"This is the last chapter of your story, isn't it?" Izzy asked.

The Master bowed. "Indeed it is."

"Then get on with it. And I know I'm wasting my time saying this, but try not to upset the children. Last time it took all afternoon to calm Vicki and Zoë down and they're usually well-behaved little girls. At least, compared to some of the others."

"That was nothing to do with me," the Master said. But he waited until he was quite sure Izzy had gone before he opened the book.

[Lord Montbarry's room, the Palace Hotel. Story Space is open, containing the suburban living room that represents the palace. The Countess and The Baron stand side by side, motionless.]

Adric / Lord Montbarry :
This is the last scene in the manuscript. It must be as far as she got before she died.

[The Countess and The Baron come to life.]

Jackie / The Countess :
What do you mean, there's still some of the corpse left?

Pryce Master / The Baron :
I burned my hands on that last load of acid. We'll have to wait until they heal.

Jackie / The Countess :
Look, we haven't time! Those insurance guys are going to show up any day now.

Pryce Master / The Baron :
You could always do the dissolving. It isn't hard. You just make up a batch of sulphuric acid...

Jackie / The Countess :
No way. I'm not getting my hands burned. How much of the body's left, anyway?

Pryce Master / The Baron [trying to sound casual] :
Only the head.

Jackie / The Countess :
The HEAD?? You utter pillock! You should've done that first!

Pryce Master / The Baron :
Well, if we can't destroy it, we'll have to hide it. There's a secret panel in the fireplace upstairs. If you sprinkle a little disinf

[With a pop, the scene vanishes.]

Adric / Lord Montbarry [turning the manuscript over in his hands] :
That was the last page. Well, now what do we do?

Harry / Henry :
As head of the family, Stephen, I leave it to you what should be done with the manuscript.

Adric / Stephen :
It's quite important evidence, isn't it? I think we need to take it to the police and—

Harry / Henry :
Look out! The shadows!

Adric / Stephen :
What? [He looks around in bewilderment] I didn't say 'what do you want?' once, let alone three—

[Darkness engulfs him, then retreats, leaving only a skeleton.]

Harry / Henry [despairingly] :
I didn't mean that sort of shadow...

[Ella enters.]

Nyssa / Ella :
Has anyone seen my pet Vashta Nerada? They got out of their jar somehow.

[Harry / Henry silently indicates the heap of bones.]

Nyssa / Ella [flatly] :
Oh. What a dreadful accident.

Harry / Henry :
Look here, I may not be the sharpest hammer in the box, but I wonder just how accidental that was.

Nyssa / Ella :
What a terrible thing it must be to have such a suspicious mind. [She pulls out a jar and opens it] In here, my little ones.

[One of the shadows rises into the air and dives into the jar. Ella closes the lid on it.]

Harry / Henry :
And they've eaten the manuscript, too. Well, there's no doubt in my mind about what really happened, but now I've got no proof at all. [He thinks briefly.] Should I tell Agnes? No. Not at all the sort of thing for a delicate young woman like her.

[François enters, with a broom.]

François :
More corpses? François hope you leaving soon. If life of hotel proprietor involve cleaning up scattered fragments of deceased guests every other day, François wish to go back to bashing drunkards at closing time.

[He begins to sweep up the bones. The others leave.]

"So did they ever work out if the head really was the mean old lord?" little Romana asked.

"In the book they looked at its teef," baby River piped up. "And that proved it was him. And that proves I did read the book, nyah nyah nyah."

"Did Agneth marry Henry?" Rose asked, still on the lookout for a happy ending.

"Indeed she did," the Master assured her.

"Can we see it? Please?"

[A quiet family marriage. Henry and Agnes stand at the altar.]

Revd Wainwright :
You may now kiss the bride.

Ace / Agnes [raising one knee threateningly] :
And if you do, you can forget about those grandchildren you wanted.

Master / Narrator [vo] :
During the last few days of the residence of the newly married couple by the riverside, Lady Montbarry's children were invited to enjoy a day's play in the garden. The eldest girl overheard (and reported to her mother) a little conjugal dialogue which touched on the topic of The Haunted Hotel.

