[The clock now shows quarter past three. The storm is at its height. Suddenly a scream echoes through the house. Nyssa / Helen jumps out of bed, grabs a shawl, and rushes to the door of Tegan / Julia's room. It's locked, so she listens at it.]

Tegan's voice [sounding really terrified] :
Keep away from me!

[She is answered by a jovial voice with a Yorkshire accent.]

Jovial voice:
How do, love? Fancy a bit of a cuddle?

Tegan's voice:
Izzy, get me out of here right now! I don't care what your precious story says! I'm not letting that thing near me!

[Sounds are heard as of vases being thrown and furniture being smashed.]

Jovial voice:
You're quite the little spitfire. What d'you say to just a couple of minutes' fun together?

Tegan's voice:
I'd sooner die!

Jovial voice:
Fair enough. Here goes, then.

[More crashing. The door is unlocked, and Tegan / Julia staggers out, white as a sheet.]

Tegan:
Nyssa! Run for it! It's —

Izzy / Narrator:
Tegan, your method acting is very impressive, but could you please stick to the script?

Tegan:
You think that was acting?! Still, it's too late to do anything about it now. [With a visible effort, she readopts the character of Julia.] It was the band! The speckled band!

[She points at Gastridge / Roylott's door, convulses, and collapses into Nyssa's arms.]

Nyssa / Helen (vo) :
I seemed to hear a low whistle, such as my sister had described.

[Sure enough, she does; she looks around, puzzled. Gastridge / Roylott rushes up in a dressing gown, and bends over Tegan / Julia.]

Nyssa / Helen (vo) :
My stepfather sent for medical aid from the village, but she died without recovering consciousness.

[Daytime. Harry Sullivan is now kneeling beside Tegan / Julia.]

Harry:
Sorry, nothing to be done. She's snuffed it.

[The inquest. The Brigadier presides.]

Brigadier:
Gentlemen of the jury, much as I'd like to bring it in wilful murder against the wicked stepfather, the evidence seems to be perfectly clear. The door was locked on the inside, the windows had the shutters barred, and it would be quite impossible for anyone to fit down the chimney. Police Sergeant Benton made a most diligent check of the walls and floor for secret passages and found nothing. You have also heard Doctor Sullivan's evidence that he checked for poison and found none.

"But Harry couldn't find a goldfish in its own bowl!" interrupted Baby Sarah. Baby Harry retaliated by pulling her hair, and it took Izzy a few moments to restore order.

Brigadier:
Now consider your verdict.

Nyssa / Helen (vo) :
Unsurprisingly, they were unable to find any satisfactory cause of death.

[The flashback ends.]

Sally / Holmes:
Was your sister dressed?

Nyssa / Helen:
No; she was in her nightgown. She'd lit the lamp, though.

Sally / Holmes:
Ah, so she heard something and tried to see what it was. And were there gypsies around at the time?

Nyssa / Helen:
Yes. There usually are.

Larry / Watson:
That must be what she meant by a speckled band, then. Don't gypsies sometimes wear speckled headscarves?

Sally / Holmes:
Pray go on with your narrative.

Nyssa / Helen:
Two years have passed since then, and my life has been until lately lonelier than ever. A month ago, however, a dear friend, whom I have known for many years, has done me the honour to ask my hand in marriage.

[Flashback again; a Victorian drawing room. Adric / Percy, dressed in period costume, is being pushed into the room by Wesley and Lucas, who are wearing their normal uniforms.]

Wesley:
Come on, Adric, this is the perfect opportunity!

Lucas:
You wouldn't even be breaking character.

Wesley:
All you have to do is ask her...

Izzy / Narrator:
Ahem.

[Wesley and Lucas look up and scarper. Nyssa / Helen enters.]

Nyssa / Helen:
It would have to be you, wouldn't it? I mean, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?

[Adric / Percy goes down on one knee.]

Adric / Percy:
Um, I, er, wonder if you...

Nyssa / Helen [sotto voce] :
Get on with it.

Adric / Percy:
Ah, to put it another way, what would you say if I asked...

[Nyssa snatches up a heavy brass flowerpot and brings it down on his head. He collapses.]

Izzy / Narrator:
Nyssa!

Nyssa:
Sorry, force of habit.

Izzy / Narrator:
Can we have an understudy again, please?

[Turlough enters. He leers at Nyssa / Helen.]

Turlough / Percy:
Hey, doll. How about some hot Trion love? You know you want it.

Nyssa / Helen:
Lay one finger on me that isn't explicitly stated in the story and I'll scoop out your lungs with my bare hands.

[Turlough turns pale, and beats a hasty retreat. The flashback ends.]

Sally / Holmes:
So when are you getting married?

Nyssa / Helen:
Some time next month. A couple of days ago, I had to move out of my room because of building work.

