It had taken Izzy some time to work out what the children meant by asking for stories about "the girls who were fighting." It had taken her even longer, once she'd discovered who her latest uninvited guest had been, to nerve herself to take the risk of asking him back. But after a private discussion with the Master, the details of which somehow seemed a little indistinct in her memory, she'd agreed that he could, at least, tell another chapter of the story he'd begun.

Having seen the children settled, and the Master seated before them with the book on his knee, she left the room, as she'd agreed. Or had she agreed? She still wasn't quite sure...

She shook her head and walked away, dismissing the matter from her mind.

Delgado Master / Narrator [vo] :
On the same day that Lord Montbarry married Countess Narona, Agnes Lockwood was in the drawing room of her London lodgings, burning the letters which had been written to her by Montbarry in the bygone time.

[A drawing room. The furniture has been pushed back, and in the centre is an incinerator, one of the sort that looks like a dustbin on legs. The room is full of smoke. Ace, smudged with soot, is peering at the conflagration with keen interest.]

Delgado Master / Narrator [vo] :
While she was doing this, her old nurse came in.

[Gemma Corwyn enters.]

Gemma / Nurse [coughing] :
How you can breathe in this I don't know. Anyway, Henry Westwick's here to see you. Are you at home?

Ace / Agnes :
Dunno. Not sure I want to see anyone.

Gemma / Nurse :
I think you ought to.

Ace / Agnes :
OK, then.

[Gemma leaves. Shortly afterwards, Harry arrives.]

Harry / Henry [also coughing] :
I say, this is a bit thick, isn't it? What are you burning?

Ace / Agnes :
Letters. And a few accelerants I had around. You'd better stand back a bit.

[She throws another letter into the incinerator. Flames leap up.]

Harry / Henry [rubbing his eyes] :
Do you mind if I open a window or two?

Ace / Agnes :
Knock yourself out.

[Harry opens as many windows as he can. The smoke swirls and begins to dissipate.]

Ace / Agnes [getting a clear view of him for the first time] :
Hang on. You're the romantic lead?

Delgado Master / Narrator [vo] :
Indeed he is, my dear Miss McShane.

Ace / Agnes :
And he once asked me to marry him, but I wanted his brother instead?

Delgado Master / Narrator [vo] :
A very succinct description of the situation.

Ace / Agnes :
Terrific. You listening to me, Clamboy?

Harry / Henry [jumping] :
What? Um, I mean...

Ace / Agnes :
Here's the deal. No inappropriate touching. No kissing. No chauvinist language.

Harry / Henry :
I say, steady on.

Ace / Agnes :
And absolutely no soppy romantic stuff. Right?

Harry / Henry :
Um, right.

Ace / Agnes :
'Cos if there's any of that, I'll kick your teeth in.

Harry / Henry :
Oh.

Ace / Agnes :
Right. So why are you cluttering up my front room?

Harry / Henry :
I came to tell you I am going abroad. I am out of spirits, and I want a change.

Ace / Agnes :
Were you making puppy-dog eyes at me then?

Harry / Henry [hastily] :
No, no, it must be the smoke.

Ace / Agnes :
Yeah, I bet. [She produces another letter, and throws it in the incinerator. There is a small detonation and more smoke billows out.]

Harry / Henry :
I take it those are love letters from my brother?

Ace / Agnes :
Got it in one, Clamboy.

Harry / Henry :
You must try to forget him, Agnes.

Ace / Agnes :
Easy for you to say. I mean — me and the Brigadier? The idea makes my eyes water.

Harry / Henry :
Probably just the smoke. But he behaved like a complete rotter to you. I wish you could bring the retribution on him that he has deserved.

Ace / Agnes :
Now you're talking.

[Gemma enters again. This time she is wearing a space suit.]

Gemma / Nurse :
You've got someone else to see you. Mrs. Ferrari.