[The garden. Henry and Agnes are walking together. Little Lucy crouches under a bush, a tape recorder in one hand and binoculars in the other.]

Ace / Agnes [flatly] :
Henry, I want you to give me a kiss.

Harry / Henry :
Um. I thought you didn't want me to do anything of the sort?

Ace / Agnes :
Tell you what. If we stand like this no-one can tell if you go through with it or not.

Harry / Henry :
That's a good idea. [He kisses her. Or does he?]

Ace / Agnes :
Anyway, now we're married, spill the beans. Did the Countess ever say anything to you about what happened in Venice?

Harry / Henry :
She didn't say anything. [He slightly stresses the 'say'.]

Ace / Agnes :
So what was all that about the day of discovery, then? I haven't discovered anything.

[Harry gives a guilty shrug.]

Ace / Agnes [folding her arms and scowling] :
Chauvinist.

Master / Narrator [vo] :
And from then on, she never again attempted to persuade her husband into betraying his secrets, and was the very model of an obedient wife.

[A VW camper van crashes through the garden and screeches to a halt beside them. At the wheel is Shou Yuing. Sitting beside her is Karra.]

Ace / Agnes :
At least, until the day she ran off with a dynamiter and a catgirl.

[She climbs aboard. Shou Yuing floors the accelerator, and the van roars away into the distance.]

Master / Narrator [vo] :
Infuriating girl! She waits until a paragraph before the end to break her character and dance on the shattered remains. That's deliberate provocation. Wait till I get my hands on her.

Harry / Henry :
Actually, it's something of a relief... [He looks around the deserted garden.] Is that all?

Master / Narrator [through gritted teeth] :
"That is all. Is there no explanation of the mystery of The Haunted Hotel? Ask yourself if there is any explanation of the mystery of your own life and death. Farewell."

"What a copout!" little Steven complained.

"Anyway, we know all about our life and death," Baby Romana said smugly.

"Oh yes, you do, don't you?" the Master said, setting the book down, rising to his feet, and estimating the distance to the door. "Dodo dies in 'Who Killed Kennedy', does she not?"

As the berserk, screaming Dodo hurled herself at him, he neatly sidestepped.

"And Miss Shaw is killed horribly in 'Eternity Weeps'," he said, taking another step to the door. "Not to mention Master Adric in 'Earthshock'."

Again, he dodged the tear-streaked, yelling infants.

"Let us not forget Master McCrimmon and 'The World Shapers'," he added. "Or Miss Ace in 'Ground Zero'..."

He was nearly at the door. Standing before it was little Susan, her comfort blanket wrapped round her.

"And I kill you in 'Legacy of the Daleks'," she said, and opened the door. "Bye bye."

He debated hypnotising her, or just thumping her, but he could hear Izzy's footsteps rapidly approaching and decided that now was not the time.

Susan closed the door behind him. "See you later, mister," she said. "'Cos I'll be waiting for you."

- * -

The Master strode out of the crêche, perhaps a little faster than strictly necessary, and stopped dead. The road was blocked in both directions by detachments of UNIT troops. In the space between them stood the Brigadier.

"You're under arrest," the latter said. "Put your hands up and make no sudden movements."

"How nice to see you again, Brigadier," the Master said, doing as he was told. "I take it this little display is an abuse of your power for personal vengeance. Were you, perhaps, dissatisfied with your rôle in the story?"

The Brigadier made no answer, merely watching impassively while the Master was led away. Izzy, presumably summoned by the nursery's Dalek guards, came out to join him.

"You know you won't be able to keep him prisoner?" she said.

The Brigadier nodded. "That doesn't mean we shouldn't try, though."

"Was he right? Are you arresting him just because of how you were cast?"

"I can put up with many things," the Brigadier replied. "If I have to show up for a cameo as an infatuated, miserly, hidebound curmudgeon, that's infuriating, but hardly out of the ordinary." He coughed, and looked straight ahead. "But I draw the line at portraying someone who's called Herbert."