Hello all. This is what happens when you read are on a long, boring cross-country drive through the night and don't have much else to think about. It also doesn't help matters if you've just read large chunks of B.K. Willis' Space Vixens, and it's sitting there rotting at your brain. God, I really hope this thing posts right, because it's been a hassle getitng it set up for sending. Copyright notices at end. If someone wants to send me commentary on this one go ahead, but truthfully I doubt it's the kind of the thing that one needs to spend any real time worrying over. Wrote this one essentially for amusement. Enjoy. --DBK Story Time: Cinderella A TTR/LWT/TDF Fanfic ***** "OK, children." Izzy declared, looking around the play area at the organized chaos that was the Day Care Center outside continuity. "It's story time. Everyone gather around." Many of the toddlers jumped up and down in glee; story time was, after all, far and away the favorite time of the day for most of them. Toys were put away, world domination schemes were put on hold, and even vendettas were routinely laid aside so as to permit as uninterrupted a story telling as possible. This didn't mean that there wasn't some hustling and jostling as the little tykes took their accustomed positions around Izzy, but all things considered, it was still one of the few times in the day when the kids were on their relative best behavior. Even so, she still found herself having to forge at least some order. "Death," she ordered one little boy, who was dressed as a 40's movie cowboy (complete with fake leather Roy Rogers pistol belt), "if you don't stop squirting the other Deaths, I'm going to take away your waterpistols." Izzy turned to several of the others. "Nyssa, quit pulling Adric's hair... Jamie, put away that toy dagger; Kroton is a _nice_ cyberboy... Delgado Master, if you don't give Ainley Master his Mojo Jojo back, you will be in time-out... Cammy, will you _please_ stay in one place?" When all was finally quiet and the children had Izzy's undivided attention, she smiled at them, took her seat at the Story Telling Chair, then picked up an extra-large sized tome with the words "The Big Story Time Book" on it splashed across in friendly, yellow-red lettering and with pictures of happy, playing children on the cover. The fact that said book was also plastered with yellow-and-black cautionary stickers ("Do Not Open Unless You REALLY Mean It!:") and a firm warning scrawled upon the back cover and signed by someone named Ridcully, did not dissuade her at all. She put the book in her lap, and looked up just as Tegan (adult version) walked into the doorway. "Ready?" the former stewardess asked, with a slightly satisfied tinge to her voice. Izzy nodded. This one was going to be _so_ good. "Ready." Then, Izzy opened the book. "And now, children, I shall read you the story of Cinderella..." ***** (NOTE: The NARRATOR is Izzy) NARRATOR (v.o.) Once upon a time, there was a young woman known as the Fair Maiden Cinderella. From somewhere off-camera can be heard the sound of a startled cry, a splash of water, and the words "You're on!" said in a decidedly Australian accent. Then, NUMBER ONE (female) materializes in that frightening realm known as Story Space. CUT TO: Story Space. NUMBER ONE materializes in Story Space wearing what can only be described as a drab, plain, vaguely medieval, woman's peasant dress with a long, billowing skirt. She looks down at it, then at her surroundings frantically. NUMBER ONE (f) Oh hell, not again... NARRATOR (v.o.) She was known as the Fair because she was considered far and wide as being the fairest of them all... CUT TO: Ext: A College Football game (Alabama Crimson Tide vs. Auburn Tigers). NUMBER ONE (f) is on the field, dressed in a black-and-white striped version of the peasant dress. NUMBER ONE (f) (Facing camera, indicating the side wearing red) Offsides, Number Twenty-Eight on the defense, five yard penalty, repeat first down! NARRATOR (v.o.) She was known as the Maiden because, well... CUT TO: Ext., a modern street with a neon-sign lit bar to one side. Suddenly, several big, burly, biker-types are seen being tossed through a window. They scramble to their feet and run away in sheer terror. Then, NUMBER ONE (f) steps out of the bar, anachronistically still wearing the peasant dress, dusting her hands. NUMBER ONE (f) (shouting after fleeing men) When I say, "No!", I mean "No!" NARRATOR (v.o.) And she was known as Cinderella for her peculiar habit of gathering cinders and ashe from area fireplaces and carting them off to a special workshop she had set up. CUT TO: Int., a workroom. NUMBER ONE (f) -- still in the dress, but covered with soot -- is carting a wheelbarrow full of black cinders. Around her are several canisters and crates marked "Sulphur" and "Potassium Nitrate". CUT TO: Story Space. NUMBER ONE is standing there, looking somewhat bemused, but not soot covered. NARRATOR (v.o.) Cinderella lived with her stepmother... Behind NUMBER ONE, COMPASSION materializes, dressed in very regal attire. COMPASSION (looking down at herself) Oh, wow. I'm the evil stepmother. I didn't know I had it in me. NARRATOR (v.o.) ...and her two step-sisters, Christiana... Next to COMPASSION materializes CHRIS CWEJ wearing a gown-type dress. There are no other changes to him other than the fact that he is basically a big, burly guy wearing a dress, makeup, and jewelry. CHRIS (very startled) WHAT THE...?!?!?! NARRATOR (v.o.) ...and Fitztiana. Next to CHRIS materializes FITZ, who is also wearing a gown- type dress (albeit of a different color). Like CHRIS, there are no other changes except that he is obviously a guy wearing a dress. He does not look pleased. FITZ (very angry) THEY DIDN'T...!!!! CHRIS and FITZ angrily turn to COMPASSION. FITZ (demanding) You set this up, didn't you? CHRIS Hey, what the hell did I do to you to deserve this? COMPASSION feigns ignorance. COMPASSION (trying very hard not to laugh at CHRIS at FITZ) Now, now, now... _girls_... you know how it goes. Once the story book is opened it takes those who are deemed the most appropriate for the part... NARRATOR (v.o.) Ahem! COMPASSION (looking upwards) Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. CHRIS and FITZ sulk. NARRATOR (v.o.) Now, Cinderella's father had married her stepmother... Behind them all a mantlepiece appears, with a framed picture of a smiling 4th Doctor on it. Everyone turns around to look at it. NUMBER ONE (f) (muttering to herself, sarcastically) Do I detect the presence of a running gag? NARRATOR (v.o.) ...but after he died, Cinderella was left in the woman's charge. Unfortunately, the stepmother was an Evil Stepmother, in that she clearly preferred her own daughters over her adopted daughter, and thus made Cinderella do all the household chores... COMPASSION (to NUMBER ONE) Hey, Cindy. Go clean out the fireplaces and fix the air conditioner, why don't 'ya? NUMBER ONE (f) Sure