THE VOICE OF EXPERIENCE 1/1 TTR, the author's Peri arc by Paul Gadzikowski DOCTOR WHO series characters and concepts copyright BBC tv THIS TIME ROUND concept by Tyler Dion, after Kielle KING ARTHUR IN TIME AND SPACE is mine The Doctors looked up in unison when the entrance to This Time Round opened. It was a tall thin man, with Roman-short black-going-to-gray hair, and a long face. He looked rather like Spock, but for the round ears and the part in his hair and the look of perrenial sadness, and he wore what looked almost like Spock's uniform from the movies. At their table the Doctors slumped in disappointment. "It's just Space Lancelot," Doctor Three grumbled. It wasn't Peri. Only Doctor One remained in a mode of alertness. "Our situation has its parallels to his ..." "You think he can help?" asked Doctor Five. "There's only one way to find out," said Doctor Seven, as all eight rose to their feet. "Let's not mob the poor fellow," Doctor Four cautioned. "I'll go," said Doctor Eight volunteered, dashing off before anyone could argue. "Milk," Lancelot ordered at the bar. As Adric poured, he added, "Leave the bottle." "What cheer?" said Doctor Eight as he took the next barstool, trying to say something medieval. Lancelot snorted. "I don't hear much." Doctor Eight hesitated. "That's rather emotive. I thought you were Spock with your name globally replaced." "In adaptations of crossover fanfiction stories, yes [http://members.iglou.com/scarfman/kartst.htm]. In original material I'm manic-depressive." The knight slugged down an entire glass of milk and poured another. "Guess which part of the cycle I'm in now." "I see," said Doctor Eight, nonplussed. "Are you up to giving a little advice?" "Certainly. I'll give you my heartfelt considered opinion, and you just do the opposite from what I say." "Ahem. Well," said Doctor Eight. "It's like this: I've been seeing this woman, and I'm quite fond of her, and I think she's gotten quite fond of me, and somehow - this is going to sound silly - somehow we'd both forgotten that she had a husband." [http://members.iglou.com/scarfman/round35.htm] "Ha ha," said Lancelot with all the humor of Richard Nixon. "Who's a king." "Ho ho." Lancelot, from his tone, was apparently seeing lactose-induced visions of crutches, and of screen doors on submarines. "So I'm a sort of time-traveling knight-errant who's in love with a queen and I wondered what pearls of wisdom might be cast before me by the voice of experience," said Doctor Eight, wincing himself at the metaphors he'd pureed in his rush to finish before Lancelot could interrupt with any more drafts of laughter. "Two things occur to me," said the knight after a moment's thought. "One: Gadzikowski writes happy endings." "All right," said Doctor Eight, suppressing one or two URLs in brackets that could have refuted Lancelot's point. "He even intends to make *my* story come out with a happy ending ... in whatever medium he may finally end up telling it ..." "Congratulations," said Doctor Eight. "And," Lancelot concluded, "he's not going to want to tell the same story twice, so something different will happen to *you*." "Wonderful," said Doctor Eight, plunging into depression. "Two:," said Lancelot. "I can hardly wait," said Doctor Eight. "No, you'll like this better. I was just going to observe that nowhere in the dialog of 'Trial of a Time Lord' is it explicit that being a Queen of the Krontep involves being mated to the King." "Usually that's what being Queen *means*." "Usually, yes. But who can tell with an alien planet never visited onscreen?" "I suppose," said Doctor Eight doubtfully, as his hopes skyrocketed up out of the depressive valley where Lancelot's previous argument had dropped them. Idly Doctor Eight wondered whether being in love was like being manic-depressive. "I hope that helps," said Lancelot. "Now please leave me to cry in my milk in peace." Doctor Eight returned to hises' table and repeated his conversation with Lancelot [http://members.iglou.com/scarfman/round36.htm]. "He said we can't expect a happy ending," moaned Doctor Two. "He *said* she may not really be married!" Doctor Five snapped. "He said to reverse his advice," Doctor Four countered. "His advice went either way!!" Doctor Three groused. "So we're right back where we started," whined Doctor Seven. "Whose stupid idea was it to talk to him?" snarled Doctor One. FIN Summary for archivist: Humor; TTR, the author's Peri arc, "King Arthur in Time and Space" crossover The Doctors, Lancelot The loveblind leading the loveblind. -- Paul Gadzikowski http://members.iglou.com/scarfman: King Arthur in Time and Space - The Daily Cartoons - DOCTOR WHO, STAR TREK, scarfman@iglou.com BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, M*A*S*H - Archy the Cockroach - New cartoons weekly