Introduction: This story involves the First Doctor, Psycho Nyssa and Adric on an adventure with the Freaky Fungus. They don't do drugs in it, but I think I was on the freaky fungus when I came up with the idea for this story. :-) BTW, if you start to get the idea that I am
planning to have a "Psycho Nyssa and Adric" story involving each of the
Doctors in turn, I would thank you to stop breaking into my house and
reading my notepad. I have some freaky fungus and I'm not afraid to use
Save the Shrooms
By Tony Velasquez
The man ran on in fear through the dense forest. He was wearing a
red and white horizontal striped sweater, a black bandanna, and a black
beret. He was holding a long baguette under one arm and a bucket of
some weird material in the other. He glanced behind him in stark
raving fear. Some gray mass suddenly loomed up in front of him. "Au
Secours! M'aidez!" he screeched in some strange language. The gray
mass fell upon him and seemed to decompose him in the blink of an eye as
he yelled and bellowed horribly.
Ian was packing a small bag as Adric watched.
"I wish I was going instead of you." Adric said.
"Well, for all I care, you can go instead of me. I really don't
feel like going but that tetchy old geezer is ripe for another
"Really, so you just go because the first Doctor up and orders you?"
"No, not really. Barbara is going, and I want to go and see if the
Doctor can finally call me by my proper name the first time around."
"Of course, " continued Ian, "after all these years I'm not sure
what my proper name is. It could very well be Chatterton or
Chesterfield. Who knows?"
"Well, how 'bout if you stay here. I have got to get out of here!"
"Yes" I saw what Nyssa did to you with that vacuum cleaner and piece
of cheesecloth"" Adric winced.
"All right." Laughed Ian good-naturedly. "You go pack your bags,
I'll go tell the first Doctor that you'll be taking my place today.
I'll put in a good word for you."
"Thanks." Said Adric.
Barbara walked up to the bar and sat beside Psycho Nyssa. Nyssa
was sipping an Adric's Demise, poking the fast melting Adric ice-cube
with an ice pick.
"Nyssa, dear?" said Barbara. Nyssa turned around and smiled
politely at Barbara.
"Yes, Miss Wright." Said Nyssa, feeling particularly polite and
charming today. Well, polite and charming to anyone but Adric that was.
"I was just invited on a little trip by the First Doctor and Susan,
but I'm not all that keen to go on it."
"Oh, why not?" said Nyssa, adding, not a little wickedly, "Did you
have an argument with Ian?"
"NO!" blurted out Barbara, "No, I mean. I mean, its just that,
well, some of us have been wishing you'd get out a little more. Get
some air, you know. Get away from this place and take some
Nyssa smiled sweetly. "Yes, my Doctor has been thinking that
lately. OK. I'll go with Ian in your place."
"OK, that's settled then. Here come the First Doctor and Susan
now. I hope you have a great time!" said Barbara, feeling like she
suddenly wanted to light someone's hair on fire. 'I wonder what Ian
would look like blazing from head to foo" No! Oh, my goodness, this
wicked little psycho just starts rubbing off on you after awhile'
Barbara fretted a bit and then wandered off.
"Zo, what are we going to do Monsieur Le Capitain?" said a man in a
dark sweater, bandanna, and beret.
"Well, If Le Shrooms are fighting back, Zen we must use Le Laser
Beams on zem."
"Wait un moment, Monsieur Le Capitain, are we going to spend ze rest
of ze story putting 'Le' in front of the Nouns English and talking in a
stupid fake accent?"
"No, no. You're quite right. That would be silly. We'll use some
'TARDIS Telepathic Circuits' idea or something as an explanation and
"Oh, that's great news. I was starting to cramp artistically
"Now, what were you saying about the Shrooms?"
"They attacked and killed Giscard!"
"But that's not possible, Geraud!" Geraud sighed. He saw that one
coming and was cramping artistically again.
"OK, OK." Continued the Captain. "Prepare to end the harvesting
operations here and put into effect Operation Flame Everything On The
Planet So It Dies Even Though We Know Darn Good And Well Its Sentient
And Has Every Right To Live."
"Um, Captain, might I suggest we just shorten that a tad" to
"Oh, very well, Geraud. You see to it, you're good at organizing
"Oui Monsieur Le Capitain! I mean, Yessir, Captain"
Adric stood outside the TARDIS with his overnight kit tied up in a
handkerchief and suspended from a stick. The stick was over his
shoulder and he paced back and forth in front of the TARDIS.
