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This was meant to be the last bit, but I seem to be writing too many other things, so here's a bit more in the meantime. I haven't forgotten, but I have to attend to real life for a bit... This Time Round / Look Who's Talking Storytime Presents Scenes from Pride and Petulance. by V. Jewitt Part Five(a) NARRATOR Elizabeth read her letters at the inn... JANE / LIZ SHAW [Voice Over] What I have to say relates to poor Lydia... I have bad news for you, and it cannot be delayed. Lydia has left with Mr Wickham and they are not yet gone to Scotland, as we first believed. Imprudent as a marriage between Mr Wickham and our poor Lydia would be, we are now anxious to be assured it has taken place... [LYDIA /JO GRANT jumps into a carriage with MR WICKHAM] LYDIA [in shock] Cliff? Where's Mike gone? MR WICKHAM [now played by a grinning PROFESSOR JONES] I didn't see why he should have all the fun. Isn't this much better, love? LYDIA [hugging him] Well, yes, but you haven't hurt him have you? MR WICKHAM Don't tell me you'd rather have him play your husband? LYDIA Of course not, but, Cliff, we'll be told off by the Narrator. NARRATOR There will be lines later, Professor Jones, but just get on with it, please. MR WICKHAM We only made a swap. He went back to the Round for a pint and I get to do all the hard work of running off with you, seducing you and marrying you. Thought it worked out well all round myself... NARRATOR Please, get on and run away! MR WICKHAM Oh. Right. Home, James and don't spare the horses! [LYDIA giggles] * JANE V/O Our distress, dear Lizzy, is very great. My father and mother believe the worst, but I cannot think so ill of him. MR BENNET /THIRD DOCTOR [reading a book] So Lydia's run off with someone she hardly knows. What a surprise. Up the Amazon again, is it? MRS BENNET /NANCY Oh dear. This could be the ruin of us all. Would anyone like my new hybrid sandwich? KITTY /JAMIE A sandwich? Can I have one? [Stuffing it in his mouth] Is it nearly over? Can I get out of this dress yet? MR BENNET [chuckling to himself] Dear me, Kitty, I think Lydia was a bad influence on you. * JANE V/O I am truly glad, dearest Lizzy, that you have been spared something of these distressing scenes; but now as the first shock is over, shall I own that I long for your return? I know my dear uncle and aunt so well that I am not afraid of requesting it, though I have something more to ask of the former. My father is going to London with Colonel Forster instantly, to try to discover her. What he means to do I know not; but his excessive distress will not allow him to pursue any measure in the best and safest way, and Colonel Forster is obliged to be at Brighton again to-morrow evening. My uncle's advice and assistance would be every thing in the world. MR BENNET [climbing into BESSIE] Come on man, what are we waiting for? COLONEL FORSTER [CAPTAIN MUNRO, who's avoided being seen until this point and thought he was going to get away with it altogether] Yes, sir. NARRATOR [coughing pointedly] Mr Bennet? MR BENNET [starting Bessie's engine] If you don't mind, I've got an eloping daughter to find before she comes to irrevocable harm at the hands of Mr Wickham! NARRATOR / BARBARA WRIGHT I know Bessie is an antique, but she's still an anachronism in this story! MR BENNET Well don't look at me, Miss Wright. I think the book cast the old girl in the role. Just as well it wasn't the Whomobile, eh? NARRATOR I suppose that is something. COLONEL FORSTER Well, sir? Shall we try and find the errant couple? MR BENNET Quite! * LIZZY / SARAH JANE [leaping up from her seat in distress] Oh! Where is my uncle? [MR DARCY / BRIGADIER walks in] LIZZY I beg your pardon, but I must leave you. I must find Mr Gardiner this moment, on business that cannot be delayed; I have not an instant to lose. MR DARCY Good God! What is the matter? Here, let the servant go after Mr and Mrs Gardiner. You are not well enough - you cannot go yourself. [MR DARCY disappears out the door while LIZZY sits down again.] MR DARCY [on returning] Let me call your maid - you are very ill. LIZZY No, I thank you. There is nothing the matter with me. I am quite well. I am only distressed by some dreadful news which I have just received from Longbourn. [LIZZY bursts into tears and MR DARCY pats her shoulder awkwardly] LIZZY I have just had a letter from Jane, with such dreadful news. It cannot be concealed from any one. My youngest sister has left all her friends - has eloped - has thrown herself into the power of - of Mr Wickham. They are gone off together from Brighton. You know him too well to doubt the rest. She has no money, no connections, nothing that can tempt him to - she is lost forever. [DARCY looks astonished] LIZZY [sniffing] When I consider that I might have prevented it! I who knew what he was. Had his character been known, this could not have happened. But it is all, all too late now. MR DARCY I am grieved indeed. Grieved - shocked. But is it absolutely certain? NARRATOR Lizzy told Mr Darcy what had been done to recover Lydia. LIZZY I know very well that nothing can be done. How is such a man to be worked on? How are they even to be discovered? I have not the smallest hope. It is every way horrible! [DARCY shakes his head] LIZZY Has he forgotten his lines? NARRATOR Really, Lizzy, you've been doing so well. No, that's what's written. Now, carry on before we expire before we get to the end of this. I shall certainly be having words with Izzy about this. LIZZY I should have made known his real character, but I was afraid of doing too much. Wretched, wretched mistake! [DARCY paces up and down the room, thinking hard while LIZZY sobs.] MR DARCY I'm afraid you've long been wishing me at the devil & I have no reason to stay, excepting my concern. I wish I could do something to help, but I will not torment you with vain wishes. This unfortunate affair will, I fear, prevent my sister's