Compassion looked back at Eloise. “Snarky’s ready. All we need is the right, or wrong, time…”
The troll turned to Alryssa and Imran. “Listen, you two,” she said quickly, “Did I overhear correctly before? You both know the way to Subreality and can get in touch with Ana?”
They nodded.
“Well then, do it!”
Eloise scanned the landscape until she found one of the rather large and garishly painted soapboxes that often sprouted up in the Newsgroup environment. Hopping onto it, she addressed her now scattered, bedraggled party guests. “Friends, posters, Whovians,” she called, “lend me thine ears!” When that didn’t get their attention, she reached for her fiddle and bow; before she even drew a note, however, the crowd fell silent. “Thank you. Many of you may be wondering what the hell is going on here. And, frankly, I’m not sure I know myself. But this is what makes the most sense: While we were busy partying, the Valeyard has been plotting to take over Cyberspace, in the hope of destroying the whole Web universe. This is why Earth is such an important nexus point – it is the origin of one of the largest gateways into Cyberspace itself…”
“So that’s what Lawrence Miles meant…” a book theorist in the audience said, ignoring the groans from around him.
Thomas Kelly shuddered at the mention of that particular person’s name, and pretended instead to be very interested in the tiled patterns around them.
“Is this yours?” asked the eighth Doctor, handing him a bag.
“Erm… maybe.” Thomas took the bag from him. Jelly babies. “Sugar sounds good right now,” he mumbled, popping a few into his mouth. “I never get to have any fun…”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” came the reply. “I have something you might be interested in…”
Thomas’s eyes lit up.
“I expect to be busy for a while, so there’s something I’d like you to have a word with…” The Doctor whispered in Thomas’ ear.
Thomas started grinning.
“…and don’t forget to drop the jelly babies in afterwards. It’s picked up a taste for them from somewhere.” The Doctor beamed at Thomas. “For what it’s worth,” he added, “Miles’s last books weren’t that much fun from my perspective, either…” He glanced quickly in the direction of Compassion. “Apart from one or two things…”
“…The Goddess Eris, however, has stepped in to protect her world. It was she who brought us face to face with the Valeyard, in his disguise as Lord Gallifrijan. And then she brought us here, to Rad-wah, another special nexus point, as our battleground. It’s up to us, now. If we don’t stop him, he will convince the Time Lord High Council to interfere with Earth’s history, preventing the discovery of Cyberspace.”
“And that,” the eighth Doctor added, “is why this is a nexus point in my – our – history. Create Cyberspace, and sooner or later the Pro-Fun Trolls will come out of hiding. As they celebrate fun, the potential contained within Rad-wah may be turned towards humour, appreciation, and laughter… and towards celebrating the many and varied aspects of our worlds. Which in turn will lead to many unexpected, surprising and exciting influences on everybody’s history. Many of them, hopefully, for the better. That is why the Valeyard has to be stopped…”
“Exactly!” the troll said, nodding vigorously. “I think he’s got it. That’s why I moved my TARDIS to Earth, to spread the fun throughout all the dimensions. After all, would Daleks be so dead set on exterminating everyone if they ever got the point of a good chicken joke?”
A slow smile spread across the sixth Doctor’s face. “Would you believe that the Daleks are never taught about sharing a sense of humour? Or even encouraged to have one? They have poetry, and black comedy… but it’s not quite the same. Put it this way: if you slapped a custard pie in your face, they’d laugh, then exterminate you.”
The eighth grinned. “And there was Seven’s attempt to encourage Dalek stand-up… Now no-one gets the point of Dalek history…”
Eloise hopped off the soapbox, hoping that some of them heard her message, and would get involved. Then, she went off to find a few links of her own – if she could bring in some scattered strands of the Web to this point, she might be able to create a weapon especially designed to fight the Valeyard… Maybe, she could even turn his own cap against him…
What she found was a young man standing just to the side of the main crowd, looking a little dazed, but strangely excited. The really strange thing was…
“Excuse me,” she said, “but I don’t seem to know you… and I know I made a point of greeting everyone as they arrived at the hoedown…”
“Oh, it’s not your fault,” the newcomer assured her. “I’m usually… not a lurker, exactly, but on the quiet side, at least around Rad-wah… which is strange, I suppose, because I’m quite a rambler most anywhere else… as you’re probably starting to notice. Anyway, I’m John. Sorry I was late!”
