adric with the power drill, sending gore and blood everywhere, some of which slops across the camera lensÉ. *** Psycho Nyssa Investigates By Tony Velasquez The young brunette picked through the boxes sadly. A whole life was contained in those boxes. Her aunt had died leaving her this huge house and property. But now, everything that she had owned and everything she had collected was being boxed up and shipped out. Just like that. "Come in." said the woman, sitting in the front room, back to the door. A tall man entered. He wore a golden star and had a large hat on his head. "Miss Betty Delance?" "Sheriff Chives!" said Betty, dusting herself off and standing up. "What a pleasure. I'm afraid I can't offer you anything to eat or drink, the place is a bit of a messÉ" Betty was cut off mid sentence as an old woman walked up behind the sheriff. "My husband came over here this morning. He still hasn't come back. I demand you search this place Sheriff!" she screeched in a warbling old voice. "Mrs. Collsander, I don't know what you're talking about. I've been here all day and haven't seen or heard anyone." Said Betty coldly. "Miss Delance, Mrs. Collsander, I know that you've had a dispute over this property for some time, but I really thinkÉ" The Sheriff was interrupted by a scream. Mrs. Collsander had wandered off and opened a door leading to the kitchens. The Sheriff ran over to take a look. The body of the aged Mr. Collsander lie on the floor, quite dead. Blood was pooled around the body, but no sign of any being trailed. Betty screamed. The Sheriff turned around. "I'm afraid I have to take you into custody, Miss Delance. The charge is murder." *** "Hold still Adric! You're not making this any easier." Adric was tied tightly to a tree with an apple on his head. Psycho Nyssa chirped musically, dressed in a green Robin Hood outfit complete with elfin shoes and hat. Adric kept tossing the apple off his head. "Why don't you just kill me and get it over with, you wicked witch. What's with all this drama?" "Drama?" Nyssa sounded almost hurt, "Don't you want to play with me?" Adric choked back a number of responses he thought of for that one. He reminded himself that no matter how sexy this psycho nymphette with flashing green eyes was being, she was Psycho Nyssa and the only thing she really wanted was cold-blooded homicide. Adric held still. "Oh, get this over with." Nyssa giggled happily as she balanced the apple on his head again. She retreated a little way down the clearing and turned around. Clearing her throat, she leveled her bow. She knocked back an arrow and aimed carefully. Nyssa released the arrow. "Oh shoot! Why can't I shoot one of these things straight? That guy in that film makes it look so easy!" A little while later, Adric wandered into the This Time Around with an arrow stuck through his head. In a savage attempt at humor, the Neitherworld had sent him back with the arrow through his head, but now from side to side instead of front to back. Harry looked up astonished as the pubs patrons looked at Adric and laughed. "Just donÕt even ask." Mumbled Adric, reaching up and pulling the arrow out with a loud pop. Harry laughed quietly then straightened up. "Say, Adric. I have a job for you before you get into your shift. Could you take this case of whiskey to the TARDIS and put it in the Doctor's personal secret closet in his room. Thanks." "The one marked 'medical supplies, private, keep-out, boring anyway'?" "That's the one." "No problem." The Seventh Doctor watched Adric with interest from across the room and sipped his G-and-T. He gave Harry the slightest of nods and Harry sighed tiredly. Nyssa was walking back to the This Time Around, now back in her usual purple Traken dress with the fairy skirt. She saw the Fourth Doctor stealing through the woods moving quickly toward the TARDIS. She ran to catch up with him. "Doctor! Where are you going?" "Oh, nowhere in particular." Said the Fourth Doctor without turning around, or indeed slowing down. Nyssa had to run to keep up with him. "But are you going somewhere in the TARDIS?" "Hmm? Maybe. I can't tell. Sometimes I do tell myself things, but I really never trust myself." "Well, can I come with you?" The Fourth Doctor stopped in his tracks so fast it took Nyssa a few steps to realize he had stopped. He mopped his brow, picked up his hat and ran his hand through his hair. "Ah, well, I don't know, Nyssa. I think I'll just wander off by myselfÉ" "You're always wandering off by yourself, Doctor. You know what they call you? They call you the Monk!" "Do they?!?" The Fourth Doctor bugged out his eyes at her and looked shocked. "Well, no, but they should." "I did play a monk once, you know. Rasputin, was it? I was quite mad." "Well, come along to the TARDIS, you can tell me all about it there." "Oh, all right. Lets go." The Fourth Doctor took off again very fast, leaving Nyssa to run to catch up. Psycho Nyssa and the Doctor entered the TARDIS. The Doctor closed the door and dematerialized. "I take it we're going to Earth." Said Psycho Nyssa plainly. "What makes you say that?" "Because every time