Introduction: This story involves the First Doctor, Psycho Nyssa and Adric on an adventure with the Freaky Fungus. They don't do drugs in it, but I think I was on the freaky fungus when I came up with the idea for this story. :-) BTW, if you start to get the idea that I am planning to have a "Psycho Nyssa and Adric" story involving each of the Doctors in turn, I would thank you to stop breaking into my house and reading my notepad. I have some freaky fungus and I'm not afraid to use it! ------------------------------------------- Save the Shrooms By Tony Velasquez         The man ran on in fear through the dense forest. He was wearing a red and white horizontal striped sweater, a black bandanna, and a black beret. He was holding a long baguette under one arm and a bucket of some weird material in the other. He glanced behind him in stark raving fear. Some gray mass suddenly loomed up in front of him. "Au Secours! M'aidez!" he screeched in some strange language. The gray mass fell upon him and seemed to decompose him in the blink of an eye as he yelled and bellowed horribly.         ***         Ian was packing a small bag as Adric watched.         "I wish I was going instead of you." Adric said.         "Well, for all I care, you can go instead of me. I really don't feel like going but that tetchy old geezer is ripe for another adventure."         "Really, so you just go because the first Doctor up and orders you?"         "No, not really. Barbara is going, and I want to go and see if the Doctor can finally call me by my proper name the first time around." Adric laughed.         "Of course, " continued Ian, "after all these years I'm not sure what my proper name is. It could very well be Chatterton or Chesterfield. Who knows?"         "Well, how 'bout if you stay here. I have got to get out of here!"         "Yes" I saw what Nyssa did to you with that vacuum cleaner and piece of cheesecloth"" Adric winced.         "All right." Laughed Ian good-naturedly. "You go pack your bags, I'll go tell the first Doctor that you'll be taking my place today. I'll put in a good word for you."         "Thanks." Said Adric.         ***         Barbara walked up to the bar and sat beside Psycho Nyssa. Nyssa was sipping an Adric's Demise, poking the fast melting Adric ice-cube with an ice pick.         "Nyssa, dear?" said Barbara. Nyssa turned around and smiled politely at Barbara.         "Yes, Miss Wright." Said Nyssa, feeling particularly polite and charming today. Well, polite and charming to anyone but Adric that was.         "I was just invited on a little trip by the First Doctor and Susan, but I'm not all that keen to go on it."         "Oh, why not?" said Nyssa, adding, not a little wickedly, "Did you have an argument with Ian?"         "NO!" blurted out Barbara, "No, I mean. I mean, its just that, well, some of us have been wishing you'd get out a little more. Get some air, you know. Get away from this place and take some excitement."         Nyssa smiled sweetly. "Yes, my Doctor has been thinking that lately. OK. I'll go with Ian in your place."         "OK, that's settled then. Here come the First Doctor and Susan now. I hope you have a great time!" said Barbara, feeling like she suddenly wanted to light someone's hair on fire. 'I wonder what Ian would look like blazing from head to foo" No! Oh, my goodness, this wicked little psycho just starts rubbing off on you after awhile' Barbara fretted a bit and then wandered off.         ***         "Zo, what are we going to do Monsieur Le Capitain?" said a man in a dark sweater, bandanna, and beret.         "Well, If Le Shrooms are fighting back, Zen we must use Le Laser Beams on zem."         "Wait un moment, Monsieur Le Capitain, are we going to spend ze rest of ze story putting 'Le' in front of the Nouns English and talking in a stupid fake accent?"         "No, no. You're quite right. That would be silly. We'll use some 'TARDIS Telepathic Circuits' idea or something as an explanation and talk normally.         "Oh, that's great news. I was starting to cramp artistically there."         "Now, what were you saying about the Shrooms?"         "They attacked and killed Giscard!"         "But that's not possible, Geraud!" Geraud sighed. He saw that one coming and was cramping artistically again.         "OK, OK." Continued the Captain. "Prepare to end the harvesting operations here and put into effect Operation Flame Everything On The Planet So It Dies Even Though We Know Darn Good And Well Its Sentient And Has Every Right To Live."         "Um, Captain, might I suggest we just shorten that a tad" to Operation Flame?"         "Oh, very well, Geraud. You see to it, you're good at organizing such things."         "Oui Monsieur Le Capitain! I mean, Yessir, Captain"         ***         Adric stood outside the TARDIS with his overnight kit tied up in a handkerchief and suspended from a stick. The stick was over his shoulder and he paced back and forth in front of the TARDIS.         "Ahem, m'boy, would you please mind if you don't get out of the way so I can" hmm? Open the Tardis, M'boy!" said the Doctor. Adric spun around to find himself looking at the wizened features of the first Doctor. Susan was obediently in tow. And there was Nyssa standing behind her! The dotty Doctor and Susan swept into the TARDIS leaving Adric and Nyssa glaring at each other.         "What are you doing here?!?" growled Adric and Nyssa at each other, almost in unison. The Doctor stuck his head back out of the door.         "Now, you two just get back in here to the TARDIS, hmm? And I won't have any of that psycho funny business, you hear? You two must promise me that you'll do your best to remain on a civil tongue on this journey."         "Yes, Doctor." Said Nyssa, turning to the old man, her voice like dripping honey.         "Yes, Doctor. I agree." Rasped Adric nasally. They both tried to go through the door at the same time, pushing and shoving each other. Finally, Nyssa elbowed Adric and slipped past. Adric kicked at her ankles as she went by but he missed and just stubbed his toe on the TARDIS door.         "Grandfather! Look at those two!" cried out Susan from behind the console as the TARDIS door closed.         "Hmm?" Adric and Nyssa glared at Susan.         "Snitch." They both said, again almost in unison.         ***         "It is unfortunate that we have to flame this place, Geraud" said a short dark haired man in a blue and white stripy shirt, knawing on a baguette.         "Why's that, Monteau? Have you gone soft on the fungus?" Geraud planed another firebomb along the parameter of the clearing where their ship lie. The rocket had a strangely familiar design about it. Sort of tall, convex, made of girders, with "Citron" in big lights along one side. It could have been a tower, had it plopped down in Paris and had been built by Eiffel.         "Oh, no, no, no, no!" said Monteau in rapid succession. "I simply have never tasted truffles better than this!" Monteau took a huge bite of a truffle and then a bite of his baguette.         ***         The first Doctor and Adric stood next to each other as the TARDIS console slowed its motion. They had materialized on a strange planet.         "Now, Adams""         "Adric, Doctor!"         "Yes, that's right, Advil"" the first Doctor looked down at the console then up at Adric. He stared at him for a few minutes then back down at the console. Again he looked up at Adric. Adric began to mouth some words 'We must remember..'         "Ah yes, M'boy, Hmm? Alexis, we must remember to split up in teams of two as soon as we leave the TARDIS. Susan and I will go one way, you and Nyssa another. We will then have two separate subplots pretty much independent of each other and not come together until the big pee, big scene at the end!"         Adric's eyes were bulging out by now, nerves frayed to the limit already. Nyssa slinked up beside him, a foot-long bayonet slid down out of her sleeve. She handed it toward Adric but he waved it away.         "And I must impress upon you, " said the Doctor, Susan helping him on with his coat, "That I will not tolerate any psychocity. None at all, you hear. Did you hear child?"         "Yes, Grandfather, did you want me to go with them to spy on them and snitch?"         "Oh, no, no, m'child, you must come with me to make me look even more tetchy yet endearing than I already am."         "Yes, Grandfather" toned Susan obediently.         ***         "That's right Geraud. Some sort of energy disturbance about two mile-clicks to your northwest."         "Yes, captain, will check it out. Might be some of those 'Save the Shrooms' people."         "Exactly."         Geraud and Monteau both drew their weapons and strode boldly into the brush.         ***         The first Doctor and Susan marched off toward a faraway tower-like spaceship that they saw over the next rise, leaving Adric and Nyssa standing in front of the TARDIS.         "I think we should go into those woods." Began Adric but Nyssa was already stamping off toward them, totally ignoring him. He ran after her. They walked on for awhile, not speaking to each other, lost in their own dark and evil thoughts. From time to time, Adric would insult Nyssa or Nyssa would take a swing at Adric with a very large spiked mace, but the expedition passed peacefully for the most part.         Nyssa and Adric were well into the woods by now when they came face to face with two strange men dressed in stripy sweaters, bandannas and berets.         "Aha!" said one.         "Aha!" said the other. Nyssa and Adric exchanged glances.         "Let me handle this, Nyssa." Murmured Adric out of the side of his mouth, aching to show how brave and cool he could be.         "Ahem. Ou est le gare Montparnasse?" said Adric         "Como?" said the two men.         "Vous etes les Bad Guys, non?" continued Adric.         "Now, hold on a minute little feller, " burst out Geraud, cramping artistically, "We agreed earlier that we wouldn't do this pidgin English sort of thing."         "Yeah, and we know you two are from those Save the Shrooms people!" cried Monteau.         "Save the what?" asked Adric.         "Shrooms, stupid." Said Nyssa.         "Oh, and what are Shrooms you wicked witch?" intoned Adric acidly.         "What's the point of telling you, it would just leak out of your thick empty head as soon as I did." Said Nyssa through gritted teeth.         "Now, look. We are 'Les Bad Guys' as you said, and now we have to kill you so you can't discover our hideous plans." Said Geraud.         "What are your hideous plans?" asked Adric.         "Well. This planet has some very tasty fungus: truffles, mushrooms, you name it. However, our scientists also discovered that it has a high level of sentience. We work for a company that just said 'bugger that!' to the news and sent us to harvest them anyway." Babbled Monteau.         "Haha! Made you talk!" taunted Adric in a nasal whine.         "Shut up, you stupid boy"." Said Monteau         "Oi, I'm the one around here that gets to tell him to shut up!" cried out Nyssa.         "All right, all right. Look. We're going to have to shoot you both and leave you for the fungus to consume. It's turned hostile you see, and we have to leave this planet. Of course, we have left behind enough firebombs to set this planet's atmosphere ablaze. Nothing will survive."         "OK, then. But we must be allowed to prepare ourselves." Said Nyssa.         "Of course." Said Geraud.         "Adric, dear, I think we'll do the 'pattycake' ceremony, OK?" said Nyssa winking at Adric. Adric was shocked, she called him dear! It shocked even his dense intellect that there must be something up.         "Ooohhh. You mean, like in that film that the Doctor went back in time and had them make. The Road to Gallifrey."         "I like the other one better, Road to Skaro, with the Dalek singing 'My Way' in the nightclub." Said Nyssa.         "Is this the ceremony?" barked out Monteau.         "No, I'm sorry. OK, here we go, Adric. Pattycake, pattycake, baker's man, bake a cake as fast as you can!" Nyssa and Adric's hands went through the pattycake game motions but at the very last word, they swung around and punched Geraud and Monteau in the face. Adric drew back his hand in pain, wincing, Geraud was mearly dazed. Monteau, on the other hand, no longer had a recognizable head after Psycho Nyssa's swing had struck him.         Psycho Nyssa and Adric looked around at each other, "Run!" they screamed, almost in unison.         ***         The Doctor and Susan approached the rocket ship and observed the numerous firebombs planted all around the ship.         "Hmm? Hmm?" went the Doctor over and over again while Susan stood, looking on.         Some strangely dressed men came out with Tommy guns.         "Halt there! Come with us. We must take you to our leader." They said.         The Doctor "hmm"ed some more and they went with them into the rocket ship.         ***         Nyssa and Adric ran further into the forest. It was quite silent by now and the trees were getting thicker around them. The underbrush was remarkably clear, almost as though something had been tending the ground, clearing it of debris. Nyssa and Adric came into a little clearing and sat down on a log.         "Whew, but what do we do now?" said Adric. His answer came in the form of a mass of grayish material that seemed to rise up out of the ground like water toward them. Nyssa and Adric's mouths were open agape. At the lead of the sea of gray were strange little foot-high creatures that looked all the world like mushrooms. They seemed to have little faces with little black beady eyes under their mushroom tops. They chirped menacingly. Nyssa reached for her PAK44 Fully Automatic Machine Pistol but then realized that she lost it in a prior story.         "Shoot! Great! Now we're going to be fungus food." She growled.         "Don't say it's my fault. You know how I hate it when you say something is my fault!" cried Adric.         "Shut up, freak. If you even think I'm going to put you out of your misery so you don't get absorbed by this freaky fungus painfully, then you can just forget it."         "Worth a try""         "I said shut up!"         ***         The Doctor and Susan were lead into the command chamber of the rocket ship and met The Captain.         "Ah, so you must be the leader of the Save The Shrooms movement! You look like some sort of wacked out demented space hippie." He said.         "Hmm? No, my good man. No. I am the Doctor and this is my goddaughter Susan""         "Granddaughter, grandfather."         "Ahem, hem, yes, my granddaughter Susan. We are simple travelers and have got here purely by mistake. We don't want to get involved with anything and don't care to know about anything going on. So, what is going on around here and what are you doing here?"         