thi ... I mean, Oh Ma, do I have to? NARRATOR (v.o.) ...while she and her daughters lived in luxury. COMPASSION starts to drag CHRIS and FITZ off camera by the sleeves of their dresses. COMPASSION (to CHRIS and FITZ) Come along, _daughters_. The dress makers are here today and have _so many_ things for you to try on. CHRIS (gritting teeth) Help! FITZ (pleading) Someone please kill us, NOW! NARRATOR (v.o.) Cinderella's step sisters, too, treated her like a servant, and were always mean and never nice to her. NUMBER ONE starts to walk off camera to do her chores. CHRIS (pointing thumb at NUMBER ONE) Hey, how come she gets the easy job while we're stuck like this? NUMBER ONE (f) (as she is passing CHRIS and FITZ) Quit yer' yapping. At least you still have your original equipment. (glancing at CHRIS and FITZ) Well, probably... CHRIS raises his fist as if to strike NUMBER ONE, but NUMBER ONE manages to run away off-stage. CUT TO: Ext., A palace balcony, with throngs of people standing below cheering. NARRATOR (v.o.) One day, the King and Queen of the land made a proclamation. SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI can be seen on the balcony, waiving their hands stiffly ala the British Royal Family. NARRATOR (v.o.) In honor of their son The Prince having finally come of age, they proclaimed that a Royal Ball should be held, and that all the eligible young ladies of the realm should attend. From this The Prince would choose one as his bride, and she would become The Princess of the realm. PERI (muttering to herself) And get him out of the house, finally... CUT TO: Int., A dining room. COMPASSION (still in the same regal attire as before) is sitting in a chair while reading a copy of The Proclamation. Across from her are standing CHRIS and FITZ (who are now wearing different, gaudier gowns than before, and both looking extremely displeased). COMPASSION (reading Proclamation) Well, my _daughters_. It seems the King is looking for a bride for the Prince. CHRIS and FITZ both gulp in unison. COMPASSION (to CHRIS and FITZ) And I'm going to make sure _one_ of you catches his fancy long enough to marry him! CHRIS and FITZ each point to the other. NUMBER ONE enters, wiping her oily hands on a rag. She saunders over to COMPASSION, ignoring the other two completely. NUMBER ONE (f) Well, I found the problem. The thermostatic expansion valve on the evaporator coil has a bad power-head and will need to be replaced.... COMPASSION That's fine, Cinderella. Now, why don't you finish cleaning out all the fireplaces, scrub the floors, cook dinner, do the laundry, make the beds, clean out the stables... NUMBER ONE (f) Hey, no prob. Anything to pass the time until... NARRATOR (v.o.) *cough* *cough* NUMBER ONE (f) ...this story is finished... NARRATOR (v.o.) Ahem... NUMBER ONE (f) (sighs, looking up) Do I have to? NARRATOR (v.o.) If you ever expect to get out of this story, you do. NUMBER ONE (f) (mutters to herself) Oh, all right. (deadpan voice, to COMPASSION) But if I do all of that I won't be able to attend the Royal Ball. COMPASSION (nodding, voice rising as she continues) Yes, that is correct. And when the Prince sees my daughters, he will fall instantly in love with one of them, and they shall marry! And when they are married I shall kill the rest of the royal family, and then my daughter will be left to rule in their place! And then I shall control the throne from behind! And then _I_ shall rule the kingdom! And with this kingdom as a base, I shall put together an army from which I shall gobble up all my neighbors, and then I shall conquer whole continents, and then I shall RULE THE WORLD! BWAHAHAHAHA! From outside, the sound of ominous thunder can be heard on a perfectly clear day. FITZ Um, Cam... don't you think you're overdoing it just a bit? COMPASSION (looking around, appearing rather sheepish) Oh, sorry. I'm afraid I'm not much good at this evil thing. (to NUMBER ONE) Anyway, you can't go to the ball, and that's final. NUMBER ONE (f) (snapping fingers) Oh, shucky darn. NARRATOR (v.o.) AHEM!! NUMBER ONE (f) (deadpan voice) Oh, boo-hoo-hoo. You people are so mean to me!! NUMBER ONE runs off camera, her head buried in her hands. COMPASSION turns to CHRIS and FITZ. COMPASSION Come along, _daughters_! We have to make you _beautiful_ for the _Prince_!! COMPASSION grabs them both by the sleeves of their dresses and forcefully drags them off camera. CUT TO: Int., Dining room, evening. It is the same room as before, only time has passed and it is now the evening of the Royal Ball (how long into the future it is no one can tell, but since this is Fairy Tale Land, time of course passes really strangely here). FITZ and CHRIS enter, each wearing the gaudiest dresses yet. Enough makeup has been slapped on them to make Tammy Faye Baker proud, and they are each wearing ludicrously long blonde-haired wigs for which no effort has been made to disguise as anything other than wigs. The two are moving slowly. They look as they have previously, no one could possibly mistake them as anything other than a couple of guys in drag. CHRIS (walking stiffly) God, I can't breath in this!! Why did she have to lace it up so tight? FITZ (hobbling along) My feet are killing me!! How can anyone wear heels like this? COMPASSION enters, with NUMBER ONE trailing behind. COMPASSION Come along, _girls_. It's time for the ball!! (to NUMBER ONE) Finish your chores. There's also a bowl of gruel in the fridge for dinner. NUMBER ONE (f) (deadpan voice) Boo-hoo-hoo. You people are so mean to me. COMPASSION (voice rising in anger, pointing dramatically) Enough of this insolence! Go to your room! NUMBER ONE (f) (deadpan voice) Boo-hoo-hoo. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. NUMBER ONE runs off-camera, her head buried theatrically in her hands, as COMPASSION drags CHRIS and FITZ off-camera on the opposite side. NARRATOR (v.o.) And thus it was that the Evil Stepmother took her daughters to the ball, as the first step in her evil plan to take over the kingdom... CUT TO: Ext., outside of the palace. Horse-drawn carriages are arriving, from which young women step out onto a long red carpet leading into the castle. Along both sides of the carpet are throngs of paparazzi taking pictures. A TV news van can be seen parked to one side, with a microwave transmitter fork extended upwards and pointed at the sky. An Entertainment Tonight reporter can be seen busily reporting the event and being filmed by a cameraman. A carriage stops at the start of the carpet. The door opens, and CHRIS and FITZ stumble out of the carriage, having evidently been pushed out by COMPASSION. Flashbulbs go off as they come unsteadily to their feet, but the number of flashes die out as the media people realize what it is they are seeing. CHRIS and FITZ look at each other, then at the staring media people, as realization sets in. FITZ Oh, shieste... CHRIS Our reps are toast. CUT TO: Int., Cinderella's