you just take off without setting any controls, we always end up on Earth!" "Ah, well, yes. That is true, I suppose. I quite like it there." Adric suddenly walked out of the hallway into the control room with an empty box. "What are you doing here?" screamed the psycho in frustration. "What?!?" asked Adric. "Harry just asked me to bring in the Doctor's booz.. Um, medical supplies for his personal medicinal cabinet." Adric eyed the Doctor nervously. "Oh, my whiskey! Well done, Adric. Well done!" said the Doctor grinning hugely. "Well, I'm not tolerating another adventure with him. I'm going to kill him now." Nyssa pulled out her pistol and aimed at Adric. "Well, you do what you think is best. I'm not stopping you." Murmured the Doctor. Psycho Nyssa put her weapon back into her tight transcendentally transcendental dress. "No, I guess I can take another adventure putting up with the Creature. I've done it three times already." Said Nyssa. *** She was new in town. The slim young woman checked into the hotel under the name Sara Fowler. She had long raven black hair and a ruddy complexion. She picked up a newspaper that someone had left laying around on a table in the lounge. 'Local Heiress Linked In Mad Kitchen Murder.' It announced on the front page in huge block letters so that anyone watching the film could read it a mile away. The young Sara Fowler muttered some oaths under her breath and threw the paper down on the table. She walked swiftly from the room into the street beyond. *** The TARDIS rematerialized in a small grove of elm trees not far from a babbling brook. The Fourth Doctor stole out of the TARDIS swiftly, holding his hat on his head. "There you are! Earth. Just like you said, Nyssa." "Yes, it is. Where are we exactly?" "Ah, well. You expect me to know that too, eh? Hmm. I'd say. ItÕ s the Northern Hemisphere." "And the time period?" "OhÉ noonish, no later than past one. And I'm hungry. Lets find somewhere to eat, shall we?" Some old timers sitting on the porch of the Dry Gulp Saloon watched the three newcomers with interest. A man in a huge scarf and hat wearing what appeared to them as a huge automobile driver's jacket followed by a slim girl and lumpy looking boy. "Probably from that new place outside Los Angeles." Croaked one old geezer. "Hmmph! They do say they were driven over here by Thomas Edison." "That may be," the geezer spit some tobaccy, "É bloody film people." "Good morning!" said the Doctor brightly. "Three rooms if you please. We are travelers and want to spend the night." The innkeeper eyed them suspiciously. "Had one of you lot here earlier this week. Big shot. Never shut up. But he tipped well. Guess I can let you stay." He accepted the Doctor's money and handed them the key. "Bar's through the right. Dinning room through the left. Checkout time is 10am sharp." The innkeeper eyed them some more and then wandered off. "What was he talking about, Doctor?" asked Adric. Nyssa was wandering over to the lounge and looking at a newspaper on the table. "I think we look somewhat anachronistic." "Shouldn't we go back to the TARDIS and get some proper clothing for this period?" "You can do what you like, I'm going to sit in the bar for awhile." The Doctor turned around to look toward Nyssa who was reading a paper with interest. Adric and the Doctor noticed a young slim raven-haired girl sitting beyond her. She was sitting very pensively, looking out the window. The Doctor straightened up and stared, his eyes bulging out. He covered first one eye and then the other. The girl looked over and noticed the Doctor, a slight look of shock passed over her face. She recovered and walked swiftly from the room. "Doctor, really. The way you just looked at that girl." Snickered Adric. "It wasn't that, Adric. Yes, I think we'll stay around here a few days. There is something quite interesting going on here." Nyssa walked up to the Doctor with the newspaper. "Doctor, look at this. This woman has just inherited this huge mansion but her neighbor was found dead in it, so they're trying to say she murdered him." The Doctor was frozen, deep in thought. "I wonderÉ" "You don't think she did it, do you, Doctor?" said Nyssa happily. "And why did you stare at that dark haired girl like that?" asked Adric. The Doctor suddenly swung around and put his hat back on, collecting their room keys. "No! I'm heading to the bar. I'm off duty. " The Doctor stormed off. "There's something going on around here, Adric." Growled Nyssa. "Yeah, so. I'm going to the dining room. I'm hungry. " Nyssa grabbed Adric by the ear and began to haul him out of the hotel's lounge. "No, Adric, the game is afoot!" *** "Look here, Miss, I donÕt discuss cases with just anyone." Drawled Sheriff Chives. He was an aging gentleman, in remarkably good shape, his skin tanned brown and heavily wrinkled. "My name is Nyssa, and this is Adric. And we are interested in this case. We're sort of private investigators." "You look a little young. Look, darling, why don't you both go home and read some more Sherlock Holmes stories and leave this case to the law." "Then I demand to visit