"In Search Of A Swift Half"
A Gentleman Of Leisure.
'Itchy and Scratchy'
"So, what did you think of Orson Welles's original cut of 'The Magnificent
Ambersons'?" said the Doctor as the old cinema's swing doors closed behind
"Now I know why this movie theater is known as 'The Fleapit'!" the Buffybot
replied, scratching herself vigorously. "Will you put the Sonic Screwdriver
on low power and shine your blue light on me? Pretty please?"
The Docter sighed and did as he was asked, while the Buffybot held her arms
up over her head and twirled round under its rays as if she was in the
shower. A cascade of little black specks tumbled down like, well, a cascade
of little black specks.
"You missed a bit," she said, when he thought he had done. She pointed.
Without a word he handed her the device and turned away, and for the next
couple of minutes was treated to the flashes and crackles of a miniature
display of lightening going on behind his back, and the Buffybot's giggles
of pleasure, rising in pitch until she squealed. There was a pause, a long
sigh and then all was quiet. Silently she passed the gadget back to him over
his shoulder, and he exchanged it for a comb.
"There, all done thank you," she said. "I've finished myself off."
"As the Actress said to the Bishop," murmured the Doctor.
"I heard that!"
'Time For A Quick One?'
"I don't know about you, but I fancy a drink now," he said. "What about it?
You've never been here before, have you?"
"Lead on MacDuff," said the Bot. "And yes, I do know the correct quote,
thank you," she added quickly.
"Did I say anything? Did I?" asked the Doctor, a trifle peevishly.
"You had that 'correcting quotations' look," she told him. "I can tell.
Giles does just the same."
He grunted, and pulled his hat firmly down over his eyes. "Come on then, if
"Is that it then?" She didn't sound impressed.
"On the hill to our right is the local school," said the Doctor, studiously
ignoring her questions - he was still in a bit of a huff.
"What about the hill on our left?" Botty asked.
"We never talk about the hill on our left," he replied, and from his tone
she knew it was not something to ask about twice. She shrugged. All in good
They walked briskly across the carpark, which took longer than expected. Its
size was somewhat deceptive, and she commented on that.
"It always has to be big enough," the Doctor told her. "You see why, don't
"Sure, but it's nothing like full - not by a long way. That row of Tardis's
is parked way in the back, and the saucer is right off to the other side."
"Must be them," the Doctor said, and pointed at a group of objects moving
slowly in a complicated pattern in the centre of a large area of open space.
"Daleks? What the heck are they at?"
"That, my dear, is the Dalek Morris Dancing team. They always need plenty of
room - a large flat space to practise. I remember one time they caused
Heathrow Airport to be fogbound so they could hold a rehearsal session on
the main runway."
"Why are they all looking at me?"
"They're admiring your jewellery, I think," said the Doctor diplomatically.
"Not staring at my boobs, then?" She sounded a little disappointed.
"Well, they are mostly cybernetic, you know." He meant the Daleks, but of
course the remark applied equally well to the Buffybot herself.
"I think all the diamonds set off my skin tone rather nicely, though, don't
you?" Apart from the gems she wasn't wearing much more than a smile.
"You know I do. And from the way the team members are going round in ever
decreasing circles, I imagine they do too!" the Doctor said generously.
Two of the Daleks crashed into each other just as he spoke, and went
spinning away in opposite directions. They ended up a good hundred metres
apart and it took several minutes for the team to reassemble and get back
into proper formation. The Doctor and the Buffybot stood and watched as they
had another go, but this time the team ended up in an even worse state, and
they both had to go over and help right the three Daleks that had fallen
over this time. After that they decided to leave them to it, because
otherwise, as the Doctor put it, "We could be here all day."
They were about to enter the Round when they were stopped at the door by a
small officious blonde with a large clipboard.
"She's not on the list!" the young woman snapped, her voice clearly audible
over the blare of noise from inside. "Nobody's booked a stripper!"
"Oh, come on Polly, we're both dying for a drink. Let us in dear, do,
there's a good girl. Anyway, shouldn't she be on the other list - today's
Pending Arrivals? It'll be at the back."
Unwillingly Polly turned up the last page, and found the Buffybot's name at
the top. She sighed.
"I'm sorry, Doctor. It's been a bad evening."
"What, already?" said the Doctor, a little surprised. "It's not that late is
He was interrupted by the Buffybot.
"Ooh, goody!" she exclaimed. "Sounds like it's Karaoke night!"
"Doctor Who" characters are the property of the BBC.
'This Time Round' created by Tyler Dion.
"Buffy The Vampire Slayer" characters created by Joss Whedon, & Property Of
and Copyright 'Mutant Enemy' etc. etc.
[10 Jan 2009. Revised 11 Jan 2009]
# Author's Note: My first TTR story. If I've breached any of the appropriate
conventions I apologise. #