Hello all.

This is what happens when you read are on a long, boring
cross-country drive through the night and don't
have much else to think about. It also doesn't help matters if
you've just read large chunks of B.K. Willis' Space Vixens, and
it's sitting there rotting at your brain. God, I really hope
this thing posts right, because it's been a hassle getitng it set
up for sending.

Copyright notices at end. If someone wants to send me commentary
on this one go ahead, but truthfully I doubt it's the kind of the
thing that one needs to spend any real time worrying over. Wrote
this one essentially for amusement. Enjoy.

--DBK

Story Time: Cinderella
A TTR/LWT/TDF Fanfic

*****

"OK, children." Izzy declared, looking around the play area at
the organized chaos that was the Day Care Center outside
continuity. "It's story time. Everyone gather around."

Many of the toddlers jumped up and down in glee; story time
was, after all, far and away the favorite time of the day for
most of them. Toys were put away, world domination schemes
were put on hold, and even vendettas were routinely laid aside
so as to permit as uninterrupted a story telling as possible.
This didn't mean that there wasn't some hustling and jostling
as the little tykes took their accustomed positions around
Izzy, but all things considered, it was still one of the few
times in the day when the kids were on their relative best
behavior.

Even so, she still found herself having to forge at least some
order. "Death," she ordered one little boy, who was dressed as
a 40's movie cowboy (complete with fake leather Roy Rogers
pistol belt), "if you don't stop squirting the other Deaths,
I'm going to take away your waterpistols." Izzy turned to
several of the others. "Nyssa, quit pulling Adric's hair...
Jamie, put away that toy dagger; Kroton is a _nice_ cyberboy...
Delgado Master, if you don't give Ainley Master his Mojo Jojo
back, you will be in time-out... Cammy, will you _please_ stay
in one place?"

When all was finally quiet and the children had Izzy's
undivided attention, she smiled at them, took her seat at the
Story Telling Chair, then picked up an extra-large sized tome
with the words "The Big Story Time Book" on it splashed across
in friendly, yellow-red lettering and with pictures of happy,
playing children on the cover. The fact that said book was
also plastered with yellow-and-black cautionary stickers ("Do
Not Open Unless You REALLY Mean It!:") and a firm warning
scrawled upon the back cover and signed by someone named
Ridcully, did not dissuade her at all.

She put the book in her lap, and looked up just as Tegan (adult
version) walked into the doorway. "Ready?" the former
stewardess asked, with a slightly satisfied tinge to her voice.

Izzy nodded. This one was going to be _so_ good. "Ready."

Then, Izzy opened the book.

"And now, children, I shall read you the story of
Cinderella..."

*****

(NOTE: The NARRATOR is Izzy)

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Once upon a time, there was a young woman known as the Fair
Maiden Cinderella.

From somewhere off-camera can be heard the sound of a startled
cry, a splash of water, and the words "You're on!" said in a
decidedly Australian accent. Then, NUMBER ONE (female)
materializes in that frightening realm known as Story Space.

CUT TO: Story Space.

NUMBER ONE materializes in Story Space wearing what can only be
described as a drab, plain, vaguely medieval, woman's peasant
dress with a long, billowing skirt. She looks down at it, then
at her surroundings frantically.

NUMBER ONE (f)
Oh hell, not again...

NARRATOR (v.o.)
She was known as the Fair because she was considered far and
wide as being the fairest of them all...

CUT TO: Ext: A College Football game (Alabama Crimson Tide vs.
Auburn Tigers).

NUMBER ONE (f) is on the field, dressed in a black-and-white
striped version of the peasant dress.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(Facing camera, indicating the side wearing red)
Offsides, Number Twenty-Eight on the defense, five yard
penalty, repeat first down!

NARRATOR (v.o.)
She was known as the Maiden because, well...

CUT TO: Ext., a modern street with a neon-sign lit bar to one
side.

Suddenly, several big, burly, biker-types are seen being tossed
through a window. They scramble to their feet and run away in
sheer terror. Then, NUMBER ONE (f) steps out of the bar,
anachronistically still wearing the peasant dress, dusting her
hands.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(shouting after fleeing men)
When I say, "No!", I mean "No!"

NARRATOR (v.o.)
And she was known as Cinderella for her peculiar habit of
gathering cinders and ashe from area fireplaces and carting
them off to a special workshop she had set up.

CUT TO: Int., a workroom.

NUMBER ONE (f) -- still in the dress, but covered with soot --
is carting a wheelbarrow full of black cinders. Around her are
several canisters and crates marked "Sulphur" and "Potassium
Nitrate".

CUT TO: Story Space.

NUMBER ONE is standing there, looking somewhat bemused, but not
soot covered.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Cinderella lived with her stepmother...

Behind NUMBER ONE, COMPASSION materializes, dressed in very
regal attire.

COMPASSION
(looking down at herself)
Oh, wow. I'm the evil stepmother. I didn't know I had it in
me.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
...and her two step-sisters, Christiana...

Next to COMPASSION materializes CHRIS CWEJ wearing a gown-type
dress. There are no other changes to him other than the fact
that he is basically a big, burly guy wearing a dress, makeup,
and jewelry.

CHRIS
(very startled)
WHAT THE...?!?!?!

NARRATOR (v.o.)
...and Fitztiana.

Next to CHRIS materializes FITZ, who is also wearing a gown-
type dress (albeit of a different color). Like CHRIS, there
are no other changes except that he is obviously a guy wearing
a dress. He does not look pleased.

FITZ
(very angry)
THEY DIDN'T...!!!!

CHRIS and FITZ angrily turn to COMPASSION.

FITZ
(demanding)
You set this up, didn't you?

CHRIS
Hey, what the hell did I do to you to deserve this?

COMPASSION feigns ignorance.

COMPASSION
(trying very hard not to laugh at CHRIS at FITZ)
Now, now, now... _girls_... you know how it goes. Once the
story book is opened it takes those who are deemed the most
appropriate for the part...

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Ahem!

COMPASSION
(looking upwards)
Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.

CHRIS and FITZ sulk.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Now, Cinderella's father had married her stepmother...

Behind them all a mantlepiece appears, with a framed picture of
a smiling 4th Doctor on it. Everyone turns around to look at
it.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(muttering to herself, sarcastically)
Do I detect the presence of a running gag?

NARRATOR (v.o.)
...but after he died, Cinderella was left in the woman's
charge. Unfortunately, the stepmother was an Evil Stepmother,
in that she clearly preferred her own daughters over her
adopted daughter, and thus made Cinderella do all the household
chores...

COMPASSION
(to NUMBER ONE)
Hey, Cindy. Go clean out the fireplaces and fix the air
conditioner, why don't 'ya?

NUMBER ONE (f)
Sure thi ... I mean, Oh Ma, do I have to?

NARRATOR (v.o.)
...while she and her daughters lived in luxury.

COMPASSION starts to drag CHRIS and FITZ off camera by the
sleeves of their dresses.