with the prisoner." Said Nyssa. "Miss Nyssa, leave now before I have to haul you home myself." "That would be a very long drive, Sheriff!" snapped Nyssa. She spun around. "By the wayÉ" began the Sheriff. "You wouldn't happen to have a friend named Sara. Long black hair, young, thin." Adric gasped and stared at Nyssa. "Oh her!" said Nyssa, "Did she get here before us?" "Yes, she did. Seemed to know a lot about the accused. Seemed to know a lot about this business. She made some interesting accusations." Said the Sheriff, eyeing Nyssa. "Oh reallyÉ" "But obviously not as quick and cool as you are though. Darn my runny mouth." The Sheriff laughed, realizing that Nyssa was bluffing. "We do know she is saying in the Westward Inn, though." Said Adric. "Uh-huh. You checked in this morning with The Doctor." Smiled the Sheriff. Nyssa and Adric were starring, mouths agape. "Mavis Honeycutt told me. She works there. This is a small town, I hear most happenings before they finish, Miss Nyssa" winked the Sheriff. Nyssa and Adric turned and started to leave the Sheriff's Office. "And if the Doctor makes a film from this case, I want Rudolf Valentino to play me!" cried the Sheriff after them, laughing to himself. He got up and poured himself some rotgut and took a swig. *** The Doctor sat at the bar, eating some beans and pork steak. They didn't have tea, only a thick dark sludge they called coffee. "Good morning." Said a pleasant voice. "Good morning." Replied the Doctor. "Staying here long?" "Not long." The Doctor turned to find himself looking into the pretty face of Sara, the raven-haired girl. "Its nice to see a fellow visitor. I trust you aren't here for any mischief. I like this place, d'you see, and hate it when visitors get designs on it." Sara smiled. "No, Doctor. I'm here to help a friend of mine. She's been accused of a murder she didn't commit." "How do you know that?" "I just do. I can't just reveal my reasons to these humans, now can I?" "How did you come to be involved?" The Doctor was now staring at Sara in great interest. "I just can't explainÉ Its sort of a personal situation for me." The Doctor smiled. "Well, I won't pry any longer. I've gotten attached to a lot of friends on this planet as well. I just hope you're telling me the truth." "I am Doctor. You'll have to trust my motives. I hear your friends have been delving into the mystery as well. Do you think we could join forces?" "You'll have to ask them, what was your name again? I mean, the name you're using now." "Sara. Sara Fowler." The Doctor smiled. "I have a friend named Sara. Or will have, depending on how you look at it." Sara Fowler smiled and ordered some lunch. The rest of their conversation centered around the weather, local gossip, and just how inscrutable and frustrating these Earthlings could be. *** "I refuse to talk about this any more!" screamed out Mrs. Collsander in her doorway. "But please, Betty Delance didn't do it! How come you can't face the possibility that she is innocent?" cried out Nyssa with Adric standing attentively behind her. An older man pushed his way past the old woman who was breaking down in tears by now. "I'm afraid I will have to ask you to leave now." He said. "And who are you." "I am Mrs. Collsander's son, Harvey. Look, I don't know why you want to defend that Jezebel Betty Delance, but any way you slice it, my father died in that house. " Nyssa sighed and turned around, walking off the porch. "Come on, Adric, we'll get no answers here." Harvey watched them walk down the path away from the old house. He turned to three young men dressed in riding chaps and thick flannel shirts with Pendleton hats on. They were comforting Mrs. Collsander. He nodded at them and then in the direction of Nyssa and Adric. The three young men rose and left the room. Nyssa and Adric walked down a dirt road, blackberry bushes grew in thick rows along the side of the road. There were lots of trees with moss hanging from them and the sun shone brightly on the far off dry hills. Suddenly three young men walked out in front of them. Nyssa's pistol and bayonet were out in a flash. Adric hid behind her. The leading young man grinned a huge smile and pulled out a huge silver revolver and a Bowie knife. "Now hold on there, little lady, we donÕt want a fight, although as you can see, we could have one if we wanted." He put away his weapons and Nyssa tentatively put away hers. "My name is Jeb, these are my brothers Lucas and Slim. We just wanted to apologize for our father and grandmother's behavior back there at the house. Its been a trying time for them, you know." "Yes, wellÉ that's very nice of you, I'm sure." Nyssa said gruffly. "You see, we've been in kind of a feud with the Delances, you see. That's why you're getting such short shrift from our family for investigating this murder." Nyssa looked up and Adric relaxed a bit. "Yep, that's right. I reckon you didn't know anything about it. I reckon you're just some friends of Betty's from those big city folk she liked to hang around with. But you must know that this Betty Delance's uncle, Josiah Delance, was a pretty dirty