BKWillis turned off the DVD player and cast a hopeful look at the
man in whose office he was sitting. "Well, Sidney? What do you
Sidney was a big man, big and soft and balding, and when he
leaned back in his chair the rattle of jewelry overrode the protesting
squeal of the springs. He smiled, capped teeth as straight and
sharp as a badger's. "What do I think?" he purred. "I think we're
sitting on a gold mine here, that's what I think." He thrust a
finger at his guest. "You, my friend, have just brought me next
summer's biggest release. Paramax Studios might have had a
rough time last year with that flop 'Titanic II', but we'll bounce back
up like a starlet's chest with what you've just shown me."
"So, we can deal?" asked Willis.
Sidney flashed those teeth again. "My friend, I'm not letting you
out of here _until_ we have a deal. How much are you asking?"
Willis thought for a moment. All-in-all, since he'd managed to
trick his ADWC sucke-- _friends_ into making all the scenes for
his 'smash hit', his own total investment in the project was around
"How about this," said Sidney. "Two million, up front, and a share
of the net?"
"Umm..." Willis thought for a few more seconds. "I could live with
three million, maybe..."
"Welllll... Okay. I _guess_ I can go that low, if I can have a
percentage of the _gross_..."
"Done, my little friend. Done." His oily hand engulfed Willis's in a
shake, the thought of which deal-sealing made Willis so happy, he
forgot to get mad about that 'little' comment.
Sidney slid a contract across the desk to him. "Just sign there, and
we'll be both be on the road to riches."
"You got it, Sidney." BKWillis started to sign on the dotted line, but
he noticed something first. "Um, Sidney, about this space here--"
"Just put your membership number there, my friend."
"Yeah. Your Democratic Party membership number."
"Oh. Uh..." Willis scratched embarrassedly at the back of his head.
"But, I'm a Republican."
Sidney flashed those teeth again. "Not a problem, little guy. We
can take care of that, too."
Sidney picked up the phone. "Security? I have a trespasser in my
office. Bring the dogs and tasers."
Sidney smiled as he hung up. "Goodbye, my friend. Don't call me,
I'll call you."
About that time the door was flung open and a dozen or so beefy
men and beefier Rottweilers swarmed over BKWillis. And as blood
splattered and tasers zapped, Sidney popped the DVD out of the
player and regarded it with a professional eye.
"Still some use to be gotten out of this," he chuckled. He laid the
disk on his desk, then set his pina-colada on top of it. "Yep. Still
Chapter 1: Best Drabble/Hooray for Bollywood!
Written and Produced by Clive May
Performed by Bob the Pterodactyl, Pellucida Pelican, and Tuck the
Chapter 2: Best Round-Robin Chapter/The Thin Red
Written by Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart
Produced by UNIT
Performed by Dave Yadallee and the officers and men of UNIT
Chapter 3: Best Round-Robin/Full Metal Apocalypse Platoon
Written by Darren Ullman
Produced by WANKER
Performed by the cast of 'To Die For'
Chapter 4: Best Comedy Short Fiction/Time After Time Waits for
Written and Produced by Paul Gadzikowski
Performed by Archy the Cockroach and the Milwaukee Polkaholics
Chapter 5: Best Comedy Long Fiction/You Only Live and Let Die
Written by Han-Tao-El
Produced by the Joketsuzoku Amazon Tribe
Performed by the cast of 'Spring Surprise'
Chapter 6: Best Drama Short Fiction/Steel Marionette Maidens X
Written by Adric
Produced by This Time Round
Plagiarized from Satoru Akahori
Performed by Adric, Nyssa, Leela, Romanadvratrelundar, Tegan
Jovanka, and Perpugilliam Brown
Chapter 7: Best Drama Long Fiction/Inayata Jones and the Tomb
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Written and Produced by Imran Inayat
Performed by Imran Inayat and Allisandra Allingham
Chapter 8: Best Series or Story Arc/The Big Hit Parade Revue of 2004
Written and Produced by Igenlode Wordsmith
Performed by a cast of thousands, featuring Ernestine von
Schelstein, Hilde Osman, and Linde Osman
Chapter 9: Best 'Doctor Who' Character/Clash of the Barbarian
Written and Produced by Ken Young
Performed by Magnus and Varne
Chapter 10: Best Original or Crossover Character/Dirty Mary, the
Written by Mary 'Babydoll' Rokossovsky
Produced by the Renegade TARDIS Crew
Performed by the cast of 'Desert of Fear'
Chapter 11: Best Crossover/Frontier Space Pirate Warrior Queen
Written by Mistress Helen
Produced by the SOL Gang
Performed by the cast of 'Mystery Psycho Theater 3000'
Chapter 12: Best Author/Neon Armageddon Day
Written and Produced by Nyssaias and Embericles
Performed by Nyssaias, Embericles, and featuring Kamelion as
With Special Thanks To
Mr. Dave Yadallee
Miss Helen Fayle
my employers, C & H Engineers, for giving me a day off to work
the 115th Signals Battalion, Alabama National Guard, because I
Good night and congratulations to all of this year's nominees and winners!