work room. NUMBER ONE is sitting at a table. The raw charcoal and containers of sulphur and potassium nitrate are all gathered behind her. Some small amount of the chemicals are present at her side. She is looking over a large, illuminated manuscript book, upon one page of which the words "Lord Kalvan's Unconsecrated" can be clearly seen written at the top. NARRATOR (v.o.) ...while Cinderella was left at home, forbidden to come to the Royal Ball and to display all of her charms to the Prince. NUMBER ONE (f) (looking up at camera, shrugging) Hey, life's a bitch. NUMBER ONE goes back to looking over the page. NARRATOR (v.o.) When, all of a sudden... There is a bang, and a puff of smoke. NUMBER ONE dives for cover. NUMBER ONE (f) (muttering to herself) Oh, crap! I thought that Styphon recipe was unstable... NARRATOR (v.o.) ...there appeared to Cinderella her Fairy God Mother. NUMBER ONE (f) Wha? NUMBER ONE looks up from her place of cover. From out of the puff of smoke steps... PYSCHO NYSSA, in her Trakenite fairy dress, on the backside of which have been affixed a pair of fake-looking cardboard wings. She coughs a few times, and tries to wave away the smoke with her hands. Then she starts looking around the room with disdain. PSYCHO NYSSA All right, where is she. NUMBER ONE steps uncertainly to her feet. NUMBER ONE (f) (trying to sound cheerful) Um, err, hello M'lady. PSYCHO NYSSA turns to the voice. As she does so, she whips out her magic wand (a Glock-17 with a crayon-colored paper blue star taped to the muzzle) and aims it at the female NUMBER ONE. PSYCHO NYSSA Right. Stand in the clear and keep your hands above your head where I can see them. Try any funny stuff on me and I'll ventilate your skull, understood? NUMBER ONE does as she is told PSYCHO NYSSA Fine. I understand you want to go to this ball, but your 'Evil Stepmother' won't let you. Well, I'm here to help. NUMBER ONE (f) Um, I don't mean to sound contrary, m'lady. But that isn't quite... PSYCHO NYSSA squeezes the trigger, and a bullet ricochets between NUMBER ONE's feet. PSYCHO NYSSA Be quiet when I'm talking to you, _peasant_! I don't care what your real motives are. The only reason I agreed to help you is because, as far as I'm concerned, if I can get you out of the way you WON'T be around when I... err, umm.. Well, you won't be in the way. So, you're going to this ball, whether you like it or not. Capiche? NUMBER ONE gulps. NUMBER ONE (f) Umm, Capiche. (looking down at herself) But, umm, I'm not exactly dressed for... PSYCHO NYSSA All taken care of. PSYCHO NYSSA walks toward the door to the work room, and opens it. PSYCHO NYSSA (shouting to the corridor beyond) Nyssaias? Embericles? She's all yours! Two small fairies, NYSSAIAS and EMBERICLES, fly into the room. Both are acting quite excited. NYSSAIAS Oh, goody! EMBERICLES This should be fun! NYSSAIAS Lets get started! The two fairies start to fly around NUMBER ONE so fast that her features start to blur, as the sounds of scissors can be heard and fabric goes flying in all directions. NARRATOR (v.o.) And so, the good fairies began to make a beautiful dress for poor Cinderella... The flurry of activity stops for a moment. NUMBER ONE can be seen wearing a tight, shiny, red dress with a very high hemline and a top that barely covers anything. NYSSAIAS and EMBERICLES look at each other, shake their heads, and start again. When next they stop, NUMBER ONE is dressed as a Playboy bunny. They start again, and then NUMBER ONE emerges in a brown Trakenite outfit exactly identical to Nyssa's (but without the wings). After a withering glare from PSYCHO NYSSA, the two fairies start again. Finally they stop, and NUMBER ONE can be seen wearing a beautiful white-blue gown, with her face made-up quite tastefully, her red hair done up expertly, and her legs teetering atop a pair of high-heeled glass slippers. She looks very beautiful. The two fairies high-five each other in mid- air. NUMBER ONE looks down at herself, then at the universe above. NUMBER ONE (f) (muttering to herself) OK, now I get it. You guys _want_ me to have a gender identity crisis, don't you? Behind NUMBER ONE, both fairies can be seen nodding in unison. PSYCHO NYSSA (distracted) Pardon? Did you say something? NUMBER ONE (f) Nothing. (Sigh) All right, if I'm going to have to attend this stupid function, how am I going to get there? (While NUMBER ONE talks with PSYCHO NYSSA, behind them the fairies can be seen magically producing a purse out of thin air. NYSSAIAS holds it open, while EMBERICLES empties a box marked "Trojans" into the purse. Then the two close the purse and fly it over to NUMBER ONE, who takes it distractedly without ascertaining its contents.) PSYCHO NYSSA That too has all been arranged. I have a carriage already outside to take you to the ball. But this is very important: You MUST be back before midnight. Otherwise... NUMBER ONE (f) Otherwise the carriage disappears and my dress turns back into the bland thing I was wearing? PSYCHO NYSSA No. Otherwise Hertz charges me an extra day on the carriage rental, and off hand, I don't think you want to stick around to find out what those two have programmed your dress to turn into. (Off to one side, NYSSAIAS and EMBERICLES can be seen paging through a Victoria's Secret catalogue. One points something out to the other, they look up at NUMBER ONE, and each start to laugh.) NUMBER ONE grits her teeth. NUMBER ONE (f) All right, lets get this over with. (mumbling to herself) The sooner I get this story done the sooner I can get out of these stupid clothes... NARRATOR (v.o.) And so, unbeknownst to her Stepmother, Cinderella set off for the Castle and the Royal Ball. CU T TO: Int., the main ballroom of the castle. The SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI are standing, watching the numerous dancing couples before them, who are passing in the frame generally from left to right. PERI is dressed in a beautiful gown, but SIXTH DOCTOR is wearing his usual multi-colored eyesore. Both of them look concerned. SIXTH DOCTOR (To PERI) Has he expressed any preference that you can tell? PERI None that I can see. But then, I don't think he can dance more than a few steps before he starts stepping on their toes... (As she says this, CHRIS can be seen waltzing from one side of the frame to the other, dancing with FRANCOIS.. CHRIS looks very disconcerted.) SIXTH DOCTOR (whispering to PERI) Are you sure he's not gay? PERI Shush, Doctor. This is suppose to be a children's story. SIXTH DOCTOR You obviously haven't been keeping track of events thus far, have you? (sighs, looking out at dance floor) Well, if he is, I can see at least two over there that should interest... NARRATOR (v.o.) At that moment, Cinderella arrived at the Royal Ball. Everyone looks up as NUMBER ONE enters the ballroom. Every male eye in the room turns toward her. Several sets of eyeballs start to bulge out of their sockets, puffs of steam start to vent