rat. Back in '70É" "Seventy?" interrupted Nyssa. "Yeah. 1870. In '70, Josiah and our father were working a gold claim together. Josiah cheated our father out of his rightful takings and bought that huge mansion below with our father's money. Been trying to reclaim our rightful property ever since." Nyssa listened patiently, sure that most of what she was hearing was an outright lie. "Then, when Josiah finally kicked the bucket, he left everything to his wife Sonya. She only died a few months back. But not before this niece of theirs turned upÉ" "All right, I'm starting to get the pictureÉ" said Nyssa flatly. "Oh yeah, and more importantly. There's a dance tonight at the Old Grange at 8pm. I'd be most honored if you could come." Jeb smiled lustily and eyed Nyssa slowly up and down. "Thank you. I think that would be most nice." Said Nyssa, suddenly sweet and nice. She gave Jeb a huge smile and walked off with Adric in tow. "I wonder why they just didn't kill us right there and then." Said Nyssa when they got away from the three Collisander boys. "They probably knew you'd kick the living daylights out of them." Mumbled Adric, not uncomplimentary. "I think it will be a most interesting dance tonight, I must try to find a local clothes shop and get something nice to wear." "Something bright. It will be hard enough for them to try to kill us in the dark." Nyssa smiled evilly, turned and slapped Adric on the back, nearly toppling him over. "Adric, old worm, there's definitely hope for your brain yet!" *** The Doctor was still sitting at the bar counter. Sara had left so he was alone. Sheriff Chives wandered in, holding his hat in his hands. He saw the Doctor sitting at the bar. The Sheriff sauntered over and sat at the bar. "Frank! Two whiskies." He cried out. The bartender brought out two small shot glasses full of whisky. "Thank you." Muttered the Doctor as the Sheriff offered him one. "Your two friends came around to see me earlier." "They're convinced that Betty Delance did not kill Mr. Collsander." "Oh, so now you know all about this case, huh?" "I had a visit from Sara Fowler." The Sheriff grimaced and took another shot of whiskey. "And there's another one too. One murder in my town and suddenly crazies start coming out of the woodwork left, right and center." Growled the Sheriff. *** "How do I look?" asked Nyssa. She was dressed in a tight bright blue dress with a short skirt. She had a pillbox hat on with some webbing on it. "You look like someone's mummified you." Said Adric, pulling at the stiff starched collar on the suit he had bought. "Its called 'a flapper look', according to these people. I think it looks kinda nice." "Grotesque." Nyssa smacked Adric upside the head. "As long as it makes those three men try to kill us tonight, I think its fantastic." "Oh nice, something else happy to look forward to." "I've been wanting to talk to you about that, Adric. I have a cunning planÉ" *** "Six shallow stab woundsÉ" "Yep, just what you'd expect from a lady." "And a seventh slightly deeper, coming underneath the chest bone!" The Doctor was very animated by now, probably as much from the whiskies he'd been knocking back with the Sheriff as much as the realization that important evidence was being overlooked. "And I suppose you're going to tell me that some murderer stabbed Mr. Collsander six times shallow and then finished him off to make it look like Betty Delance did it?" "And you're going to ask me to believe that Betty Delance could stab a man calmly seven times without him moving a muscle and then calmly go back to packing up her Aunt's belongings?" "Yes!" "Imbecile." The Sheriff bellowed out in laughter, his face red from his whiskies as well. He stuffed his huge hat with gold star down over his head. "Well, Doctor, whatever the possibilities are, its now past six o'clock and I'm off duty. I'm off to the office to make sure Ole Martin hasn't broke into my gin cabinet then I'm off home. Oh yeah, there's a shin-ding at the Old Grange at 8pm tonight. Be there and we can argue some more. Over more whiskey of course." The Doctor smiled. "I'll be there." *** Adric was stuffing his face as fast as he could. Nyssa had just told him her brilliant plan, so he felt like he should eat a good meal. It might be his last. "Nyssa." "DonÕt talk with your mouth full." "Nyssa, it just might not work. I mean, I haven't got killed by anyone else since you went psychoÉ" Nyssa roared in rage and pulled out her bayonet. "I mean, since you realized that old nasty wormy me had to dieÉ" Nyssa grunted happily and smiled, putting away her weapon. "I donÕt know if I can come backÉ or even if I'll reconstitute here! I might pop back into existence at the This Time Around." "So?" Adric looked hurt and disgusted. "No, no, I mean, I can still make the plan work. I'm sure you'll come back. After all, its one of my evil plans that will kill you. How is this different from any other? And if you reconstitute at the This Time Around, I'll still have the fact that they murdered you to work with." Adric sighed. Psycho Nyssa was on a roll, and nothing could dissuade her