"Ahem, m'boy, would you please mind if you don't get out of the way
so I can" hmm? Open the Tardis, M'boy!" said the Doctor. Adric spun
around to find himself looking at the wizened features of the first
Doctor. Susan was obediently in tow. And there was Nyssa standing
behind her! The dotty Doctor and Susan swept into the TARDIS leaving
Adric and Nyssa glaring at each other.
"What are you doing here?!?" growled Adric and Nyssa at each other,
almost in unison. The Doctor stuck his head back out of the door.
"Now, you two just get back in here to the TARDIS, hmm? And I
won't have any of that psycho funny business, you hear? You two must
promise me that you'll do your best to remain on a civil tongue on this
"Yes, Doctor." Said Nyssa, turning to the old man, her voice like
"Yes, Doctor. I agree." Rasped Adric nasally. They both tried to
go through the door at the same time, pushing and shoving each other.
Finally, Nyssa elbowed Adric and slipped past. Adric kicked at her
ankles as she went by but he missed and just stubbed his toe on the
"Grandfather! Look at those two!" cried out Susan from behind the
console as the TARDIS door closed.
"Hmm?" Adric and Nyssa glared at Susan.
"Snitch." They both said, again almost in unison.
"It is unfortunate that we have to flame this place, Geraud" said a
short dark haired man in a blue and white stripy shirt, knawing on a
"Why's that, Monteau? Have you gone soft on the fungus?" Geraud
planed another firebomb along the parameter of the clearing where their
ship lie. The rocket had a strangely familiar design about it. Sort
of tall, convex, made of girders, with "Citron" in big lights along one
side. It could have been a tower, had it plopped down in Paris and had
been built by Eiffel.
"Oh, no, no, no, no!" said Monteau in rapid succession. "I simply
have never tasted truffles better than this!" Monteau took a huge bite
of a truffle and then a bite of his baguette.
The first Doctor and Adric stood next to each other as the TARDIS
console slowed its motion. They had materialized on a strange planet.
"Yes, that's right, Advil"" the first Doctor looked down at the
console then up at Adric. He stared at him for a few minutes then back
down at the console. Again he looked up at Adric. Adric began to
mouth some words 'We must remember..'
"Ah yes, M'boy, Hmm? Alexis, we must remember to split up in teams
of two as soon as we leave the TARDIS. Susan and I will go one way,
you and Nyssa another. We will then have two separate subplots pretty
much independent of each other and not come together until the big pee,
big scene at the end!"
Adric's eyes were bulging out by now, nerves frayed to the limit
already. Nyssa slinked up beside him, a foot-long bayonet slid down out
of her sleeve. She handed it toward Adric but he waved it away.
"And I must impress upon you, " said the Doctor, Susan helping him
on with his coat, "That I will not tolerate any psychocity. None at
all, you hear. Did you hear child?"
"Yes, Grandfather, did you want me to go with them to spy on them
"Oh, no, no, m'child, you must come with me to make me look even
more tetchy yet endearing than I already am."
"Yes, Grandfather" toned Susan obediently.
"That's right Geraud. Some sort of energy disturbance about two
mile-clicks to your northwest."
"Yes, captain, will check it out. Might be some of those 'Save the
Geraud and Monteau both drew their weapons and strode boldly into
The first Doctor and Susan marched off toward a faraway tower-like
spaceship that they saw over the next rise, leaving Adric and Nyssa
standing in front of the TARDIS.
"I think we should go into those woods." Began Adric but Nyssa was
already stamping off toward them, totally ignoring him. He ran after
her. They walked on for awhile, not speaking to each other, lost in
their own dark and evil thoughts. From time to time, Adric would
insult Nyssa or Nyssa would take a swing at Adric with a very large
spiked mace, but the expedition passed peacefully for the most part.
Nyssa and Adric were well into the woods by now when they came face
to face with two strange men dressed in stripy sweaters, bandannas and
"Aha!" said one.
"Aha!" said the other. Nyssa and Adric exchanged glances.
"Let me handle this, Nyssa." Murmured Adric out of the side of his
mouth, aching to show how brave and cool he could be.
"Ahem. Ou est le gare Montparnasse?" said Adric
"Como?" said the two men.