Eloise smiled; even in the midst of Eris’ own chaos, and with the threat of the Valeyard hanging over everyone’s heads, she still enjoyed meeting new friends. “That’s quite all right… and it’s lovely to meet you, John… but how did you manage to join us this late in the adventure?”
“Well,” he replied, “I’d been following your hoedown through my Time-Space Visualiser, and being a storyteller at heart myself, I couldn’t resist forever! So I flagged down a Time Scoop… and here I am!”
The troll frowned. “Um, John… just where are you from?”
“Ohio… near Cleveland, why?”
“Are Time Scoops common there, like taxis?”
“Well, no… actually, it was the first one I’d ever seen,” John answered, then sighed. “Oh dear… I can see I’m gonna have some retconning to do…”
“Oh, don’t worry about retconning right now,” Eloise assured him. “I imagine that when Eris sets her mind to it, she can send a Time Scoop anywhere she damn well pleases… What interests me is this Time-spatial… Time-Space Visualiser? you mentioned… If you’ll come with me, I think we should share this information with the Doctors – especially the sixth and the eighth…”
She found them, along with Alryssa, Thomas, and Rufus, all searching the ground for the special shade of blue that only links have.
“Guys! Guys!” she called out, “I’ve found us a writer!”
“That’s wonderful!” the eighth Doctor answered, straightening, and brushing the hair from his eyes. “Is he from Subreality?”
“Well, erm, no… he’s from Ohio,” she said, only slightly deflated. “…but any pen in a storm, right?”
“You know,” said the fourth Doctor, “I don’t think that metaphor quite works…”
Eloise shot him a quick glance, and than continued, her excitement building.“The thing is, he’s got this Tempero-spacy thing–”
“Time-Space Visualiser,” John corrected.
“Right. Anyway, I’m thinking we may be able to use it to contact the Seventh and Mappy – find out where they are exactly, and see if we can’t use it get back there with them – or…” She thought quickly, remembering that a certain unpredictable Goddess had gone to a lot of trouble for them lately, and She obviously wanted them on Rad-wah. “…or bring the Seventh and Mappy here.” She turned to John. “So, what do you think, can it be done?”
John thought for a moment. “Well… the Time-Space Visualiser usually only works one way… you can see and hear what’s out there, but it can’t see you… which is much better when you’re spying on the Daleks… or the Cybermen… or the Sontarans, or… Anyway, I’m sure the Doctors here can rewire it…” He handed them a pocket-sized viewscreen. “Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow or something. Right, Docs?”
“Oh, easily!” the Doctors chorused. John and the troll exchanged grins as the Time Lords (well, variations on a Time Lord) set to work.
Alryssa and Imran were having trouble finding a link to Subreality.
“First,” Imran suggested, “a link to Adwc… From there, we can get to This Time Round, and from there into Subreality…”
“A link to Adwc?” Alryssa brightened up. “Like this one?”
“Yes, like that one… But we need a piece of original fiction to pass their dread guardians…”
“Like this?”
Imran gave her a stern look. “You had those ready all the time, didn’t you?”
Alryssa shrugged. “It’s amazing what a Pro-Fun Hoedown can inspire. Besides, when you have an S.O. like Thomas… I can’t take him anywhere! I blame that Doctor bloke myself.”
Imran nodded, understandingly; he had often found himself in the position of ’that Who fan you can’t take anywhere’…
“Then let’s go…” Imran and Alryssa double-touched the link…
zzzzipPOP