COMPASSION
(to CHRIS and FITZ)
Come along, _daughters_. The dress makers are here today and
have _so many_ things for you to try on.

CHRIS
(gritting teeth)
Help!

FITZ
(pleading)
Someone please kill us, NOW!

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Cinderella's step sisters, too, treated her like a servant, and
were always mean and never nice to her.

NUMBER ONE starts to walk off camera to do her chores.

CHRIS
(pointing thumb at NUMBER ONE)
Hey, how come she gets the easy job while we're stuck like
this?

NUMBER ONE (f)
(as she is passing CHRIS and FITZ)
Quit yer' yapping. At least you still have your original
equipment.
(glancing at CHRIS and FITZ)
Well, probably...

CHRIS raises his fist as if to strike NUMBER ONE, but NUMBER
ONE manages to run away off-stage.

CUT TO: Ext., A palace balcony, with throngs of people standing
below cheering.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
One day, the King and Queen of the land made a proclamation.

SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI can be seen on the balcony, waiving their
hands stiffly ala the British Royal Family.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
In honor of their son The Prince having finally come of age,
they proclaimed that a Royal Ball should be held, and that all
the eligible young ladies of the realm should attend. From
this The Prince would choose one as his bride, and she would
become The Princess of the realm.

PERI
(muttering to herself)
And get him out of the house, finally...

CUT TO: Int., A dining room.

COMPASSION (still in the same regal attire as before) is
sitting in a chair while reading a copy of The Proclamation.
Across from her are standing CHRIS and FITZ (who are now
wearing different, gaudier gowns than before, and both looking
extremely displeased).

COMPASSION
(reading Proclamation)
Well, my _daughters_. It seems the King is looking for a bride
for the Prince.

CHRIS and FITZ both gulp in unison.

COMPASSION
(to CHRIS and FITZ)
And I'm going to make sure _one_ of you catches his fancy long
enough to marry him!

CHRIS and FITZ each point to the other.

NUMBER ONE enters, wiping her oily hands on a rag. She
saunders over to COMPASSION, ignoring the other two completely.

NUMBER ONE (f)
Well, I found the problem. The thermostatic expansion valve on
the evaporator coil has a bad power-head and will need to be
replaced....

COMPASSION
That's fine, Cinderella. Now, why don't you finish cleaning
out all the fireplaces, scrub the floors, cook dinner, do the
laundry, make the beds, clean out the stables...

NUMBER ONE (f)
Hey, no prob. Anything to pass the time until...

NARRATOR (v.o.)
*cough* *cough*

NUMBER ONE (f)
...this story is finished...

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Ahem...

NUMBER ONE (f)
(sighs, looking up)
Do I have to?

NARRATOR (v.o.)
If you ever expect to get out of this story, you do.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(mutters to herself)
Oh, all right.
(deadpan voice, to COMPASSION)
But if I do all of that I won't be able to attend the Royal
Ball.

COMPASSION
(nodding, voice rising as she continues)
Yes, that is correct. And when the Prince sees my daughters,
he will fall instantly in love with one of them, and they shall
marry! And when they are married I shall kill the rest of the
royal family, and then my daughter will be left to rule in
their place! And then I shall control the throne from behind!
And then _I_ shall rule the kingdom! And with this kingdom as
a base, I shall put together an army from which I shall gobble
up all my neighbors, and then I shall conquer whole continents,
and then I shall RULE THE WORLD! BWAHAHAHAHA!

From outside, the sound of ominous thunder can be heard on a
perfectly clear day.

FITZ
Um, Cam... don't you think you're overdoing it just a bit?

COMPASSION
(looking around, appearing rather sheepish)
Oh, sorry. I'm afraid I'm not much good at this evil thing.
(to NUMBER ONE)
Anyway, you can't go to the ball, and that's final.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(snapping fingers)
Oh, shucky darn.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
AHEM!!

NUMBER ONE (f)
(deadpan voice)
Oh, boo-hoo-hoo. You people are so mean to me!!

NUMBER ONE runs off camera, her head buried in her hands.
COMPASSION turns to CHRIS and FITZ.

COMPASSION
Come along, _daughters_! We have to make you _beautiful_ for
the _Prince_!!

COMPASSION grabs them both by the sleeves of their dresses and
forcefully drags them off camera.

CUT TO: Int., Dining room, evening.

It is the same room as before, only time has passed and it is
now the evening of the Royal Ball (how long into the future it
is no one can tell, but since this is Fairy Tale Land, time of
course passes really strangely here). FITZ and CHRIS enter,
each wearing the gaudiest dresses yet. Enough makeup has been
slapped on them to make Tammy Faye Baker proud, and they are
each wearing ludicrously long blonde-haired wigs for which no
effort has been made to disguise as anything other than wigs.
The two are moving slowly. They look as they have previously,
no one could possibly mistake them as anything other than a
couple of guys in drag.

CHRIS
(walking stiffly)
God, I can't breath in this!! Why did she have to lace it up
so tight?

FITZ
(hobbling along)
My feet are killing me!! How can anyone wear heels like this?

COMPASSION enters, with NUMBER ONE trailing behind.

COMPASSION
Come along, _girls_. It's time for the ball!!
(to NUMBER ONE)
Finish your chores. There's also a bowl of gruel in the fridge
for dinner.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(deadpan voice)
Boo-hoo-hoo. You people are so mean to me.

COMPASSION
(voice rising in anger, pointing dramatically)
Enough of this insolence! Go to your room!

NUMBER ONE (f)
(deadpan voice)
Boo-hoo-hoo. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

NUMBER ONE runs off-camera, her head buried theatrically in her
hands, as COMPASSION drags CHRIS and FITZ off-camera on the
opposite side.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
And thus it was that the Evil Stepmother took her daughters to
the ball, as the first step in her evil plan to take over the
kingdom...

CUT TO: Ext., outside of the palace.

Horse-drawn carriages are arriving, from which young women step
out onto a long red carpet leading into the castle. Along both
sides of the carpet are throngs of paparazzi taking pictures.
A TV news van can be seen parked to one side, with a microwave
transmitter fork extended upwards and pointed at the sky. An
Entertainment Tonight reporter can be seen busily reporting the
event and being filmed by a cameraman.

A carriage stops at the start of the carpet. The door opens,
and CHRIS and FITZ stumble out of the carriage, having
evidently been pushed out by COMPASSION. Flashbulbs go off as
they come unsteadily to their feet, but the number of flashes
die out as the media people realize what it is they are seeing.
CHRIS and FITZ look at each other, then at the staring media
people, as realization sets in.

FITZ
Oh, shieste...

CHRIS
Our reps are toast.

CUT TO: Int., Cinderella's work room.

NUMBER ONE is sitting at a table. The raw charcoal and
containers of sulphur and potassium nitrate are all gathered
behind her. Some small amount of the chemicals are present at
her side. She is looking over a large, illuminated manuscript
book, upon one page of which the words "Lord Kalvan's
Unconsecrated" can be clearly seen written at the top.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
...while Cinderella was left at home, forbidden to come to the
Royal Ball and to display all of her charms to the Prince.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(looking up at camera, shrugging)
Hey, life's a bitch.

