[221B Baker Street, the following day.]

Andred / Lestrade :
We've come up with some information on our prisoner. She's called Leela, second name unknown. A ne'er-do-well Tellurian immigrant. Been in jail twice, once for a petty theft and once, as you know, for stabbing a man.

Engin / Watson :
Do we know why she was going round breaking the busts?

Andred / Lestrade :
She won't say.

[Flashback: A Gallifreyan interrogation chamber, similar to the one seen in 'The Deadly Assassin'. Leela, handcuffed and sulking, is being interviewed. She is flanked by Chancellery Guards, with their stasers trained on her.]

Andred / Lestrade :
Tell me about the busts.

Leela [giving him a glare] :
That is not a proper question for a man to ask a woman.

Andred / Lestrade :
I didn't mean that sort of bust...

Leela :
And why not? Is your Time Lord blood so thin that you now fear to enjoy my body?

Andred / Lestrade :
Yes! Hang on, no! I mean, you're very beautiful, but we need to talk about why you were going around breaking bus— statues.

Leela :
You may admire my beauty from a distance, husband. Tonight you sleep upon the kitchen floor.

[End of flashback.]

Andred / Lestrade :
It's quite likely she made them, you know — she was working in that department at Gelder and Company.

Spandrell / Holmes :
Yes, yes, we went there yesterday and discovered that already. [He glances at the clock on the wall.] Where can he have got to?

[The doorbell rings.]

Izzy / Narrator :
A minute later they heard steps upon the stairs, and an elderly, red-faced man with grizzled side-whiskers was ushered in.

[Irving Braxiatel is ushered in by a random Time Lord technician. He is neither elderly nor red-faced; nor does he have side-whiskers. In one hand he holds a carpet bag.]

Braxiatel / Sandeford :
Is Mr. Sherlock Holmes here?

Spandrell / Holmes :
Mr. Sandeford of Reading, I presume?

Braxiatel / Sandeford :
Correct. Now, you wrote to me offering me ten pounds for a bust of Rassilon. Is that right?

Spandrell / Holmes :
Certainly.

Braxiatel / Sandeford :
How did you know I had one?

Spandrell / Holmes :
Aside from you having one of everything in that collection of yours? It's simple enough. Mr. Harding of Harding Brothers said they sold you their last one, and gave me your address.

Braxiatel / Sandeford :
Did he tell you what I paid for it? Fifteen shillings.

Spandrell / Holmes :
He saw you coming, then. The manufacturer's recommended retail price is twelve.

Braxiatel / Sandeford :
Oh. Well, I thought you ought to know before I took ten pounds from you.

Spandrell / Holmes :
Thank you, but I have offered you ten pounds, and I do not go back on my word.

Braxiatel / Sandeford :
Are you sure you're a Gallifreyan? [He opens the carpet bag, and produces the sixth and last bust of Rassilon.]

Spandrell / Holmes :
Splendid. Now, if you will just sign this contract of sale? Thank you. Here is your money, and I wish you a very good evening. Preferably, somewhere as far from here as possible.

[Mr. Sandeford bows, then transducts away in the usual pixellated blur.]

Engin / Watson [vo] :
When our visitor had disappeared Sherlock Holmes's movements were such as to rivet our attention.

[Holmes takes a clean white cloth from a drawer, puts it on the table, and places the bust on it. Then, from a jar of limp-looking flowers on the mantelpiece, he takes a single buttercup and lays it on the table under the nose of Rassilon. Overcome by this display of kindness, the bust shatters into fragments.]

A number of the children, mainly those who had earlier been speculating on who might hate Rassilon, cheered.

[Holmes bends over the fragments. Triumphantly, he holds up a plaster shard, in which is embedded a valuable jewel.]

Spandrell / Holmes :
Gentlemen, let me introduce you to the famous Armageddon Sapphire.

[Lestrade and Watson sit silently for a moment, then applaud politely.]

Spandrell / Holmes :
Hmph. Yes, gentlemen, this is the most powerful Time Lord weapon now existing in the Universe. When activated, it rewrites the laws of physics at random, destroying everything that exists. It has been my good fortune, by a connected chain of inductive reasoning, to trace it from the Slaughterhouse on Gallifrey, where it was lost, to the interior of this, the last of the six busts of Rassilon—

"Six busts?" baby Jack wondered out loud. "What kind of a guy was this Rassilon?"

Spandrell / Holmes [clearing his throat noisily] :
—The six busts which were manufactured by Gelder and Company, of Stepney. You will remember that when the sapphire was stolen, suspicion fell upon a maid...

[Flashback: The interrogation chamber. Romana III, dressed in an expensive and elaborate maid costume, is being interrogated by Andred. As before, armed guards stand on either side.]

Romana / Lucretia Venucci :
You can't prove anything.

Andred / Lestrade :
Then I shall be forced to employ the mind probe.

Romana / Lucretia :
No, not that, anything but the mind probe! [She drops to her knees, sobbing piteously.] Torture me, make me watch 'Love & Monsters', but leave my mind alone! [She pulls a handkerchief from her sleeve, and dabs her eyes.] For pity's sake—

[She suddenly bites, hard, on a corner of the handkerchief.]