from several collared shirts, and more than just a few noses start to bleed. MALE VOICE #1 Oh, man! MALE VOICE #2 Whoa! Check out the Babe-age! MALE VOICE #3 (makes a wolf-call) MALE VOICE #4 Hey, Adric!? Where are you going? MALE VOICE #5 Someplace safe and far away, before Nyssa shows up. As (nearly) every male in the ballroom converges on NUMBER ONE at once, several of the other women start to look distinctly annoyed at the sudden vanishing of their partners. COMPASSION watches the commotion. NARRATOR (v.o.) The Evil Stepmother, of course, was not pleased to see that Cinderella had attended despite her expressed wishes. COMPASSION (feigning anger) Oh, wow. She showed up after all. Didn't think she was that far gone but hey, it takes all kinds... She calls CHRIS and FITZ (both of whom looked relieved to have been abandoned by their partners) over to her side. COMPASSION Ok, 'Christiana' and 'Fitztiana'. It's now or never. Both of you have to get the Prince's attention, get him to dance with one of you, charm him, flatter him, make him fall instantly in love with you and want to marry you immediately. Got it? FITZ And what if we don't? COMPASSION Well, 'Fitztiana'. I think Szklvk the Ice Warrior over there has taken a fancy to you. Would you rather I introduced you to him instead? FITZ gulps. CHRIS's eyes narrow. CHRIS (whispering) You do realize that, when this is all over, we'll be making it our complete and devoted life's goal to making all of your lives a living hell for this. COMPASSION Maybe, but I would point out that you have to get out of this story, first. COMPASSION looks up and sees SIXTH DOCTOR heading toward NUMBER ONE. She immediately moves to intercept. COMPASSION (curtseying) Your Highness. Allow me to introduce to you my two lovely daughters. COMPASSION gives CHRIS and FITZ a swift kick each. Then the two (more or less) curtsy as well. SIXTH DOCTOR looks CHRIS and FITZ over, then nods. SIXTH DOCTOR Yes, I thought so. (to COMPASSION) Wait here, Madam. If the results of the experiment I am about to undertake go the way I think they will, I believe we will have some business to discuss. SIXTH DOCTOR brushes COMPASSION aside and heads resolutely toward NUMBER ONE. NARRATOR (v.o.) Meanwhile, Cinderella was making a very favorable impression among the attendees of the Royal Ball. Everyone thought she was the loveliest, most beautiful person there, but no one knew who she was. MALE VOICE #6 Hey, babe. What's your name and would you like to see mine? MALE VOICE #7 Hey, I forgot my phone number. Can I have yours? MALE VOICE #8 Pig-tailed Goddess, I have found you!! NARRATOR (v.o.) But Cinderella was not one to burden herself with concerns about public opinion. Several male bodies start flying in all directions. NUMBER ONE can be seen delivering a flurry of kicks and blows. NUMBER ONE (f) HIYA! AIIII-YA! AHHH-TATATATATATA-WAHTA!! NARRATOR (v.o.) Instead, her only goal that night was to dance with The Prince... NUMBER ONE stops what she is doing (holding a tuxedo-clad young man by the throat in one hand and about to punch him out with the other), and turns directly toward the camera. Despite the fact that there are a number of unconscious, twitching and groaning bodies around, not a spot of blood has fallen on her. NUMBER ONE (f) It is? NARRATOR (v.o.) ...and maybe attract his attention, so that he may fall instantly in love with her... NUMBER ONE (f) (looking very concerned) Hey, wait a minute!! NUMBER ONE lets go of the young man, who falls to the floor unconscious. NARRATOR (v.o.) ...and marry her, so that they might live happily ever after... NUMBER ONE (f) (very angry) No one ever said anything to me about having to _actually_ marry someone! NARRATOR (v.o.) ...and incidentally, stop her Stepmother's evil schemes and exact some degree of revenge. NUMBER ONE (f) (pointing to her dress) THIS is REVENGE? NARRATOR (v.o.) Well, call it a self-less sacrifice of one's life for the greater good. NUMBER ONE (f) (suddenly very nervous) This is just for story purposes, right? I'm not _actually_ going to have to marry some creep. Not really, really... RIGHT? NARRATOR (v.o.) Well... SIXTH DOCTOR arrives at this moment and suddenly wraps arms with a startled NUMBER ONE. He starts to lead her away from the carnage. SIXTH DOCTOR Hello there, young lady. I understand you're here to dance with my son The Prince. NUMBER ONE (f) (quickly, very concerned) Umm, err, that's not quite... SIXTH DOCTOR (ignoring NUMBER ONE's words) Splendid. He's a very nice young man, you know. I'm sure the two of you will find they have lots in common. NUMBER ONE (nervous) Look, um.. I think there's been something of a misunderstanding here... SIXTH DOCTOR Nonsense, I understand things perfectly. NUMBER ONE tries frantically to break SIXTH DOCTOR's grip on her arm. So intent is she that NUMBER ONE does not look at all toward the direction she is being lead. The two stop abruptly. SIXTH DOCTOR Well, here we are. Young Lady, may I introduce to you... NUMBER ONE turns in the direction SIXTH DOCTOR is indicating -- and immediately face faults. SIXTH DOCTOR Darren, Prince of Wankerovia. NUMBER ONE immediately starts choking, pointing at DARREN. DARREN (nervously, nasely) Er, hello. (looking at NUMBER ONE strangely) Um, do I know you? You look familiar... NUMBER ONE snaps out of her startlement. NUMBER ONE (f) UH-UH!! No EFFING way!! That's IT! I don't care WHAT the consequences are, I am NOT staying in this story ANY LONGER!! NUMBER ONE attempts to break away, but SIXTH DOCTOR, continuing to ignore NUMBER ONE's protests, pushes the two together. SIXTH DOCTOR There, now. Why don't you two get to know each other... DARREN (panting, looking NUMBER ONE over) Uh...uh... g-g-girl... uh... uh... NUMBER ONE (f) (hissing, to DARREN) You touch me and I swear, I'll blow your brains out. DARREN stares at her for a moment contemplating NUMBER ONE's words, then feints, his nose gushing blood. SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI (who has just come up to the group) both stare down at the fallen Prince on the floor. PERI (whispering to SIXTH DOCTOR) Well, offhand, I'd say that sounded like a proposition... SIXTH DOCTOR (nodding, looking a little surprised) Yes, it did indeed. And also saves us the embarrassment of having to implement my back-up solution (to NUMBER ONE) Um, Young Lady. Did you mean what you just said to the Prince? NUMBER ONE (who has not been listening to SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI's exchange), snaps her head towards them, teeth clenched and very angry. NUMBER ONE (f) Yes, I meant it! I swear by her holiness, if that... that... _person_ ever touched me, I'd... SIXTH DOCTOR (cutting NUMBER ONE off) Splendid. Very commendable of you. PERI Yes, no need to give us all the details. (eyes glancing momentarily toward SIXTH DOCTOR) We can, umm, well imagine... SIXTH DOCTOR (taking NUMBER ONE's arm, leading her away) So, my dear. We