WAR IS OVER 1/1 TTR, the author's Peri arc
by Paul Gadzikowski
Bits of this work may derive from properties of the BBC, Fox,
Paramount, et al., but it's non-profit and in no way intrudes on
THIS TIME ROUND concept by Tyler Dion, after Kielle.
Number One created by BKWillis.
KING ARTHUR IN TIME AND SPACE is mine.
Previously in the author's TTR arc(s): In a surprisingly nonviolent romance,
Peri married all eight Doctors. The Doctor now wears a time ring while with
Peri that continuously cycles hims through all incarnations for equal time
with his/their wife. Meanwhile the Valeyard, Yrcanos and BKWillis' author
avatar Number One have formed a conspiracy to trick the happy couple into
leading Yrcanos' warrior planet to drive this author's KING ARTHUR IN TIME
AND SPACE characters off the newsgroup and to safeguard Number One from his
ex-Brethren. The Krontep have seized the planet Camelot, and the starcruiser
Excalibur where Peri discovers that she, like Arthur, carries one-half Uther
Pendragon's DNA. Meanwhile, Number One is confronted by a Brethren agent -
who is not who he seems ...
"You're not Randall Flagg. You're Colonel Flagg!"
Flagg squinted across the This Time Round back corner booth at Number
One. "Maybe," he said with professional paranoia. "What if I am?"
Number One thought fast. "Well, pardon me, stranger. I ain't saying you
are that paragon of American counterintelligence heroism, defending the
American way from pinkos, goosesteppers, nay-sayers, freethinkers and
sensitive New Age guys, and I ain't saying you ain't. But if you were,
there's somethin' you had oughta know."
"What?" Flagg squinted even harder. "Not that I'm admitting anything."
"Those Brethren guys?"
Number One proceeded to suborn Flagg away from the Brethren by applying
to them, throughout a three-minute monologue, every synonym for "communist"
he knew which was all of them.
Flagg stuck out his hand. "Looks like I owe you an apology, friend."
"Oh, just to let you know," Number One heard Harry tell Adric as the
twerp prepared to assume the evening bartender shift from the stuffed shirt,
"there's a peace conference going to be held here."
"A peace conference?" Adric asked. "In this place?"
"Yes. You've heard of this row going on between Krontep and Space
Camelot?" Number One had noticed around the 'Round the social convention that
showed, for instance, "Space Arthur" is a lot easier to say ten times in a
conversation than "King Arthur of KING ARTHUR IN TIME AND SPACE".
"Yeah," Adric answered Harry. "I was wondering when there was going to
be another installment."
"Seems that the 'Round was the only neutral territory they could agree
"But it's Friday. People will be expecting to get in for crossover
poker night. I've been looking forward to seeing Wes and Ryoko. And, oddly,
"Oh, they haven't reserved the whole place or anything," Harry explained
as he shrugged into his greatcoat. "I just wanted to warn you of the
possibility that, depending on how it goes, you might see hostility or even
outbreaks of violence in here tonight."
"Great. Thanks," said Adric with exactly the sort of irony that is lost
on Harry. "When's all this start?"
"Should start arriving any moment," said Harry on his way out the door.
"Glass of water," Number One ordered from Grace waiting tables the new
shift. He promptly overturned the water over his own head. "I ain't missing
this," she explained to Flagg, "but most of the 'Round has the real me pegged
as an unfriendly."
"You, an unfriendly?" Flagg snapped up this datum. "What kind of
Americans do they make in England?"
"Never mind." Number One hoped she'd be able to keep this guy around for
TDF. That head of his could probably stop a full clip or more before taking
First to arrive for the peace conference were Yrcanos with Space Mordred
and Space Kay chained together at the ankles. "Three ales, bartender!"
Yrcanos bellowed at Adric. Then he bellowed at his prisoners, "What'll *you*
"I'd like an herculean iron file," said Mordred.
"I don't know of a cocktail called that," said Adric.
"Neither do I."
"Coming right up."
"Two please," said Kay. The tavern filled with its usual Friday crowd of
anime, Starfleet and vampire cardsharps - even a few DOCTOR WHO characters -
while the captured knights hacked at their manacles under Yrcanos'
increasingly oblivious and reddening nose. They had just finished and ordered
drinks when the balance of the peace conference arrived.
The Doctor(s), Peri, and several KING ARTHUR IN TIME AND SPACE
characters entered, with the Valeyard trailing the pack. Mordred and Kay bore
down on them immediately, Yrcanos following after a moment waving their
broken chains and shouting, "Hey!"
"Arthur," Mordred demanded, "what in God's name is going on here?"
"Relax," said Arthur. "Have fun with it. It'll do you two good to get
away from the endless drudgery of running the kingdom."
"'Endless drudgery'?" Kay exclaimed.
"Never actually tried it, have you?" Mordred asked.
"All will be made clear in time," said Doctor Eight. Since he was
wearing his time ring, there was room for most of the party at the round
table (sic) where the eight of him usually sat. "Have a seat, pull up a
chair," said Doctor Two amiably. The shuffle caught the attention of everyone
in the place who hadn't already noticed what was going on. Some of the party
still had to stand, including the Valeyard, who Number One noticed was taking
the fuss of seating and drink orders with more equanimity that she'd have
expected of him.