from her psycho plan. "May I join you?" asked a voice. Adric and Nyssa both looked up to see a pretty slim raven-haired girl standing at their table. Adric and Nyssa nodded. "My name is Sara Fowler. I have met your friend the Doctor, and I hear you are interested in this Collsander Murder case?" *** The Doctor bluffed his way past Deputy Martin. "Hello! Yes, how do you do, Don't bother to get up, Sheriff Chives said it was OK." "But, but.. hey, mister, you can't go in there. Now, wait just a cotton-pickin' minuteÉ" "Care for a jelly-baby Deputy?" "Huh? Now, wait there just a minute feller. You just can't go haulin' back to the cells like a cow on loco-weed." "Let him go back." Said a voice. They turned around. Sheriff Chives stood in the door, now in a clean red plaid shirt and slacks. He wore a bolo tie and an immaculate white hat. "Good evening, Sheriff! On the way to the Old Grange?" "That I am. Let the Doctor talk to Betty Delance. I doubt we'll get any peace around here until him or his friends do." "Yessir." The Doctor walked past the office to the small holding cells where Betty Delance was being held for trial. "Miss Delance?" said the Doctor. He noticed Sheriff Chives standing against the door frame. "You just get your chat over with, Doctor, and we'll walk back to my house together. I'll pick up the missus and then we can all go to the Grange together." "How nice!" smiled the Doctor. The Sheriff wandered back into the office. Betty Delance sat up and walked toward the door of the cell. "Hello, Miss Delance, I'm called the Doctor." "Yes, I know. Your friends were in here earlier trying to see me. The Sheriff told me that you all think I didn't do it." "And did you?" "No!" "Well, then I think we can help you. But you'll have to tell me a little about yourself. Do you know a woman named Sara Fowler?" Betty thought for a moment. "Long black hair, slim, young." Said the Doctor. Betty shook her head thoughtfully. "NoÉ No, I don't. I was raised in Los Angeles. I moved out here when my parents died, to live with my aged aunt who's passed away, rest her soul. I don't think I have any other relations in this area." "She's very interested in this case as well." "I have no idea why she should be." *** "So, you're not from this planet either?" asked Nyssa, taking a bite of food. "Shhh, not so loud. They're very parochial around here." Said Sara. "How long have you been here?" Sara seemed to blush, embarrassed. "Well, I've been on this planet for a considerable number of years now. And you two?" "Oh, we travel with the Doctor. I am the last survivor of a place called TrakenÉ" "I'm so sorry." Said Sara kindly. "Its all right. I've gotten to live with it. And this is Adric. He's a marshmallow." "Marshman!" spat Adric, quite literally, his mouth full of food which he sprayed generously in the girls direction. Sara laughed and looked at Adric. "You're right, Nyssa, he _is_ a marshmallow! And your friend? Who is the Doctor?" Adric and Nyssa looked at each other and sighed heavily. *** "And that's about it, Doctor. In 1870, my Uncle Josiah had a gold mine claim with Roscoe Collsander. At the end of the month, my uncle awoke one night to find Roscoe Collander trying to sneak off with their gold." Said Betty Delance, sitting on her bed in her jail cell. "And then what happened?" The Doctor was still standing in the entrance to the cell. Betty shrugged. "Uncle Josiah nearly shot him, I have to admit. But Roscoe pleaded for his life. My uncle even said he began bawling. Well, Uncle Josiah just saw him off with a couple of shots near his feet and they never saw each other againÉ. Until he moved in to the farmstead next to his here in this town. " "And he still wanted half the gold he tried to steal?" "Yes." "Well, thank you Betty. We'll see what we can do for you. I must get to that dance, look after Nyssa and Adric. If my suspicions are correct, they could be in terrible danger." *** Nyssa and Adric arrived at the Old Grange. It was a large building that looked something like a large white barn. There was a huge central hall, now being used for the dance, and a couple of halls leading off with a number of small rooms and offices. There was a live band there with fiddles, guitars and banjos, playing folk music that the collected crowd was hopping around to happily. "Do you see them yet, Adric?" whispered Nyssa. She was dressed in her blue flapper dress. Young and old men eyed her greedily as they walked by, leaving no doubt as to their opinion of the sultry psycho nymph. "No.. wait. Over there. The Collsander boys by the punch bowl. Sara is with them!" "Then we better get over there immediately. I donÕt want them eliminating her as well." "Ok" Adric began to walk toward them but Nyssa grabbed him. "Not like that, worm, hereÉ" she grabbed Adric and put one of his hands on the small of her back and held on to the other. "We dance toward them! Won't look suspicious!" "That dress does look nice on youÉ" choked Adric with a dry mouth as he looked down at Nyssa with admiration. "Yeah, yeah, just dance. And don't get any funny ideas or I'll have to croak you