have much to discuss about your future... NUMBER ONE looks confused. PERI (taking NUMBER ONE's other arm) Right. And the sooner we discuss it, the sooner we can all go home. SIXTH DOCTOR Would you prefer a big wedding, or just a small affair? PERI Or would you rather we just called the Justice of the Peace and had it done right now? SIXTH DOCTOR Yes, I agree, no time like the present. Behind them all, DARREN is coming to his senses. Meanwhile, it is finally dawning on NUMBER ONE just what it is they think she had said. NUMBER ONE (f) (frantically) Oh hell, I didn't just say... Oh damn, that's not what I meant... WILL YOU PEOPLE JUST GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER!!!! At that moment, a clock starts to ring. NARRATOR (v.o.) But while Cinderella was talking with the King and Queen, the clock began to toll midnight. NUMBER ONE looks down at her dress and remembers PSYCHO NYSSA's warning. NUMBER ONE (f) OH, SCREW IT!!! I'M OUTTA HERE!! NUMBER ONE struggles to free herself from SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI's grips. Just as she finally breaks away, NUMBER ONE's purse falls from her shoulder and to the floor at PERI's feet. SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI both look surprised at Cinderella's departure. NARRATOR (v.o.) Realizing that she was running out of time before the clock finished striking midnight, Cinderella ran away. DARREN gets to his feet as NUMBER ONE runs hastily away. NARRATOR (v.o.) But the Prince, struck by her beauty, followed. DARREN (muttering to himself, wiping blood from nose) Hehehe... Girl... Hehehe... Likes me... Hehehe CUT TO: Ext, The Palace It is night outside The Palace. The place is lit up by lots of lights. A long staircase can be seen extending down from the ballroom area to the ground. Toward the base of the staircase can be seen a roped off area with some construction supplies lying around. A sign can be seen with the words: "Palace Renovations in Progress. Your Tax Money At Work" painted on it. From out of the trees steps a vaguely Nyssa-shaped shadow. She looks around carefully to make certain she is not noticed, then casually kicks over a barrel marked "Pitch" that is standing next to the staircase. Black, greasy contents go spilling all over the base of the stairs. The shadow retreats to the trees. Just as the shadow disappears in the trees, NUMBER ONE emerges from the ballroom and starts to go down the stairs. NUMBER ONE (f) (muttering) Should have realized. Bad sign when the King and Queen of a country can't find a date for a _Prince_! NUMBER ONE starts going down the stairs. When she is about half-way down, DARREN emerges from the ballroom. DARREN Please don't run away! The rumors are not true! Besides, I've had all my shots!! NUMBER ONE (f) Get any closer to me and I'll kill you, hentai creep! NUMBER ONE reaches the bottom of the stairs and steps one foot into the black, viscus pitch. She stops, her foot stuck. NUMBER ONE (f) What the? (looking down, seeing pitch) Oh, crap. Why now...? NUMBER ONE looks up to see that DARREN is gaining on her. Frantically, she tries to extricate her foot from the gooey mess. NUMBER ONE (f) (slipping her foot out from shoe) The hell with it. NUMBER ONE hobbles away in only one shoe just as DARREN arrives at the base of the stairs. He too steps into the pitch, but with both feet. He tries to step forward, but is stuck. DARREN Don't run away! I want to touch you! You promised! At that moment, the bell finishes tolling midnight. There is a loud *POOF!*, followed by a very embarrassed female shriek in the darkness. The camera stays on DARREN, who suddenly looks as if he's seen the most beautiful thing in all creation. NUMBER ONE (f) (off stage) EEEEEK!!! DARREN (gibbering, nose bleeding once more) Hehehe.... Girl... Hehehe... Scantily clad... Hehehe... (suddenly whimpering) But why is she running away? From the trees whispers a female voice (PSYCHO NYSSA) PSYCHO NYSSA That's because she likes you but doesn't want to admit it. DARREN looks around. DARREN Who said that? PSYCHO NYSSA Just someone who wishes for everything that you deserve. DARREN Wait. You mean to say that because she runs away from me, threatens me bodily harm, and otherwise insults me in my presence, she really likes me? PSYCHO NYSSA Err... yes. DARREN Are you certain? PSYCHO NYSSA (gulps) Umm, Positive. Take it from me. DARREN (punching air) Hot Damn! There is a rustle of leaves, and PSYCHO NYSSA withdraws. From behind DARREN, SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI come racing down the stairs. Both are stare momentariy at the departing female figure. SIXTH DOCTOR (to DARREN, apologetically) Oh, I'm sorry. It appears we interrupted the two of you... DARREN (pointing in the direction NUMBER ONE departed) Mom, Dad... She's the one!! SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI both look uncomfortable at being referred to as Mom and Dad, but let it pass. SIXTH DOCTOR Fine. Wonderful. We'll get the wedding set up right away. (To DARREN) Um, you did manage to find out who she was, didn't you? DARREN (sheepishly) Umm, errr... no. SIXTH DOCTOR (raising eyebrow) Did you at least get a name? DARREN (gulps) Umm, no. PERI, meanwhile, is holding NUMBER ONE's purse. She opens it up and looks inside. PERI (one eyebrow arching) Well, I think I can definitely confirm the nature of her intentions. (rummaging through purse) But I can't find anything like identification or even a wallet. SIXTH DOCTOR Hmm, that may make things a little difficult, but not entirely so. SIXTH DOCTOR looks at the ground and notices the glass slipper. SIXTH DOCTOR Well, well, well. What have we here? SIXTH DOCTOR bends down, and after some effort manages to wrest the slipper free of the black goo holding it fast. SIXTH DOCTOR examines it. SIXTH DOCTOR (dramatically) It appears to be an example of podiac vesture composed entirely of crystalline carbon. How fascinating... DARREN (confused) It just looks like a shoe made of glass, to me. PERI (rolling her eyes at SIXTH DOCTOR) That's what he just said. SIXTH DOCTOR (ignoring DARREN and PERI) More to the point, it's a clue. There can't be all that many glass slippers in the kingdom, nor all that many feet who would fit in it so daintily. We find the owner of this shoe, and chances are we'll also find the person whose charms seem so much taken by the Prince. SIXTH DOCTOR turns and takes a step away. SIXTH DOCTOR Come along, Peri. We've got work to do. PERI follows SIXTH DOCTOR. The two go off back up the stairs, leaving DARREN stuck in the pitch. PERI (off stage) How do you propose to find.... SIXTH DOCTOR (off stage, voice getting fainter) Well, first I suggest we order... DARREN (trying to lift foot) Um, Mom... Dad? Can you help me here? (trying frantically to lift foot) Um, guys? DARREN reaches down to try to dislodge his foot, but makes the mistake of putting his hand down on the pitch-sticky ground