Romana / Lucretia [her simulated terror now replaced by cold amusement] :
Sucker.

[She foams at the mouth and falls over backwards.]

Andred / Lestrade :
Oh, botheration. She was our best suspect, too.

[The flashback ends.]

Spandrell / Holmes :
There is no doubt in my mind that this Pietro who was murdered two nights ago was her brother. If you look at the files, you will see that the jewel went missing two days before the arrest of Leela for some crime of violence. Now you see clearly the sequence of events.

[Flashback: Gallifrey, as seen in 'The End of Time'. The Master (Roberts version) and Romana III are walking side by side along one of those bridges with no handrails and a bottomless pit below. Both are dressed in red Time Lord robes with gold headpieces; the Master has added peacock feathers to his.]

Master / Pietro :
And now we have the Armageddon Sapphire, the Universe will bow before me.

[Romana coughs.]

Master / Pietro :
Before us.

Romana / Lucretia :
Yes, we shall rule with a rod of iron as Emperor and Empress. Let me see the jewel.

Master / Pietro :
I thought you had it.

Romana / Lucretia :
Don't be a fool. You had it.

Master / Pietro :
How can I? These robes don't have pockets. The number of times I told the Lord President it would turn out to be a problem, but would he listen?

Romana / Lucretia :
So you're sure you haven't got the Sapphire? Because I haven't.

Master / Pietro :
Then who—

Romana / Lucretia :
That grubby little human woman.

Master / Pietro :
Leela?

Romana / Lucretia :
Who else? You bribed her to steal the access codes for the Slaughterhouse, didn't you?

Master / Pietro :
She must have followed us. When I get hold of her I'll—

Romana / Lucretia :
That can keep. Go and get the sapphire back from her. Now!

Master / Pietro :
Onto it.

[He dashes off.]

[Outside the statue factory. Leela runs into view, pursued by Pietro.]

Master / Pietro :
Give it to me. [He fixes her with a glare.] I am the Master, and you will obey me.

Leela :
Do not waste your breath, camp one.

Master / Pietro :
Fine. You want to play it tough, we'll play it tough.

[He opens his mouth wide and sprays venom at her. Leela dodges the jet of liquid, draws her knife, and throws it at him. It hits him in the thigh.]

Master / Pietro :
Aargh! [He collapses, clutching his leg.] You'll regret this, ape! Guards!

[Leela dives into the factory. The six busts of Rassilon are drying nearby, upside down on a rack. She delves in her decolletage (her own costume being similarly short of pockets) and pulls out a small velvet bag. Hastily, she pokes a hole in the base of the nearest statue, tips the contents of the bag into the hole, and covers it over with plaster. Then she flings the bag away, runs to the other side of the room, and prepares to sell her life dearly. As Chancellery guards pile in to arrest her, the flashback ends.]

Spandrell / Holmes :
It was a perfect hiding place. But she got sent to prison for a year, and in the meantime the busts got sold. With the aid of a cousin in the factory, she was able to discover the names of the retailers.

[The manager's office at Gelder and Company. Rodan creeps in and hastily reads through the ledgers.]

Spandrell / Holmes :
She managed to find employment with Morse Hudson, and tracked down three of the busts, but the sapphire was not there. Then, with the help of some other confederate, she found out where the other three had gone. The first was at Harker's. When she went there, Venucci caught up with her.

[Outside Harker's house. Leela climbs out of the window, with the fourth bust of Rassilon under her arm. The Master emerges from the shadows.]

Master / Pietro :
Stay right where you are. [He holds up his TCE.] You're alive for one reason only. What did you do with the Sapphire?

Leela :
If I tell you, will you spare my life?

Master / Pietro :
Perhaps.

Leela :
It is hidden in this statue.

Master / Pietro :
Give it to me. Now!

Leela :
As you wish, camp one.

[She holds out the bust. The Master eagerly reaches out for it. Leela thrusts it suddenly towards him, causing him to drop the TCE. He scrabbles on the ground for it, but before he can recover it, she is on him with her knife. The flashback ends quickly, before the toddlers get to see the sanguinary results.]

"Why is it—" the baby Master wondered out loud. Several of the other children, apparently believing it to be a catchphrase, joined in as he continued "—always the women?"

Spandrell / Holmes :
I wasn't sure, at that time, whether she had found what she was looking for in the bust she had stolen from Mr Harker. But if she hadn't, I thought it more likely that she'd make a try for the other one in London, rather than the one in Reading. So I warned the householder and we set a trap. It turned out the sapphire wasn't in that statue either, so I bought the one from Reading, broke it open — and there you are.

Andred / Lestrade :
Well, I've seen you handle a good many cases, Mr. Holmes, but I don't know that I ever knew a more workmanlike one than that. We're not jealous of you at Scotland Yard. No, sir, we are very proud of you, and if you come down tomorrow there's not a man, from the oldest inspector to the youngest constable, who wouldn't be glad to shake you by the hand.

Spandrell / Holmes :
That's more like it. Put the sapphire in the safe, Watson, and get out the papers of the Conk-Singleton forgery case.

   [Watson picks up the piece of plaster with the sapphire embedded in it. 
   As he goes over to the safe, his finger happens to come into contact with 
   the sapphire, which glows o
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