"Vous etes les Bad Guys, non?" continued Adric.
"Now, hold on a minute little feller, " burst out Geraud, cramping
artistically, "We agreed earlier that we wouldn't do this pidgin English
sort of thing."
"Yeah, and we know you two are from those Save the Shrooms people!"
"Save the what?" asked Adric.
"Shrooms, stupid." Said Nyssa.
"Oh, and what are Shrooms you wicked witch?" intoned Adric acidly.
"What's the point of telling you, it would just leak out of your
thick empty head as soon as I did." Said Nyssa through gritted teeth.
"Now, look. We are 'Les Bad Guys' as you said, and now we have to
kill you so you can't discover our hideous plans." Said Geraud.
"What are your hideous plans?" asked Adric.
"Well. This planet has some very tasty fungus: truffles, mushrooms,
you name it. However, our scientists also discovered that it has a
high level of sentience. We work for a company that just said 'bugger
that!' to the news and sent us to harvest them anyway." Babbled Monteau.
"Haha! Made you talk!" taunted Adric in a nasal whine.
"Shut up, you stupid boy"." Said Monteau
"Oi, I'm the one around here that gets to tell him to shut up!"
cried out Nyssa.
"All right, all right. Look. We're going to have to shoot you
both and leave you for the fungus to consume. It's turned hostile you
see, and we have to leave this planet. Of course, we have left behind
enough firebombs to set this planet's atmosphere ablaze. Nothing will
"OK, then. But we must be allowed to prepare ourselves." Said
"Of course." Said Geraud.
"Adric, dear, I think we'll do the 'pattycake' ceremony, OK?" said
Nyssa winking at Adric. Adric was shocked, she called him dear! It
shocked even his dense intellect that there must be something up.
"Ooohhh. You mean, like in that film that the Doctor went back in
time and had them make. The Road to Gallifrey."
"I like the other one better, Road to Skaro, with the Dalek singing
'My Way' in the nightclub." Said Nyssa.
"Is this the ceremony?" barked out Monteau.
"No, I'm sorry. OK, here we go, Adric. Pattycake, pattycake,
baker's man, bake a cake as fast as you can!" Nyssa and Adric's hands
went through the pattycake game motions but at the very last word, they
swung around and punched Geraud and Monteau in the face. Adric drew
back his hand in pain, wincing, Geraud was mearly dazed. Monteau, on
the other hand, no longer had a recognizable head after Psycho Nyssa's
swing had struck him.
Psycho Nyssa and Adric looked around at each other, "Run!" they
screamed, almost in unison.
The Doctor and Susan approached the rocket ship and observed the
numerous firebombs planted all around the ship.
"Hmm? Hmm?" went the Doctor over and over again while Susan stood,
Some strangely dressed men came out with Tommy guns.
"Halt there! Come with us. We must take you to our leader." They
The Doctor "hmm"ed some more and they went with them into the rocket
Nyssa and Adric ran further into the forest. It was quite silent by
now and the trees were getting thicker around them. The underbrush was
remarkably clear, almost as though something had been tending the
ground, clearing it of debris. Nyssa and Adric came into a little
clearing and sat down on a log.
"Whew, but what do we do now?" said Adric. His answer came in the
form of a mass of grayish material that seemed to rise up out of the
ground like water toward them. Nyssa and Adric's mouths were open
agape. At the lead of the sea of gray were strange little foot-high
creatures that looked all the world like mushrooms. They seemed to
have little faces with little black beady eyes under their mushroom
tops. They chirped menacingly. Nyssa reached for her PAK44 Fully
Automatic Machine Pistol but then realized that she lost it in a prior
"Shoot! Great! Now we're going to be fungus food." She growled.
"Don't say it's my fault. You know how I hate it when you say
something is my fault!" cried Adric.
"Shut up, freak. If you even think I'm going to put you out of your
misery so you don't get absorbed by this freaky fungus painfully, then
you can just forget it."
"Worth a try""
"I said shut up!"
The Doctor and Susan were lead into the command chamber of the
rocket ship and met The Captain.
"Ah, so you must be the leader of the Save The Shrooms movement! You
look like some sort of wacked out demented space hippie." He said.
"Hmm? No, my good man. No. I am the Doctor and this is my
"Ahem, hem, yes, my granddaughter Susan. We are simple travelers
and have got here purely by mistake. We don't want to get involved
with anything and don't care to know about anything going on. So, what
is going on around here and what are you doing here?"