to steady himself. It gets stuck. He brings his other hand down to dislodge it; that hand gets stuck as well. DARREN Er, help? CUT TO: Int., The Stepmother's Dining Room NUMBER ONE can be seen trudging in, a blanket wrapped around her. She takes two steps into the room, looks up, and sees that COMPASSION is waiting for her, arms folded and looking very cross. NARRATOR (v.o.) Cinderella's Stepmother, needless to say, was very angry at Cinderella for disobeying her orders and for disrupting her carefully laid evil scheme. COMPASSION points dramatically behind her. NUMBER ONE trudges resolutely in the direction indicated. NARRATOR (v.o.) So, the Stepmother ordered her locked up in her room, and told her that she would not be released for a very long time. CUT TO: Cinderella's Work Room. NUMBER ONE is shoved into the room. She sighs, starts to unwrap the blanket from around her (camera angle is from the side, so we don't actually see what it is she is wearing), and looks down. NUMBER ONE (f) But unfortunately, not long enough. CUT TO: Ext., The town. NARRATOR (v.o.) Meanwhile, all the country was abuzz with talk of the beautiful young woman who had captured The Prince's heart. There are several quick shots of people whispering. A few people can be seen making circling motions with their finger next to their heads. CUT TO: Ext, the Palace. SIXTH DOCTOR, PERI, and DARREN can be seen on the balcony, standing to one side. DARREN's hands are all bandaged. Meanwhile, the King's Chancellor (the VALEYARD) is reading a Proclamation aloud to the throngs below. NARRATOR (v.o.) Meanwhile, a new Royal Proclamation was made, stating that whichever young maiden proved to be the owner of the glass slipper would have The Prince's hand in marriage. The glass slipper is shown sitting on a red cushion. A number of young women all look at it, then at each other, then all wipe their foreheads in relief. NARRATOR (v.o.) However, after several days when no young lady came forward to claim her prize, drastic measures were undertaken. The VALEYARD is reading another Proclamation. NARRATOR (v.o.) The Prince would visit every household in the Kingdom where an eligible young lady resided, and have them put on the glass slipper. It was reasoned that by this method they could find the owner of the glass slipper, and hence the identity of the Mysterious Young Woman. CUT TO: The Stepmother's Dining Room. COMPASSION is reading a copy of the most recent Proclamation. CHRIS and FITZ are standing beside her, dressed in yet another set of gaudy gowns. She is also furiously fanning herself with a handfan furiously. COMPASSION (muttering to herself) Geez, haven't these guys even _heard_ of DNA fragment modeling? The inside of that shoe is probably covered in skin flakes... (looking up to CHRIS and FITZ) But, their oversight is our good luck. All we need to do now is convince The Prince that one of you two 'girls' is the Mysterious Young Woman, and we'll be all set. And then my cunning plan for World Domination will be back on track, and I shall be on my way to Ruling The World!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Thunder once more can be heard on a perfectly clear day. In the windows beyond, a UPS truck with a large number of ariel arrays on top of it pulls in front of the residence. FITZ Cam, I think you've completely lost it. CHRIS (pointing toward Cinderella's room) But, what about... you know. COMPASSION Oh, she isn't a threat. I've exiled her to her room, and there she'll stay until all of this is over. A UPS delivery person (ADF CHARLIE) walks in carrying a package and a clip board. ADF CHARLIE Um, I've got a package here for a Cindy Rella. Anyone want to sign for it? COMPASSION takes the clipboard and signs for the package. It is left on the dining room table, and ADF ANDY departs. COMPASSION looks the package over. CHRIS What is it? COMPASSION It's the part your stepsister ordered to repair the air conditioning system. COMPASSION starts to fan herself furiously, contemplating the package. FITZ and CHRIS give each other conspiratorial looks. FITZ She said it was about a seven hour operation to install it. COMPASSION continues to fan herself. CHRIS She's the only one that knows how to do it, too. COMPASSION keeps fanning herself, but it's becoming obvious that it's not enough. FITZ (tsking) It's suppose to be about 90 today, and all that humidity... CHRIS And the weather forecast says we're in the _cool_ part of the week... COMPASSION's handfan snaps. COMPASSION Oh, all right. Have your stepsister install the part and repair the air system, but make sure she stays out of the sight should The Prince arrive. Understand? CHRIS and FITZ nod in understanding FITZ Yes, 'Mom'. We'll make sure she's no where around. Won't we, 'sister'? CHRIS No where around, yessiree. No where at all. Behind them both, their fingers are crossed. CUT TO: The dining room, later in the day. NARRATOR (v.o.) Eventually, The Prince came to the household of the Evil Stepmother and her family. In the window, a horse-drawn carriage can be seen. A number of people in dark, black business suits are gathered around it, wearing sunglasses and speaking into microphones in their lapels. DARREN enters the dining room, escorted by a number of other people including the VALEYARD. Several of the others are dressed in the dark business suits and glasses. The two dressed such closest to the prince are a man with a brown pony tail (DOUG) and a woman with long, blonde hair (DIANE). They adopt a no-nonsense pose behind The Prince. Very distinctive bulges can be seen underneath their coat jackets. DARREN's face looks bruised, as if it had been the recipient of a number of kicks to the face lately. They are greeted by COMPASSION, CHRIS, and FITZ. COMPASSION curtseys to The Prince, then delivers swift kicks to the other two to do the same. COMPASSION Good day, my Prince. Do what do we owe this pleasure? DARREN (almost incoherently) Hehehehe... Girls... Hehehe.... Feet.... Hehehe... Touch.... VALEYARD (stepping forward) My dear Madam, by order of his Majesty the King, it is requested that you present to us whatever eligible young ladies currently reside in your household so that they may, ahem, take part in the survey we are conducting. COMPASSION Of course, my lord. I have two such young ladies, and they would be more than happy to oblige. At COMPASSION's insistence, CHRIS and FITZ step forward. DARREN looks at them dubiously. DARREN What? Those two? Are you kidding, they look like a couple of... The VALEYARD steps on DARREN's toe. VALEYARD (to COMPASSION) I am very sorry, Madam. We've just come from the household of the Maiden Sam, and she was most insistent in her displeasure. (to DARREN) I believe, m'lord, that you are mistaken, and that the recent blows you have suffered to the head have rendered your perceptions somewhat skewed. (indicating CHRIS and FITZ) Before you are two fine examples of Wankerovian