having the pleasure of seeing you at Pemberley today. LIZZY Oh, yes. Be so kind as to apologize for us to Miss Darcy. Conceal the unhappy truth as long as it is possible - I know it cannot be long. MR DARCY Of course, Miss Bennet. [MR DARCY walks out] * NARRATOR The Gardiners and Lizzy set out for Longbourn. MR GARDINER / FOURTH DOCTOR Cheer up, Lizzy. I think I agree with Jane. Whole thing's a fuss about nothing and I don't see why I should go off to London. I'm going fishing. MRS GARDINER / ROMANA I You'll do what you're told for once! Lizzy, think of it - Mr Wickham cannot be so lost to all sense of self-preservation to do this to a girl who is by no means unprotected. Why, he would never be allowed to return to his regiment! LIZZY I'm not sure that would stop him... But you have a point! Oh, but I believe him lost to everything but self! * NARRATOR The travelled as expeditiously as possible - * Barbara looked at Little Peri with her hand up. "Yes?" "What does expigdishly mean?" she asked, taking her thumb out of her mouth for once. Mel and Zoe shook their heads at each other. "Doethn't she know *that*?" said Mel. Barbara gave them a quelling look. "It means that they got there as fast as they could, so we don't need to spend time with them speculating -." Mel looks shocked. "Gambling, Mith?" The teacher sighed to herself. "No. Basically, we're spared a long and boring bit with them sitting in a carriage pretending to move." "How *long* is this story?" asked a thoroughly fed up Adric. Nyssa had been surreptitiously pinching him on the arm for the past ten minutes and though he kept shuffling along the room, he had now reached the wall and had nowhere left to go. Barbara straightened herself. "Don't worry, children - we're nearly there. And there will be more of the wicked Mr Wickham and Lady Catherine soon. How does that sound?" "That Lady Catherine was *funny*!" giggled Victoria. "It looked like she was a man." Jamie folded his arms. "O' course she wasn't a man - men don't wear dresses and Catherine's a girl's name!" "Just like Kitty, which is, of course, short for Catherine?" suggested Barbara with a straight face. Jamie nodded. "Aye." He wrinkled up his forehead. "Miss, why are the lassies laughing at me?" "I can't imagine, Jamie," said Barbara. "Tegan, Zoe, Peri and Rose, please stop giggling, or that will be the end of the story -." Little Alistair brightened up. "Good!" The others immediately gave cries of protest and did their best impressions of little angels - tricky for some, but they tried. Excepting Davros, who was *still* in the naughty corner. * NARRATOR As soon as they arrived home, Elizabeth hurried to find Jane. ELIZABETH [hugging Jane] Have you any news? JANE Not yet, but now that my dear uncle is come, I hope everything will be well. MR GARDINER [brightening at that reception] Of course it will! [Waving his arms expansively] You can be assured that I will soon pop up to London and sort out that rogue, Wickham. I'm rather good at dealing with rogues, aren't I, dear? MRS GARDINER You certainly are. JANE Our father is still in town and we have heard from him but once. ELIZABETH And my mother - how is she? JANE Tolerably well. She was supposed to retire to bed in hysterics, but we keep finding her sneaking down to the kitchen to make everyone sandwiches. ELIZABETH But you - how are you? You look pale. How much you must have gone through! JANE Oh no. I am perfectly well - the sandwiches are quite edible, I can assure you. * NARRATOR Mr Gardiner left for London to join Mr Bennet. In the meantime, the Bennets received a letter from Mr Collins. MR COLLINS / THE MASTER (V/O) I feel myself called upon to condole with you on the grievous affliction you are now suffering under, of which we were yesterday informed. Be assured, my dear sir, that I sincerely sympathise with you and all your family. The death of your daughter would have been a blessing in comparison of this - and I would have been most happy to oblige in that respect had you only had the foresight - NARRATOR Mr Collins! MR COLLINS Dear me, isn't that what it says here? Well, throw off the ungrateful brat, then and be done with it. I am of course your faithful servant etc. * NARRATOR In the mean time, Mr Bennet returned without success. ELIZABETH I am so sorry - what you must have endured! MR BENNET [heavily] Say nothing of that. Who should suffer but myself? It has been my own doing and I ought to feel it. Lizzy, I bear you no ill will for being justified in your advice to me last May, which, considering the event, shews some greatness of mind. MARY / ZOE [looking up from her book] Unhappy as the event must be for Lydia, we may draw from it this useful lesson; that loss of virtue in a female is irretrievable - that her reputation is no less brittle than it is beautiful - and she cannot be too much guarded in her behaviour the undeserving of the other sex. MR BENNET Perhaps this will dissuade you from running away, Kitty? KITTY / JAMIE I am not going to run away! If I should ever go to Brighton, I would behave better than Lydia. You wouldn't catch me running off with a Redcoat. MR BENNET You? Go to Brighton? I wouldn't trust you so near it as Eastbourne for fifty pounds! No, Kitty, I have at last learnt to be cautious. No officer is ever to enter my house again. Balls will be absolutely prohibited, unless you stand up with one of your sisters - Kitty, stop grinning in that inane fashion - and you are never to stir out of doors, till you can prove that you have spent ten minutes of every day in a rational manner. [KITTY sobs into her hanky] MR BENNET Well, well, do not make yourself unhappy. If you are a good girl for the next ten years, I will take you to a review at the end of them. * All Doctor Who characters belong to the BBC. Can't think *where* I got the rest of it from... Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Six
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