NUMBER ONE goes back to looking over the page.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
When, all of a sudden...

There is a bang, and a puff of smoke. NUMBER ONE dives for
cover.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(muttering to herself)
Oh, crap! I thought that Styphon recipe was unstable...

NARRATOR (v.o.)
...there appeared to Cinderella her Fairy God Mother.

NUMBER ONE (f)
Wha?

NUMBER ONE looks up from her place of cover. From out of the
puff of smoke steps... PYSCHO NYSSA, in her Trakenite fairy
dress, on the backside of which have been affixed a pair of
fake-looking cardboard wings. She coughs a few times, and
tries to wave away the smoke with her hands. Then she starts
looking around the room with disdain.

PSYCHO NYSSA
All right, where is she.

NUMBER ONE steps uncertainly to her feet.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(trying to sound cheerful)
Um, err, hello M'lady.

PSYCHO NYSSA turns to the voice. As she does so, she whips out
her magic wand (a Glock-17 with a crayon-colored paper blue
star taped to the muzzle) and aims it at the female NUMBER ONE.

PSYCHO NYSSA
Right. Stand in the clear and keep your hands above your head
where I can see them. Try any funny stuff on me and I'll
ventilate your skull, understood?

NUMBER ONE does as she is told

PSYCHO NYSSA
Fine. I understand you want to go to this ball, but your 'Evil
Stepmother' won't let you. Well, I'm here to help.

NUMBER ONE (f)
Um, I don't mean to sound contrary, m'lady. But that isn't
quite...

PSYCHO NYSSA squeezes the trigger, and a bullet ricochets
between NUMBER ONE's feet.

PSYCHO NYSSA
Be quiet when I'm talking to you, _peasant_! I don't care what
your real motives are. The only reason I agreed to help you is
because, as far as I'm concerned, if I can get you out of the
way you WON'T be around when I... err, umm.. Well, you won't
be in the way. So, you're going to this ball, whether you like
it or not. Capiche?

NUMBER ONE gulps.

NUMBER ONE (f)
Umm, Capiche.
(looking down at herself)
But, umm, I'm not exactly dressed for...

PSYCHO NYSSA
All taken care of.

PSYCHO NYSSA walks toward the door to the work room, and opens
it.

PSYCHO NYSSA
(shouting to the corridor beyond)
Nyssaias? Embericles? She's all yours!

Two small fairies, NYSSAIAS and EMBERICLES, fly into the room.
Both are acting quite excited.

NYSSAIAS
Oh, goody!

EMBERICLES
This should be fun!

NYSSAIAS
Lets get started!

The two fairies start to fly around NUMBER ONE so fast that her
features start to blur, as the sounds of scissors can be heard
and fabric goes flying in all directions.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
And so, the good fairies began to make a beautiful dress for
poor Cinderella...

The flurry of activity stops for a moment. NUMBER ONE can be
seen wearing a tight, shiny, red dress with a very high hemline
and a top that barely covers anything. NYSSAIAS and EMBERICLES
look at each other, shake their heads, and start again. When
next they stop, NUMBER ONE is dressed as a Playboy bunny. They
start again, and then NUMBER ONE emerges in a brown Trakenite
outfit exactly identical to Nyssa's (but without the wings).
After a withering glare from PSYCHO NYSSA, the two fairies
start again. Finally they stop, and NUMBER ONE can be seen
wearing a beautiful white-blue gown, with her face made-up
quite tastefully, her red hair done up expertly, and her legs
teetering atop a pair of high-heeled glass slippers. She looks
very beautiful. The two fairies high-five each other in mid-
air.

NUMBER ONE looks down at herself, then at the universe above.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(muttering to herself)
OK, now I get it. You guys _want_ me to have a gender identity
crisis, don't you?

Behind NUMBER ONE, both fairies can be seen nodding in unison.

PSYCHO NYSSA
(distracted) Pardon? Did you say something?

NUMBER ONE (f)
Nothing.
(Sigh)
All right, if I'm going to have to attend this stupid function,
how am I going to get there?

(While NUMBER ONE talks with PSYCHO NYSSA, behind them the
fairies can be seen magically producing a purse out of thin
air. NYSSAIAS holds it open, while EMBERICLES empties a box
marked "Trojans" into the purse. Then the two close the purse
and fly it over to NUMBER ONE, who takes it distractedly
without ascertaining its contents.)

PSYCHO NYSSA
That too has all been arranged. I have a carriage already
outside to take you to the ball. But this is very important:
You MUST be back before midnight. Otherwise...

NUMBER ONE (f)
Otherwise the carriage disappears and my dress turns back into
the bland thing I was wearing?

PSYCHO NYSSA
No. Otherwise Hertz charges me an extra day on the carriage
rental, and off hand, I don't think you want to stick around to
find out what those two have programmed your dress to turn
into.

(Off to one side, NYSSAIAS and EMBERICLES can be seen paging
through a Victoria's Secret catalogue. One points something
out to the other, they look up at NUMBER ONE, and each start to
laugh.)

NUMBER ONE grits her teeth.

NUMBER ONE (f)
All right, lets get this over with.
(mumbling to herself)
The sooner I get this story done the sooner I can get out of
these stupid clothes...

NARRATOR (v.o.)
And so, unbeknownst to her Stepmother, Cinderella set off for
the Castle and the Royal Ball.

CU T TO: Int., the main ballroom of the castle.

The SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI are standing, watching the numerous
dancing couples before them, who are passing in the frame
generally from left to right. PERI is dressed in a beautiful
gown, but SIXTH DOCTOR is wearing his usual multi-colored
eyesore. Both of them look concerned.

SIXTH DOCTOR
(To PERI)
Has he expressed any preference that you can tell?

PERI
None that I can see. But then, I don't think he can dance more
than a few steps before he starts stepping on their toes...

(As she says this, CHRIS can be seen waltzing from one side of
the frame to the other, dancing with FRANCOIS.. CHRIS looks
very disconcerted.)

SIXTH DOCTOR
(whispering to PERI)
Are you sure he's not gay?

PERI
Shush, Doctor. This is suppose to be a children's story.

SIXTH DOCTOR
You obviously haven't been keeping track of events thus far,
have you?
(sighs, looking out at dance floor)
Well, if he is, I can see at least two over there that should
interest...

NARRATOR (v.o.)
At that moment, Cinderella arrived at the Royal Ball.

Everyone looks up as NUMBER ONE enters the ballroom. Every
male eye in the room turns toward her. Several sets of
eyeballs start to bulge out of their sockets, puffs of steam
start to vent from several collared shirts, and more than just
a few noses start to bleed.

MALE VOICE #1
Oh, man!

MALE VOICE #2
Whoa! Check out the Babe-age!