Ace / Agnes :
You remember her, don't you? Emily Bidwell. She married an Italian courier called Ferrari a few years ago. Bit of a dodgy geezer, if you ask me.

Harry / Henry :
Yes. I'd like to see her, but I really have to go now. But if there is anything in the world I can do for you...

[He takes her hand as if to kiss it. She snatches it away.]

Ace / Agnes :
Here's what you can do, sunshine: Drop all that mushy stuff right now.

Harry / Henry [hastily] :
Oh. Yes. At once.

[Gemma leads him out, and then returns with Mel.]

Gemma :
Mrs Ferrari.

[Mel takes one breath of the smoke-filled atmosphere, ] and promptly dons a facemask, of the type worn by cyclists.]

Ace / Agnes :
Yeah, it would be you, wouldn't it?

Mel / Emily :
I don't follow you.

Ace / Agnes :
Oh, come off it, Doughnut. Who've you married and tried to reform this time? The Mighty Jagrafess of the British Mechanically Recovered Meat Board?

Mel / Emily :
That isn't fair. I'd never marry some horrible thing like that. My husband's a good man at heart. If I can just get him a decent job it'll all start coming right, you'll see.

Ace / Agnes :
Go on, then, who is it?

Mel / Emily [proudly] :
Icthar.

Ace / Agnes :
What, you're shacked up with a genocidal reptile? You're mad, you know.

Mel / Emily :
At least I'm not inhaling all that smoke. I don't know how you can breathe.

Ace / Agnes :
Perhaps it's 'cos I'm not a total wimp. Anyway, what d'you want?

Mel / Emily :
Well, you see, my husband was to take a party of ladies to Switzerland and Italy, but one of them fell ill...

Ace / Agnes :
Yeah, yeah, hard luck story, heard it all before. What do you want?

Mel / Emily :
It's not his turn, Miss, to be recommended when the next applications come to the couriers' office. You see, there are so many of them out of employment just now.

Ace / Agnes :
So? What do you want?

[Three black insectoids solidify out of thin air, standing around her. They chitter at Mel, who lets out an eardrum-bursting scream.]

Ace / Agnes :
What the...? [She looks around, and sees the insectoids.] Hey, who are you?

[The Shadows screech, and vanish.]

Ace / Agnes :
Weird blokes. Wonder why they showed up. Anyway, get on with it, Doughnut.

Mel / Emily [rapidly] :
I thought, if my husband could use your name in his application letter, he could get a good job that's just come up. It would be such a chance for him.

Ace / Agnes :
Now you're talking. Who's the job with?

Mel / Emily :
Lord Montbarry.

Ace / Agnes :
Who?

Delgado Master / Narrator [vo] :
The man who jilted you. Do try to keep up, Miss McShane.

Ace / Agnes :
Whatever, beardface. So, if I let you use my name, my ex is gonna get a homicidal reptile carrying his luggage?

Mel / Emily :
Icthar isn't homicidal! He's just misunderstood!

Ace / Agnes [shrugging] :
As long as the old buffer ends up dead, I don't care. Write your letter.

Mel / Emily :
Oh, thank you so much...

Ace / Agnes :
Creeper.

Delgado Master / Narrator [vo] :
And within two days, Agnes heard that the letter had done the trick. Ferrari had got the job. And frankly, I'm amazed the plot's held together this far.

"Why wasn't there any fighting that time?" Leela asked.

"Or funny robots?" asked Baby Yana. He experimentally put his toy fobwatch in his mouth, in case it had become edible. "I liked the funny robot."

The Master was saved from answering by the return of Izzy, who ushered him firmly out. Then she picked up little Victoria.

"Did he put anything nasty in the story, poppet?" she asked her.

"No," Victoria said thoughtfully. "It was just people talking in a room. And burning letters. There were some big spider-things but they went away without doing anything."

Sounds quite sedate for Storytime, Izzy thought. Perhaps it'll be safe to let him do the rest of the book.