The portly Captain jumped down from his chair, baguette in hand, and
regarded the Doctor eye to eye.
"We're about to flame this entire planet and kill off all those
sentient Shrooms that you love so much!" he snarled, continuing "and as
soon as Geraud and Monteau get back, we'll do it."
"Oh, I say, that's rather unnice. You must be completely mad. OK,
then, I must stop you."
"Oh, and how do you plan to do that?"
"Like this." The Doctor's cane struck the Captain between the legs,
the stricken leader crumpled with a series of untranslatable swear words
"Come along Susan!"
"Don't argue Susan!" The first Doctor and Susan ran from the
command console but not before the Doctor used his ring to disarm the
entire weapons board of the rocket ship permanently.
"I hear that death by fungus absorption is a singularly horrible way
to die." Said Nyssa offhand, trying to torment Adric and make his last
moments in this particular life as miserable as possible.
"Oh, well, you're going to get it too." Replied Adric miserably.
Nyssa sniffed. She was going to get it too. Nyssa began to hum a
Manilow song. She knew Adric hated Manilow.
"I've been around forever"" she sang. Adric winced. "And I wrote
the very first song!"
"Stop it, Nyssa!" whined Adric covering his ears. Suddenly,
painful chirps started coming from the mushroom creatures and the gray
"Nyssa! Look!" said Adric. Nyssa smacked his arm. "I can see!"
"But keep singing that song. We can use it to escape!"
Nyssa was thoughtful for a second, then said "No" I have a better
plan." She stood up and strode out toward the fungoids. She cleared
her throat and began to sing in an angelic beautiful voice.
"Adric on fire,
And planets a-blaze!
Big heavy rifles,
And nuclear missiles!
These are a few of my favorite things!"
The creatures began to gather around Nyssa. Then Adric noticed that
they began to mumble the song back at her. The words were a bit
distorted and the tune wasnât quite right, but they were improving all
the time. Adric watched as Nyssa continued to sing beautifully, making
up psycho lyrics for famous songs. The creatures were twirling and
Nyssa began to dance around gracefully, puroetting along with the
creatures. Then she broke into "Don't Cry for me Traken Union."
Adric watched agape. He suddenly noticed how lithe and slim Nyssa
was. He noticed how shapely her young form had become over the past
few years and he began to feel the same weird feelings that he did when
Wesley showed him those naughty pictures of Pamela Anderson that he
downloaded from the Internet. Nyssa sang with the creatures until they
were singing back her psycho songs in perfect harmony. Of course, he
didn't much appreciate "I'd like to teach the world to sing while
chopping Adric's brain" but her voice was lovely and melodious. Adric
was spellbound. Nyssa finally stopped singing and sat down next to
"There! That should get them on our side!" she said, her head full
of the psycho imagery that she had been singing to the mushroom people.
Adric cleared his throat and moved a bit closer to Nyssa.
"Ahem. Say, Nyssa. You know. um. If, you know, there was this
guy, um, that liked you, you know, and maybe he wasn't, um, you know,
the most suave or cool guy ever but he, um, you know, kinda liked you""
Nyssa was barely listening, enjoying the blending of four or five of her
psycho songs now being sung back at her by a chorus of voices.
"I'd stick my arm down his throat, pull out his small intestines,
and lynch him with them!" she screamed in psycho glee.
Nyssa listened to the singing for a little while longer and then
realized what Adric had said. She got a confused look on her face and
turned to Adric.
"But why" what did you"" Adric was gone. He was standing on the
other side of the clearing, looking away from her, his shoulders
downcast and his head pointing toward the ground. His foot was kicking
some leaves. Nyssa was suddenly full of murderous rage, mostly at
herself, but she vented it toward Adric. 'He did it to me again!' she
screamed, not really making any sense.
Adric heard Nyssa scream. He turned around to see her running at
him, her bayonet drawn. Adric screamed and began running through the
trees. The mushroom creatures seemed to laugh merrily and began to chase
The first Doctor and Susan sat at the foot of the rocket, panting.
They had escaped from the ship and sabotaged it. They had even managed
to disarm the firebombs. But the Captain had recovered and had led his
murderous crew to find them. They were surrounded by a half a dozen
crewman, Tommy guns leveled. There was no way out.