MALE VOICE #3
(makes a wolf-call)

MALE VOICE #4
Hey, Adric!? Where are you going?

MALE VOICE #5
Someplace safe and far away, before Nyssa shows up.

As (nearly) every male in the ballroom converges on NUMBER ONE
at once, several of the other women start to look distinctly
annoyed at the sudden vanishing of their partners. COMPASSION
watches the commotion.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
The Evil Stepmother, of course, was not pleased to see that
Cinderella had attended despite her expressed wishes.

COMPASSION
(feigning anger)
Oh, wow. She showed up after all. Didn't think she was that
far gone but hey, it takes all kinds...

She calls CHRIS and FITZ (both of whom looked relieved to have
been abandoned by their partners) over to her side.

COMPASSION
Ok, 'Christiana' and 'Fitztiana'. It's now or never. Both of
you have to get the Prince's attention, get him to dance with
one of you, charm him, flatter him, make him fall instantly in
love with you and want to marry you immediately. Got it?

FITZ
And what if we don't?

COMPASSION
Well, 'Fitztiana'. I think Szklvk the Ice Warrior over there
has taken a fancy to you. Would you rather I introduced you to
him instead?

FITZ gulps. CHRIS's eyes narrow.

CHRIS
(whispering)
You do realize that, when this is all over, we'll be making it
our complete and devoted life's goal to making all of your
lives a living hell for this.

COMPASSION
Maybe, but I would point out that you have to get out of this
story, first.

COMPASSION looks up and sees SIXTH DOCTOR heading toward NUMBER
ONE. She immediately moves to intercept.

COMPASSION
(curtseying)
Your Highness. Allow me to introduce to you my two lovely
daughters.

COMPASSION gives CHRIS and FITZ a swift kick each. Then the
two (more or less) curtsy as well.

SIXTH DOCTOR looks CHRIS and FITZ over, then nods.

SIXTH DOCTOR
Yes, I thought so.
(to COMPASSION)
Wait here, Madam. If the results of the experiment I am about
to undertake go the way I think they will, I believe we will
have some business to discuss.

SIXTH DOCTOR brushes COMPASSION aside and heads resolutely
toward NUMBER ONE.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Meanwhile, Cinderella was making a very favorable impression
among the attendees of the Royal Ball. Everyone thought she
was the loveliest, most beautiful person there, but no one knew
who she was.

MALE VOICE #6
Hey, babe. What's your name and would you like to see mine?

MALE VOICE #7
Hey, I forgot my phone number. Can I have yours?

MALE VOICE #8
Pig-tailed Goddess, I have found you!!

NARRATOR (v.o.)
But Cinderella was not one to burden herself with concerns
about public opinion.

Several male bodies start flying in all directions. NUMBER ONE
can be seen delivering a flurry of kicks and blows.

NUMBER ONE (f)
HIYA! AIIII-YA! AHHH-TATATATATATA-WAHTA!!

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Instead, her only goal that night was to dance with The
Prince...

NUMBER ONE stops what she is doing (holding a tuxedo-clad young
man by the throat in one hand and about to punch him out with
the other), and turns directly toward the camera. Despite the
fact that there are a number of unconscious, twitching and
groaning bodies around, not a spot of blood has fallen on her.

NUMBER ONE (f)
It is?

NARRATOR (v.o.)
...and maybe attract his attention, so that he may fall
instantly in love with her...

NUMBER ONE (f)
(looking very concerned)
Hey, wait a minute!!

NUMBER ONE lets go of the young man, who falls to the floor
unconscious.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
...and marry her, so that they might live happily ever after...

NUMBER ONE (f)
(very angry)
No one ever said anything to me about having to _actually_
marry someone!

NARRATOR (v.o.)
...and incidentally, stop her Stepmother's evil schemes and
exact some degree of revenge.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(pointing to her dress)
THIS is REVENGE?

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Well, call it a self-less sacrifice of one's life for the
greater good.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(suddenly very nervous)
This is just for story purposes, right? I'm not _actually_
going to have to marry some creep. Not really, really...
RIGHT?

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Well...

SIXTH DOCTOR arrives at this moment and suddenly wraps arms
with a startled NUMBER ONE. He starts to lead her away from
the carnage.

SIXTH DOCTOR
Hello there, young lady. I understand you're here to dance
with my son The Prince.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(quickly, very concerned)
Umm, err, that's not quite...

SIXTH DOCTOR
(ignoring NUMBER ONE's words)
Splendid. He's a very nice young man, you know. I'm sure the
two of you will find they have lots in common.

NUMBER ONE
(nervous)
Look, um.. I think there's been something of a
misunderstanding here...

SIXTH DOCTOR
Nonsense, I understand things perfectly.

NUMBER ONE tries frantically to break SIXTH DOCTOR's grip on
her arm. So intent is she that NUMBER ONE does not look at all
toward the direction she is being lead. The two stop abruptly.

SIXTH DOCTOR
Well, here we are. Young Lady, may I introduce to you...

NUMBER ONE turns in the direction SIXTH DOCTOR is indicating --
and immediately face faults.

SIXTH DOCTOR
Darren, Prince of Wankerovia.

NUMBER ONE immediately starts choking, pointing at DARREN.

DARREN
(nervously, nasely)
Er, hello.
(looking at NUMBER ONE strangely)
Um, do I know you? You look familiar...

NUMBER ONE snaps out of her startlement.

NUMBER ONE (f)
UH-UH!! No EFFING way!! That's IT! I don't care WHAT the
consequences are, I am NOT staying in this story ANY LONGER!!

NUMBER ONE attempts to break away, but SIXTH DOCTOR, continuing
to ignore NUMBER ONE's protests, pushes the two together.

SIXTH DOCTOR
There, now. Why don't you two get to know each other...

DARREN
(panting, looking NUMBER ONE over)
Uh...uh... g-g-girl... uh... uh...

NUMBER ONE (f)
(hissing, to DARREN)
You touch me and I swear, I'll blow your brains out.

DARREN stares at her for a moment contemplating NUMBER ONE's
words, then feints, his nose gushing blood. SIXTH DOCTOR and
PERI (who has just come up to the group) both stare down at the
fallen Prince on the floor.

PERI
(whispering to SIXTH DOCTOR)
Well, offhand, I'd say that sounded like a proposition...

SIXTH DOCTOR
(nodding, looking a little surprised)
Yes, it did indeed. And also saves us the embarrassment of
having to implement my back-up solution
(to NUMBER ONE)
Um, Young Lady. Did you mean what you just said to the Prince?

NUMBER ONE (who has not been listening to SIXTH DOCTOR and
PERI's exchange), snaps her head towards them, teeth clenched
and very angry.

NUMBER ONE (f)
Yes, I meant it! I swear by her holiness, if that... that...
_person_ ever touched me, I'd...

SIXTH DOCTOR
(cutting NUMBER ONE off)
Splendid. Very commendable of you.

