Storytime! Gereint and Enid Part Two by V Jewitt Gwen continues her tale of violence (see Part 1 & 3), sex (well, nearly) and weird things are happening in Cardiff. It's still not Torchwood. ******************************* NARRATOR Meanwhile, back at Arthur's court, Arthur had killed the hart and cut off its head before anyone else got there, but all his men were arguing over which lady should have the head. ARTHUR This is no good. We must stop the men arguing like this. GWENHYVAR I have a proposal. We shall not give the head until Gerald son of Irving returns from his errand. ARTHUR Good thinking. * NARRATOR The next afternoon, a dwarf and a lady arrived with a knight, wearing broken and bloodied armour. In fact he was so covered in blood that they could not see his own colour. He came to Gwenhyvar. EDERN / SIX [still covered in tomato sauce] Lady, greetings to you from Gerbil, son of Dustbin, the bravest and best of men. Lady, he has impelled me to come here in order to make amends for the hurt to your handmaiden. GWENHYVAR Where did he find you? EDERN In the town they now call Caerdyv. GWENHYVAR Cardiff? How silly of me to ask... EDERN He had no retinue save three very poor shabby looking creatures: a very old hoary-haired man and an old woman and a good-looking young girl - ow, Peri! I don't see there's any cause for poking me in the ribs like that. I'm dying! PERI / LADY It's only tomato sauce. Don't push your luck. GWENHYVAR And where is he now? EDERN I suppose he and the girl will arrive tomorrow. ARTHUR [coming across] Good grief, is that Edward, son of Nick? Has someone called for a doctor? NARRATOR Gwenhyvar explained the situation. ARTHUR Good. Right. Well, Gwennie, you had better show mercy, since this Gerald person has already made such a mess of a worthy knight. And *someone* get the man a physician! EDERN [smugly] Thank you, your highness. * NARRATOR The next day, Gereint arrived with Enid and was welcomed by Gwenhyvar and Arthur. Everyone in the court said that only if she were dressed a bit better, no one would ever have equalled her beauty. [GEREINT and ENID enter ARTHUR'S courtroom. Everyone stares and there are some wolf whistles from certain members of UNIT masquerading as KNIGHTS.] ENID / TEGAN This is actually embarrassing. Oh, hello, Brig. Nice to see you! ARTHUR It's King Arthur currently, I'm afraid. I hear I've got to marry you two. GWENYHVAR / DORIS Oh, I do like a nice romance. ENID Romance? He used me as a means to an end. GEREINT I don't see why you're complaining. I am still marrying you, aren't I? It's not as if I absconded or turned into a bear. I can't work out why the book did this to us anyway. ENID Well... GEREINT I wonder if this was meant to be the tale of the kitchen knight. TEGAN / ENID Wait a minute... Gareth and Lynette? Isn't that the one where they argue all the time and then marry other people? FIVE [innocently] Is it? NARRATOR / GWEN You can't see any reason why it might have cast you? None at all? FIVE No. ARTHUR / BRIGADIER Look, am I going to marry you or not? FIVE [grinning] Alistair, I thought you'd never ask... * NARRATOR So Gereint and Enid made their vows. And once the court saw her dressed in Gwenhyvar's choice of clothing, they all declared they had never seen such a radiant sight. GWALCHMEI / CAPTAIN YATES I never saw such a radiant sight. KEI / SERGEANT BENTON No, I never saw anything like it, either. Although there was that time once when -. [GWALCHMEI hits him with his scabbard] NARRATOR They spent the evening went plenty of songs, various dishes and liquors and numerous games and when it was time to sleep, they went to bed. Sounds like Christmas with my family... Anyway, the story is keen to point out that this was the first time that Gereint slept with Enid. GEREINT [looking thoroughly alarmed] We don't have to - I mean - erm... ENID [putting a hand on his arm] Don't worry. I'm sure our *friendly* narrator will remember there are kids listening to this and move things along swiftly. NARRATOR Of course. Moving along swiftly, the next day everyone decided that Enid was the only one worthy of the hart's head - which, may I point out, they killed about three days ago now? - and so they presented it to her. Yuck. GWENHYVAR I was right to wait for Gerald's return, for there is no girl of greater renown than Enid daughter of Noel and between her and us all there is nothing but tenderness and affection. Here you are, dear. ENID [dropping the head] Aarghh!!! NARRATOR Noel?? * NARRATOR So Gereint and Enid stayed at the court, Gereint winning all the tournaments and growing in prowess for three years and his fame and that of Enid increased. At the end of that time, some wise, sensible and scholarly advisors came to Arthur from his father, Erbin, son of Custennin. WISE ADVISORS / IAN & BARBARA [approaching ARTHUR's throne and bowing] Lord, we are come from Cornwall, from Irving, son of Custard. Our message is for you: to tell you that he is growing weak and feeble and approaching his end. His neighbours trespass on his territory and covet his land. He entreats you, lord, to permit his son Gerbert to come to save the land and defend the boundaries, rather than in worthless tournaments that bring him only fame. ARTHUR Well, go change your clothes and eat and you shall have an answer before