A sequel to Imran's last brilliant story.
TTR: Still Not Helping
It was Neimi's first day off, and Sandra couldn't help noticing the
Proprietor seemed surprisingly cheerful about it.
"Any packages arrived today?" he asked, with an utterly unsuccessful air of
"No," replied Sandra, "Are you expecting one?"
"Well, you remember the whole... misunderstanding... with Neimi?"
"Afterwards, it occured to me the *principle* was sound; buying staff is
less expensive and gives you more control than hiring them. I just hadn't
thought it through, and got Neimi without checking the details. So..."
Sandra groaned, "You didn't get a Stepford 'bot, did you?"
"Good grief, no. The price they cost? No, I went the other way. Go to the
bottom end of the tech ladder; find something too stupid to know if it's
being..." he paused.
"Used? Exploited? Taken advantage of?" suggested Sandra
"...given a less than entirely satisfactory end of the bargain," the
Sandra shook her head, "So what have you ordered now? A second-hand Kryten
"Not a bad idea, but I went further down than that. I found a flyer
advertising golems. Y'know, those clay robots that run on magic or religion
or something. Only twenty-five Ankh-Morpork dollars! D'you know how much
that is in Sterling? Practically nothing!"
Sandra groaned again. "Ankh-Morpork dollars? You've just hired a
"Yeah, I..." the Proprietor stopped. "Whaddaya mean 'hired'?"
"I think you'll want to sit down for this..."
* * * *
Ten minutes later, the Proprietor was downing a double whisky. "So I
haven't bought a golem?" he said dully.
"I've hired one."
"For twenty-five Ankh-Morpork dollars a week?"
"And it's probably self-owned, meaning it's got full awareness of its
rights and everything?"
"But it's not going to want as much time off as the robot?"
"And it'll do what it's told?"
"As long as it doesn't contradict its chem."
The Proprietor looked into his empty whisky glass. "Y'know, sometimes, it's
almost enough to make me consider taking a shift myself. Almost."
Summary: The Proprietor utterly fails to learn from previous events.
This Time Round created by Tyler Dion
The Proprietor created by B. K. Willis
Sandra created by Imran Inayat
The Golem Trust created by Terry Pratchett
Official Absentee of EU Skiffeysoc
"See a pin and pick it up, and all day long you'll have a pin."
-Stanley Howler, philacutist; Going Postal by Terry Pratchett