PERI
Yes, no need to give us all the details.
(eyes glancing momentarily toward SIXTH DOCTOR)
We can, umm, well imagine...

SIXTH DOCTOR
(taking NUMBER ONE's arm, leading her away)
So, my dear. We have much to discuss about your future...

NUMBER ONE looks confused.

PERI
(taking NUMBER ONE's other arm)
Right. And the sooner we discuss it, the sooner we can all go
home.

SIXTH DOCTOR
Would you prefer a big wedding, or just a small affair?

PERI
Or would you rather we just called the Justice of the Peace and
had it done right now?

SIXTH DOCTOR
Yes, I agree, no time like the present.

Behind them all, DARREN is coming to his senses. Meanwhile, it
is finally dawning on NUMBER ONE just what it is they think she
had said.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(frantically)
Oh hell, I didn't just say... Oh damn, that's not what I
meant... WILL YOU PEOPLE JUST GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE
GUTTER!!!!

At that moment, a clock starts to ring.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
But while Cinderella was talking with the King and Queen, the
clock began to toll midnight.

NUMBER ONE looks down at her dress and remembers PSYCHO NYSSA's
warning.

NUMBER ONE (f)
OH, SCREW IT!!! I'M OUTTA HERE!!

NUMBER ONE struggles to free herself from SIXTH DOCTOR and
PERI's grips. Just as she finally breaks away, NUMBER ONE's
purse falls from her shoulder and to the floor at PERI's feet.
SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI both look surprised at Cinderella's
departure.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Realizing that she was running out of time before the clock
finished striking midnight, Cinderella ran away.

DARREN gets to his feet as NUMBER ONE runs hastily away.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
But the Prince, struck by her beauty, followed.

DARREN
(muttering to himself, wiping blood from nose)
Hehehe... Girl... Hehehe... Likes me... Hehehe

CUT TO: Ext, The Palace

It is night outside The Palace. The place is lit up by lots of
lights. A long staircase can be seen extending down from the
ballroom area to the ground. Toward the base of the staircase
can be seen a roped off area with some construction supplies
lying around. A sign can be seen with the words: "Palace
Renovations in Progress. Your Tax Money At Work" painted on
it.

From out of the trees steps a vaguely Nyssa-shaped shadow. She
looks around carefully to make certain she is not noticed, then
casually kicks over a barrel marked "Pitch" that is standing
next to the staircase. Black, greasy contents go spilling all
over the base of the stairs. The shadow retreats to the trees.

Just as the shadow disappears in the trees, NUMBER ONE emerges
from the ballroom and starts to go down the stairs.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(muttering)
Should have realized. Bad sign when the King and Queen of a
country can't find a date for a _Prince_!

NUMBER ONE starts going down the stairs. When she is about
half-way down, DARREN emerges from the ballroom.

DARREN
Please don't run away! The rumors are not true! Besides, I've
had all my shots!!

NUMBER ONE (f)
Get any closer to me and I'll kill you, hentai creep!

NUMBER ONE reaches the bottom of the stairs and steps one foot
into the black, viscus pitch. She stops, her foot stuck.

NUMBER ONE (f)
What the?
(looking down, seeing pitch)
Oh, crap. Why now...?

NUMBER ONE looks up to see that DARREN is gaining on her.
Frantically, she tries to extricate her foot from the gooey
mess.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(slipping her foot out from shoe)
The hell with it.

NUMBER ONE hobbles away in only one shoe just as DARREN arrives
at the base of the stairs. He too steps into the pitch, but
with both feet. He tries to step forward, but is stuck.

DARREN
Don't run away! I want to touch you! You promised!

At that moment, the bell finishes tolling midnight. There is a
loud *POOF!*, followed by a very embarrassed female shriek in
the darkness. The camera stays on DARREN, who suddenly looks
as if he's seen the most beautiful thing in all creation.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(off stage)
EEEEEK!!!

DARREN
(gibbering, nose bleeding once more)
Hehehe.... Girl... Hehehe... Scantily clad... Hehehe...
(suddenly whimpering)
But why is she running away?

From the trees whispers a female voice (PSYCHO NYSSA)

PSYCHO NYSSA
That's because she likes you but doesn't want to admit it.

DARREN looks around.

DARREN
Who said that?

PSYCHO NYSSA
Just someone who wishes for everything that you deserve.

DARREN
Wait. You mean to say that because she runs away from me,
threatens me bodily harm, and otherwise insults me in my
presence, she really likes me?

PSYCHO NYSSA
Err... yes.

DARREN
Are you certain?

PSYCHO NYSSA
(gulps)
Umm, Positive. Take it from me.

DARREN
(punching air)
Hot Damn!

There is a rustle of leaves, and PSYCHO NYSSA withdraws. From
behind DARREN, SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI come racing down the
stairs. Both are stare momentariy at the departing female
figure.

SIXTH DOCTOR
(to DARREN, apologetically)
Oh, I'm sorry. It appears we interrupted the two of you...

DARREN
(pointing in the direction NUMBER ONE departed)
Mom, Dad... She's the one!!

SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI both look uncomfortable at being referred
to as Mom and Dad, but let it pass.

SIXTH DOCTOR
Fine. Wonderful. We'll get the wedding set up right away.
(To DARREN)
Um, you did manage to find out who she was, didn't you?

DARREN
(sheepishly)
Umm, errr... no.

SIXTH DOCTOR
(raising eyebrow)
Did you at least get a name?

DARREN
(gulps)
Umm, no.

PERI, meanwhile, is holding NUMBER ONE's purse. She opens it
up and looks inside.

PERI
(one eyebrow arching)
Well, I think I can definitely confirm the nature of her
intentions.
(rummaging through purse)
But I can't find anything like identification or even a wallet.

SIXTH DOCTOR
Hmm, that may make things a little difficult, but not entirely
so.

SIXTH DOCTOR looks at the ground and notices the glass slipper.

SIXTH DOCTOR
Well, well, well. What have we here?

SIXTH DOCTOR bends down, and after some effort manages to wrest
the slipper free of the black goo holding it fast. SIXTH
DOCTOR examines it.

SIXTH DOCTOR
(dramatically)
It appears to be an example of podiac vesture composed entirely
of crystalline carbon. How fascinating...

DARREN
(confused)
It just looks like a shoe made of glass, to me.

PERI
(rolling her eyes at SIXTH DOCTOR)
That's what he just said.

SIXTH DOCTOR
(ignoring DARREN and PERI)
More to the point, it's a clue. There can't be all that many
glass slippers in the kingdom, nor all that many feet who would
fit in it so daintily. We find the owner of this shoe, and
chances are we'll also find the person whose charms seem so
much taken by the Prince.

SIXTH DOCTOR turns and takes a step away.

SIXTH DOCTOR
Come along, Peri. We've got work to do.

PERI follows SIXTH DOCTOR. The two go off back up the stairs,
leaving DARREN stuck in the pitch.

PERI
(off stage)
How do you propose to find....

SIXTH DOCTOR
(off stage, voice getting fainter)
Well, first I suggest we order...

