The two were surrounded by swirly type thingies – for that is what they were, rather akin to a bad BBC special effect. It made their eyes hurt after a while, and they shut them in an attempt to block the bizarre colours from assaulting their retinas.
zzzzipPOP
…and were transported to Adwc, on the search for Ana.
“Mffmmrrph!”
“Eh what?”
“Mmrrrfffff!!!”
“Oh. Sorry.”
Alryssa stood up, the mystery of her soft landing solved.
(At this point, it would be completely uninteresting to point out what our bizarre duo are wearing. So we’ll do it anyway. Imran is, for some reason, wearing a T-shirt and trousers which appear to have been stitched together from all the BBC/Virgin novel covers. Alryssa appears to be wearing a Time Lady’s costume. Of course, in Adwc, everything is open to change… and since our duo are both writers, they can change anything in Adwc…)
“Ooer,” said Alryssa. “This is so… I don’t know… tranquil?”
Imran wiped some lint off his mouth. “Yeah… It’s quiet. Peaceful. Good place to think, explore, ponder… And, if you’re careful, you can avoid the steaming manure heaps we occasionally – accidentally, naturally – create here…”
Alryssa pulled a map out of her costume. “Naturally… Now… where’s This Time Round…?”
There was an explosion, followed by the sound of someone screaming “Come back here and die, swamprat!”
Imran pointed in the general direction of the explosion. “That way, I think…”
Alryssa headed off in the pub’s direction. “Wonder if Mistress Helen’s popped in…”
Imran crossed his fingers, hoping the rest of the eighth Doctor’s companions weren’t there, after what his Adwc alter-ego had done to them…
Alryssa and Imran emerged into the carpark surrounding This Time Round. It was, as usual, filled with a variety of vehicles from across the universe. The nearest was a shiny black convertible with personalised TARDIS plates. Asleep on the driver’s seat was a small blue duck. Pastel blue.
As Imran and Alryssa walked past, the duck woke up and regarded them with a beady eye.
“Anything I can help you folks with?” it asked, in a slightly squeaky voice.
Alryssa and Imran stared at it.
“I’m bored, you see,” continued the duck. “My writer dragged me here months ago to help his story out of a spot of bother, then never finished the story. I’ve been stuck here ever since.”
Alryssa and Imran continued to stare at it.
“What do you think?” Imran asked his companion, out of the side of his mouth.
“Well…” said Alryssa, “if we brought him back, we could get back to Rad-wah without having to step in anything nasty.”
“He doesn’t seem to be a match for someone like the Valeyard, though, does he? All of Cyberspace and the history of Fun are at stake, you know.”
Alryssa rolled her eyes. “Do any of us – a handful of dancing trolls, lurkers, a snark, a Groucho Marx wannabe, and an orange Anubis – seem like a likely match for the Valeyard?”
“You’re right!” Imran agreed, a grin spreading across his face. “This duck is one of us!” He extended a hand in welcome. “I’m Imran,” he said, “and this is Alryssa. We’d be glad to accept your help.”
“Donald,” said the duck, a shade defiantly. “Pleased to meet you.”
Imran lifted Donald out of the car, and, while Alryssa was fishing her pockets for the link back to Rad-wah, asked quietly: “Now, tell me, just how much experience do you have with ‘a spot of trouble’?”
Donald looked thoughtful. “Well, it depends on how you define ‘a spot of trouble’, really. I mean, on the one hand, I have been in pitched battles before, but the job that got me stuck here was giving a couple of people a lift in my TARDIS. I take it from what you said that this is going to be more in the pitched battle line of things?”
“Well…” said Imran, quietly –
“I know the link is here, somewhere!” Alryssa muttered, under her breath.
“I think it’s in your other pocket,” Imran suggested. He turned back to the duck. “I’m not sure how to define it either, really. You see, it all started as a Pro-Fun Troll Hoedown, as a break from the flame wars and bickering. But then Eris stepped in and we got pulled to Gallifrey, during Rassilon’s era, and a space-time nexus point. Then we discovered that the Valeyard was there, too, and we’ve figured out that he’s out to destroy all of cyberspace. So we’ve got to stop him, somehow… but we don’t know how. So, it could end up being a pitched battle, or it could just be a pie-throwing contest. At this point, no-one’s quite sure which…”
“I see…” said Donald, thoughtfully.
“Found it!” announced Alryssa, holding up the bright blue link leading back to Rad-wah. “I don’t suppose we could have a drink first?” she added hopefully, gesturing toward the pub with an air of ‘If I don’t get a drink in the next five minutes I’ll have to kill you’ about her.
“Err… okay,” said Imran. “Sure.”
The trio made their way to This Time Round, and the horrors that lay within…