womanhood, one of which is surely the maiden you seek. It must be so, for we have searched all the land, and this is the last household we have yet to check. DARREN (thinking it over) Well, OK. If you insist. COMPASSION forces CHRIS to sit down on a chair while the glass slipper is presented. DARREN kneels, takes off one shoe that CHRIS is wearing, and attempt to put the glass slipper on it. The VALEYARD leans over. VALEYARD By Rassillon, it fits! CHRIS (suddenly very nervous) WHAT!?! You mean my foot actually FITS the SHOE?!? VALEYARD (shaking head) No, just your big toe. CHRIS sighs in great relief. COMPASSION pushes CHRIS off the chair, and then forces FITZ to sit in the same place. DARREN tries again with FITZ's foot, to no avail. DARREN I'm sorry, but it doesn't look like... COMPASSION produces a shoe horn and desperately tries to force FITZ's foot into the glass slipper. COMPASSION Of course it fits, can't you see? Here, let me show you! FITZ Ugh! Cam! That HURTS! ARGH! Damn it!! Stop it, you're going to crush my foot!! COMPASSION Nonsense! See, it fits! Hahaha! No problem at all! Well, Fitz, it looks like you're going to find out what it's like... The glass slipper pops off FITZ's foot and goes sliding across the floor. COMPASSION (snapping fingers) Damn. VALEYARD (to COMPASSION) Thank you for your assistance, madam. Unless you are hiding another maiden in this household, I believe this concludes our business for today... NUMBER ONE enters the room from behind, dressed in the drab dress and covered in soot and oil. She is wiping her dirty hands on a rag. So intend is she on her work that she doesn't notice the people standing in the room. NUMBER ONE (f) You're not going to believe this. Those stupid idiots sent me a part DOA right out of the box. Took me hours to figure out it wasn't the evaporator coil acting up again. Where's the phone? I need to give those bastards... NUMBER ONE stops, as she realizes everyone in the room is looking at her. Then she notices DARREN. NUMBER ONE (f) Oh, shit! The VALEYARD shoves FITZ off the seat and motions for NUMBER ONE to sit down. VALEYARD (motioning to the seat) Young lady, may I ask for your assistance in a little survey we are sponsoring. NUMBER ONE (f) (apprehensive) Um, look. There's been a little misunderstanding here. I'm just a lowly air conditioning repairman... well, repair-person, see? I'm just a... NARRATOR (v.o.) But Cinderella's Evil Stepmother, sensing her last chance to salvage her evil plan, stepped forward. COMPASSION She's my step-daughter, m'lord. I'm very sorry, sir, but she's such an inconsequential girl that I often forget she's even around. The VALEYARD looks at COMPASSION dubiously, but motions for DARREN to continue with the shoe test. COMPASSION (with a little help from CHRIS and FITZ) attempts to force NUMBER ONE into the seat. NUMBER ONE (f) Hey, you can't make me do this! I know my rights! I refuse to take part in this! NUMBER ONE hears a pair of clicks, then sees that DOUG and DIANE have extracted their weapons from their jackets and are comely aiming them at her. NUMBER ONE relents. NUMBER ONE (f) This is a gross misuse of government powers, you know. DARREN starts to try to put the shoe on NUMBER ONE's foot. NUMBER ONE (f) (very nervous) Look, you might as well not even try, because I know my foot's too big for that shoe. See, there's no way it'll fit. It's too wide, too long... DARREN puts the shoe on NUMBER ONE's foot. It's a perfect fit. Suddenly, there is a burst of light, and NUMBER ONE's clothes are magically transformed into the white-blue gown she wore the night of the ball. NUMBER ONE (still with oil and soot on her face) looks down at herself. NUMBER ONE (f) Damn! (shaking head furiously, muttering) I'm going to skewer those two 'good fairies' the next time I see them! DARREN looks up at NUMBER ONE in amazement. He immediately tries to hug her. DARREN My love, I have found you! NUMBER ONE smashes her fist into his face. Curiously, neither the VALEYARD nor DOUG and DIANE move to prevent her from doing so. VALEYARD Well, now that that's sorted out... COMPASSION (hurriedly, to VALEYARD) Remember, she's _my_ stepdaughter, right? I'm _her_ guardian? You won't forget that little detail, will you? She's _my_ responsibility!! VALEYARD No, Madam. I don't think we shall be likely to forget the service you have provided your kingdom this day. COMPASSION Right, which means I'm going to be rewarded, right? Maybe with a seat on the council? After all, she's now the Princess Elect... At COMPASSION's words, NUMBER ONE stops repeatedly pounding DARREN. NUMBER ONE (f) Oh no, no way. Not this time. If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me, bitch! (At the words "If I'm going down", DARREN's nose starts to bleed again and he collapses muttering incoherent gibberish). NUMBER ONE (f) (to VALEYARD) As soon as I'm married, she wants to kill off the Royal Family and leave me on the throne, thus controlling the kingdom from behind. DOUG and DIANE turn their guns toward COMPASSION. VALEYARD What? Treason!?!! COMPASSION (hurriedly) Oh, don't believe her. She's just a silly girl, you know? She likes playing silly jokes, hahahaha! Isn't that right, Cindy dear? C'mon, tell the nice gentleman you were only joking. From behind COMPASSION, a recorded voice can be heard suddenly playing. COMPASSION (recorded voice) And when they are married I shall kill the rest of the royal family, and then my daughter will be left to rule in their place! And then I shall control the throne from behind! And then _I_ shall rule the kingdom! And with this kingdom as a base, I shall put together an army from which I shall gobble up all my neighbors, and then I shall conquer whole continents, and then I shall RULE THE WORLD! BWAHAHAHAHA! Everyone turns to the source of the recording. CHRIS is calmly holding a small recording device in his hand. FITZ looks on at his friend, impressed. FITZ Damn, you're paranoid. CHRIS (shrugging) I'm a cop. It comes with the territory. Everyone looks at COMPASSION. COMPASSION (meek voice) Ok, maybe I did plan. Just a little. At the VALEYARD's direction, DOUG and DIANE march up to COMPASSION and take her into custody. VALEYARD Evil Stepmother, I hereby order you put under arrest for Treason Against the State, and held in the deepest dungeon of the castle until such time as we deem appropriate. (to DOUG and DIANE) You may take her away. COMPASSION is taken off-stage by DOUG and DIANE. The VALEYARD turns to CHRIS and FITZ. VALEYARD Thank you, um, ladies for your help in uncovering this heinous conspiracy. FITZ Hey, does this mean we get a reward of some kind for helping you find the traitor? VALEYARD (nodding) Of course. I shall make certain you are each properly rewarded. The VALEYARD shoos CHRIS and FITZ away and they go off-stage, leaving the VALEYARD alone with NUMBER ONE. The VALEYARD looks around, and takes the most regal-looking chair in sight. VALEYARD (to NUMBER ONE) And as for you... NUMBER ONE (f) Hey, look. I don't know where everyone got this marriage idea, but I'm not in any way intending... VALEYARD Of course not. I understand completely. The VALEYARD sneers at the semi-conscious, gibbering Prince DARREN. VALEYARD Frankly, I think anyone who actually _wants_ to marry that... that _person_... over there, deserves every bit of grief they get for it. NUMBER ONE (f) (looking surprised) You... you do? VALEYARD Yes, I do. Young lady, I'm not here to force you to marry that cretin down there. I saw how you conducted yourself at the ball, and um, I rather think your talents are better suited for something else I have in mind. The VALEYARD smiles, a truly _evil_, conspiratorial smile. VALEYARD That is, if you're interested. NUMBER ONE considers, grabs a chair, and then sits down across from the VALEYARD. NUMBER ONE (f) Let's just say I'm open to consider anything you might want to suggest... CUT TO: Int., The Palace. The VALEYARD is seen talking with SIXTH DOCTOR. Behind him, a dazed and very confused DARREN can be seen. NARRATOR (v.o.) And so, the King's Chancellor reported that they were unable to find the Mysterious Young Woman, much to the King and Queen's dismay. SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI both look at each other, as if to say "Oh, great. Now what do we do?" NARRATOR (v.o.) The Prince, meanwhile, was unable to recall exactly what had happened at that last, umm, 'survey stop'... DARREN walks uncertainly to SIXTH DOCTOR and PERI, as if disoriented. NARRATOR (v.o.) But the King's Chancellor assured the King and Queen that it was only a symptom of the stifling heat they were experiencing at that time, and that a few days rest for the Prince should bring him back to normal. CUT TO: Int., A messy bed room. DARREN can be seen lying in bed, holding a video remote control and watching television. NARRATOR (v.o.) In any case, The Prince soon found a new object for his affections, and all thoughts of the Mysterious Young Woman soon became a distant memory. The camera pans around, and we can see that he is watching a video tape of "Terminus". And drooling. CUT TO: Int., the office of the King's Chancellor. NARRATOR (v.o.) Cinderella, meanwhile, was rewarded with a very secret and highly placed position in the Chancellor's staff. The VALEYARD is sitting at his desk, and is handing NUMBER ONE a photograph of someone. NUMBER ONE is once more dressed in the drab peasant's dress, but over it she is wearing a very long, black-leather jacket. She smokes a cigarette as she looks over the photograph. DOUG and DIANE stand behind her, looking like goons. Then, NUMBER ONE snaps her fingers, and she, DOUG and DIANE all depart, the latter two following a few steps behind. NARRATOR (v.o.) And true to the Chancellor's word, it was a job very well suited to her abilities. CUT TO: Ext., a dark alley. NUMBER ONE is standing nonchalantly, smoking a cigarette. Behind her, DOUG and DIANE can be seen beating someone up. NARRATOR (v.o.) As for Cinderella's step sisters, they too were given a just reward for their contributions. CUT TO: Int., the Stepmother's Dining Room. Through the windows can be seen throngs of Ice Warriors, Ogrons, Tereliptls, Sontarrans, Zygons, and even a Dalek or two. All are holding flowers. NARRATOR (v.o.) They were promised by the state such a dowry that very soon, suitors from distant lands traveled great distances to seek their hands. The voices of various beings can be heard coming outside, all insistent. ICE WARRIOR Fisssstiahna! I would have you ssspawn with meeee! DALEK #1 WE LOVE YOU! DALEK #2 GIVE US A CUD-DLES!! CHRIS and FITZ are busily rushing furniture to barricade the doors. CHRIS It's no good! There's too many of them! FITZ We've got to hold out for just a little longer! The stories almost done! There is a bang, a crash, and then the sound of a door swinging wide open. CHRIS and FITZ look up in horror as a swarm of beings start to move through the doorway towards them, all with matrimonial intent... NARRATOR (v.o.) And as for Cinderella's Evil Stepmother.... CUT TO: Int., a white wall with horizontal black lines painted on it. As we cut to this scene, a very familiar four-note TV theme booms. In front of the wall stands COMPASSION. She looks extremely annoyed. She is holding a sign in front of her with a long number written on it. As the music theme ends, a new NARRATOR's voice can be heard. This voice is male and much deeper (almost judgementally so) than the previous NARRATOR. NARRATOR #2 On August the 3rd in the Superior Court of Wankerovia, Eve L. Stepmother was found guilty of the crimes of Treason, Attempted Murder, Conspiracy to Commit Murder, False Imprisonment, Resisting Arrest, Assaulting a Police Officer, and Traveling at an Excessive Speed in a Construction Zone. She received the maximum penalty of 3,000,000,000 hours of community service, and was suspended from operating a motor vehicle for no less than five Standard Earth years. End tale. ***** And there was much rejoicing. ***** Izzy closed the book, and gave her best story-teller smile to the children. "And with that, children, they all lived happily ever after." Baby Polly was the first to raise her hand, confusion evident on her face. "Yes, Polly?" Izzy asked the young girl. "Um, Ms. Izzy? I thought Cinderella married the Prince!" Izzy nodded. She'd expected that at least one of the children would ask that question. "Well, maybe in _other_ versions of the story that may have happened. But in The Big Story Time Book, it says Cinderella was given a reward according to her abilities, not according to some outmoded notions concerning her gender." Baby Ace raised her hand. "Um, Ms. Izzy. Didn't the Evil Stepsisters have their eyes gouged out by a flock of angry crows?" Trust Ace to take note of that one, Izzy thought. "Well again, maybe in some other versions of the tale that was the case, but in this version they ended up helping Cinderella in a small way, and so they too were given an appropriate reward." Now it was Baby Sam's turn to raise her hand. "And what about the Evil Stepmother? Three Billion Hours Community Service?" "A reflection of the enlightened, liberal court system of the Kingdom." "Oh." "Now, children." Izzy proclaimed, as she put the large book back in it's rightful place next to the Story Telling Chair. "It's time for your afternoon naps!" "Awwwwww!" the kids said, more or less in unison. "But remember, everyone. Tomorrow is another day. And tomorrow I'll have another story for you to listen to." Several of the children smiled at that thought. "Oh, goody!" they said, and gleefully began to find places for themselves to lie down and take their naps. Izzy, watched as one by one, they all grew quiet and began to fall asleep. Perhaps, she thought, dreaming dreams of the story she had just told. Perhaps. And somehow, that thought alone made her smile. --DBK 4 August 2001