DARREN
(trying to lift foot)
Um, Mom... Dad? Can you help me here?
(trying frantically to lift foot)
Um, guys?

DARREN reaches down to try to dislodge his foot, but makes the
mistake of putting his hand down on the pitch-sticky ground to
steady himself. It gets stuck. He brings his other hand down
to dislodge it; that hand gets stuck as well.

DARREN
Er, help?

CUT TO: Int., The Stepmother's Dining Room

NUMBER ONE can be seen trudging in, a blanket wrapped around
her. She takes two steps into the room, looks up, and sees
that COMPASSION is waiting for her, arms folded and looking
very cross.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Cinderella's Stepmother, needless to say, was very angry at
Cinderella for disobeying her orders and for disrupting her
carefully laid evil scheme.

COMPASSION points dramatically behind her. NUMBER ONE trudges
resolutely in the direction indicated.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
So, the Stepmother ordered her locked up in her room, and told
her that she would not be released for a very long time.

CUT TO: Cinderella's Work Room.

NUMBER ONE is shoved into the room. She sighs, starts to
unwrap the blanket from around her (camera angle is from the
side, so we don't actually see what it is she is wearing), and
looks down.

NUMBER ONE (f)
But unfortunately, not long enough.

CUT TO: Ext., The town.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Meanwhile, all the country was abuzz with talk of the beautiful
young woman who had captured The Prince's heart.

There are several quick shots of people whispering. A few
people can be seen making circling motions with their finger
next to their heads.

CUT TO: Ext, the Palace.

SIXTH DOCTOR, PERI, and DARREN can be seen on the balcony,
standing to one side. DARREN's hands are all bandaged.
Meanwhile, the King's Chancellor (the VALEYARD) is reading a
Proclamation aloud to the throngs below.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Meanwhile, a new Royal Proclamation was made, stating that
whichever young maiden proved to be the owner of the glass
slipper would have The Prince's hand in marriage.

The glass slipper is shown sitting on a red cushion. A number
of young women all look at it, then at each other, then all
wipe their foreheads in relief.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
However, after several days when no young lady came forward to
claim her prize, drastic measures were undertaken.

The VALEYARD is reading another Proclamation.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
The Prince would visit every household in the Kingdom where an
eligible young lady resided, and have them put on the glass
slipper. It was reasoned that by this method they could find
the owner of the glass slipper, and hence the identity of the
Mysterious Young Woman.

CUT TO: The Stepmother's Dining Room.

COMPASSION is reading a copy of the most recent Proclamation.
CHRIS and FITZ are standing beside her, dressed in yet another
set of gaudy gowns. She is also furiously fanning herself with
a handfan furiously.

COMPASSION
(muttering to herself)
Geez, haven't these guys even _heard_ of DNA fragment modeling?
The inside of that shoe is probably covered in skin flakes...
(looking up to CHRIS and FITZ)
But, their oversight is our good luck. All we need to do now
is convince The Prince that one of you two 'girls' is the
Mysterious Young Woman, and we'll be all set. And then my
cunning plan for World Domination will be back on track, and I
shall be on my way to Ruling The World!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Thunder once more can be heard on a perfectly clear day. In
the windows beyond, a UPS truck with a large number of ariel
arrays on top of it pulls in front of the residence.

FITZ
Cam, I think you've completely lost it.

CHRIS
(pointing toward Cinderella's room)
But, what about... you know.

COMPASSION
Oh, she isn't a threat. I've exiled her to her room, and there
she'll stay until all of this is over.

A UPS delivery person (ADF CHARLIE) walks in carrying a package
and a clip board.

ADF CHARLIE
Um, I've got a package here for a Cindy Rella. Anyone want to
sign for it?

COMPASSION takes the clipboard and signs for the package. It
is left on the dining room table, and ADF ANDY departs.
COMPASSION looks the package over.

CHRIS
What is it?

COMPASSION
It's the part your stepsister ordered to repair the air
conditioning system.

COMPASSION starts to fan herself furiously, contemplating the
package. FITZ and CHRIS give each other conspiratorial looks.

FITZ
She said it was about a seven hour operation to install it.

COMPASSION continues to fan herself.

CHRIS
She's the only one that knows how to do it, too.

COMPASSION keeps fanning herself, but it's becoming obvious
that it's not enough.

FITZ
(tsking)
It's suppose to be about 90 today, and all that humidity...

CHRIS
And the weather forecast says we're in the _cool_ part of the
week...

COMPASSION's handfan snaps.

COMPASSION
Oh, all right. Have your stepsister install the part and
repair the air system, but make sure she stays out of the sight
should The Prince arrive. Understand?

CHRIS and FITZ nod in understanding

FITZ
Yes, 'Mom'. We'll make sure she's no where around. Won't we,
'sister'?

CHRIS
No where around, yessiree. No where at all.

Behind them both, their fingers are crossed.

CUT TO: The dining room, later in the day.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Eventually, The Prince came to the household of the Evil
Stepmother and her family.

In the window, a horse-drawn carriage can be seen. A number of
people in dark, black business suits are gathered around it,
wearing sunglasses and speaking into microphones in their
lapels.

DARREN enters the dining room, escorted by a number of other
people including the VALEYARD. Several of the others are
dressed in the dark business suits and glasses. The two
dressed such closest to the prince are a man with a brown pony
tail (DOUG) and a woman with long, blonde hair (DIANE). They
adopt a no-nonsense pose behind The Prince. Very distinctive
bulges can be seen underneath their coat jackets. DARREN's
face looks bruised, as if it had been the recipient of a number
of kicks to the face lately.

They are greeted by COMPASSION, CHRIS, and FITZ. COMPASSION
curtseys to The Prince, then delivers swift kicks to the other
two to do the same.

COMPASSION
Good day, my Prince. Do what do we owe this pleasure?

DARREN
(almost incoherently)
Hehehehe... Girls... Hehehe.... Feet.... Hehehe... Touch....

VALEYARD
(stepping forward)
My dear Madam, by order of his Majesty the King, it is
requested that you present to us whatever eligible young ladies
currently reside in your household so that they may, ahem, take
part in the survey we are conducting.

COMPASSION
Of course, my lord. I have two such young ladies, and they
would be more than happy to oblige.

At COMPASSION's insistence, CHRIS and FITZ step forward.
DARREN looks at them dubiously.

DARREN
What? Those two? Are you kidding, they look like a couple
of...

The VALEYARD steps on DARREN's toe.

VALEYARD
(to COMPASSION)
I am very sorry, Madam. We've just come from the household of
the Maiden Sam, and she was most insistent in her displeasure.
(to DARREN)
I believe, m'lord, that you are mistaken, and that the recent
blows you have suffered to the head have rendered your
perceptions somewhat skewed.
(indicating CHRIS and FITZ)
Before you are two fine examples of Wankerovian womanhood, one
of which is surely the maiden you seek. It must be so, for we
have searched all the land, and this is the last household we
have yet to check.