[Flashback again: Nyssa / Helen's bedroom. Sabalom Glitz is tapping the skirting boards.]

Glitz [sucking his teeth] :
Ooh, this sounds expensive. Dry rot, I reckon. All have to come out.

Nyssa / Helen:
But I can still use the room, can't I, while you're repairing it?

Glitz:
Oh, no. See, I've got to make sure the, er, fruiting bodies are all accounted for, and that means the window's got to come out as well. And some of the wall. Fruiting bodies. Yeah.

Nyssa / Helen:
Well, if you're sure. When can you begin?

Glitz:
I'll take the window out tomorrow, love, but after that I'll be off on another job for a couple of months. Is that all right?

Nyssa / Helen:
My stepfather would insist on the lowest bidder, wouldn't he? You're hired.

Nyssa / Helen (vo) :
And so I moved into my sister's room.

[We see Nyssa / Helen lying in her sister's bed.]

Nyssa / Helen (vo) :
Imagine my terror when I suddenly heard in the silence of the night...

Jovial voice:
Eh up. Here we go again.

[Nyssa / Helen jumps out of bed and lights the lamp. Nothing unusual is to be seen. The flashback ends.]

Sally / Holmes:
You did well to see me. Is there anything else I should know?

Nyssa / Helen [hastily] :
No.

Sally / Holmes:
Show me your wrist. [Nyssa / Helen does so; it appears bruised.] Well I never. You've actually had the makeup done properly this time.

Nyssa / Helen:
Now look at the other one.

[Sally / Holmes accordingly examines it, and discovers a thin blade up the sleeve.]

Nyssa / Helen:
I know how to take care of myself during the day. It's what he might do while I'm asleep that worries me.

Sally / Holmes:
This stepfather of yours certainly sounds like a nasty piece of work. We'll come down this afternoon to take a look at the rooms. Now, how about some breakfast?

Nyssa / Helen:
Sorry, I've got to go. Besides, just looking at Victorian breakfasts is enough to make my arteries go rigid.

[She departs.]

Sally / Holmes:
Well, Watson, what do you make of it?

Larry / Watson:
I cannot imagine.

Sally:
Come on, Larry, we own a DVD store. Are you trying to tell me you've never watched any films that this reminds you of?

Larry:
No idea, sorry.

Sally:
Have a bit of a think about it.

Izzy / Narrator:
Preferably while remaining in character, please.

Larry / Watson:
Well, the only suspects we've got so far are the stepfather and the gypsies.

Sally / Holmes:
Sounds good so far. Any idea how we narrow it down?

Larry / Watson:
Let's have the gypsies arrested, and if the whistling stops, then we know it was them.

Sally / Holmes:
Arrested? On what charge?

Larry / Watson:
... Being gypsies?

Sally / Holmes:
I don't think that's a crime.

Larry / Watson:
Even in Victorian times?

Sally / Holmes:
Not even then. Looks like we need a bit more evidence. Let's go down there this afternoon and see what's what.

[The door suddenly flies open, and Gastridge / Roylott bursts in.]

Sally / Holmes:
What the devil... ?

Gastridge / Roylott [delivered at full volume, as are all his lines] :
Which one of you is Holmes?

"Did somebody order A LARGE HAM?" shouted little Mel.

The other children applauded and catcalled. Izzy put down the book and glared at them until peace was restored.

Sally / Holmes:
That would be me.

Gastridge / Roylott:
Hmmph. You're... shorter than I thought you would be.

Sally / Holmes:
And I don't know who you are, but you're still fatter than I imagined.

Gastridge / Roylott:
I am Doctor Grimesby Roylott, of Stoke Moran.

Sally / Holmes:
Pray take a seat.

Gastridge / Roylott:
I followed my stepdaughter here. What did she tell you?

Sally / Holmes:
Cold for the time of year, isn't it?

Gastridge / Roylott:
What did she say? Tell me!

Sally / Holmes:
Though the crocuses don't look bad at the moment.

Gastridge / Roylott:
I will have the truth of this!!

Sally / Holmes:
Don't let the door hit you on your way out.

Gastridge / Roylott:
If you meddle in my affairs, it will be the worse for you!

[He grabs the poker, bends it into a curve, and throws it into the fireplace. Then he storms out again, slamming the door.]

Sally / Holmes:
Charming fellow. Pity he went off so suddenly, or I could have shown him a few tricks of my own.

[She extracts the sonic screwdriver (new-series style) from a pocket of the dressing-gown, picks up the poker, and applies the screwdriver to it.

The poker falls neatly in half.

Puzzled, she double-checks the settings, and tries again.

This time the poker changes into a bunch of flowers.

She taps the screwdriver sharply against the mantlepiece, and points it at the flowers.

The flowers turn into a stuffed penguin on a stick.

As she peers at the screwdriver in puzzlement, fade out.]