myself. Again." Growled Nyssa. Nyssa and Adric spun around in a wild jitterbug. Luckily, they knew how to dance. Adric had taken dancing lessons because he had nothing better to do with his free time and Nyssa had enrolled in the same class so she could kill him brutally during breaks. Over the course of a few months they both had become accomplished ballroom dancers. They once even entered a competition on the This Time Around team but then Adric grunted as he dipped Nyssa in the tango, as if she weighed too much, and she was forced to brutally disembowel him in front of the judges' panel. They still got a seven out of ten. Slowly but surely, Nyssa and Adric spun their way toward the Collsander boys and Sara. She noticed that Jeb was leading Sara out on the dance floor. By this time, many people were watching Nyssa and Adric as they were dancing far better than anyone else. The band had taken a break and they put the record player over the loudspeaker. The Charleston started to blast over the speakers. Adric began to whip Nyssa around and spin her over his head, sending her skirts flying. The crowd began to clap, hoot and cheer. Finally, the song ended. Nyssa and Adric walked over to the punch bowl. "Whew, I'm glad that's over. I'm hungry!" said Adric. "Hold onÉ" whispered Nyssa. Jeb had finished as well and had walked over to stand by Nyssa. "Say, there, Nyssa, how 'bout a dance?" "I would be delighted." Purred Nyssa, turning around and smiling a sultry smile. Adric was shoving some apple pie into his mouth as fast as he could when he looked up to see Jeb's two brothers firmly leading Sara out by the arms. "Nyssa!" he mumbled, his mouth full. He spun around but Jeb had Nyssa dancing on the far end of the dance floor. Adric grunted in frustration. Then he took off after Sara and the two Collsander boys. The Doctor was arguing with the Sheriff some more. Both of them had been sipping whiskies for some time and were getting quite tipsy. "Oh, I don't care if you're an alien timelord, I'm still sheriff around here!" "Sheriff! And I suppose the main qualifications for that job is to be a class one imbecile." Roared the Doctor drunkenly. Sheriff Chives only laughed. They looked out at the dance floor together, watching the dancing. Suddenly, a scream split the air and the music stopped. A woman came in through the side door screaming and screaming. The Sheriff had his hat on in a blink of an eye, and The Doctor and he ran toward the door. They ran out. There lay Adric in a pool of blood. "He's dead! Been stabbedÉ. Seven times." Mumbled the Doctor. The Sheriff spun around and pushed the crowd back through the door. "Everyone just get back inside. Nothing's going on here. The little lad just had a bit too much excitement. Get back on with the dance." The Sheriff slammed the door shut. "Lets get him out of here, Doctor, I don't want to cause a panic." "Well, Sheriff, at least this does one thingÉ" said the Doctor, now sober and staring forward, "It certainly clears Betty Delance. She's locked up in your jail." "I wouldn't jump to any conclusions, yet, Doctor." Said the Sheriff. "Look who's talking." Nyssa forced her way through the panicked crowd and ran out through the front door. She ran around the side, cursing at herself for letting her attention be drawn off. She ran toward the Sheriff's office. She found the door open and ran in. There was Deputy Martin, slumped on the desk. Nyssa checked to find him still alive, but he had been struck on the back of the head. Nyssa ran to the back to check on Betty. The Doctor burst in through the door. "I was afraid of this!" the Doctor cried. "What the hell is going on around here!" screamed the Sheriff, not only because Adric's body had just vanished from before his eyes as they carried it back to the office, but because his deputy lay before him moaning and clutching his head. Nyssa ran out from the cells. "Betty's gone!" she screamed. "And what the hell are you doing here!" "Quite!" cried the Doctor. "I came back here to make sure they didn't kill Betty as well. I may have been too late." "I see. Martin! Martin, get up and tell me what happened here." "Ouch.. last thing I remember is seeing that girl come in through the door.. then everything went dark." "Which girl, this one?" yelled the Sheriff, pointing toward Nyssa. "No.. that dark haired one. Sara Fowler." Nyssa began to run from the room but the Sheriff caught her arm. "There's too much going on around here, I think, Doctor. And until I get all this cleared up, I think you and Nyssa should stay here in the jail where you'll be safe." "And where you can keep an eye on usÉ" said the Doctor. "That too." *** The Doctor and Nyssa sat in adjoining cells, close to each other with the bars in between. "Doctor, we have got to get out of here!" "Don't panic, Nyssa. I know they always charge us with crimes even when its blatantly obvious we didn't do it, but we always get out of it in the end, eh?" said the Doctor cheerfully. "Yes, I know that. But I also have a pretty good idea who is behind this!" cried out Nyssa. "The Collsanders. I know that. I'm surprised