DARREN
(thinking it over)
Well, OK. If you insist.

COMPASSION forces CHRIS to sit down on a chair while the glass
slipper is presented. DARREN kneels, takes off one shoe that
CHRIS is wearing, and attempt to put the glass slipper on it.
The VALEYARD leans over.

VALEYARD
By Rassillon, it fits!

CHRIS
(suddenly very nervous)
WHAT!?! You mean my foot actually FITS the SHOE?!?

VALEYARD
(shaking head)
No, just your big toe.

CHRIS sighs in great relief. COMPASSION pushes CHRIS off the
chair, and then forces FITZ to sit in the same place. DARREN
tries again with FITZ's foot, to no avail.

DARREN
I'm sorry, but it doesn't look like...

COMPASSION produces a shoe horn and desperately tries to force
FITZ's foot into the glass slipper.

COMPASSION
Of course it fits, can't you see? Here, let me show you!

FITZ
Ugh! Cam! That HURTS! ARGH! Damn it!! Stop it, you're
going to crush my foot!!

COMPASSION
Nonsense! See, it fits! Hahaha! No problem at all! Well,
Fitz, it looks like you're going to find out what it's like...

The glass slipper pops off FITZ's foot and goes sliding across
the floor.

COMPASSION
(snapping fingers)
Damn.

VALEYARD
(to COMPASSION)
Thank you for your assistance, madam. Unless you are hiding
another maiden in this household, I believe this concludes our
business for today...

NUMBER ONE enters the room from behind, dressed in the drab
dress and covered in soot and oil. She is wiping her dirty
hands on a rag. So intend is she on her work that she doesn't
notice the people standing in the room.

NUMBER ONE (f)
You're not going to believe this. Those stupid idiots sent me
a part DOA right out of the box. Took me hours to figure out
it wasn't the evaporator coil acting up again. Where's the
phone? I need to give those bastards...

NUMBER ONE stops, as she realizes everyone in the room is
looking at her. Then she notices DARREN.

NUMBER ONE (f)
Oh, shit!

The VALEYARD shoves FITZ off the seat and motions for NUMBER
ONE to sit down.

VALEYARD
(motioning to the seat)
Young lady, may I ask for your assistance in a little survey we
are sponsoring.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(apprehensive)
Um, look. There's been a little misunderstanding here. I'm
just a lowly air conditioning repairman... well, repair-person,
see? I'm just a...

NARRATOR (v.o.)
But Cinderella's Evil Stepmother, sensing her last chance to
salvage her evil plan, stepped forward.

COMPASSION
She's my step-daughter, m'lord. I'm very sorry, sir, but she's
such an inconsequential girl that I often forget she's even
around.

The VALEYARD looks at COMPASSION dubiously, but motions for
DARREN to continue with the shoe test. COMPASSION (with a
little help from CHRIS and FITZ) attempts to force NUMBER ONE
into the seat.

NUMBER ONE (f)
Hey, you can't make me do this! I know my rights! I refuse to
take part in this!

NUMBER ONE hears a pair of clicks, then sees that DOUG and
DIANE have extracted their weapons from their jackets and are
comely aiming them at her. NUMBER ONE relents.

NUMBER ONE (f)
This is a gross misuse of government powers, you know.

DARREN starts to try to put the shoe on NUMBER ONE's foot.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(very nervous)
Look, you might as well not even try, because I know my foot's
too big for that shoe. See, there's no way it'll fit. It's
too wide, too long...

DARREN puts the shoe on NUMBER ONE's foot. It's a perfect fit.
Suddenly, there is a burst of light, and NUMBER ONE's clothes
are magically transformed into the white-blue gown she wore the
night of the ball. NUMBER ONE (still with oil and soot on her
face) looks down at herself.

NUMBER ONE (f)
Damn!
(shaking head furiously, muttering)
I'm going to skewer those two 'good fairies' the next time I
see them!

DARREN looks up at NUMBER ONE in amazement. He immediately
tries to hug her.

DARREN
My love, I have found you!

NUMBER ONE smashes her fist into his face. Curiously, neither
the VALEYARD nor DOUG and DIANE move to prevent her from doing
so.

VALEYARD
Well, now that that's sorted out...

COMPASSION
(hurriedly, to VALEYARD)
Remember, she's _my_ stepdaughter, right? I'm _her_ guardian?
You won't forget that little detail, will you? She's _my_
responsibility!!

VALEYARD
No, Madam. I don't think we shall be likely to forget the
service you have provided your kingdom this day.

COMPASSION
Right, which means I'm going to be rewarded, right? Maybe with
a seat on the council? After all, she's now the Princess
Elect...

At COMPASSION's words, NUMBER ONE stops repeatedly pounding
DARREN.

NUMBER ONE (f)
Oh no, no way. Not this time. If I'm going down, I'm taking
you with me, bitch!

(At the words "If I'm going down", DARREN's nose starts to
bleed again and he collapses muttering incoherent gibberish).

NUMBER ONE (f)
(to VALEYARD)
As soon as I'm married, she wants to kill off the Royal Family
and leave me on the throne, thus controlling the kingdom from
behind.

DOUG and DIANE turn their guns toward COMPASSION.

VALEYARD
What? Treason!?!!

COMPASSION
(hurriedly)
Oh, don't believe her. She's just a silly girl, you know? She
likes playing silly jokes, hahahaha! Isn't that right, Cindy
dear? C'mon, tell the nice gentleman you were only joking.

From behind COMPASSION, a recorded voice can be heard suddenly
playing.

COMPASSION
(recorded voice)
And when they are married I shall kill the rest of the royal
family, and then my daughter will be left to rule in their
place! And then I shall control the throne from behind! And
then _I_ shall rule the kingdom! And with this kingdom as a
base, I shall put together an army from which I shall gobble up
all my neighbors, and then I shall conquer whole continents,
and then I shall RULE THE WORLD! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Everyone turns to the source of the recording. CHRIS is calmly
holding a small recording device in his hand. FITZ looks on at
his friend, impressed.

FITZ
Damn, you're paranoid.

CHRIS
(shrugging)
I'm a cop. It comes with the territory.

Everyone looks at COMPASSION.

COMPASSION
(meek voice)
Ok, maybe I did plan. Just a little.

At the VALEYARD's direction, DOUG and DIANE march up to
COMPASSION and take her into custody.

VALEYARD
Evil Stepmother, I hereby order you put under arrest for
Treason Against the State, and held in the deepest dungeon of
the castle until such time as we deem appropriate.
(to DOUG and DIANE)
You may take her away.

COMPASSION is taken off-stage by DOUG and DIANE. The VALEYARD
turns to CHRIS and FITZ.

VALEYARD
Thank you, um, ladies for your help in uncovering this heinous
conspiracy.

FITZ
Hey, does this mean we get a reward of some kind for helping
you find the traitor?

VALEYARD
(nodding)
Of course. I shall make certain you are each properly
rewarded.