The portly Captain jumped down from his chair, baguette in hand, and regarded the Doctor eye to eye.         "We're about to flame this entire planet and kill off all those sentient Shrooms that you love so much!" he snarled, continuing "and as soon as Geraud and Monteau get back, we'll do it."         "Oh, I say, that's rather unnice. You must be completely mad. OK, then, I must stop you."         "Oh, and how do you plan to do that?"         "Like this." The Doctor's cane struck the Captain between the legs, the stricken leader crumpled with a series of untranslatable swear words and phrases.         "Come along Susan!"         "But Grandfather!"         "Don't argue Susan!" The first Doctor and Susan ran from the command console but not before the Doctor used his ring to disarm the entire weapons board of the rocket ship permanently.         ***         "I hear that death by fungus absorption is a singularly horrible way to die." Said Nyssa offhand, trying to torment Adric and make his last moments in this particular life as miserable as possible.         "Oh, well, you're going to get it too." Replied Adric miserably. Nyssa sniffed. She was going to get it too. Nyssa began to hum a Manilow song. She knew Adric hated Manilow.         "I've been around forever"" she sang. Adric winced. "And I wrote the very first song!"         "Stop it, Nyssa!" whined Adric covering his ears. Suddenly, painful chirps started coming from the mushroom creatures and the gray fungus retreated.         "Nyssa! Look!" said Adric. Nyssa smacked his arm. "I can see!" she screamed.         "But keep singing that song. We can use it to escape!"         Nyssa was thoughtful for a second, then said "No" I have a better plan." She stood up and strode out toward the fungoids. She cleared her throat and began to sing in an angelic beautiful voice. "Adric on fire, And planets a-blaze! Big heavy rifles, And nuclear missiles! These are a few of my favorite things!"         The creatures began to gather around Nyssa. Then Adric noticed that they began to mumble the song back at her. The words were a bit distorted and the tune wasnât quite right, but they were improving all the time. Adric watched as Nyssa continued to sing beautifully, making up psycho lyrics for famous songs. The creatures were twirling and Nyssa began to dance around gracefully, puroetting along with the creatures. Then she broke into "Don't Cry for me Traken Union."         Adric watched agape. He suddenly noticed how lithe and slim Nyssa was. He noticed how shapely her young form had become over the past few years and he began to feel the same weird feelings that he did when Wesley showed him those naughty pictures of Pamela Anderson that he downloaded from the Internet. Nyssa sang with the creatures until they were singing back her psycho songs in perfect harmony. Of course, he didn't much appreciate "I'd like to teach the world to sing while chopping Adric's brain" but her voice was lovely and melodious. Adric was spellbound. Nyssa finally stopped singing and sat down next to Adric.         "There! That should get them on our side!" she said, her head full of the psycho imagery that she had been singing to the mushroom people. Adric cleared his throat and moved a bit closer to Nyssa.         "Ahem. Say, Nyssa. You know. um. If, you know, there was this guy, um, that liked you, you know, and maybe he wasn't, um, you know, the most suave or cool guy ever but he, um, you know, kinda liked you"" Nyssa was barely listening, enjoying the blending of four or five of her psycho songs now being sung back at her by a chorus of voices.         "I'd stick my arm down his throat, pull out his small intestines, and lynch him with them!" she screamed in psycho glee.         Nyssa listened to the singing for a little while longer and then realized what Adric had said. She got a confused look on her face and turned to Adric.         "But why" what did you"" Adric was gone. He was standing on the other side of the clearing, looking away from her, his shoulders downcast and his head pointing toward the ground. His foot was kicking some leaves. Nyssa was suddenly full of murderous rage, mostly at herself, but she vented it toward Adric. 'He did it to me again!' she screamed, not really making any sense.         Adric heard Nyssa scream. He turned around to see her running at him, her bayonet drawn. Adric screamed and began running through the trees. The mushroom creatures seemed to laugh merrily and began to chase after them.         ***         The first Doctor and Susan sat at the foot of the rocket, panting. They had escaped from the ship and sabotaged it. They had even managed to disarm the firebombs. But the Captain had recovered and had led his murderous crew to find them. They were surrounded by a half a dozen crewman, Tommy guns leveled. There was no way out.         "I say, hmm, I suppose we saved this planet but failed to save ourselves." "You can say that again!" screamed the Captain in murderous glee.         A strange screaming suddenly reached their ears. They looked across the clearing where the ship was. Adric broke through the brush, running toward the ship screaming and screaming.         "What is that stupid boy doing?" cried the Doctor.         "Go back! Oh, go back Adric!" Cried Susan         But as soon as she yelled that, Nyssa broke through the brush, her bayonet drawn, lusting now for only blood.         "Nyssa! Go back!"         "More targets men!" cried the Captain in glee but his glee quickly turned to horror. Behind Nyssa was a huge mass of fungoids of all types. "Into the ship, men!" cried the Captain.         Adric ran up to the Doctor panting. Nyssa soon caught up to them, but she saw the first Doctor and Susan and quickly put her bayonet away, showing immense control. The fungoids washed up like a sea, surrounding the ship and them.         "Out of the frying pan and into the fungus, hmm?" said the First Doctor.         "No, I don't think so, let's get away from the ship, Doctor." Said Nyssa.         "What do you mean, child?"         "I mean get away from the ship, I'm going to sing to them!" The Doctor and Susan glanced at each other. The Doctor put his finger to his temple and made some little circles. He indicated to Susan. "Come away, m'dear child, I think she's finally gone a wee bit around the deep end."         Adric, the Doctor, and Susan stepped back as Nyssa began to sing "Consider Yourself one of us" to the creatures who responded happily. The ship's engines began to light but failed. The fungus had creeped up to the foot of the ship and began to absorb it. The ship's metal creaked and groaned as it seemed to just melt into the ground. The fungus was thick in the area and was slowly absorbing the craft. Nyssa acted quickly and liberated one of the firebombs that the First Doctor had left lying around. "I might need this" she said to herself.         The ship completely evaporated away and it looked as if nothing was ever there.         "My ship! My TARDIS!" cried the old man when he saw what they could do to the French spaceship.         "I don't think we need worry about that." Said Adric, "Nyssa seemed to have charmed them."         "What happened out there, m'boy, hmm?" said the Doctor but Adric only pushed his way past them and stormed to the TARDIS.         ***         Nyssa walked down the TARDIS corridor. They would soon be back at the This Time Round and she had made up her mind to be bold. To give the worm one last chance. She knocked on his door. "Come in" a voice said.         Adric saw it was her. "What do you want."         "Adric. Um. Well." Nyssa turned away from him. It would be easier if she wasn't looking at him. "Adric. About what you were saying in the forest. Well, I was a bit distracted". So" well, if you could say those things again" maybe I could" react more carefully." She choked the words out and unbuttoned her choker collar. She turned around, her eyes soft and dewy, her smile was equally so.         There sat Adric with his VR helmet on playing Quake.         "ADRIC!" she screamed. He didn't hear her, he was absorbed in his game. Nyssa seethed and swooned with psychotic energy. She ran up, unplugged his helmet from the computer and shoved the lead into a power outlet. Adric screamed in agony as the helmet smoked and popped, sizzling him. Nyssa did up her choker collar on her purple dress and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.         Susan was in the hall listening to her Walkman. She snooped forward.         "Nyssa? Were you doing something psychotic in there? My grandfather warned you!"         A few minutes later, Susan staggered into the control room bawling.         "Grandfather!" she bawled.         "Susan! How many times have I told you not to stick your radio up there?!? You naughty girl, I should give you a jolly good spanked Walkman!" barked out the wizened old man.         ***         Home again at last. Adric and Nyssa walked into the This Time Around. The patrons suddenly went quiet, regarding them. But no violence happened right at the moment, so they went back to what they were doing.         Harry swung up.         "Hello lad! Hello young old girl!" he cried, "I bet you two are hungry after your adventure!" Adric and Nyssa nodded their assent. "Well, you'll love it. The specialty of La Maison tonight! Stuffed Mushrooms!" Two heaping plates of steamy stuffed mushrooms were placed before them. They stared, awestruck, and pushed them away.         "No thanks, Harry." They said, almost in unison. THE END ------------------------------------ ------------------------------------ Copyright 1999 by Tony Velasquez (velasqua@grovenet.net) Please ask before taking with Freaky Fungus. Doctor Who and characters are copyright BBC France is copyright the Republic of France The Eiffel Tower is copyright some guy named Eiffel.