that old Chives can't see it by now." "You know?" "Of course, but how to prove itÉ." Muttered the Doctor. "But we can! We must get Adric back!" "Of course! Adric can't die! He'll be able to tell us who did it!" screamed the Doctor, smacking one hand into the other. "Not only that, but we can use him to set a trap for them!" cried out psycho Nyssa. "Wait a minute, NyssaÉ if we can get Adric back, we can use him to set a trap for the murderous Collsanders!" Screamed the Doctor again, gesturing wildly. "Brilliant Doctor." Said Nyssa with admiration, quite used to him claiming ideas for his own. "Ah, well, yesÉ but we've got to get out of here." Said the Doctor rubbing his scalp and ruffling his hair. *** The next morning, Adric groggily reconstituted in the middle of an alley. He was near the Sheriff's office. He tried to remember the events of the previous evening, but they were strangely foggy and muddled. He remembered that he followed Sara Fowler out of the Old Grange but then he had been attacked from behind by two people. He wondered if it could have been Psycho Nyssa after all. Maybe she had one of her fits and followed him, killing him. Sheriff Chives leaned against the wall looking in at the Doctor and Nyssa in the cells. "I suppose you know the Collsanders were in here bright and early this morning. They claimed that they saw Sara Fowler lead Adric outside the Grange right before Mrs. Green found his body. Of course, we don't *have* a body now, but I didn't tell them that. And they also tell me that Sara talked about Betty Delance being in this very prison when Jeb danced with her." "And I suppose they also implicated us." Mumbled the Doctor. "NoÉ that's the funny part. Of course, Jeb was dancing with Nyssa at the time and you and I were talking by the punchbowl. But they made it clear that neither Nyssa or you had anything to do with it." "So, it sounds like Sara murdered Adric, came here and either rescued Betty, or took her to kill her, and of course, is implicated in the murder of the elder Collsander." Said the Doctor flatly. "YesÉ" replied the Sheriff, just as flatly. "And you don't believe it either!" cried out Nyssa. "It makes some sort of sense. It fitsÉ" mumbled the Sheriff, taking off his hat and gesturing plaintively. "And it gives you a ready-made scapegoat to solve the murder and all the rest of the disturbance. Sara Fowler rolled into town, knives a flashing, slicing and dicing a trail of murder and mayhem." Cried out the Doctor dramatically. The Sheriff shrugged his shoulders. The Doctor looked up at him innocently, his eyes bugging out. "ButÉ WHY?" "How can we prove otherwise." "We set a little trap." Said the Doctor crisply, nodding toward some shadows in the back of the cell room. Out walked Adric. The Sheriff gapped and gasped a dozen questions. "Never mind, never mind! Just let us out and we can get on with it!" The Doctor barked. *** The Sheriff, the Doctor and Nyssa sat in the Collsander's front room. Old Mrs. Collsander was serving them tea with a very fancy set of fine bone china. Nyssa was sniffling and dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief quite believably. "I'm so sorry, Dearie. Really I am. I just am mortified that your little friend Adric was killed by Betty and Sara as well." Cackled the old woman as Nyssa suddenly let out a wail into her handkerchief. "And what makes you so certain they're both in it together?" asked the Doctor. "Well, Betty killed my father. And now Sara killed Adric as these two were trying to find out if anyone else could have done the murder." Said Harvey Collsander, the father of the boys and the old woman's son. "Yes, it would seem quite cleaned up and tidy now, wouldn't it." The Sheriff looked at Jeb and his two brothers standing at the back of the room. Their smug smiles could have implicated them for the crime alone. "Could you open a window in here, pleaseÉ" sobbed Nyssa, her delicate green eyes full of gentle tears, "I need some air." Jeb pushed his way past his brothers and father and opened a window, leering at Nyssa as he went. "Now, I suppose the important thing now, Sheriff, is to gather a posse together and go after that Sara Fowler and Betty. Me and my boys would be happy to join you." Said Harvey. "Hang on there, Harvey. This is 1928, you know. We're not back in the cattle rustlin' days. I'll send out a call for the nearby police to be on the lookout for her and wire the Los Angeles policeÉ" Suddenly, none other than Adric came crawling in through the window. "Boo! Boo! I'm back from the dead. Boo!" said Adric in a flat, boring and unconvincing monotone. Nyssa gritted her teeth as she hid her face in her handkerchief. "You are so dead, Adric, you are so dead!" she said to herself. Mrs. Collsander screamed. The Sheriff and the Doctor shouted in surprise. "But we killed him!" screamed out Lucas and Slim, the other Collsander brothers. "What?" barked out everyone at once. Jeb was starting to panic. "He's come back to haunt us all. We're condemned. ItÕs a judgment!" Jeb screamed, loosing his smug smile. "You killed me too, don't forget." Said