"I say, hmm, I suppose we saved this planet but failed to save
ourselves." "You can say that again!" screamed the Captain in murderous
A strange screaming suddenly reached their ears. They looked across
the clearing where the ship was. Adric broke through the brush, running
toward the ship screaming and screaming.
"What is that stupid boy doing?" cried the Doctor.
"Go back! Oh, go back Adric!" Cried Susan
But as soon as she yelled that, Nyssa broke through the brush, her
bayonet drawn, lusting now for only blood.
"Nyssa! Go back!"
"More targets men!" cried the Captain in glee but his glee quickly
turned to horror. Behind Nyssa was a huge mass of fungoids of all
types. "Into the ship, men!" cried the Captain.
Adric ran up to the Doctor panting. Nyssa soon caught up to them,
but she saw the first Doctor and Susan and quickly put her bayonet away,
showing immense control. The fungoids washed up like a sea,
surrounding the ship and them.
"Out of the frying pan and into the fungus, hmm?" said the First
"No, I don't think so, let's get away from the ship, Doctor." Said
"What do you mean, child?"
"I mean get away from the ship, I'm going to sing to them!" The
Doctor and Susan glanced at each other. The Doctor put his finger to
his temple and made some little circles. He indicated to Susan. "Come
away, m'dear child, I think she's finally gone a wee bit around the deep
Adric, the Doctor, and Susan stepped back as Nyssa began to sing
"Consider Yourself one of us" to the creatures who responded happily.
The ship's engines began to light but failed. The fungus had creeped up
to the foot of the ship and began to absorb it. The ship's metal
creaked and groaned as it seemed to just melt into the ground. The
fungus was thick in the area and was slowly absorbing the craft. Nyssa
acted quickly and liberated one of the firebombs that the First Doctor
had left lying around. "I might need this" she said to herself.
The ship completely evaporated away and it looked as if nothing was
"My ship! My TARDIS!" cried the old man when he saw what they could
do to the French spaceship.
"I don't think we need worry about that." Said Adric, "Nyssa seemed
to have charmed them."
"What happened out there, m'boy, hmm?" said the Doctor but Adric
only pushed his way past them and stormed to the TARDIS.
Nyssa walked down the TARDIS corridor. They would soon be back at
the This Time Round and she had made up her mind to be bold. To give
the worm one last chance. She knocked on his door. "Come in" a voice
Adric saw it was her. "What do you want."
"Adric. Um. Well." Nyssa turned away from him. It would be
easier if she wasn't looking at him. "Adric. About what you were
saying in the forest. Well, I was a bit distracted". So" well, if you
could say those things again" maybe I could" react more carefully." She
choked the words out and unbuttoned her choker collar. She turned
around, her eyes soft and dewy, her smile was equally so.
There sat Adric with his VR helmet on playing Quake.
"ADRIC!" she screamed. He didn't hear her, he was absorbed in his
game. Nyssa seethed and swooned with psychotic energy. She ran up,
unplugged his helmet from the computer and shoved the lead into a power
outlet. Adric screamed in agony as the helmet smoked and popped,
sizzling him. Nyssa did up her choker collar on her purple dress and
stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
Susan was in the hall listening to her Walkman. She snooped
"Nyssa? Were you doing something psychotic in there? My
grandfather warned you!"
A few minutes later, Susan staggered into the control room bawling.
"Grandfather!" she bawled.
"Susan! How many times have I told you not to stick your radio up
there?!? You naughty girl, I should give you a jolly good spanked
Walkman!" barked out the wizened old man.
Home again at last. Adric and Nyssa walked into the This Time
Around. The patrons suddenly went quiet, regarding them. But no
violence happened right at the moment, so they went back to what they
Harry swung up.
"Hello lad! Hello young old girl!" he cried, "I bet you two are
hungry after your adventure!" Adric and Nyssa nodded their assent.
"Well, you'll love it. The specialty of La Maison tonight! Stuffed
Mushrooms!" Two heaping plates of steamy stuffed mushrooms were placed
before them. They stared, awestruck, and pushed them away.
"No thanks, Harry." They said, almost in unison.
Copyright 1999 by Tony Velasquez (email@example.com) Please ask before taking with Freaky Fungus.
Doctor Who and characters are copyright BBC
France is copyright the Republic of France
The Eiffel Tower is copyright some guy named Eiffel.