you leave. * ARTHUR Well, Gwen, I don't want to let young Gerald go, but his father has a point. GWENHYVAR I don't want to lose Enid, either, but you must decide, dear. * NARRATOR So Arthur sent for Gereint and told him of the message. GEREINT [bowing] Lord, I will do your will in this matter, regardless of the advantage or disadvantage to me. ARTHUR Here is my advice. Though I regret your departure, go to your realm and defend your boundaries and take with you as large a company as you need. GEREINT [straightening up] God reward you, I will do that. NARRATOR So Gereint took many of Arthur's men with him to Cornwall, including Gwalchmei and Edern son of Nudd, who had recovered from his injuries. GEREINT I knew he was making a fuss over nothing. * NARRATOR Gereint arrived home and there was another one of these parties they all keep having, but the next morning he was summoned to see his dying father. ERBIN / FOURTH DOCTOR [aged as in The Leisure Hive and speaking in a loud stage whisper] I am a weak, aged man. While I was able to defend the realm for you and myself I did so, but now that you are a young man in the flower of your youth and vigour you must do so. GEREINT [looking worried] I didn't ask for control of your realm. ERBIN [sounding a lot less ill suddenly] Well, I'm giving it to you and you must take it and the homage of your men today. I don't want it! * NARRATOR After that, they gave out lots of gifts to and from the visitors and had another party. ENID / TEGAN Hey, why do you keep skipping the parties? Can't we have some fun here? NARRATOR No. The children prefer the gory bits. Basically, Gereint's return with Arthur's men solved the problem and he preferred staying at home to going out and fighting battles or even taking part of tournaments. He would rather stay with his wife than go hunting or play sport. GEREINT [shocked] What? Even over cricket? [TEGAN elbows him] NARRATOR He began to lose the hearts of his nobles and the people at court until there were murmurings against him in secret because he had forsaken their company for that of a woman. These whispers reached the ears of Erbin, who spoke to Enid. ERBIN What? Am I still alive? I thought that was my deathbed scene. Am I a ghost? NARRATOR No, you're old and feeble, but not dead. ERBIN [sulking] Well, that's no fun. ENID / TEGAN You wanted to see me? ERBIN Yes. I have some questions to ask. Firstly, are you encouraging my son to stay at home with you and forsake his people? ENID By my confession to God, it is not I, for nothing would displease me more than that. ERBIN And, more importantly - would you like a jelly baby? * NARRATOR / GWEN It was not easy to tell Gereint what was being said, but Enid thought about it much. Now, one summer morning they were in bed. He was on the outer, protective side, while she was awake in the glass chamber; the sun was shining down on the bed and - I'm sorry, is there a problem? GEREINT / FIVE [standing by the window, fully dressed, with his arms folded] No, no, of course not. TEGAN / ENID [sitting up in the bed] For goodness' sake, Doctor, it's not going to kill you just to lie on the other side of the bed for a few seconds! NARRATOR Ah. Maybe I won't read the next bit, then. ENID / TEGAN [looking alarmed as well] Why not? NARRATOR / GWEN Um, how are you at looking doe-eyed? TEGAN Forget I asked. Now, come on, Doctor, we can sort this out. I'm the one who's supposed to be awake, so I'll get out. You get in and I'll sit on top of the covers over there. How's that? FIVE [recovering his composure] Yes, I think that could work. What was that about the next bit? NARRATOR / GWEN [who is audibly grinning as she reads] She gazed at the magnificence of his good looks and said - ENID / TEGAN Oh, please. Someone pass me a bucket. NARRATOR That *isn't* what she said... ENID [unwillingly] Woe is me, if on my account these arms are losing the fame and fighting ability they once possessed. NARRATOR And the rest? ENID / TEGAN I'm sorry, but no way am I sitting here going on about his chest. What kind of story *is* this? NARRATOR Fair enough. At that, the tears streamed down her face, falling onto him. That and her words woke Gereint and he was disturbed by the thought that she spoke not out of concern for him but out of love for another man and he lost all peace of mind. [GEREINT gets out of the bed quickly and yells for his SQUIRE. ADRIC arrives]. GEREINT Have my horse saddled and my arms made ready and be quick about it! SQUIRE / ADRIC You want me to make your arms ready? What exactly do you need to do to them? GEREINT That means my armour and weapons, Adric. SQUIRE All right, I suppose I could do that. [SQUIRE exits.] GEREINT And you, Enid, rise and dress and have your horse fitted out, and bring along the worst riding dress you have. Shame on me if we return until you learn if I have lost my strength as completely as you suppose or if being alone with the man you were thinking of will be as you expected. TEGAN / ENID [upset at being snapped at, gets changed into her purple stewardess's outfit] Lord, I know nothing of your thoughts. GEREINT No, nor shall you - yet. ENID [wickedly] You mean you'll explain later? [GEREINT gives her that Disappointed Look (tm)] Part One - Part Three - Epilogue
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