an ancient but deep voice. The company turned around to look at the far side of the room. There stood none other than the elder Collsander, not looking worse for wear after being murdered in Betty Delance's house. "No! It wasn't like that!" burst out Harvey. Old Mrs. Collsander had passed out in a faint. "I didn't want to, Pop. But it was the only way we could get back what was rightfully yours!" screamed Harvey. Jeb tried to jump out the window but the Doctor and the Sheriff grabbed his arm. "No. It was the only way for *you* to get what was mine." Harvey was gasping for breath by now, terrified and panicked beyond belief. He fell down heavily on the floor. "But.. butÉ we made it quick for you, me and my boys, didn't we? We lead you to that house. We were going to kill Betty. ButÉ butÉ Oh my god, what have we done." Harvey broke down crying into his hand. The strange phantom of old Mr. Collsander walked back down the hall. The Doctor took off after it. "I think we'd all better just have a little stroll down to the Sheriff's office boys." But Harvey had had a breakdown and wouldn't get up. He sat on the ground, moaning and sobbing. In the end, they had to carry him out in a straight jacket. His mind was a complete ruin. The Doctor burst into a locked spare bedroom. Sara Fowler was tied up in a chair. She grinned mischievously at the Doctor. "That wasn't necessary. You could have killed someone. I think you drove Harvey insane." The Doctor began to untie Sara. "There's no need Doctor." Sara said. Her arms suddenly transformed into thin fleshy appendages like tentacles and easily slipped out of the ropes. After they were out, they went back to being normal arms again. "Doctor, I would have gladly killed all these humans. You should be happy that I only just drove one insane." By this time, the Sheriff, Nyssa and Adric had found the Doctor. Nyssa was trying to explain about Adric but at least she convinced the Sheriff that, somehow, his death had been faked. The technical explanations were quite beyond him. They burst in through the door. "Doctor!" cried out Nyssa and Adric in unison. "I'm so glad you're well." Said Nyssa smiling at Sara. "I'm glad your plan worked. Adric, nice to see you again." Said Sara. The Doctor was staring out a window, lost in thought. "Well, Doc, looks like you were right." The Sheriff put out a hand. The Doctor turned slowly and shook his hand. "You're welcome. And don't call me 'doc.'" *** The Doctor, Nyssa and Adric were leaving the hotel. Sheriff Chives and Sara were there to say goodbye. "Well, Doctor, I hope you'll come back our way sometime." Said the Sheriff. "You never know, Sheriff, you never know." "It was nice to meet you all." Said Sara bashfully. The Doctor looked at her. "Nice to meet you too. Don't worry, we'll keep your secret." Whispered the Doctor. Suddenly, a strange balding man burst in through the door, surrounded by attendants and dressed in a bright huge riding cloak. He was holding a riding crop and had a beret on. "CB!" yelled the Doctor. "Doctor! My old friend! How great to see you here!" "Well, we were just leaving, actuallyÉ." "No you certainly were not! But waitÉ." CB turned toward Nyssa. "Its herÉ. That face! Yes!" He put up his hands to form a frame, looking at Nyssa through them. "That's the face I've been looking for. Tell me your name, I'll make you a star. You'll get lots of close-ups!" "Oh no you don't, Mr. DeMille. You already made a star out of one of my companions. Her name was Sara if I recall." Joked the Doctor. "Fowler or Jane Smith?" whispered Adric at the Doctor. "Bernhardt!" yelled the DoctorÉ."I want to be alone! Come along Adric, Nyssa! " The Doctor strode cheerfully out of the hotel, yelling famous movie lines, followed by Nyssa and Adric, as they returned to the TARDIS. *** The TARDIS central column was gently moving up and down as the travelers returned home to the This Time Around. "So, Doctor, she was a Metamorph?" asked Nyssa. "I've never heard of them." Said Adric. "Of course not worm, that is because you are so stupid!" screamed Nyssa, her bayonet was out and aimed at his neck. "Ah! Ah!" chided the Doctor, putting a hand up in a stopping gesture. Nyssa fumed and put her bayonet away. "Yes, well, Adric. They're very rare. Metamorphs are a sort of immortal shapeshifter. They flit around. Our Sara was a female shapeshifter who landed on Earth decades ago. She met up with Josiah Delance and decided to stay with him. He was a funloving devil-may-care sort of chap, according to Sara. Of course, her name then was Sonya." "So, she faked her death after Josiah died?" asked Nyssa. "Yes. And they had no children, understandably. Of course, Josiah went to his grave never knowing he was married to an alien. Even her apparent aging was just part of her metamorphing powers. Josiah had a sister though, who moved to Hollywood, got married and had a daughter. Our Betty Delance." "I see!" Said Adric and Nyssa in unison. "Good, got it? Now lets get home. They'll be wondering where we've got to. Can't have 'em come looking for us. I can't stand those multi-doctor specials!" THE END