The Stork's Misfortune. by Clive May (clive@cj4386.demon.co.uk) Dr Who is copyright BBC TTR created by Tyler Dion after Kiel Lago, the Ether Bunny created by JFG --------------------------------------------------------------------------- "...OUT! OUT! And stay OUT!" A powder puff tail projecting from the seat of a pair of smartly cut business trousers backed out of the doors of the This Time Round The little stub of fur was drooping dejectedly. It was followed by Lago, an impressive specimen of a Monotreme Lapinoid. He straightened, his nose wriggling miserably, causing his whiskers to flicker and glisten in the lurid neon light spilling from the sign. Lago shuffled to a halt at the top step. It seemed a shame that such a happy event...well....so many happy events....should end in such acrimony. He resolved to try and sort out this little misunderstanding. He set down his attache case, smoothed out the creases in the business suit, and erected his drooping ears to best display their impressive height. Lago fussed with the big pink ribbon, tied in a bow around his neck. He was inordinately proud of that floppy bow. It was the symbol of the important position as the Chief Anesthetist he filled at the Great Hospital of Nantucket Minor on his home world of Ziplok. He WAS the Ether Bunny! Lago made to re-enter the tavern; but as he did so the forthright form of Mel stepped out. "I said STAY OUT! Didn't I? Or are you deaf? I'd hardly credit it - with those ears..." Lago's nose twitched, sending his whiskers into a frenzy of flickering. "But Mel," he began in a reasonable tone. Mel folded her arms in an extremely "no nonsense" way and tossed her head. Lago's ears began one of his famous, and very affecting, "droops". It began at the tips with a premonitory tremble, then simultaneously, they curled over. A penitent loosening crept down their impressive length as the ears sagged sadly sideways, back and down. Mell had to grit her teeth not to be over taken by the wave of guilty feeling that positively emanated from the huge Monotreme Lapinoid. "And you can just stop that right now," she warned; "you're barred until the last egg has hatched or until the Autumn - which ever is sooner - whenever that will be here. And you can just be thankful that I don't make you stay and help me to put everyone to bed! Now GO! - you overgrown rabbit!" Lago managed to look even more woeful. If heart wrenching dejection is an art form, then Lago was its acknowledged Master. Mell tapped her foot impatiently. The rhythmic sound fell stridently into the lengthening silence. Behind her, the doors of the tavern crept jerkily open. A hand, about a foot above the floor, quested into the night. It was followed by Peri, crawling unsteadily, and looking like she ought to have been decently buried a month since. She half made it outside, then collapsed with a groan over the threshold. If she looked dreadful - she felt even worse. Had she the wherewithal to manage a "daggers" look, then the Bunny was as good as casseroled. Mell did not look round. She just sighed, tightened her arms a little and shook her head in disbelief. The things people did to themselves? Her red hair floated out in a cloud. The neon transformed it into a putrid blue. It occurred to Lago that this was not the moment to mention just how badly Mel was being served by the illumination. Lago eyed the distressing sight and picked self-consciously at some imaginary lint on his business suit. A deep silence lengthened, relieved only by Mel's tapping foot and the ungracious snoring of peri laying over the step. The silence began to grow awkward. Then Lago's attache case started in on a sugary sweet rendition of "Rock-a-bye Baby in the tree tops." Lago's ears sprang to attention. A bright glint of expectation lit his big eyes. He fished inside the case and drew out a mobile phone. He thumbed the receive. "Oh NO you don't!" cried Mel. Deftly, She relieved him of the instrument. With an exaggerated motion, she flicked it off. "You've done quite enough damage with that for one evening." Lago's ears went to half mast. "But Mel..." Mel held out the phone. She was adamant. "NO!" Lago's ears went to quater mast. His big eyes pleaded. Sadly, he accepted the phone, put it in his case and turned to go. He hopped away, his fluff tail drooping. He looked the very epitome of misery, but he did keep one ear turned back ready, just in case Mel should change her mind. Mel did not. Instead, gritting her teeth, she stepped over the prone Peri back into the Tavern. The floor was littered with unconscious Doctors and companions, plus various off duty villains. The only one still standing was Benny. She was leaning on the bar and peering quizzically at Mel. In her right hand she held a large champagne glass brimming over. "Wasss shat the ffooonne?" she slurred out. A big idiotic smile staggered drunkenly over her face. "A toast to wet the new baby's head." she cried, and lifted on high the glass of champagne. Mel took a step into the bar, put her foot on an empty champagne bottle and found herself involved in a crazy, helter skelter plunge among the tables and unconscious forms which called forth all her log-rolling skills. Bennie watched in drunken disbelief as the madly peddling Mel descended upon her in a mad flailing of arms and streaming red hair. This whole situation put Bennie in somewhat of a dilemma. She could easily avoid the on-coming Mel - but only at the expense of the glass of champers - or?... "What the hell!" she cried and made her choice. As the empty wine glass shattered with a sad tinkling sound, two ears entered through the doors of the TTR, followed by a nose with whiskers astir. Lago looked round at the sleeping forms. His ears went to attention and stood proud. A big smile of satisfaction, for a job well done, lit his furry face, tinged with contrition. He was after all the Ether Bunny - it was his job to render people unconscious. He was good at his job, and proud of his skill. He picked up a handily placed glass of Carrot Juice and toasted the room. Another one hundred percent outcome - even if he had not meant it. He gently eased peri's recumbent form inside. Backing out of the tavern and pulling the door closed quietly, Lago almost fell over a stork hunched on the top step. It was swaying slightly and had its beak through the loop of a white bundle. Its eyes were closed. It was the very essence of exhaustion. Lago could not contain a little squeak of joy. His nose went into overdrive, his whiskers flickered. his ears stiffened with pride. The stork opened one eye and favoured him with a sour look. Lago swelled visibly. He was so proud he almost popped there and then with his happiness. With a great leap, He took the tavern steps in a single bound, and bounced away across the TARDIS park, clicking his furry heels together as he faded into the nether night. In moments the proud father had become only a white fluff tail flashing its signal of joyous parenthood, in the starlight, and the faint strains of "Beautiful Baby" drifting on the air. The stork watched him out of sight, then sighed with world weary resignation. What *was* it that had cause the Despatcher at Goose Berry Bush Central so much annoyance? It must have been dire to have provoked an extended tour of duty on the Ziplok run. The Stork shook out weary wings and staggered aloft with the precious bundle to complete yet another delivery to Nantucket Minor on the planet Ziplok. The end