The VALEYARD shoos CHRIS and FITZ away and they go off-stage,
leaving the VALEYARD alone with NUMBER ONE. The VALEYARD looks
around, and takes the most regal-looking chair in sight.

VALEYARD
(to NUMBER ONE)
And as for you...

NUMBER ONE (f)
Hey, look. I don't know where everyone got this marriage idea,
but I'm not in any way intending...

VALEYARD
Of course not. I understand completely.

The VALEYARD sneers at the semi-conscious, gibbering Prince
DARREN.

VALEYARD
Frankly, I think anyone who actually _wants_ to marry that...
that _person_... over there, deserves every bit of grief they
get for it.

NUMBER ONE (f)
(looking surprised)
You... you do?

VALEYARD
Yes, I do. Young lady, I'm not here to force you to marry that
cretin down there. I saw how you conducted yourself at the
ball, and um, I rather think your talents are better suited for
something else I have in mind.

The VALEYARD smiles, a truly _evil_, conspiratorial smile.

VALEYARD
That is, if you're interested.

NUMBER ONE considers, grabs a chair, and then sits down across
from the VALEYARD.

NUMBER ONE (f)
Let's just say I'm open to consider anything you might want to
suggest...

CUT TO: Int., The Palace.

The VALEYARD is seen talking with SIXTH DOCTOR. Behind him, a
dazed and very confused DARREN can be seen.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
And so, the King's Chancellor reported that they were unable to
find the Mysterious Young Woman, much to the King and Queen's
dismay.

SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI both look at each other, as if to say
"Oh, great. Now what do we do?"

NARRATOR (v.o.)
The Prince, meanwhile, was unable to recall exactly what had
happened at that last, umm, 'survey stop'...

DARREN walks uncertainly to SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI, as if
disoriented.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
But the King's Chancellor assured the King and Queen that it
was only a symptom of the stifling heat they were experiencing
at that time, and that a few days rest for the Prince should
bring him back to normal.

CUT TO: Int., A messy bed room.

DARREN can be seen lying in bed, holding a video remote control
and watching television.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
In any case, The Prince soon found a new object for his
affections, and all thoughts of the Mysterious Young Woman soon
became a distant memory.

The camera pans around, and we can see that he is watching a
video tape of "Terminus". And drooling.

CUT TO: Int., the office of the King's Chancellor.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
Cinderella, meanwhile, was rewarded with a very secret and
highly placed position in the Chancellor's staff.

The VALEYARD is sitting at his desk, and is handing NUMBER ONE
a photograph of someone. NUMBER ONE is once more dressed in
the drab peasant's dress, but over it she is wearing a very
long, black-leather jacket. She smokes a cigarette as she
looks over the photograph. DOUG and DIANE stand behind her,
looking like goons. Then, NUMBER ONE snaps her fingers, and
she, DOUG and DIANE all depart, the latter two following a few
steps behind.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
And true to the Chancellor's word, it was a job very well
suited to her abilities.

CUT TO: Ext., a dark alley.

NUMBER ONE is standing nonchalantly, smoking a cigarette.
Behind her, DOUG and DIANE can be seen beating someone up.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
As for Cinderella's step sisters, they too were given a just
reward for their contributions.

CUT TO: Int., the Stepmother's Dining Room.

Through the windows can be seen throngs of Ice Warriors,
Ogrons, Tereliptls, Sontarrans, Zygons, and even a Dalek or
two. All are holding flowers.

NARRATOR (v.o.)
They were promised by the state such a dowry that very soon,
suitors from distant lands traveled great distances to seek
their hands.

The voices of various beings can be heard coming outside, all
insistent.

ICE WARRIOR
Fisssstiahna! I would have you ssspawn with meeee!

DALEK #1
WE LOVE YOU!

DALEK #2
GIVE US A CUD-DLES!!

CHRIS and FITZ are busily rushing furniture to barricade the
doors.

CHRIS
It's no good! There's too many of them!

FITZ
We've got to hold out for just a little longer! The stories
almost done!

There is a bang, a crash, and then the sound of a door swinging
wide open. CHRIS and FITZ look up in horror as a swarm of
beings start to move through the doorway towards them, all with
matrimonial intent...

NARRATOR (v.o.)
And as for Cinderella's Evil Stepmother....

CUT TO: Int., a white wall with horizontal black lines painted
on it.

As we cut to this scene, a very familiar four-note TV theme
booms. In front of the wall stands COMPASSION. She looks
extremely annoyed. She is holding a sign in front of her with
a long number written on it. As the music theme ends, a new
NARRATOR's voice can be heard. This voice is male and much
deeper (almost judgementally so) than the previous NARRATOR.

NARRATOR #2
On August the 3rd in the Superior Court of Wankerovia, Eve L.
Stepmother was found guilty of the crimes of Treason, Attempted
Murder, Conspiracy to Commit Murder, False Imprisonment,
Resisting Arrest, Assaulting a Police Officer, and Traveling at
an Excessive Speed in a Construction Zone. She received the
maximum penalty of 3,000,000,000 hours of community service,
and was suspended from operating a motor vehicle for no less
than five Standard Earth years.

End tale.

*****

And there was much rejoicing.

*****

Izzy closed the book, and gave her best story-teller smile to
the children. "And with that, children, they all lived happily
ever after."

Baby Polly was the first to raise her hand, confusion evident
on her face. "Yes, Polly?" Izzy asked the young girl.

"Um, Ms. Izzy? I thought Cinderella married the Prince!"

Izzy nodded. She'd expected that at least one of the children
would ask that question. "Well, maybe in _other_ versions of
the story that may have happened. But in The Big Story Time
Book, it says Cinderella was given a reward according to her
abilities, not according to some outmoded notions concerning
her gender."

Baby Ace raised her hand. "Um, Ms. Izzy. Didn't the Evil
Stepsisters have their eyes gouged out by a flock of angry
crows?"

Trust Ace to take note of that one, Izzy thought. "Well again,
maybe in some other versions of the tale that was the case, but
in this version they ended up helping Cinderella in a small
way, and so they too were given an appropriate reward."

Now it was Baby Sam's turn to raise her hand. "And what about
the Evil Stepmother? Three Billion Hours Community Service?"

"A reflection of the enlightened, liberal court system of the
Kingdom."

"Oh."

"Now, children." Izzy proclaimed, as she put the large book
back in it's rightful place next to the Story Telling Chair.
"It's time for your afternoon naps!"

"Awwwwww!" the kids said, more or less in unison.

"But remember, everyone. Tomorrow is another day. And
tomorrow I'll have another story for you to listen to."

Several of the children smiled at that thought.

"Oh, goody!" they said, and gleefully began to find places for
themselves to lie down and take their naps.

Izzy, watched as one by one, they all grew quiet and began to
fall asleep. Perhaps, she thought, dreaming dreams of the
story she had just told.

Perhaps.

And somehow, that thought alone made her smile.

--DBK
4 August 2001