"Where shall we start?" asked Doctor Six, rubbing his hands together.
Mordred popped to his feet from his chair. "I'd like an explanation
for the surprise attack on the planet Camelot by Krontep forces. I - the
prince regent - and the king's seneschal were brought here in chains," which
Yrcanos obligingly threw onto the table.
"The locale of the incident notwithsanding," put in Merlin - he and
Nimue were standing behind Doctor Five's and Peri's seats - "the entire
eventstream turns out to be Outside Continuity."
"None of it counts in real continuity," Nimue expanded. "Even in TTR
continuity, where reality, or at least cause and effect, is up for grabs
anyway." To illustrate her point Nimue, who globally replaced Nyssa in one of
the author's KAITAS versions of a WHO/TREK crossover, removed a rocket
launcher from down the front of her blouse and blew Adric away.
"How did she stash that there?" Flagg wondered to Number One after the
noise and most of the debris fallout had subsided.
"Kept it in all the room her chest doesn't take up?" suggested Number
"What about the dead knights?" Arthur and Mordred demanded
"They caught the same shuttle back I did," said Adric, entering and
resuming his place bnehind the bar, with a growl at Nimue; he was supposed to
be safe from this sort of thing while working.
"What about my dead warriors?" Yrcanos demanded.
Adric rolled his eyes. "They're all translated to eternal Ragnarok at
The Krontep and British royals resumed their seats, satisfied. "Well."
Guenevere objected, "if none of it changed anything, what was the point?"
"There is a change," said Arthur quietly. He nodded at Peri. "We've
learned that Peri's father was my father."
"There's the rub," Doctor Three started, but the Valeyard interrupted.
"How can that be? How did a High King of British space in an alternate
universe impregnate an earthwoman in the mid 1960s?"
Merlin shrugged. "Uther always did get around."
"There's a little more going on here than anyone knows," said Doctor
One. The Valeyard just shook his head at the dismissal of his inquiry -
again, much more subdued behavior than Number One would have expected of him.
"I mean," Doctor Seven continued, "the immediate impetus of the attack
*seems* to have been an exchange of rude words here at this very table
in the 'Round." Doctor Four grinned at Merlin. "A personal insult isn't
reallygrounds for one fictional universe to declare war on another, is it?"
"The thought was occurred to him," said Arthur blandly. Number One noted
the passive voice.
"Then what *is* going on here," asked Peri, "and how come I got a father
out of it?"
"But you see, *that* was the point," said Doctor Eight. He smiled at
Peri and suddenly there was only the two of them in the room. "On our very
first date [http://members.iglou.com/scarfman/round34.htm] you spoke of your
desire to find your father. This was a chance for you to do that."
"But it's all Outside Continuity," Peri objected.
"But don't you see, that's an advantage, not a disadvantage," Doctor Two
insisted. "We needn't stick to this scenario. We can explore lots of
scenarios and keep the one you like best."
"I'd recommend against this one, actually," Arthur said. "No point in
discovering who your father is if he's dead and wasn't someone you'd get on
with when he was alive. I know. Plus, classically, my half-sisters are my
worst enemies and/or my son's mother and I don't think you're interested in
"Oh, I don't know," mused Merlin. "There's no less illicit sex in Le
Morte d'Arthur than there is in the sort of fanfiction Peri usually appears
"Oh, don't go impugning her honor again," Guenevere groaned, face in
"No offense taken," said Doctor Three. "The illicit sex in Le Morte
d'Arthur is all for true love."
"But my true love is right here," said Peri, wrapping herself around
Doctor Seven's arm. "No thanks," she told Arthur.
"Awww," said the room.
Since last speaking, the Valeyard had been slowly backing away from the
discussion. Now he was passing the booth where Number One and Flagg sat, and
Number One poked him as he went by.
"You can fight your own battles from now on, twelve-A," she told him.
"I can handle what the Brethren throw at me just fine without your lame-ass
The Valeyard looked at her seemingly without recognition for a moment,
though he wasn't unfamiliar with her curse. Then he looked from her to
Flagg and back. "Funny villains," he murmurred dismissively, and went out the
"He thought he could fend me off with a crippled mule?" Flagg asked.
"We can do it for *you* too," Peri was saying as Number One's attention
reverted to the proceedings. "We can search for your father!"
Doctor Five's smile seemed a little forced around the edges. "I had
rather enought of that in movie screenplay drafts in the 90s. No, no - the
whole point of this is that it's a gift from me to you."
"I - I don't know what to say," said Peri.
"Then *you* needn't say anything, said Doctor Four. Doctor One raised
one hand in an obvious signal and when he dropped it, from everyone in the
tavern rang out:
"Merry Christmas, Peri Prown!
"Hark, the herald angels sing
Glory to the newborn king!
Peace on earth and mercy mild -
God and sinners reconciled.
Joyful all ye nations rise,
Join the triumph in the skies.
With the heav'nly host proclaim:
Christ is born in Bethlehem.
Hark, the herald angels sing
Glory to the newborn king."